


Both Sides of the Pain

by writteninweakness



Category: Amnesia (Game & Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, F/M, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Male Friendship, Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Reunions, i call this the terrible au, some bad stuff happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-01-11 21:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 130,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18432446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writteninweakness/pseuds/writteninweakness
Summary: Not long before Kent left for London, Ikki's sadistic rival attacked him and left him for dead, fracturing their friendship and traumatizing Kent. Years later, a chance encounter with Ikki brings back the past and threatens the life that Kent and Kokoa have been building for themselves and others.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I first had this idea, I swore I wasn't writing it. It was too hard on Kent and everyone else.
> 
> And I tried not to write it, but it was persistent, so I wrote part of it to get it out of my system.
> 
> I thought that was enough. It wasn't. 
> 
> And so I continued on. I debated about posting it, but it does have its moments and overall it's about recovery and rebuilding, so I decided finally to do it. It is dark at times, but it has lighter moments, too.
> 
> This first scene was also in the Math Dorks series, and the part where they were drinking almost ended up there, too.

* * *

“Ken?”

Tensing, Ken stopped, turning back to look at him. Ikki found he couldn’t help the smile on his face. All of it came rushing back when he did, the math puzzles and their dramatic games, how Ken could recite a line from an epic play like he was reading a textbook aloud and how that shouldn’t be funny but was. Ikki almost hugged him, he was that glad to see him, but for some reason Ken hadn’t spoken at all and he wasn’t smiling in return.

“Don’t tell me you forgot me. I mean, I know we haven’t seen each other since you left for London, but I’m not that forgettable, am I?” Ikki knew better, since his eyes still had that same effect on women. He’d hoped the effect would fade, but it never had. “I suppose I could always give you a reminder if—”

“That is unnecessary, Ikkyu. I did not forget you.”

“Oh.” Ikki wasn’t sure he was comforted by that. He’d assumed Ken was just busy when he first went to London, but now, coming face to face with his friend again, was it something more than that? They hadn’t just fallen out of touch by accident and distance?

“Seeing you was quite unexpected, and I do not have time to talk at present. Please excuse me.” Ken turned to leave, and Ikki was too stunned to react properly. He stared after the other man’s back, frowning.

What was he missing? When the hell had things gone so wrong with the two of them that Ken couldn’t even spare a moment to say hello? Why hadn’t Ikki asked him for his contact information? They could have talked later even if Ken was busy now. None of this made any sense, and he wished he could go back and had that conversation over—or maybe the last few years. Something, anything, to explain what had gone so wrong.

Was it something he’d done? He didn’t remember anything, but if Ken hated him now… Ikki must have done something.

He needed to know what it was. If he knew, maybe he could find some way to make up for it.

* * *

Kent locked the door to the restroom behind him, the frayed edges of his composure unraveling completely as soon as he heard the tumbler slide into place. He leaned back against the door and shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself and trying the breathing exercises that idiotic shrink had given him for occasions like this.

It was only reasonable to for seeing Ikkyu to bring on a moment like this, though even knowing that, Kent felt the same deep shame overtake him as he battled to regain some semblance of calm. He knew there was no reason to fear, not any longer, or at least, it should have ended with the squealing brakes of a double-decker bus, but even now, years and countries away from that moment, he could not find any sort of relief in that knowledge.

Panic was irrational, and yet he was still as prone to it now as he’d been when he first left the hospital. Grimacing, he took out his phone and pulled up the text window.

_I have had another incident. I don’t even know where I am this time._

_Stay where you are. I will come for you._

Kent winced, closing his eyes for a moment even if it would not stop the trembling. _I regret that I am being such a burden. I… I was not prepared to see Ikkyu again. I know it is not his fault, he does not even know, but if I had not been friends with him, that man wouldn’t have done what he did. I can’t…_

He couldn’t breathe. The panic was getting worse. He knew what would follow, that sense that if he could end it with a rash, drastic act, and he had to resist it. That was a dangerous thought, a permanent solution to something that would pass, as unpleasant as it was and likely to return as well.

The phone rang, and he jerked, startled by it, but the name on the screen was the same as his usual caretaker under these circumstances, so he answered.

“I am sorry.”

“I have told you before that apologies are not necessary. And you need not start on talking about leaving the country again or committing yourself. You experienced trauma. That attack was brutal and very nearly ended in your death. Your attacker then followed you out of your homeland and stalked you in another country. You have valid reasons for feeling as you do now.”

“I… You are correct, but those facts change nothing when I am like this. Even knowing he is dead is no comfort.” Kent put a hand to his head. “Ikkyu seemed so pleased to see me… and I wanted to run… I… he twisted my friendship with Ikkyu… made it… something it was not… and for that crime… he punished me… and… I… I heard it. All of it, everything he said as he hurt me… I don’t know how I managed to walk away… I should cry… I should break that mirror and use the glass… And I know… I know how irrational all this is, which just makes it worse.”

“Yes, sometimes I fear it is your logical side that does you the most harm when you have a moment like this. You are allowed to be irrational. That is a part of human nature as well.”

Kent nodded, though once again, he could not help feeling that it would have been better if he had simply died back when it first happened.

* * *

“ _You did it,” Ikkyu said, somehow managing to slur the simple statement as he leaned over on Kent. He sighed, since he should have known that his friend would use this as an excuse to drink too much—Ikkyu did have a particular weakness for that, and worse still, he tended to get ‘cuddly’ when he did. Still, he was not displeased with the results. He did think things had gone rather well. “This guy’s going to London.”_

“ _Ikkyu, that is not set yet, even if the presentation did seem to go well,” Kent said, aware of how that decision would not be made officially for another week. He believed that his had been well-received and would give him the position hoped for in research abroad._

“ _Stop being so modest,” Ikkyu said, though half of that got muffled into Kent’s shoulder as his friend’s head drooped. “We’re celebrating.”_

“ _You’ve had plenty.” Kent nudged him up and off, knowing it was time to get his inebriated friend home. “I’ll take you back to your apartment.”_

“ _We’re not doing celebrating.” Ikkyu frowned. “Wait. That was… We’re not done celebrating. Yes. No. Not done. Not going home yet.”_

“ _In retrospect, I believe it would have been better if we had simply had this celebration you desire so much at your home,” Kent told him, rather regretting the public nature of the bar. He stood and dragged Ikkyu up to his feet, aware that at least some of the other patrons were watching them. This was not so embarrassing that it could not be tolerated, nor would it have been right to leave Ikkyu here alone in his current condition._

“ _Taking that sad excuse for a man home?”_

_Kent grimaced. He should have expected this, too, since this one was a rival within their limited mathematics circle, having a different specialization from him or Ikkyu, one with far less distinction and practical application, though he thought much of his position. Ikkyu insisted it was all because of the man’s father, not his own merit, which had been proven when Ikkyu got the internship and the other man did not. Not that Kent would have believed Ikkyu would not get the job—he was overqualified for it, after all, but this rivalry was quite tiresome most of the time._

“ _Oh, are you pouting because Ken’s going to London and you’ll have to beg Daddy for a job?”_

“ _Ikkyu, don’t start. This is also unnecessary.”_

“ _Hey, I have no hard feelings,” Yuzuru said, grinning at them. He took a small box out of his pocket. “And here’s proof. A present for the winner.”_

“ _That has not been decided yet.”_

_Ikkyu laughed. “Oh, come on, Ken. You know you won. He does, too. So just take his gift and throw it away later. Let’s go.”_

_They did need to leave, so Kent did as he suggested and took the box, shoving it in his pocket as he ushered Ikkyu out the door._

* * *

_Having settled Ikkyu in his bed, where he tried again to do the very obnoxious cuddling thing and cling to Kent in a most unsettling manner, Kent left the bedroom and went for the door. He knew that Ikkyu would survive despite the amount of alcohol he’d consumed, and he did not think it necessary to remain here. He could always come back and check on him later._

_Kent picked up the present on his way out, knowing that Ikkyu would just throw it away when he was sober, and while he did not care much for the man who gave it to him, not thanking him would be rude on purpose. Kent was, on occasion, that way, but not intentionally. He was aware of convention for this sort of thing, so he would go ahead and give a thank you._

_He stepped outside, stopping beside the door with a grimace. If he’d been smart about it, he’d have looked inside the apartment where the trashcan was readily accessible in case this was not a gift of “no hard feelings” as claimed._

_He opened it, and a white powder sprayed him in the face, making him cough and splutter. Great. He tried to wipe his face off and somehow ended up spreading it and coughing again._

“ _I really thought he wouldn’t let you keep it. Ikki’s so selfish, after all.”_

_Kent tried to look for the voice, but he couldn’t see anything, and he was finding it hard to breathe thanks to whatever that powder was._

“ _It really was for him,” Yuzuru said, and Kent tensed when he sounded even closer than before, though he still didn’t see anyone. His head was spinning, and he had to grab for the wall to support himself. “I was just going to teach that bastard a lesson. Take him down a peg or two. He’s not god’s gift, not like he pretends.”_

“ _You… are mistaken… about him,” Kent said. “What… is… this…?”_

“ _A special blend cooked up for me by a friend who majored in chemistry,” Yuzuru said. “Shame about that. You’d already have passed out if you were Ikki. I calculated the dose for him. You’re resisting it, and that’s going to be a problem.”_

“ _I can ignore your stupid prank,” Kent said, pleased when those words came out easier than the last ones. “Just… tell me what… it is so it... can be counter… acted.”_

“ _Oh, no. That’s not going to happen. I had a lesson to teach Ikki, but you’ll just have to do. I mean, he will get the message… you share too much as it is, don’t you?”_

“ _What are you—”_

_Yuzuru grabbed Kent’s arm so hard he thought he heard something snap, but nothing felt right and he knew there should be pain, but it wasn’t there like it should be. He couldn’t understand this, but he felt himself being dragged away from Ikkyu’s door. He tried to struggle against the hold and then the pain hit, so sharp and strong there was nothing but it and darkness._

* * *

_Kent could feel a throbbing in his arm, and when he opened his eyes, he saw a room he didn’t recognize. This place looked like something out of one of Ikkyu’s horror films, some unpleasant place where a character found themselves just before they died. He coughed, still feeling a bit like that powder was on him, and when he tried to sit up, pain stabbed through his body in all directions._

_He closed his eyes as a fragment of the night before came back to him, gagging as he relived the snapping of another of his bones._

“Ikki is good with his hands, right? I mean, he brags about it, and not just with the ladies. So I thought… why not ruin that for him?” Yuzuru leaned down next to Kent’s ear as he whispered the words, his voice full of a sick glee. “You don’t boast like that, but it doesn’t matter. You’re here, and you’re Ikki’s little pet, aren’t you? What’s that? You’re saying you’re not little? Oh, I know that, but you do act like his pet, don’t you? You don’t have any other friends. You’re so dependent on him it’s sickening.”

Kent flinched and tried to turn away, but Yuzuru grabbed his jaw and made him look back at him.

“You really are pathetic.”

_Kent winced, even though he could see he was alone in the room. It had few furnishings, most of them broken, with this dirty futon the only intact piece present. He could barely move, but he could not stay here, wherever here was._

_He reached for the pile that looked like it might be his coat. Blood had caked to his hand, and he could tell from the swelling that at least one of his fingers was broken, like he remembered and yet no, that was the other hand. He pulled the coat close, wincing when he saw the holes in it. Yuzuru must have taken a knife to it. Kent didn’t remember—no. He did He shuddered, now feeling the cut on his side that matched the worst of the tears, one stained with blood._

_He found a lump in the coat and took out his phone, frowning._

_Opening it with another grimace, he saw messages from Ikkyu, but he heard Yuzuru’s voice instead and almost dropped the phone. He took a breath and went to his contacts, finding a name near the end of the list and pushing the button to call._

“ _This is a surprise. If you’re calling to tell me you quit, I am aware of that already. I heard about the presentation and—”_

“ _Need… your discretion...”_

“ _Kent?”_

“ _I don’t… I don’t know where I am. I… something happened last night… the details… they are not all clear… I don’t… he may still go after Ikkyu… he hates Ikkyu, but… somehow that meant… hurting me… and I… I think he left me here… to die…”_

“ _Kent, if—your position abroad isn’t worth risking your life for if that’s what you’re worried about. Why didn’t you call the emergency number? I can call in favors from my old contacts, but you could be dead by then.”_

_Kent looked around the room again. “Some kind of… drug… can’t think clearly… can’t… don’t even want… to remember it… but… Oh. You… you can warn… Ikkyu… yes… that’s it… I…It’s kind of dark now.”_

“ _Listen to me,” Waka ordered. “You stay awake, and you keep talking. You do not give up on me. I will find you. Just stay on the line.”_

_Kent nodded, but his head was heavy and he wanted to sleep. Everything hurt too much to stay awake. “I don’t… know… how many fingers are broken… and he did stab me… ruined my favorite coat… I… I think he… he broke...”_

“ _Broke what? Kent? Kent, answer me. Damn it.”_

* * *

“I really didn’t want to be doing this again. Having to trace your calls and find you is not a pleasant experience.”

Kent sighed, not looking up at Waka. “I did not mean to make you do it, not again, only… It was a mistake to come back to Tokyo. I know why I did, and truthfully London wasn’t much better, not after Yuzuru stalked me there, but I… I can’t function like this. I saw Ikkyu and completely fell apart.”

“Well, you have been avoiding him for long enough that it’s not much of a surprise. Seeing him was bound to bring up those memories since that bastard blamed everything he did to you on Ikki,” Waka said, kneeling down next to Kent. “Are you able to stand on your own?”

Kent figured he’d be a little unsteady when he tried to balance himself, but he could move under his own power. He was not a mess of broken bones this time. “I may waver, but I should be okay. I just… where am I?”

“An uninventive chain coffee shop,” Waka answered with disgust, and Kent managed a short laugh as he forced himself to his feet. Waka did still pride himself on that cafe. “The car is out front. We’ll just walk out and I’ll drive you home.”

Kent closed his eyes with a grimace. “I’m supposed to be somewhere.”

“Then I will take you there instead,” Waka said. “I assume you mean the shelter?”

Kent nodded. “Supposed to review the accounting and pay the bills. Was going to bring lunch this time, but Ikkyu called out to me… and almost everything after that is a blur. I… I barely even remember the conversation. It was innocuous. It shouldn’t have done this to me.”

Waka shook his head as he opened the door for Kent. “You say that, but you know it doesn’t work like that. You do have a diagnosed medical condition, and it is not ‘just in your head’ nor can you rationalize it away. You carry scars from what he did, and not all of them are visible physical markers. That does not make them any less real. Or would you say that to her?”

Kent glared at him. “Bringing her into this is—she has nothing to do with this. Her situation was different. She is… She runs that shelter for a reason. She is strong and determined.”

“Yes, her goals are admirable, but you are all too forgiving of when these moments happen to her and not at all lenient when it comes to your own. Do you believe you are somehow above them? Better than them? Or her? Is it because she is a woman and you are a man?”

Kent shook his head as he went for the outer door. “I already apologized for interrupting your day and involving you in this. You do not have to… I will see myself to the shelter. I am not incapable of that. I can and will walk.”

Waka caught his arm. “Kent, part of why you had this reaction today is because you keep trying to bury what happened. You can’t. It happened, and you need to acknowledge that your reaction to things is not just on an intellectual or even a physical level.”

“She is the one who went back to school for a psychology degree, not you.”

“I don’t need one. Life taught me enough.”

Kent supposed that was not an untruthful statement, and yet he wanted to disagree with it. “These… emotions. They… I do not deal well with them in general, but when it comes to this… it’s completely overwhelming and makes me feel as helpless as when he first drugged me.”

Waka nodded. “I am aware of how difficult this is for you. Now let me drive you to the shelter.”

* * *

“You took a long lunch,” Shin observed, and Ikki grunted as he sat down at his desk, not sure where to start. His mind wasn’t on work, that was for damned sure. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way Ken had reacted when they met. “Okay, fine. Spit it out, but if this is about a woman, I swear there is karaoke with Toma in your future.”

“A lawyer who can’t sing. There’s a joke in that somewhere.”

“Yeah. Whatever. We had a fresh one this morning, and your head is in the clouds. And if karaoke with Toma doesn’t bring you back down, you won’t like what I do instead.”

“I saw Ken today.”

“Ken? As in Kent Mizutani?” Shin leaned back in his chair, spinning it a bit as he did. “Damn, that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time. I thought he moved to London.”

“If he did, he’s back now.”

“If he did?”

Ikki grimaced, reaching for his mouse and waking up his computer. “Yeah, if. We lost touch years ago. I used to get an email every once and a while, but it seemed like he got busy in London, and we just… lost touch.”

“One, why the hell would Kent lose touch with the only friend he had? And two, you don’t sound like you believe that.”

“I did.” Ikki ran a hand over his face. “But then when I saw him today… he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. It was worse than the way guys used to be about my eyes. He tried to say he was just busy, but I swear he practically _ran_ from me. What is with that? That’s not Ken.”

“Hmm. These days he uses his incredible math mind to count cards and is banned from every gambling establishment here and in Europe, and despite everything, you scream cop these days—you need a better suit—and so he ran.”

Ikki snorted. “You scream cop in your suit. I make this look good.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“Besides, Ken doesn’t gamble, and that’s not like him, either. Even if he can count cards and it takes some of the risk out of it—at least until the yakuza find you and take your fingers—he doesn’t do stuff like that. He’s never liked things you leave to chance, and yes, counting cards still leaves a lot to chance. It decreases the house’s favor, but it’s not a guaranteed win.”

Shin shrugged. “Fine. What do you think it is?”

“No idea,” Ikki admitted. “That’s why it bothers me so much. It’s not like Ken. We… He was my best friend. Only friend back then, if I’m honest about it, especially after what I found out about Rika, and it’s just… why would he run?”

“Again, no idea, but they should be done in autopsy now, so let’s go.”

Ikki winced. “I think I’m glad I forgot to eat.”

Shin laughed.

* * *

Kokoa looked up as the door chimed, though the smile she prepared for a new guest faltered when she saw Waka with Kent. That was rarely a good thing, even if Waka was kind enough to volunteer at times and donate food or other items when he couldn’t. No, it did look like Kent was having another bad day, and she didn’t even know how to help him. Her degree felt useless. She couldn’t help Kent.

She couldn’t help herself.

“Hi, Waka. I haven’t gotten that card sent out to thank you for that donation of food, but everyone loved them. You must have a good cook working for you again. It was like eating one of Kent or Shin’s meals.”

Waka smiled. “I made that, actually.”

“Oh.”

“I am flattered.”

She still flushed. Waka did tend to make her feel like a girl again, that same stupid teenager she’d been when she worked for him, the one who had yet to learn so much and stupidly believed everything would work out because of love. It wasn’t his fault. She knew that. She just always associated Waka with her old self, even though Kent had never lost contact with him. She knew Waka was a big part of Kent’s survival, and she owed him just as much as Kent did—she wouldn’t be here without Kent, after all, but it was still hard sometimes.

“Do you have the receipts?”

“Of course. I only needed one lecture from you to start taking better care of them,” she said, catching Waka watching them with amusement again. Kent moved past her to the computer, taking the stack and frowning at it. “We had some extra expenses this time. You know how it is when there’s an emergency.”

“Emergency?”

She forced a smile for Waka. “A couple of girls came in injured. They’d only barely gotten away from their abusive partners. One even went back. I… I wish it was easier to make them understand how dangerous that is. No amount of warning, not even sharing my own stupidity is enough.”

“That is unfortunate indeed.”

“Um...”

“We are both grateful you were able to overcome that stupidity,” Kent said, and she almost hit him. Sometimes he really was insensitive, though she knew in this case he meant well. “That is… Oh. I… You do know what I meant, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she said, giving his shoulders a squeeze and wishing he didn’t react so poorly to when she hugged him. He’d never been that comfortable with it back when they were coworkers, but after what happened to him, he barely tolerated touch at all.

She, on the other hand, had gotten far too used to clinging to him.

“I should get back,” Waka said. “I will try and bring by some more food next week. The current menu is not as successful as I’d like, and there is an excess of ingredients for a couple of the dishes.”

“Thank you, Waka. I do appreciate it. So much. And so does Kent, because it gives him a break from cooking for the whole shelter.”

“It is not that bad, but yes, thank you, Waka. For… for everything.”

* * *

“So, what do we know?”

“Ken didn’t publish a single paper after he went to London.”

Shin grimaced. It figured Ikki’s mind still wasn’t on the case. Even going down to autopsy hadn’t shaken him out of it, and it should have because that body was a mess. Still, apparently that wasn’t as important as tracking down Kent. “I’m not doing this with you, Ikki. You work the case, or I will make you pay.”

“Come on, Shin. You know it’s weird. Ken’s life was research, and yet he’s got nothing to show for it? He doesn’t have a single published article, and he wrote a book when he was in grad school.”

Shin still had Kokoa’s copy of it sitting on his shelf somewhere even after a couple moves, but that was besides the point. “People are being murdered. Murdered. Whatever is up with Kent, he’s not dead, so let it go until we find this bastard. Then you can investigate your best friend if you have to, but the murders first.”

“It’s _wrong._ Ken not publishing anything is wrong. Something had to have happened, but if it did… why don’t I know about it? Ken used to tell me almost everything. He didn’t have anyone else to tell, so… why don’t I know?”

“Because you’re annoying and I’m going to punch you in the face.”

Ikki sighed. “I’m sorry. I know I need to work, and it shouldn’t be that hard to focus on this when people are dying, but it’s bothering me.”

“Obviously.” Shin had half a mind to tell him just to go home, but they couldn’t afford that. “Go by his parents’ place after we’re done, but get your head in the game now. We are tracking a killer who tortures his victims. This isn’t a crime of passion. This guy is sick, and he’s making these men suffer, and we don’t even know why.”

“Could ask a profiler,” Ikki said. “Though, wait, you pissed the last one off so he won’t even talk to us now.”

“And the one before that was madly in love with you.”

“Not my fault.”

Shin shook his head. Sometimes it was hard to believe that Ikki’s eyes actually were real, but then along would come some new woman who’d fall like an idiot with a glance. It made working this job difficult, but Ikki always said trying to make a go of it in an office was worse.

“What is it going to take?” Shin said, knowing he had to get Ikki to focus or they’d get nowhere. They didn’t have enough to go on as it was. “Calling him? Talking to his parents? What?”

“I don’t have Ken’s number.”

“We’re cops. We can find it.”

“Right.” Ikki used his computer, pulling up a number with a frown. “Okay, that’s odd. That’s… the only listing is for the one he had before, when he was in grad school, and I know that one doesn’t work. How can Ken get by without a phone? No one does.”

Shin regretted this already. “Fine. Call his parents. That should still work unless they’re dead.”

“Don’t even say that.” Ikki reached for his phone and dialed, tapping his fingers impatiently on the desk. “Hello, Mrs. Mizutani. I know it’s been a long time and you probably don’t remember me, but I was—Oh. Yes, I am. Well, Ken always called me ‘Ikkyu.’ I was just trying to get hold of him, but the number I have is no good. Wait, what? No, don’t hang up, that’s not—damn it.”

“I don’t even want to know, do I?”

Ikki sighed. “She said that she only gives Ken’s number out to people he’s cleared in advance, and I’m not one of them.”

“Seriously?”

“Admit it, this is pretty weird.”

Shin shook his head. “You’re going conspiracy on it. It’s just as possible that Kent is involved in classified research which is why his number is unlisted and you’re not on the approved list. Why he’d even have an approved list. Stop making it worse than it is.”

* * *

“Time to go home.”

Kent looked up from his work and frowned. She gave him a smile, and he sighed, removing his glasses. He did look really tired today, but then he always showed more strain on one of his bad days. She knew he wouldn’t talk to her about it—she had to be glad he called Waka because she didn’t think he would have asked anyone else for help, ever—and so she didn’t push. She’d learned that lesson the hard way and almost lost him.

She couldn’t do that. Ever. Even if this was far from perfect, she wanted to have him in her life.

“Remind me not to wait until everything is due to catch up the accounting,” he said, rising from the desk. “This is a complete mess.”

“I’m sorry. I should have kept up with the receipts, but it’s been hard to have enough time just to do the basic consultations I do with every new intake. There are so many right now, and it’s so… disheartening even as glad as I am that they came to us to get help and out of those horrible situations. It’s still so hard, seeing it and knowing that for every one that comes in there are so many more that don’t. So many accept the abuse as what they deserve.”

Kent rose, and after hesitating for a moment, he put a hand on her head. “It is irrational, and yet it is also our society. Too many of what you have called ‘toxic’ relationships are presented as normal and we believe we must accept them, but that is not true, and you have done your best to extend that knowledge to others. It is very admirable work.”

He took his hand away, and she tried not to sigh. She didn’t want him to stop, and she didn’t want admiration from him, either.

“None of this would be possible without you,” she said, getting a small smile from him. Feeling a bit bolder than usual, she took his hand. “We should get home before its any darker, though.”

He winced, but he didn’t pull away, which she considered a victory. He shut off the monitor and led her to the door. She could feel him fiddling with the band on her finger the way he always did when he had her left hand, and she shifted her position so she could take his arm when they reached the street.

“Do we want to get something to eat on the way home?”

Kent shook his head. “I’d prefer to head straight there. You needn’t worry if you’re tired. I’ll cook tonight.”

“You’re the one who looks tired.”

He shook his head, but she could see he was distracted, and they fell into silence as they walked along. Her heart felt heavy again, like it did almost every time they took this walk. At the time, the solution seemed ideal—her parents wanted a _mukoyoshi_ and then she’d have enough money to open the shelter she wanted, and Kent was her safety net anyway, had been since she stumbled into that police station in London. Now, though, she knew better.

He was her husband in name only, and while he gave her everything she needed to run the shelter and help the others who were like her, hurting because they trusted the wrong person, he couldn’t give her his heart. He had hers, completely and utterly, and yet she could never tell him that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokoa and Kent both have a rough night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first started this story, it was just about how someone damaged Kent enough to cost him his friendship with Ikki. I didn't want it to stay that way, for their sake's and my own, and if there was going to be a story like this in my head, I wanted some kind of hope to it... and while what happened to bring Kokoa back into Kent's life is another reason why this is called the terrible AU, it gave them that hope. They're both pretty damaged and kind of... adorkable idiots for not seeing what should be obvious.

* * *

Kent lay in bed, more aware of Kokoa’s breathing next to him than usual. He always knew when she was present, of course, when he was not experiencing a fugue, at least, but their shared bed was a place where he could not be ignorant of her. Most of the time, having her nearby was a comfort. He preferred waking to her and knowing that he was not back anywhere that belonged to his many nightmares.

There were other nights when her presence was difficult to take, as his body had other ideas about what their relationship should be. They were husband and wife, yes, but she’d only wanted that so that her parents would give her enough money to start the shelter she so desperately wanted to create for women who had ended up in similar situations to the one she’d been in. Of course, she did not only help women there, but she had started it because of what she herself had experienced, and she’d been quite clear that she did not want to date again or become romantically involved with someone.

“ _Love made me stupid,” Kokoa said, shaking her head as she turned her water glass over and over in her hand. “I thought it was all that mattered and all we needed, and I wouldn’t listen to anyone—not Shin, not Toma, not Sawa or my parents—when they tried to tell me what I was doing was crazy. I barely knew him, but I thought I knew enough. I didn’t.”_

_Kent shook his head, disliking the way she spoke and the expression on her face. “It is possible you might not have known even if you’d been with him for years. Didn’t you say his addiction changed his personality?”_

“ _Yes. It did. It… That’s not… Kent, it’s not fair to ask you to do this, you probably do want a marriage with intimacy if not love, and I don’t… I don’t want any of that again. I just… My parents want an heir for the business, which I know you’re also not interested in, but my ‘dowry’ would be enough to start the non-profit for the shelter I want to run, and I keep thinking about it and thinking… You said that you don’t want to stay in London anymore, and what that man did cost you your career in research, so… maybe this is a way to start over? Even if all you did was take my parents’ name...”_

“ _You’re being very logical about this.”_

“ _Is it working?” She gave him a hopeful smile, and he smiled back at her, the first time he’d felt like doing so since the first time he’d seen Yuzuru in London._

Kent closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think about that any more than he wanted to relive any of what had come back to him of the night Yuzuru attacked him. Everything in his life still seemed tainted by what Yuzuru did even now, years after the man’s death. Kent had not considered himself fit for marriage when she asked him to enter this arrangement, and he still wasn’t, since the PTSD got the better of him more often than not. Still, he should probably have given more consideration to what might have come to pass after so long in a shared space, close enough to be what they were on paper and in the eyes of those that knew them.

He had been foolish, but there was no taking back that choice. He did not want to get a divorce, and there was no real reason to, not when their arrangement still worked, more or less.

Kent heard her cry out and tensed up himself, turning back to her. This was a delicate thing, and he often chose wrong when it came to how to help her, but he touched her arm gently, not wanting to startle her but to make her aware that she was only dreaming. She did not have the same comfort he did of knowing for certain that the ones who’d hurt her were dead, but if she knew where she was, she’d be able to start calming down again.

“Kokoa.”

She turned into him and clung to his shirt, trembling as she did. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry...”

“You did not wake me. It’s fine. You’re safe. Just breathe and remember… we’re not in London. We’re in Tokyo. That drug dealer is not present. I would assume he’s in jail or dead by now, though I have not been able to verify that for certain as you did not know his name, but you are far from that place now.”

She nodded against him, and he swore she mumbled another apology into his shirt.

“This is likely my fault.”

She lifted her head, eyes still bright with tears. “What?”

“You are almost always worse at night when you’ve picked up on my tension during the day, and I was tense today. I… I saw Ikkyu at lunch, and I… It brought so much back… I had no choice but to call Waka because I didn’t even know where I was. And now… you’re having that nightmare again.”

She shook her head. “It’s not your fault, Kent. This… it comes back no matter what we do. It’s just how these things are. I… I wish I only had dreams about the first time I saw Michio get high, which scared me enough, but I… I can’t forget what he did… what that other man did...”

“I know.”

She nodded. “You do. You know… more than anyone… and… I wish you didn’t… for your sake… even as much as I… I need you.”

“I need you as well.”

She snorted. “I don’t know about that. You do so much for me, and I can’t do anything for you. No matter how much I want to…”

He tilted her head back up again so she was looking at him. “We have had this discussion before, you know. It helps to have you here. I can wake up knowing where I am, which… it is more valuable than you realize.”

She sighed. “Okay.”

“Should we make some tea? Or perhaps a bath would be better to help you relax and go back to sleep?”

“I don’t want to move. I just want to stay here with you.”

He nodded, though he would rather find something to occupy his mind instead of staying in place where his mind was bound to return to the past.

* * *

“ _You don’t have to say it.” Kent could tell from the barely restrained fury on Waka’s face that it was not good news. He had expected as much, actually, since he knew who Yuzuru’s father was and how much influence he could bring to bear. “They won’t arrest him.”_

“ _They tried to claim that because you were drugged you can’t be sure of who you saw and heard that night, but they’re lying,” Waka said, his hands in fists, looking very much like he would like to break something. “You know him. You wouldn’t accuse him if you weren’t sure. I know that.”_

_Kent nodded, feeling tired. The pain medication was starting to work again, and he was getting fuzzier by the minute, though it did not make this any easier. He could see the bandages on his hands, knowing his fingers were immobilized so that they would heal. He had pins in his arm to hold the bone together that had been twisted and shattered. He could continue to list his injuries, but he did not want to think about them. They would remind him they hurt. They would bring back Yuzuru’s voice and all the terrible things he said._

“ _Ikkyu.”_

“ _He’s fine. Yuzuru didn’t go after him. He was at work today and his usual self, though he is concerned, of course. You haven’t answered his texts.”_

_Kent turned away. “I… They won’t press charges.”_

“ _No. I do not believe they will. They may make a show of investigating, but without them being willing to go after this man directly, it will come to nothing.”_

“ _Then… I would like to tell Ikkyu and the others that I went to London already.”_

_Waka frowned. “You weren’t planning on leaving for another couple weeks, and it will be difficult for you to pack in your current state, but I am certain they would want to help you—”_

“ _No.”_

“ _Kent, what are you—”_

“ _I don’t want them to know,” Kent whispered. “I… If they did… I could lose this opportunity to go to London and all I’ve worked for if… if my reputation is damaged the way this would damage it. Don’t tell them. Just… let them believe I was offered a chance to go earlier and took it.”_

“ _That’s not a solution. Even if it’s true some people will twist this situation against you—”_

“ _Yuzuru will be here. If I stay here… he can do this again. Even if he doesn’t touch me… I hear his voice and I...” Kent winced, thinking of the episode that had gotten him forcibly sedated last night. “Waka… They won’t let me pursue charges. If I cannot do that, why should I stay?”_

“ _And Ikki? If you don’t tell him, and Yuzuru goes after him, what would you do then?”_

_Kent shuddered. Yuzuru’s hatred of Ikkyu went well past sense or reason, and there truly was no reason to believe that Yuzuru would not harm Ikkyu. “He should be warned.”_

_Waka studied him. “You don’t intend to tell him yourself?”_

“ _He’ll want to stop me from going to London. And.. I… I need time.”_

“ _Time?”_

_Kent nodded with reluctance. “Yuzuru… he told me over and over again that Ikkyu was the reason… if I was not Ikkyu’s friend, he would not have harmed me. And I… I need to find a way to silence that voice that is trying to blame Ikkyu for all of this. I… It wasn’t him. I know that, intellectually, but there is this irrational part of me… Please, Waka. I can’t. I can’t see him now.”_

_Waka closed his eyes, almost wincing. “I see.”_

“ _I do not like this weakness in myself. I should be able to be rational about this. I know, but I...”_

“ _No. You do not have to be rational. You just went through something horrific, and you are alive to speak of it, which is nearly a miracle in of itself because with those injuries… you should be dead. Stop thinking you are weak. You were strong, strong enough to survive. And the road ahead of you will not be easy. Even in London, it won’t be. You will be alone with this. Is that really what you want?”_

_Kent didn’t think his parents could understand. They were logical, and what happened to him wasn’t rational or logical. Nothing of the sort. And Ikkyu… “Yes. It is what I want.”_

“ _Very well. I will make some arrangements, but Kent—”_

“ _And please warn Ikkyu. I… I do not want him harmed. I… Please.”_

_Waka nodded. “I will. I will make sure he stays safe, Kent. I promise that much.”_

_Kent nodded in gratitude before closing his eyes and letting himself succumb to the medication._

* * *

“ _I know why you feel like you have to do it like this, but a part of you has to know that it’s not as logical as you want to believe it is.”_

_Kent nodded, looking around at the airport instead of at Waka. He would not allow himself to fold under the other man’s disapproval, but he knew he could not stay here. The nightmares were bad enough in the hospital. Once he left, if he went home or anywhere he’d been known to go before… If he saw Yuzuru, heard that man laugh because he’d gotten away with this…_

_No. Kent could not stay here. He would finish his recovery and reclaim his life in London. He knew that some of the damage was permanent. They’d said he’ d likely lose part of the range of motion in his arm, never to be able to use it to the full once it healed. For an athlete, that would be devastating. Kent did not think it was as essential to him, but he could not be certain._

“ _You will be alone in a foreign country without any allies and while you do speak the language, you may find that’s not enough to make them understand you.” Waka took a breath and let it out. “I served in the military. I understand how difficult something like this can be. There are places you go, places you’re taken, that you can’t always come back from. Some part of you stays there, trapped forever. You can’t run from that.”_

“ _I am not, though it likely seems that way,” Kent said, this time facing Waka. “I have made the choice I feel affords me the best chance of moving past this incident. I will be away from him. I will be able to keep my research position, and he will not have taken my future from me as he threatened. That is all I get since they will not arrest him.”_

“ _Though that life is behind me now, I do feel like making him disappear.”_

“ _No. Don’t let him do that to you. That is… it is like he has won. You need not give him that.”_

_Waka shook his head. “He hasn’t. Ikki’s safe, and you are taking steps to reclaim your life, even if they may be extreme. I will be half the world away. I won’t be able to help you if something happens.”_

“ _It should not, and being alone was always a part of going to London. I knew it would be like this long ago. I am not so helpless, even if I am injured. I… I need that verified by this. Do not ask me to retreat to a weaker position. This is… necessary.”_

“ _Very well.”_

“ _I… I believe I would become too dependent on you if I stayed,” Kent admitted, since Waka had become something more than a supervisor since that day he’d come to find Kent. It was not a mentor student relationship, and not a friendship, either, but Kent did feel calmer, even safer when Waka was nearby. He did not want to need that feeling. He had to be independent._

“ _That would not be wise.”_

“ _Exactly. I am going, Waka. This is what must be done.”_

“ _Have you spoken to Ikki about any of this?”_

_Kent winced. “No. I… I try to call him or text him and end up having panic attacks. They took my phone from me after the last one. I… I think it best that wait. I should feel less tense in London. Yuzuru will not be there. I will speak to Ikkyu as soon as I can.”_

“ _Then perhaps we should get you on your plane.”_

* * *

Kokoa felt Kent shaking under her and sighed. Now that he’d fallen asleep, he was having nightmares, and his were worse than hers. She knew that it wasn’t a competition, not something to compare, but when she had hers, she almost always could be calmed as soon as she woke, just having Kent there to hold her helped so much.

Kent, though, he didn’t have that. When she tried to hold him, he pulled away from her, since he was more sensitive to touch. Since they married, she’d gotten to know his parents, and she understood why he might not be so comfortable with it in general, as they weren’t physically affectionate people. Kent’s scars alone told her that he’d been very hurt by someone, so even if she never learned all the details—which Kent himself didn’t have because part of his memory was lost forever to the drugs he’d been given—she knew that he’d suffered enough to fear being touched.

“We’re in Tokyo,” she whispered to him, combing her fingers through his hair. “And Yuzuru is dead, so you can sleep. You don’t have to worry about him.”

To her surprise, Kent tightened his hold on her mumbling something into her nightgown that she couldn’t understand. She closed her eyes, knowing she shouldn’t want this. Kent was still suffering, but it did feel good to have him hold her.

She really hadn’t thought she’d want this again. Michio had ruined a lot for her even before he betrayed her, since he wasn’t aware of his own strength when he got high. She’d accepted his apologies and promises that he wouldn’t do it again, but every time was a lie. He was an addict, and he didn’t love her like he said. He only loved his next fix, and nothing he said when he was sober could be trusted. That was all lies to placate her, lies she’d thought she had to believe because she barely spoke English and had been dumb enough to follow her artist boyfriend to another country. He’d had a promising career, but the drugs he’d gotten at that gallery opening destroyed everything.

She shivered and snuggled closer to Kent. She still didn’t know what would have become of her if he hadn’t been at the police station that day to report Yuzuru. He’d translated for her, and the whole terrible story had come out, things she couldn’t have told just anyone, but Kent was… Kent. He might not have been the most approachable of her coworkers at Meido No Hitsuji, but he was someone she knew and trusted all the same.

“Is it stupid to say you’re everything to me? Because you are, you should know that...” She sighed again, trying to think of something she could do to help.

Ikki. Kent had said he saw him, and it really did set him off, which she knew was why Kent had dropped out of contact with his best friend. She’d been surprised when she first heard that Kent didn’t talk to Ikki anymore, but she shouldn’t have been. She hadn’t faced anyone from before herself. She didn’t know how to take Shin or Toma or any of the ones who’d told her not to go with Michio. They were right. She shouldn’t have, and she couldn’t bear to see that disappointment or hear any _I told you sos._ She knew she’d made a mistake, and she’d paid for it. She didn’t need to be punished again by seeing them and bringing that all back.

Ikki wouldn’t blame Kent. She knew that, but it wasn’t even why Kent stayed away. A part of him did believe he was sparing Ikki, since he would blame himself for what happened to Kent even though it wasn’t his fault. That guy’s sick obsession and hatred for Ikki was not Ikki’s fault. Yuzuru was the only one to blame.

She took Kent’s hand in hers. “Maybe we can find a way so you can be friends again. You shouldn’t have to hurt like this, either of you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikki learns some news. Shin just wants to work his case. Kent continues to struggle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up reordering a couple scenes... The end one was grouped with the next chapter, but I think it fits here.

* * *

Ikki tugged on his coat. He didn’t know why this made him so nervous. He was a grown man, after all, and had been working as a cop for years now after his disastrous turn as an accountant. His eyes were incompatible with a lot of jobs, but he’d never expected to destroy an entire company when his colleagues refused to come to work because of him.

That was behind him. He shouldn’t be this nervous about ringing a damned doorbell.

The door opened, and the woman standing there blinked in surprise. He adjusted his glasses, making sure they were covering his eyes properly before he spoke.

“Good morning, Mrs. Mizutani. I know you’re probably on your way out—you work as a lawyer, you’re a very busy woman—so I won’t take much time. It’s just that when I ran into Ken yesterday, I wasn’t able to get his number from him, and since you hung up on me when I called, I thought I might get a better result from coming in person.”

“The answer I must give you is still the same, Ikkyu. Kent does not want his number given out to anyone he hasn’t told us specifically can have it, and you are not on that very short list.”

Ikki nodded. “Yes, that is what you told me, but you know me, don’t you? I was Ken’s best friend. You know I’m trustworthy. Please. I just want to talk to him.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. And if you’re thinking of taking off those glasses to persuade me, that would be a mistake. I am aware of your ability, as Kent frequently discussed the possible causes with his father. I never reacted to it before, but I will not start today. I am in a hurry. I need to be in court shortly.”

“What happened to Ken?”

She frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Ken went off to London to do research, but he hasn’t published anything. He stopped emailing me. He never even mentioned it when he was back in Tokyo. And now he won’t let anyone have his number? Something is going on. Something happened. What was it?”

“Kent is the same as he always has been. He did change his plans after some time in London, yes, and it was a little strange to us that he wanted to give up that path, but we were also concerned he would not be self-sufficient when he was there, and it did seem to be true when he ended up back in Japan. His mind is still sharp, and he still consults his father about experiments.”

Ikki frowned. In a way, that was like a kick to the gut. Ken was fine? He was in touch with his parents and everything was okay, but he wouldn’t talk to Ikki at all? Why? What had Ikki done that made Ken hate him?

“I’m a cop, Mrs. Mizutani. And I couldn’t find Ken’s number through our systems. I still feel like something must have happened.”

She took a deep breath and let it out. “Kent will not want this said.”

“Please. Whatever it is, just tell me. I need to know.”

“It is likely it is because of his wife.”

Ikki stared at her. If the last bit was a kick to the gut, that was practically an evisceration. “Wife? Ken has a wife? He… got married and never… he… I was supposed to be his best man.”

“That was a long time ago,” Mrs. Mizutani said, though she almost seemed gentle about it. “She is a nice woman, very kind and rather perfect for Kent. His genetics saw him to the right choice. We quite like her, though from what has been said, she was involved with someone prior to Kent who was not a good person. Kent may well be trying to keep her safe with his request about the number. I am sorry, but you cannot have it.”

Ikki forced himself to nod, still feeling strange. “I… Would you at least tell him I stopped by? That I want to talk to him? If he’s really bent on me not having his number, he can call the precinct instead of my direct line. I just… damn it, he’s married. And I didn’t know. I… I have to go.”

* * *

“I made breakfast,” Kent said as Kokoa rose from the bed. He could hear her moving around, their apartment was rather small, but it suited their needs well enough. His parents had even suggested switching their home for this place when Kent had children, though that would not be necessary.

“You shouldn’t have, though you are a very sweet kitchen slave,” she told him, coming over to his side and hugging him. He stiffened, startled by her action. Yes, she would cling to him when she had nightmares, but she was awake now and lucid. Why was she touching him? She did not want that kind of relationship. “Thank you.”

“It is nothing.”

She shook her head. “It’s not. Everything you’ve done for me matters.”

He thought for a moment, frowning. “Did I forget an anniversary again? I apologize. Yesterday’s unexpected encounter did throw off my usual patterns, and I haven’t fully recovered from it yet. I… I was going to bring lunch to you yesterday. Was that why? I… The gaps in my memory should be all in the past. This should not be happening. I did not realize they were. This is… unlike me, even if I am not what I was before.”

She put her hands on his face, and he swore she looked like she was going to cry. “Kent, you are not losing your mind or your memory. You might have been bringing me lunch, but that was because you’re a sweetheart and you wanted to, not because of any special date or anything. Don’t torture yourself like this.”

He leaned his head against hers. “I am sorry I jumped to such a faulty conclusion.”

She shook her head. “Don’t blame yourself, either. I didn’t want you to… I just wanted you to know that I appreciate what you do for me.”

Kent nodded. He knew that. She told him often. It made his other awkwardness easier to tolerate, as he knew that she valued what he did even if she did not want more from him.

“We should eat,” she said, taking a step back and smiling brightly up at him. “We don’t want to waste that, and you made it, so it’s sure to be good.”

Kent managed to smile back at her. “Do not be so certain of that. One of these days a meal will surprise you quite unpleasantly if you keep believing that.”

She just laughed, reaching around him to take a bit of the rice out of the pan and put it in her mouth. “See? Perfect.”

He shook his head, but he wanted to smile again, very foolishly, and the urge to touch her again was back. He did not give into it, knowing how difficult it was to come back from such an unexpected and unwelcome thing. He never recovered well, though he had managed to convince his parents there was nothing wrong with him.

He should not deceive them, but he still found it difficult to talk of what had happened. Waka knew. And Kokoa. No one else.

No, that wasn’t true. Detectives had taken his statement years ago, but he assumed they lost it and certainly they had not cared to pursue it. He’d found the ones in London more willing to assist him, though in the end it had not been enough. Yuzuru had still terrorized him, and if that bus had not come around the corner too fast, Kent did believe that he would not have escaped a second time.

He had been fortunate, if he could even call it that, and it did take away from the peace of mind knowing Yuzuru was dead should bring. He could not help remembering the randomness of it, how unlikely that event was.

He owed his life to random chance, and that was very difficult to accept.

“Kent?”

“Ah, we need plates,” he said, turning to the cupboard only to feel her arms wrap around him. Once again he had let too much show, but he could not bring himself to pull away from the comfort she offered him.

* * *

“You look like hell. I thought the point was to go home, shower, sleep for a bit, and come back looking semi-human,” Shin said. He wadded up a paper and threw it at Ikki. “Hello? If you check out on me two days in a row, I will hit you.”

“Ken’s married.”

“What?”

“When I spoke to his mother this morning, she said Ken was married, and it’s possible that his wife’s abusive ex was why he didn’t want the number being given out, and she still wouldn’t give it to me. She promised to tell Ken I was there, but… Shin, he got married. My best friend got married and he… he didn’t even tell me he was back in the country. What the hell did I do?”

Shin didn’t know. He hadn’t thought Kent was the kind of man who held grudges. He didn’t see the point of them, for one thing, but there was a rumor about Ikki stealing Kent’s girlfriend back when they first met—Shin had never wanted to know if that was true or not—and if there was any truth to that, then Kent had already forgiven Ikki of something pretty big. It didn’t seem like there was anything Ikki could have done, though…

“You think Kent would have married one of your exes? Because that might explain a few things. He wouldn’t want her going under the influence of your eyes again, right? So he’d be sure to keep her far away from you.”

Ikki grimaced. “I didn’t… well, the eyes worked on almost everyone except Kokoa, so I suppose it’s not impossible. I would have said none of the girls in my fan club were his type, but she wouldn’t have had to be in my fan club for it to happen. It didn’t matter what the girl was like, all of them—intellectuals and not so brainy types, pretty or plain, nice or cruel… the eyes got all of them. So… yeah. Ken could have married one of them, I guess. That would explain it.”

Shin tried not to show how relieved he was. He didn’t want to go through another day of Ikki moping about over Kent not talking to him. “Okay, you have your explanation. You going to be able to work now or what?”

Ikki ran a hand over his face. “Yeah. I… I’ll just get a drink, maybe splash a bit of water on my face. That… Damn it, I should feel better after getting an answer, but if it’s the eyes, again… the hell with it.”

Shin watched him go, shaking his head. He wouldn’t want to deal with that crap, no one would, though since they couldn’t explain Ikki’s eyes, no one else actually had to. He leaned back in his chair, picking up the autopsy report again.

What was it about these guys that made someone want to torture them? There didn’t seem to be much of a pattern. Sure, they had a few things in common, but they lived and worked in the same city, so some of that overlap was inevitable.

What the hell was the connection?

* * *

Kent’s phone clattered to the floor, and Kokoa looked up from her notes on her last session with a frown. He’d settled in to finish the accounting he hadn’t done yesterday, and that seemed to be going okay, so she’d started catching up on other paperwork she needed to do, including transcribing her notes. The women that came in didn’t seem comfortable with her using any kind of tablet or her phone to take notes, so she did it the old fashioned way with pen and paper.

She crossed over to pick the phone up, looking at Kent, who had his head in his hands, before she looked down at the screen. This time it wasn’t broken—Kent’s habit of dropping them when unsettled had led to them picking a drop resistant model and the best case they could get to protect it—but that didn’t mean she liked what she saw.

_Ikkyu came by the house today. He wants to speak to you. He was unaware you were married. He called yesterday as well. If he continues to make attempts to contact you through us, I may gave him the number. It is illogical to avoid him in this manner. Simply tell him you do not want to talk._

Kokoa grimaced. Kent’s mom didn’t know what she was asking of him. Kokoa had sat with Kent when he tried to write an email or letter to Ikki to explain what happened—they’d both hoped writing it would be enough, but Kent’s panic attacks when he started writing it down were so bad the doctors increased his medication to where he could barely function. He couldn’t even get out of bed.

They’d both chosen him staying out of contact with Ikki over that.

“Kent?”

“I know Ikkyu is persistent. I did not want… I can’t...”

She set the phone down on the desk and knelt in front of him, putting her hands on his knees. “Kent, I know I can’t say anything here because you know if Shin or Toma was trying to get in touch with me, I’d be avoiding it, too. Still, I don’t think Ikki wants anything bad… he probably just wants to talk and catch up.”

Kent nodded. “I know, and that shouldn’t be so difficult, but it is. I… Talking about what we do now… It is good work, but it is still tied to the past. And if I… I can’t think about that. And Ikkyu used to know me better than I liked. He would always call me on flawed logic and when I tried to conceal my motives even from myself. I… He won’t be like my parents who accepted my altered behavior as a result of our relationship. This… I can’t talk to him. You know I try, and I… I become a mess.”

“I am not trying to force you to do it. You don’t have to. I just know how much Ikki meant to you, and I wish there was a way to make it easier, to stop all this pain.”

He combed back her hair. “You don’t know how often I think that about you. Not the part about Ikkyu, but about the pain.”

She almost blurted out that she loved him, but this wasn’t the time for that. She took his hands down. “We do that for each other as much as we can.”

“Yes.”

“You can hold onto me if that would help,” she said, knowing that was not as selfless an offer as it sounded, but Kent did, burying his face into her shirt and holding so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. She didn’t mind. She was just glad that this time she could do something for him. “And I could leave the message for Ikki.”

“What?”

“I can write an email or send a text. It wouldn’t have to be anything extensive. You can just tell him now is a bad time but you will be in contact when things improve.”

“Yes, I suppose that would be best. Perhaps that will end this. If… I… I almost think it was a mistake coming back to Japan, even if London was not much better in terms of… triggers.”

She winced. “Don’t say that. We… I… I need you, and I don’t want you leaving the country. I know I could probably do work like this anywhere, but we’ve already started, and we’ve got people here we’re helping and it would take money and… I don’t want you going without me.”

“Shh. I didn’t mean to panic you. I don’t… I’m not leaving you.”

“Good,” she said, though it was still difficult to relax. She was afraid Kent would want to leave if Ikki kept trying to get in touch, and that did scare her. She couldn’t let that happen.

* * *

Ikki stared down at his phone, feeling a bit sick.

He already had this answer, he knew that, but it was different in implication than it was written out in words. He didn’t want to accept it before, but this wasn’t something he could excuse or ignore or even deny. The way Ken rushed off could have been just him being busy, and this, too, but…

Shin grabbed the phone out of his hands and looked at it. “Huh. Seems pretty clear.”

“Shin, don’t.”

“You’re not going to ignore this, are you? You might not want to hear it, but he said it. Let it go.”

Ikki knew he should. Shin wasn’t wrong about it. Kent’s message was just as blunt as he ever was, and it wasn’t like it didn’t sound like him. It did. That just made it hurt all the more.

_My mother informs me you tried to contact me through my parents. Please do not involve them in the future. This is not a good time for me. If I wish to speak to you when it is a better time, I will contact you._

“Damn it.” Ikki took a breath and let it out, trying to control his reaction.

“Ikki, it’s been years. If it mattered so damned much, why didn’t you go to London and talk it out with him? Sure, it’s messed up you’re only finding out now, but that’s not just on Kent. You could have tried before, and you’d already know all of this.”

Ikki grimaced. “Well, my life kind of went all to hell when the accounting firm I joined went under and then I found out that Rika’s idea of controlling my fan club was to trap me in that damned three month cycle. Of course, I only found out about that because one of them completely lost it and was trying to get rid of the competition. I was a little preoccupied there for a while, and when Ken didn’t answer after I did reach out to him… I just assumed he’d changed his email. I already knew he had with his phone, that he’d already told me he’d be doing when he went to London to save on expenses. I just… Maybe it was that. Maybe I did let it go back when I shouldn’t have. It was just such a mess then I didn’t even… Hell, I thought Ken and I had the kind of friendship that could withstand anything.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured that, too,” Shin said, and Ikki frowned at him. “Come on. You two were so weird who the hell else was going to be your friend?”

“You?”

“Screw that. We’re not friends.”

Ikki nodded. He knew that. They’d been assigned as partners in part because Shin already knew about the eye thing and didn’t care but also because Shin’s attitude alienated a lot of people. They weren’t friends. They were just stuck together because no one else would work with them.

“Come on. We were getting lunch, remember?”

“I can’t eat.”

“Stop being a baby about this.” Shin shoved him forward. “You can’t just give up because someone no longer wants to talk. That’s dumb. You’re not supposed to be stupid. You know better than this. You are a cop. Act like it.”

Ikki shook his head. Shin didn’t understand, but then Shin didn’t want friends. He couldn’t get rid of Toma, but that was different.

“Besides, I want food, so we’re eating. Come on.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shin and Ikki end up forced to take a detour which brings them someplace familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... this is the only story I can make progress on right now. There's a part of me that would post everything I've already written... and another that would delete it all.
> 
> I guess this is a sort of compromise. It was an important moment for the story, though.

* * *

“Damn traffic,” Shin grumbled, looking around at the mess in front of him. He hadn’t seen an accident this bad in a long time. Someone had to have been really stupid, pulled some kind of stunt, because that wasn’t the usual accident that came with this kind of congestion. “Can’t get back that way even with the siren.”

“No. That accident looks bad,” Ikki agreed, leaning over to look behind them. “Can’t do much to turn around, either.”

“I am not sitting in traffic all day when we have a murderer on the loose.”

Ikki pointed to the building a bit ahead of them. “You might be able to get in there if the others don’t have the same idea.”

Shin knew a parking garage wasn’t ideal, but they could walk. Or they could find a restaurant and eat while they waited for the road to clear. Better that than sitting in the car. He was starving, and Ikki probably hadn’t eaten since before his run in with Kent, so he needed something.

Shin nudged the car out and managed to get through to the entrance of the parking garage. He found an open space and parked, knowing he’d be just as annoyed later when he had to pay for the ticket. He shut off the car and unbuckled himself.

“Let’s go.”

Ikki nodded, though he was still looking at his phone. “Huh. It’s still here.”

“What is?”

Ikki looked over at him with a smile. “You don’t realize where we are? Or how close we are? Come on, if I recognized the neighborhood, you should, too.”

Shin walked to the street, and sure enough, he did know this area. He hadn’t been able to say that when he was just looking at rows of cars, but now he knew why the area was familiar—and why Ikki was grinning like an idiot.

He didn’t know why he’d be so happy about it—he was moping about the past as it was, but Shin figured him being stupid and happy was better than his moping. He walked around the corner and down the familiar stairs, opening the door to words he’d heard more times than he could count.

And it as disturbing as hell to hear them directed at him.

“Welcome back, Master. It has been a very long time.”

“Damn, Waka. You’re still here?”

The other man smiled, and Shin almost regretted asking it. Smiles from Waka could go either way, and he wasn’t really sure what to make of this one. “Of course. This is how I prefer to spend my retirement.”

Shin frowned. Waka was so not old enough for retirement.

“It’s good to see you, Waka,” Ikki said. “It’s been a while.”

“Yes. Are you here on business? I did hear some sort of commotion nearby despite the noise of the kitchen.”

Waka still had good ears.

“That was a traffic accident, which got us stuck for a bit. I’m not sure you’d be able to help us with our case, but we were on our way to lunch, so… whatever.”

“Very well. Please have a seat.”

“Um, not that I want you to keep doing it, but… you are kind of skipping the act. You sure about that? The cafe’s not empty.”

Waka glanced toward the other customers. “True. It is not.”

He walked away, and Shin shook his head, taking a seat at the first table. This was going to be weird as hell, so he hoped that Waka didn’t start up on the act again. He just wanted to eat, not have a show, and he’d never been into the maid/butler routine even if he worked here.

Ikki leaned back in his chair. “Strange how so much changes… and so much stays the same.”

Shin grunted. He could do without the nostalgia.

The bell chimed as the door opened, and Waka appeared from nowhere that way he did. He gave a slight bow. “Welcome back, Mistress.”

The giggles gave her away, even after all these years. “Waka, I told you, you don’t have to do that when I come in.”

“No way.” Ikki’s eyes got wide, and he leaned over to look around Shin.

“It is good to see you. Since you are here alone, I doubt you intend to eat.”

She shook her head. “No. I… I need to ask you to make another copy of the receipt for the donation you made last week. Somehow I lost it, and I really don’t want to tell him that. You know how he is.”

Shin was on his feet before he knew what he was doing, taking hold of her hand to confirm what he’d already seen. Looking at her wedding band and then her face, he almost couldn’t believe how angry he was. “Don’t tell me you married that bastard.”

Kokoa flinched, pulling away from him. “Don’t do that.”

“Shin.” Waka’s voice was low and commanding. Shin had already let her go, but that didn’t seem to matter. Waka was one second from assassinating him, and even Ikki was ready to step in. “Kokoa, you can go back to the office and make the copy for yourself if you like. They are all filed in the second drawer of the cabinet. That one is not locked.”

“Thank you.”

She rushed off, and Waka’s cold gaze turned back to Shin. “I understand you have always been protective of her, but that was excessive.”

Shin grimaced. He hadn’t meant to do it. He just couldn’t believe that Kokoa would have gone through with marrying that Michio jerk. It had made him see red, and he’d lost it for a second, but he hadn’t hurt her. He’d only touched her to make sure that was actually a wedding band.

“I just wanted to see her hand. You know I wouldn’t have done anything.”

“Perhaps not, but you startled her. You also disturbed my customers. You know how I feel about this.”

Shin nodded. He did. “I haven’t seen her in years. And she’s married. She didn’t tell me or Toma. We didn’t know a thing. Her parents didn’t tell ours, either.”

“Seems to be a lot of that going around,” Ikki said. “When she comes back out, make sure you apologize to her.”

* * *

Kokoa stepped into the office, trying to control her shaking. She shut the door behind her and took out her phone, trying to smile at the picture she’d set as the background, one of her and Kent a girl at the shelter had taken when they weren’t looking. He was holding her, and when she saw that look on his face, she could almost believe he loved her.

She pulled up the text messenger. _How are your errands going?_

_I thought we agreed we were both adults capable of running our errands separately._

She grimaced. He might be, but apparently she wasn’t. Seeing Shin again had thrown her completely off-balance. It wasn’t even that he’d touched her or asked about her ring. And he was with Ikki, which just made things worse because if Kent got done early and came back this way… she’d have to deal with a lot worse than his disappointment in her organizational skills. She didn’t want that. He was upset enough about having to tell Ikki not to try and contact him.

_We are, but I missed you anyway._

She put the phone back in her pocket and went to the filing cabinet. She’d never dared look in any of the other drawers, but she’d had to make copies before, though usually with Waka present. She pulled out the file marked donations and took out the one from last week.

Her phone buzzed as she put it on the machine. She hit copy and reached for her phone.

_That seems excessive._

She sighed. She really couldn’t tell Kent how she really felt. He didn’t understand or want that.

_Though I admit I would have preferred to do this with you, and not just because it is shopping._

That made her smile like a fool. She put the original back in the folder and shut it in the drawer, almost bouncing until she was out of the office and remembered that she had to face Shin again. She did not want to do that, but she would have to. She knew Shin wouldn’t leave while she was back here. That just wouldn’t happen.

She did see the other table had left, which was a bit of a relief. They didn’t need strangers around them. That was too much.

“Ah, you’re back,” Waka said with a smile. “You found what you needed?”

She nodded. “Thank you again. I probably lost it when I set it aside to do the thank you letter, and it disappeared in the chaos. I just knew what he’d say about that and...”

“He would hardly be angry with you over such a small matter.”

“No, not angry,” she said. That look of disappointment was enough and too hard to bear at times. Kent didn’t need any more disappointment in his life.

“Seriously, tell me you did not marry that jerk.”

Kokoa turned to Shin, balling up her fist as she did. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

Ikki winced. “Look, Kokoa, what Shin is trying to say and failing miserably because he still doesn’t know how to be around people, is that we all care about you. We were all a bit worried when you took off with that artist even Ukyo barely knew.”

She knew that, and she wished it didn’t seem condescending right now. “If you really have to have your moment of triumph, fine. Michio was… He was everything you warned me about and then some.”

“Damn it.”

“And I don’t want to talk about him. I’m going now. Thank you again for this, Waka.”

He nodded. “I am happy to be of assistance. If either of you need anything, just ask.”

* * *

“That was not an apology,” Ikki said, and Shin shook his head. At least he had the good sense to be ashamed of it. Ikki didn’t know why it was so damned hard for Shin to be upfront about it when he cared. Anger wasn’t the way to show he cared, and even if he was worried, Kokoa didn’t have to put up with him being a bully before he said he was sorry or that he just wanted to be sure she was safe and with someone who treated her right.

“I know. I don’t… What Waka said about him getting mad...”

“Again, your reaction was excessive. I would have expected that more of Toma.”

Shin winced. “Don’t compare the two of us.”

“If you had taken the time to think instead of make demands, you would already have had the answer to the question that offended her.”

Shin frowned, and then he swore when he realized his mistake. Ikki had to admit that he hadn’t handled things with Ken any better, but still, Shin should have known. Sure, what Waka said combined with what everyone feared of Michio didn’t sound great, but then Shin was missing something big—there was no way in hell Waka would okay with Kokoa being married to a guy who didn’t treat her right.

“You know her husband?”

Waka nodded. “I do. He is a good man, and he supports her in many ways. They have a true partnership.”

Ikki had to smile at that. “I suppose you wouldn’t say that he really loves her or anything like that. Not very you, is it?”

“It is not my place to speak of their emotions, though I do believe they both care about each other a great deal.”

“That’s good,” Ikki said. “Come on, Shin. They should have cleared that accident by now, and we’ve already been on lunch longer than we should have been.”

“Hold on. I will get you something to take with you.”

Shin frowned. “I thought everything was made to order.”

“Usually, yes, though I had been in the middle of preparing some food for donation to a shelter dedicated to battered women, so I have some meals ready. They will need heating, of course, but you will not go without food for another day.”

“Thank you, Waka. I appreciate it,” Ikki told him, and then he had to frown. “Wait, how did you know it’s been over a day since I ate?”

Waka just smiled and walked away, leaving Ikki standing there shaking his head. He looked at Shin, who still seemed a bit off despite trying to put his usual angry at the world expression back on.

“Bit of a shock, huh?”

Shin grunted. “Whatever. She always was stubborn.”

* * *

“Kent.”

He turned around just in time to see Kokoa running up to him. He smiled at her, amused as always by her enthusiasm. She had so much despite what she’d been through, and he admired that about her. Many times, he believed she was the stronger of the two of them. She’d found a purpose for herself and used her wounds to heal others.

He could barely acknowledge his own.

“I see you finished before I did,” he said, and she flushed. Her embarrassment confirmed his suspicion. She wasn’t done with her errands at all, but she’d still wanted to rejoin him, as she’d said before. He was not sure he liked that, seeing as she must be worried about him after his incident earlier, and yet he would not say he was opposed to her company. He always liked having her near, even when he was at his worst. That was a weakness of sorts, he supposed, but he knew that even as much as he still felt so many conflicting emotions about what happened to him, her presence was soothing.

“I got the most important part done, at least, but I figured we may as well finish together,” she said, wrapping her arm in his. “And it really wasn’t fair of me to ask you to do the shopping even if you can carry more than me.”

He shook his head. With the damage to his arm, he could not carry half as much as he should be able to, though he did not like to admit to that, either, as she’d fuss over any time he’d lifted her for any reason if she knew, and he actually liked the feeling when she was in his arms. “I do not mind, but we should try and make other arrangements if the intake is so much you can’t find time to do shopping. I know the automated shipments take care of most of what you need—”

“Except we can’t always predict everything we need because it varies and we also can’t guarantee more than a certain amount of money each month. Only one of our donations is a set amount we can rely on, and that’s only because you made it possible.”

He shook his head. “Your parents’ business was far from efficient when I started running it, and the changes I made were simple enough. It did allow for that part of the funds to be a permanent part of your shelter, but I did nothing special. It was a refusal to modernize and economize that kept it from being possible for them to retire years ago.”

She sighed. “Let’s not talk about my parents right now.”

“If you wish.”

She put her head against his arm. “I’m sorry. I’m still a bit mad at them, even if their insistence on a _mukoyoshi_ did make it so we could do so much more than if we had stayed where we were. I just… they made me so angry when they said that about you, and you didn’t do anything wrong. They should be glad someone was willing to agree to any of it.”

“They were passing along a business and a—”

“Kent, no one gets to dictate how and when we have children. That’s way out of line. I don’t care how much they did give us when they gave the ‘dowry’ and handed the business over to you. Children can’t be forced on someone, and there’s no set number and when we do have them, I want to be surprised and it wouldn’t matter if the baby was a boy or a girl, I’d love it because it was a part of us, and I don’t want them trying to tell me to only have a son and name him after my father. If we were to name a son after anyone, it would be after you, not them, and I’m not so sure I like the idea of naming a child after a parent anyway. I know that’s kind of a tradition, but I want our child to have their own identity and no one’s expectations weighing them down.”

Kent swallowed, unable to do much more than stare at her. She’d just spoken of them having children. That… That was not part of their arrangement, and it was not something she’d ever indicated she wanted before. They were not that kind of intimate, so it was currently impossible.

“Sorry. I got carried away again. Do you have the shopping list I made? I keep thinking I missed something.”

“I did.”

“What?”

Kent shook his head, reaching into his pocket to take out the list and pass it to her. She read it over and frowned. He didn’t think she knew what she’d left out, though she often remembered as soon as they reached their home.

“Maybe if we look around at the store...”

“We might end up spending all day there if we do.”

“I suppose that’s really irresponsible, but it’s been so long since we did something like that… I’d like to do something different for a change. Something light and meaningless...”

“Did something happen while you were on your own? You seem… strange.”

“I do?” She flushed red. “Um… I… Oh. I guess I did say a lot about my parents that I shouldn’t have. It’s just been so much lately. I think I am feeling a bit… run down. It’s hard seeing the others suffer, so much worse when I can’t help you… I just want to look at pretty things and dream of buying them even if I know I won’t.”

“It has been very stressful lately. I… would you object to going to a museum instead? There is an exhibit I wished to view, but there has not been time, and I would rather go with you than alone. That is… if you are willing.”

“That sounds just as nice and far less expensive,” she said, making him smile. “And I’d go anywhere with you.”

* * *

“We’re supposed to be working.” Shin knew he shouldn’t have let Ikki drive. Crap like this always happened, though it was a bit more than his usual irresponsibility since they were in front of a bar.

“Technically, our shift ended over an hour ago,” Ikki said, and Shin snorted. Detectives didn’t work normal hours, and Ikki knew that. “Come on, Shin. It’s been a long, frustrating day, and we both need a drink.”

Shin wouldn’t say no to one, since he hadn’t managed to get rid of his frustration at the gun range. Seeing Kokoa screwed with him almost as much as seeing Kent had gotten to Ikki, and that was before the lab let them know that there wasn’t anything to go on in the forensics.

“Fine. Though did you really have to pick a cop bar?”

“Yes. You know I did. Regular bars have too many women in them, and when I want to drink and not get interrupted by a bunch of women who only see the eyes, I either have to do it at home or go to a place full of sour old detectives. Even the women here will avoid me because they just want to be drunk, not get laid.”

Shin shook his head. “Sometimes you share way too damned much.”

“Who the hell else am I going to talk to?” Ikki asked, and though he laughed, it wasn’t all that funny. With Kent refusing to talk to Ikki, Shin was the closest thing Ikki had to a friend, and that was just wrong.

He went up to the bar and ordered a drink that had Ikki laughing as he chose something far harder, the signature drink of all the sour detectives in the room.

As soon as he got his shot, he downed it and asked for another. Shin paced himself on his. Someone still had to make sure they both made it home, and that sure as hell wasn’t going to be Ikki, not at this rate.

“Gonna warn you right now—you start crying or babbling on about your eyes or Kent, and I’m walking out, taking the keys, and leaving you here.”

Ikki snorted, reaching for another shot. “Yeah? And you’re just okay not just seeing Kokoa but knowing she’s married and told you where to shove it before walking out on you?”

Shin grunted, emptying half of his glass as he tried not to let Ikki get to him. Truth was, he wasn’t prepared to see her again, and he’d gone into that knee jerk protective mode that both he and Toma had when it came to her. The idea of her marrying Michio still bothered him, and it didn’t help that she’d said it was as bad as everyone thought.

Then again, Waka approved of her husband, so it definitely wasn’t Michio.

“It’s not even like I wouldn’t focus on the case if we had something to work with, but what do we actually have, Shin?”

“A big fat lot of nothing.”

“How is it even possible?”

Though Shin was relieved to hear Ikki actually talking about the case for once, he sure as hell didn’t know. He wished he did.

“I don’t get it. Locard’s exchange says there _has_ to be forensics. Common sense says there has to be. No one tortures someone without leaving any trace.”

Shin nodded. “Shouldn’t be possible. Not with that much damage.”

“Rough night?”

Shin looked around Ikki to the detective who’d asked the question. That guy was always here, on that stool, a washed up drunk. Pathetic.

He swore if either he or Ikki got that bad, he was shooting them and putting them out of their misery.

“No forensics on a murder where the guy was tortured before he died. Not the first victim. Not the first to come up with nothing. There’s no having a good night with that.”

“I hear you. Nothing worse.” The drunk reached for his glass. “One of them still eats at me. Had an eye witness but no forensics. Idiots wouldn’t prosecute. Bastard walked. Witness disappeared off the face of the planet. Not stupid. I know what that means, but those cowards… they wouldn’t go forward on the kid’s word alone.”

Shin grimaced.

“Next one’s on me,” Ikki said, buying the drunk another shot and raising his own in a toast. “To a very flawed system.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent and Kokoa's date leads to more bad memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter touches on some of the worst parts of the backstory. When this story started to come to me, I knew Kokoa and Kent had met again in London. When I knew why, I told myself not to write it, not with all that happened to the two of them. And if I could have silenced this story, I might have, but it was insistent... and because I'd seen so much bad... I wanted to see the good, too, and though that's still in progress, the end goal was to restore the friendship and help them recover.

* * *

 “You should probably find a place for that,” Kent advised, and Kokoa looked up from her stone pyramid with a smile. She didn’t know where she was going to put it, no, but she also didn’t really want to let it go. Sure, it was a piece of stone, but it would forever be a reminder of the time that Kent and she shared that day, which was almost completely perfect despite what happened earlier.

She hadn’t told him about seeing Shin. Or Ikki. She didn’t want to upset Kent, and she knew she would if she said the word _Ikki._ Shin wasn’t much better. Too many reminders of a shared past, and all of them hurt Kent even if they shouldn’t.

Still, they’d had such a nice time at the museum. She’d gotten to hold onto his arm as he walked around, and he’d given her more information on each of the exhibits, actually drawing a bit of crowd and impressing them with his knowledge until he noticed the crowd and got flustered.

She swore she loved him more for that, even if that was terrible of her. She liked that he was shy and humble despite being a genius who knew more about the exhibit than the museum workers. He wasn’t showing off. He’d just gotten so excited about his subject that he spoke with a passion she rarely saw from him, and it was completely and utterly adorable. He was so cute when he was geeking out over something.

He’d hate that term, she was sure of that, but she still found it very endearing.

“It would be rather difficult to sleep with that.”

She nodded. “I know. It’s not soft and squishy like the panda you got me at the festival, but it’s still so nice that you gave it to me. I love it.”

He smiled at her, but he did take it out of her hands. “It is rather late. I’m sure you’re tired. I am. And… I am accustomed to falling asleep beside you, so if you do not mind… can we go to bed now?”

She swallowed. That didn’t mean anything more than sleep, and yet… Kent was asking to sleep beside her, which for some reason still made her heart race. She nodded. He set the pyramid aside and led her toward the bed. She tried not to let her disappointment show when he didn’t kiss her.

She wanted so much to say how she felt, but she was still afraid if she did, Kent would withdraw from her. He seemed afraid to be close to anyone. It wasn’t that he and Ikki had been anything other than good friends, but what that man did to him… She didn’t think Kent was willing to risk someone else getting hurt because of him. She knew some people didn’t think Kent was capable of love, but she knew he was. He loved his parents.

And she knew in his way he loved her. It just… wasn’t the way she wanted it to be.

That was her fault, in part. She’d said she didn’t want this marriage to be anything more than an arrangement, a platonic partnership mostly for a business. She sighed.

Kent tugged her close, and she could feel him trembling. She frowned. He couldn’t possibly be asleep already, so it wasn’t a nightmare.

“Kent?”

“I’m sorry. I… It… I enjoyed the museum. I did. And I am very grateful you were willing to go with me. It’s just… when we were on our way home… The embarrassment of speaking in front of so many became his voice as he harassed me in London. He got himself appointed to that research project, and he...”

Kent buried his face in her nightgown, and she winced. Yuzuru had been cruel. It wasn’t enough for him that he’d hurt Kent so much. He wouldn’t give Kent a moment’s peace and had him always waiting for the next attack. This wasn’t the first time Kent had struggled through reminders of that time before Yuzuru _did_ attack him in London. Yuzuru had used his father’s power and money to get close to Kent, pretending to everyone else that he was a good man and even a friend, leaving Kent with no one who believed he wasn’t just paranoid, making up an enemy he didn’t have.

“Those twisted insults… barbs covered in praise though I knew better… A part of me wishes I’d left sooner, even as much as I hate that he did win in forcing me to quit. I wasn’t after glory. I…”

“You just love learning and discovering,” she said, shifting so she could face him. She touched his face. “You would not be you if you were only out for the glory in research. It’s not about fame for your discovery or proving you’re better than the world. I never thought that, not even when I didn’t know you well. And knowing you now… you are the kindest, most generous man I know. And I didn’t see anyone who was trying to show off today. I saw a man who was enjoying learning and sharing. You were so happy to share it with me you made me happy.”

He sighed. “I don’t… These moments are so irrational… No matter how many times I tell myself he was just saying those things to unnerve me, that he lied, it was all lies… no matter how many times you tell me those words… that irrational part of me refuses to accept them and goes on perpetuating this sense of… guilt and helplessness...”

“You are not to blame. And you have helped me so many times… And I don’t care how many times I have to say it before that irrational part starts being rational. I’ll say it a hundred thousand times. More. You are better than he ever knew. He was a monster, and he tore you down because he could, because he was able to abuse the money and power his father had, but you would never have done that if it were you. This heart of yours is so pure.”

She put a hand on his chest, and he shuddered again. She took him into her arms and held him, wishing she could do more.

* * *

“ _Now we’d better introduce you to our latest addition to the research team. I believe he’s a fellow countryman of yours. Kent? Say hello to our new sponsor.”_

_Kent tried not to show his frustration. He truly hated the social aspects of this position, ones that had not been made clear when he applied or when he was accepted for it. No one told him prior to his arrival in London that he had to “smooze” anyone, but it seemed like he did that more than he did research these days. They were so desperate to seek funding they kept showing him off as some kind of genius, and it was making him sick._

_Though not as sick as the sight of the man in front of him._

“ _What the hell are you doing here?” Kent demanded, staring at Yuzuru in disbelief. This wasn’t happening. He’d insisted on going to London to get away from that man, and the wounds inflicted by him weren’t even fully healed, but there he was, standing there like he hadn’t done a damned thing._

“ _Kent,” Yuzuru chided. “Is that any way to greet a friend?”_

“ _We are not friends. After what you did to me—”_

“ _What I did? I don’t understand. Last time we spoke was at that bar. Ikki had had too much, and you were taking him home. I gave you a present to congratulate you on your win.”_

“ _That was not the last time we saw each other. You know what I am talking about. You can’t just smile and act like you did not do anything when you almost killed me.”_

“ _I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about. Perhaps you had too much to drink that night? Or was it another night that you think we had some kind of… altercation? I went home with a beautiful woman that night, one far better than any of Ikki’s. I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you may be taking the rivalry between me and him a little far, Kent. You are loyal, but that’s too much.”_

_Kent shook his head, taking a step back. “Get out.”_

“ _Kent,” the director said, horrified. “This is a valued sponsor. You can’t talk to him like that.”_

“ _That man is… I don’t even know the proper word for it, but he is not valued, and I will not stay in this room with him.”_

_Yuzuru shook his head sadly. “Kent—”_

“ _Don’t. Don’t act like you don’t—you broke my arm in so many places there are still pins in it. I have nothing to say to you except stay away from me. Your father may have had enough influence to stop them from filing charges against you, but I did not forget what you did, and I won’t. I know what you are, and I will not let you near me again.”_

_He turned to leave, hearing Yuzuru explain to the others that Kent had to be making some kind of mistake. The accident confused him. It was a car accident, wasn’t it?_

_Kent leaned against the wall and tried to calm himself. They wouldn’t believe Yuzuru. His father had power in Japan, not here._

_Not here._

_Kent would tell them everything later, he had no choice, and they would not allow Yuzuru back in the building._

* * *

“ _Impressive presentation.”_

_Kent flinched at the sound of Yuzuru’s voice, his arm throbbing again. Though it was irrational, Kent swore he could feel every pin sticking into it today, all because of the man behind him._

“ _How did you get back in the building?”_

“ _Oh, I told them they should look into the claim you made. I have nothing to hide, after all. So they did, and since there are no charges, not even an official report, it would seem you’re very confused as to how you came by your injuries. I told them I believed it must have been a car accident. How else could your arm have suffered so much damage?”_

_Kent swallowed, feeling his stomach churn with nausea that had nothing to do with his pain medication. “You… No. This is not happening. You… even if I was making it up—and you know damned well that I am not because you laughed with sadistic glee when you did break my arm… and my fingers… and… You know. And even if you didn’t, if you were as innocent as you claim, you wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t do this.”_

“ _Why would I leave? I didn’t do anything wrong.”_

_Kent put a hand to his head. “Even I am not so insensitive. If you were claiming that I did it to you or that Ikkyu did, do you really think I would inflict my presence upon you? Or his? You lack any kind of decency.”_

“ _I am here to help.”_

_Kent choked. “Are you completely delusional? You are no help, and I never needed it before. I am perfectly capable of maintaining my own research. And you… you are nothing more than a bully who acted out in an extreme manner when you lost. Even now your behavior is childish for all that it is also vindictive.”_

“ _What did you just say?” Yuzuru’s expression changed from his pleasing manner that had the others fooled, and seeing him now was looking at the man who had stabbed Kent when he spoke in Ikkyu’s defense._

“ _I want you to leave,” Kent said. “And if you keep coming to harass me, I will seek out whatever legal action I can. I am not confused. I know you attacked me that night. I don’t know why you didn’t just kill me, but I know you came close. I know what you did, and I will not pretend I don’t. I will not let you have this farce you wish to create.”_

_Yuzuru smiled at him. “Oh, Kent. I have already won. You are only making it worse by insisting on this story. You look completely unhinged, and you know that no one will believe in your credibility as a researcher if you keep this up. Not that it matters, I suppose. You’re only here for the money, right? You work with them, you gain prestige. Such a shame the mistake they made in you. You’re not so talented… or perhaps you are more of the dangerous kind of genius. Such a fine line between that and mental instability, after all. Tell me… what are your other illusions? Do you see these hallucinations often? Did you break your own arm in a fit of insanity?”_

“ _What? No. Get out. Get out. Get out now.”_

_Kent shoved him toward the door, and the other researchers looked up as Yuzuru fell into the room, making a show of being a victim._

_Kent turned away and went back to his lab. When he reached his computer, he saw an email from Ikkyu waiting for him. He shuddered, sending it to the folder with the others. He couldn’t read it now._

_He picked up his phone and then set it back down._

_Waka had said he couldn’t help, not from Japan._

_Even if Ikkyu knew and wanted to help, he couldn’t._

_Kent had no one._

* * *

“ _Can I help you?”_

_Kent rubbed at his arm, which was once again throbbing. London’s weather did not agree with his injuries, making all of them ache with the endless rain. He hurt almost as much as when the wounds were fresh._

“ _I sincerely hope so,” Kent said, frowning at his English but hoping he’d still be understood. “I am being… harassed.”_

“ _Harassed?”_

_Kent nodded. “The man who attacked me in Tokyo followed me to London, and he is… he got a position where I work. I have also seen him outside the apartment I rent at night every night this week. He denies it, of course, but he is there. He waves at me to mock me. I got a new number when I came to London that I did not give to him, but he has called me on it. He taunts me and hangs up. The number is always blocked. I can’t prove it is him, but I know his voice. I… In Japan, the police have to issue a warning before restraining orders are issued. I believe it is different here, but when I tried to arrange to speak to a lawyer, I kept being told I had the wrong kind. I do not understand. My accent is not that incomprehensible, is it?”_

_The man in the uniform blinked. “Let me get someone round to get your statement.”_

_Kent had a feeling that they weren’t going to listen to him. He took out his phone, saw six missed calls and shuddered. Not again. This had to stop. Yuzuru could not be allowed to continue this. Kent already felt like he was losing his mind, and it had not even been that long since Yuzuru showed himself in the lab._

If you have any contacts at all in London, I would appreciate being able to get in touch with them.

_He was about to put the phone away again when Waka’s response came._

What do you need?

I know you said you wouldn’t be able to help, but the police seem confused by my request at best and at worst… I do not know if it is my English or if I seem as crazy to them as I apparently do to the entire lab, but I am afraid they will not help me. _Kent winced at the admission, but it was true. He’d already been unable to stop Yuzuru on his own, and if no one believed him, then Yuzuru would get away with hurting him again—maybe even killing him this time._

What happened?

Yuzuru is here. He is… He is stalking me.

What?

Because no charges were made in Japan, he has everyone convinced I am confused about what happened and paranoid. They think I’m insane, and I probably look it because he is making me that way. He says things. Even just him being there is enough to put me on edge. I am at the police station now, but as I said, I do not think they believe me.

Stay there. Even if they don’t listen to you, stay there until my contact reaches you.

_Kent was too overwhelmed to respond properly to that. He started to put the phone back when the commotion at the door made him jump and bump into the wall with a curse. He cradled his bad arm and lowered his head in shame._

* * *

“ _Hey, you.”_

_Kent looked up from the papers he was attempting to fill out, the forms taxing his language skills when he could not focus properly around so many people and so much noise. Somehow he felt like he was being watched. Stared at. Though he had not seen Yuzuru, it felt like he was here._

“ _Me?”_

“ _Yeah. You speak any languages aside from your own?”_

_Kent blinked. The man who had taken Kent over to the desk to sit and do the paperwork shook his head. “We are speaking English, if that answers your question.”_

_The other detective laughed. Kent was far from amused. He did not feel well. Sitting here, he realized he could not say when he’d last eaten. Yuzuru’s presence robbed him of his appetite, and he couldn’t sleep, either._

“ _I just… there’s an Asian woman who came in, and no one here recognizes her language. We don’t even know which translator to call. If you could give a listen, maybe, see if you recognize it. You don’t have to do anything else but tell us what language it is so we can make the call to get a translator in.”_

_Kent rose, leaving the paperwork behind. That was likely a futile exercise anyway._

_He followed the other man out to where a group had gathered around someone on the floor. A few female officers were trying to calm the woman huddled up there, but any time they moved closer, she shrieked and they stopped._

_Kent frowned, pushing past the others and stopping just behind one of the officers._

“ _Sir, you need to step back and—”_

“ _Kokoa?”_

_She heard him speak and looked up. Tears stained her face, and her dress was torn and bloodied. She appeared to be bruised as well, but somehow that didn’t stop her from launching herself at him and clinging to him as she sobbed._

“ _I take it you… know each other?”_

“ _We worked together before I came to London,” Kent answered. He looked down at her. “Kokoa, what happened?”_

_She shuddered, whispering in Japanese, her face buried in his coat. The others looked at him as if expecting an answer, and he had none._

“ _Whatever happened to her is likely not related to what I came to report,” Kent said. He touched her head, and she looked up at him again. He switched languages, repeating his question. “Please tell me what happened. You appear injured, and you need treatment.”_

“ _Not safe. I don’t… Kent… I don’t…”_

“ _Do you remember what happened?”_

_She trembled, tears rolling down her cheeks. She nodded, and when she spoke, it was in English. “It was Michio.”_

“ _Michio? Is that a person?”_

“ _Yes. I believe that is the name of her boyfriend.” She nodded again, burying her head against him, and Kent frowned. This was awkward, he could not deny that, as he was not used to being touched, and ever since Yuzuru’s attack, it tended to make him jump or panic, but standing here with her was different. He felt almost… calm. Calmer than he had since Yuzuru came to the lab._

_He could cling to her just as desperately as she was to him at the moment, though he would not. He could not allow himself to be so… forward and foolish. She was not even a friend, and she had been hurt. He could not make that worse._

“ _Kokoa, did something happen to Michio?”_

“ _I… Maybe. I don’t...” She snorted, looking up at Kent. “I don’t know. I don’t care. If it did… He deserved it… He deserved worse.”_

_Kent did not like the sound of that. “Did he hurt you?”_

“ _No. Yes. I...” She bit her lip, shaking now. He did not like this. He tried to ignore all of the stares making this that much harder. He was calmer than she was, but that would not last if they did not stop staring._

“ _Kokoa, I would like to get you to a doctor. You are injured, and I would not want you to go without treatment. You… I suppose this is not what you want to hear, but you were my favorite student in that math class, and I do not wish for anything to happen to you.”_

_She swallowed. “You… you don’t already hate me…?”_

“ _Why would I do that?”_

_She lowered her head again. “Michio… he… he sold me to his drug dealer.”_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikki gets a lead for their case which leads them to the shelter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a couple of different thoughts about what led to Ikki and Shin finding out about the shelter. This fit the best.

* * *

 “Here.”

“Coffee does not work as a bribe for me, Ikki. You know I don’t like bitter stuff.”

“I have coffee. You have hot chocolate,” Ikki said, almost shoving the cup up Shin’s nose. He sighed but accepted it, knowing Ikki would only get worse if he didn’t.

“Chocolate is bitter, too.”

“Which is why it is white chocolate which is not chocolate at all,” Ikki said, grinning rather obnoxiously. How was it he was in this good of a mood after all he drank last night? Shin hadn’t had half as much and he was feeling it. His head ached, and he wanted to crawl back in bed.

“Did you get a date with the barista or what?” Shin asked, taking the lid off the drink and eying it suspiciously.

“The entertainment value in this is priceless, but no, it was not about a date,” Ikki said, leaning back in his chair with his coffee. “I got us a lead.”

“What?”

“I got to thinking somewhere around three this morning when I started to sober up that we had to go back to the basics. Ken would always say that. When an experiment yields unexpected or unwanted results, something in the hypothesis is wrong. Not that he’d be the only one to say it, it was just _how_ he said it that stuck with me. Science had no answers which is nearly impossible, though it does tell us something about our killer all the same.”

“Yeah. He’s a professional with training or he’s done this before. Not news.”

“Yes, but that wasn’t what I was thinking about. When you can’t get an answer from the machines, you get one from the people.”

“You are seriously pissing me off right now.”

Ikki smiled. “People. Our victims were people, right? And someone tortured them to death, but why? Well, I went back to the basics. What do we know about either of them? And that got me thinking about how we felt like we had to shift gears after the second body showed up. We didn’t have much success with number one, but number two we know a lot about. Number one was a loner, no one he worked with or lived near knew him well. You remember how we were having trouble tracking down our first victim’s sister?”

“Yeah.” Shin was still frustrated by that, since she seemed to have disappeared off the face of the planet, and it was infuriating because she was supposedly the only one that guy ever talked to. “What about it?”

“I finally got to talk to one of her friends, and she told me that the reason our girl disappeared was her ex.”

“If she’s dead, too, I’m going to hit you.”

Ikki shook his head. “She said she took her to a shelter for battered women. One that does counseling and gives them a safe place to stay. Rumor is they can help them disappear to a new life in a new city, but that hasn’t been proven. She just said that was why she helped her go, so she could really get away this time.”

“You have the name of this place?”

Ikki held up a card between two fingers. “I do indeed.”

* * *

“You can’t go in without a warrant,” the receptionist said, and Shin gave Ikki a look that he ignored. He was not about to take off his glasses and use his eyes if he didn’t have to. That was usually not necessary, and he’d been warned over and over about cases failing in court because he did. He wasn’t messing this one up. Not with a killer this twisted.

“Can you at least tell us if Hina Yanachi is here?”

He felt Shin elbow him, and he did his best to ignore it despite the pain.

“I can’t.”

Shin leaned forward. “Are you actually in charge here?”

The woman shook her head. “I told you before I’m just the one who does the intake. I help start the process with paperwork if I can.”

“If you can?” Ikki asked with a frown. “What do you mean?”

“Sometimes there are emergencies. Now please go. I’ve told you all I can.”

“You didn’t tell us anything,” Shin said, and Ikki could tell he still had a headache. “Since you won’t even after we showed our badges, go get your supervisor. I want a word.”

The woman sighed. “She won’t tell you anything I haven’t already said.”

Shin didn’t back down, so she rose and went to the door, calling out to someone. “Doctor? There are some people here who wish to speak to you.”

She moved back to allow another woman to pass through the doorway despite her girth. “I already told them we don’t disclose information on any of our guests, but they wouldn’t listen. They say they’re cops and have what appears to be proper identification, but no warrant.”

The other woman nodded, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. She started speaking to them before she turned, faltering when she did. “As she told you, we don’t disclose the… Oh. You. Both of you.”

“Are you all right, Doctor? Should I call your husband?”

“No!” Kokoa shook her head almost frantically. For all that Waka said he was a good guy, she was acting strangely right now. She sighed, tugging on her coat and taking a breath. “These are former coworkers of mine from college. I was… startled, but it’s nothing bad. No need to trouble him.”

“You sure about that? Because I’m starting to get the feeling you should be here to hide out from him,” Shin said, and she balled up her fist, looking ready for a fight. “You panicked when she suggested getting him. What the hell else are we supposed to think?”

The older woman snorted. “I think she’s more reason to be scared of you than him. That man’s a sweetheart. And he dotes on her like crazy. She’s just being stubborn about it, always thinks she’s bothering him when he never minds a bit.”

Ikki smiled. “That sounds nice. Just the sort of man you always deserved, Kokoa.”

She blushed. “Oh. Um… thank you, Ikki. As much as you flatter me, though, my answer won’t change. It can’t. For their safety, we can’t give out any information on any of our guests. Not even to the police. Don’t look at me like that, Shin. It wouldn’t be the first time some man has shown up with a badge and claimed to be a cop looking for someone here. Only he’s not a cop, he’s the abuser, and if I let them know they’re here, they will either try to force their way inside, or they’ll camp out until they see them leave. Some of them do that anyway, and we always call the police then, but I’d rather be over-cautious than not cautious enough. I learned that lesson the hard way. I won’t repeat it.”

“I have to admit, I’m impressed,” Ikki told her honestly. “When you asked Waka for a donation receipt yesterday, I didn’t think you had gotten it for someplace like this. And after what you said about Michio… it’s something special, but then you always were.”

“And you are still a hopeless flirt,” Kokoa said, shaking her head. “It won’t work. And the eyes won’t, either. I can’t tell you about any of the guests.”

Shin nodded. “Look, we understand what you’re doing and why, and Ikki’s not wrong in thinking… It’s not something I ever figured you’d do, but it’s good. This is good work. But Kokoa, we have a case. I’m not saying this to scare you, but we’re dealing with a serial killer. And we’ve got nothing forensically. We need to talk to the first victim’s sister to see if she can give us any reason why her brother was killed. It’s important.”

She folded her arms over her chest. “Best I can do is promise me that if you give me her name and she is a guest here, I will pass along the message that the police want to speak to her. I won’t confirm she’s here, and I won’t make her see you. That’s even if she’s here. I don’t know that she is because you haven’t even mentioned a name.”

“Hina Yanachi.”

“I’ll pass along a message if she’s here.” Kokoa turned, going for the door. She stopped and looked back at them. “This isn’t an admission that she’s here. I was in the middle of a counseling session when she called me over, and I need to get back to it.”

“It was good to see you again,” Ikki said. “Oh, hey, if you take donations from Waka… he probably gives food, right? Is there anything else you need?”

“You are such a kiss ass.”

“I am not kissing anyone’s ass. This is a good cause, and she’s a friend. You need to stop being so damned cynical all the time.”

“Thank you, Ikki. Yui can help you with that. Please excuse me.”

* * *

“You know this is kind of pathetic. We’re staking out a women’s shelter.”

“Shut up, Ikki. This girl is there. I saw it when I gave Kokoa her name. If she really passed along our message, we should be hearing from her soon because that girl didn’t even know her brother was dead. She has to have questions. She’ll want to talk to us.”

“Except we’re men and she was abused by her boyfriend. She may not want to talk to cops. And we don’t even know for sure that she got along with her brother, only that everyone said and his phone records verified that the only person he ever seemed to talk to was her. Doesn’t mean they got along. They might not have.”

Shin grunted. Ikki wasn’t wrong about that, but since they had nothing else and the department took them off all other cases when this one went serial, they may as well stay.

He felt a buzz and reached down to take his phone out of his pocket. “What?”

“You still answer the phone like that? Learn some manners already.”

“You’re bolder than you used to be.”

He could almost see her shrugging on the other end of the line. “Not being bold made me a victim. I don’t do that anymore. Hina says she wants to talk, but she won’t leave the shelter and she wants me present. Those are the terms.”

“Agreed.” Shin hung up, and Ikki frowned at him. Shin ignored him and got out of the car, crossing back to the shelter. Yui gave him a dark look as they neared her desk.

“She shouldn’t allow it, but she said to let you in when you got here.”

“We’re really cops,” Ikki said. “And she knows us and even though Shin seems scary, he’s just a little dog with a big bark. He’s actually more of a lap dog. Not the friendliest to look at, but loyal to the very end. Like Lassie. Or what’s that other one? Benji? Yeah, that suits him.”

“You’re a dead man.”

Ikki just laughed as he opened the door and stepped inside. Kokoa stood there, looking very uncomfortable. She turned and walked them past another set of doors, this one locked with a key card. She swiped hers and waved them in.

“Nice security.”

“It’s hardly enough sometimes, but we tried hard to make it as safe as possible,” she said. “And no, you can’t meet him. He’s not here right now. He… manages a business that helps subsidize the shelter. And if you’re about to ask about the gaps in the security, it’s simple. No one here is a prisoner. They can leave when they want to. Some do. Some have let their abusers inside the building.”

“You have someone who can deal with that, right?”

“Yes.”

Shin figured she meant the husband, but she probably wasn’t going to tell them about that. She went to another door and knocked as she opened it. “Hina? The detectives are here.”

The girl rose from her chair. “What happened to my brother? You’re wrong. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t.”

Kokoa winced, going to her side. “You don’t know that he did anything to your brother, Hina, and you are not to blame if he did.”

“If he did, though, we’ll arrest him and keep him behind bars for a long time,” Ikki promised, giving her his usual smile. “I’m Ikki. This is Shin. We need to know a bit more about your brother.”

“Not… not about… Isora?”

Shin looked at Ikki. Ikki grimaced. “Isora is the name of your boyfriend?”

Hina nodded. “Yes.”

“What is it?” Kokoa asked. “Did you already suspect him and clear him?”

“Didn’t get that far. Just know some idiot named Isora was the reason we got stuck in traffic for hours yesterday. He was speeding, weaving too fast between cars when there wasn’t enough space, and then he crashed into oncoming traffic, blocking it in both directions. He died in the crash. Don’t know much else about him.”

“So… if it was Isora… he could be dead now?”

“Don’t leave before you confirm that,” Kokoa told her. “A lot of the names are the same, and you don’t want to rush things and make a mistake you pay for later.”

“Now that’s encouraging.”

She frowned. “Coming from Shin, the master of tough love who used to call me a ‘dummy’ all the time? My pot might be a little gray, but yours is black as night.”

Ikki laughed, and Shin glared at him. “What? She’s right. You would have said the same thing and probably in harsher words because you’ve only let yourself get meaner as the years went on and you kept the chip on your shoulder about your dad.”

“Shut up, Ikki.”

Ikki turned his attention back to Hina. “I’m sorry he’s so rude. They gave me him because I’m too charming and they hoped it would rub off on him, but so far it hasn’t worked. Why don’t you tell me a bit about your brother?”

She relaxed a bit, but thankfully she didn’t seem to be going under Ikki’s eyes. “Um… well… You had to know that Takeru was a big dork. And he didn’t get along with people, either. He was so smart… he could make people dislike him just by talking about some random fact he knew… it was worse when he was talking about technology… I used to feel so stupid next to him… and I was… Takeru could get frustrated with me being so dumb… and Isora… he was worse… he hit me for it… and before… I believed I deserved it...”

“You don’t. You shouldn’t be punished for that. It’s not your fault, and you’ve already shown that it wasn’t you being stupid at all. You’re very gifted with fashion, and I love that you’re willing to help sew for the other girls. And that math you thought you couldn’t do to make the measurements and conversions… you learned that very quickly.” Kokoa smiled at her encouragingly, and Shin had to admit, this kind of work suited her. She had that girl from near tears to a smile with a few words. “And you know that’s not just flattery meant to make you feel better.”

Hina managed a small smile. “He did say your first results on the same test were worse.”

Kokoa flushed. “Um… yes. They were.”

Shin tried not to lose his patience. “All anyone at is work said was that he was good with computers. You were the only one who knew him well.”

“Well, Takeru was better with computers than people. He was smart, but he couldn’t talk to people much. Our parents used to stop him, always saying… ‘we’re too dumb to understand you’ and ‘don’t tell your sister, she won’t understand anyway.’ And so he always thought no one could. He really wanted someone to, and he asked for my help… and I tried, but Takeru was still barely speaking to anyone when I… I left Isora. My friend she told me… that the only time I’d ever really been dumb was when I believed him, and I had to get away from him and my family… so I could see that.”

Shin had a feeling that girl wasn’t wrong. Her family had made it possible for that bastard to walk all over her by convincing her she was too stupid to do better, even making her think she deserved the abuse because she wasn’t smart.

He wanted to hit something.

“I think she was right,” Ikki told her. “And it doesn’t mean you’re to blame for what happened to your brother. You needed to do this for you. No one deserves what you were going through. Doesn’t matter if they’re smart or not.”

She sniffled. “Thank you.”

Something beeped, and she looked down at her hand, some character watch on her wrist. She looked over at Kokoa. “It’s lunch time. I need to go eat.”

“Hina, no one is going to take your food from you here,” Kokoa said, frowning. “You don’t have to rush to the kitchen. There will be plenty of food if you wait a bit. There always is.”

“I have to eat,” she repeated, rushing for the door, and Kokoa sighed, not stopping her as she went. Shin looked back at her.

“Don’t say it, Shin. She needs time to unlearn a lot of things she was taught. Isora only let her eat if she was there right on time, and even though it’s not like that here, she’s not used to it and still sets timers everywhere if she can because he’d also beat her if she was late.”

“Of course,” Ikki muttered, shaking his head. “Out of curiosity, though… when is lunch served?”

“The hell does that have to do with anything, Ikki? You went out for food while we were waiting for the call.”

“I did. Not the point, though.” Ikki smiled. “Let me guess… it’s served at noon?”

Kokoa flushed a little, and Shin checked his watch. It was quarter to two.

“Is that actually helping?”

“She’s been late for lunch all week and she still finds plenty of food. I want to believe it will.”

“And she hasn’t noticed you’ve changed her watch?”

“I didn’t.”

“Changed the alarm?”

“No.”

“The clock she always sets it to, right?” Ikki said, and Kokoa grimaced. “Does she know she’s late when she finds the food?”

Kokoa nodded. “There’s a big clock in there, and depending on who’s helping in the kitchen, they tend to comment on it. Yui’s sister always gives Hina extra.”

Shin rubbed the back of his neck. “We didn’t get very much from her.”

“Hina did want to help. She’s just…”

“Scatter-brained?” Ikki asked. “You think maybe she had a learning disability? She could have had attention deficit disorder. It might explain a few things.”

“It’s possible. It’s also possible she’s just… the product of years of emotional and physical abuse. Her parents mentally abused her for years before she ever met Isora.” Kokoa sighed, touching her hand to her head. She looked tired and stressed, and Shin wanted to reach out to her, but she probably wouldn’t let him.

“So I know that they probably don’t want any men in eating with them, but Shin over there didn’t have any of my snacks and he gets even grumpier when he’s hungry, and since we’re still struggling to get anywhere on this case and she’s still the best lead we have right now, can we… maybe sit in on lunch and ask her a few more questions?”

Kokoa swallowed. Shin swore she looked about to bolt.

“It should help,” Shin said. “Soon as we’re sure we won’t learn anything else from her—and I’m pretty sure of that already—we can go and we shouldn’t need to come back, not for this case.”

“Though I will help out if you let me know when I can,” Ikki told her with that grin of his. “Yui did give me the pamphlet, and with my schedule, money might be the only option, but I can do other things, too.”

“Um… we’ll see.”

“Let’s just finish talking to Hina, okay?”

* * *

Kokoa led them into the nearly empty cafeteria. Kent’s floor plan for it made the most use of their space, allowing them to feed more than they could actually house, though right now Hina had it mostly to herself. Ai was sitting in one of the other tables, probably on her third helping. They might have to keep a tighter watch on her weight.

She didn’t know how she was going to manage that, though. She felt like she had too much to do as it was, and a part of her felt a little guilty for leaving early and spending the day with Kent.

Sometimes it was very hard to do this work, and she didn’t think she could have kept up with it if she hadn’t had Kent with her. He liked to say she was stronger than he was, but without his strength, she might not be able to face any of these women after hearing their stories and remembering her own.

“Damn, that smells good,” Ikki said. “I think I’d like to have some, too.”

Kokoa nodded. She almost said no right away because if Ikki stayed much longer, he was sure to see Kent when he came by to walk her home. Ikki had even given her an out, and she could take it, telling them that they couldn’t stay because they’d scare the others, but that wasn’t true here. Ai wasn’t scared, though she was glaring at them.

“You don’t have to be afraid of us,” Ikki said. “We’re cops.”

Ai continued to glare at them. Kokoa winced. “That probably wasn’t the best thing to mention. Ai doesn’t like cops. She… she was forced to shoot her boyfriend when she found out he’d betrayed her and all of her friends. The police arrested her, she lost her apartment, and eventually found her way here because she had nowhere else to go. She ended up staying, and she helps out around here, but she’s still not very fond of cops.”

Shin grunted. “Great. Look, we’re not all jerks, either.”

“Says the biggest jerk in the department,” Ikki said. He smiled. “So, Kokoa, about that food…?”

“Plates are in the cupboard there, and everything else is behind the counter,” Kokoa told him. She wished they didn’t have to keep the silverware locked up, but they did just so none of the girls could hurt themselves. “It may still be out because Hina just got served.”

“Perfect. Come on, Shin. You need to eat, too, and you’ll just grumble if I pick it out for you.” Ikki pushed him toward the other door. “And we will make this up to you, Kokoa.”

“That’s not necessary,” she said, hoping this wouldn’t take much longer. She couldn’t help but worry about Kent and if he would come and how it hard it would be for him to see Ikki again. She was almost okay seeing Shin now, so maybe it might be easier for Kent, too, but she knew she couldn’t just think that and not try and prepare him.

She took out her phone, about to text Kent not to come when someone embraced her from behind and she tensed up even as she recognized this feeling.

“I’m sorry. They told me you were in here, and I… I needed this,” Kent said, leaning his head against hers. “Correct me if I am wrong, but does retirement not mean letting go of the business? Not working. Going on vacation, traveling the world, developing a new hobby, but not _this._ Not constantly showing up unannounced and trying to alter decisions that I made for a good reason. I have had my fill of their interference in our marriage, with them trying to dictate how many children we have. And now this. I swear, if I find out which of the employees is feeding them information about my decisions, I will fire them. I don’t care how long they have been with the company. This is ridiculous. Profits are up by ten percent, efficiency by twenty, and the amount that subsidizes the shelter is _not_ a burden. Sometimes I think they simply object to that because they did not want you do to this in the first place, not even when you were in school, but I… I hate your parents. I should not say that, but I do.”

She did, too, much more than she should. She pulled his arms tighter around her. “I’m so sorry, Kent. You shouldn’t have to put up with that. I’d have another talk with them, but since they don’t listen to me, I don’t know how much good it would do.”

He nodded. “I see no point in subjecting you to that futility. It upsets you more than it does me. No, I’ll just change the security measures again. Either it will keep them out, or it will reveal who is tattling on me to them, which I should very much like to know. Loyalty should be commendable, but I find I cannot appreciate it in someone loyal to your parents.”

“Me, either.”

“Well… you did say you were busy. Guess you weren’t kidding about that. This really is a bad time for you, isn’t it, Ken?”

Kent tensed up, and she swore she could feel him shaking. She winced. She hadn’t had time to warn him.

“Ikkyu.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were many ways that the Kent and Ikki meeting could have gone. And this one... it ended up being the one that fit the story best. There's still things for them to learn, and they'll have to work through things once that happens, but things are getting closer to that point.

* * *

Shin watched, the plate in his hand feeling even more awkward than before, since he hadn’t wanted to ask for it in the first place. That was all Ikki, but Shin hadn’t argued since it was a reason to stay and get this useless interview over with in one trip. Hina’s boyfriend might be a possibility, but that just meant they were wasting time talking to her.

Then again, if he was the Isora from yesterday’s accident, he was dead now, and even if he wasn’t, why the hell had he kept killing? Killing his girlfriend’s brother to keep him out of their business was one thing, but Yanachi and the others had been tortured. While Isora was abusive, it didn’t mean he’d tortured anyone, and Hina didn’t show any of the marks this guy had left on the men he’d killed, not on her face or arms, though she might have more scars they couldn’t see.

Shin couldn’t rule it out, but that wasn’t even the issue right now.

It was this damned weirdness between Kent and Ikki.

Not that it wasn’t strange as hell to Shin to think that Kokoa had actually _married_ Kent, since that uptight intellectual wasn’t exactly her type. Kent always seemed to be more in love with math than people, and though Shin had tried to ignore them, there were plenty of rumors about his coworkers, ranging from Kent being a robot or asexual to ones Shin never wanted to think about again.

Still, the proof was right in front of him, and despite all the complaining Kent had just done about her parents, she looked happy, that stress from before had faded off her, and she had a dopey smile on her face as Kent held her. Even Kent seemed pretty reluctant to let go.

Ikki might have hugged him otherwise.

“Ikki and Shin are here on a case,” Kokoa said, lifting her head up to look at Kent. “Something happened to Hina’s brother, and they had some questions for her, but you know how she is about lunch.”

Kent frowned. “I always make an excess of the recipe in case something happens to one of the pans or we have extra guests. In addition, there is extra for anyone who needs it, portions for those who need them regulated for blood sugar or other concerns, additional ones for anyone pregnant, and because it is simply easier to multiply the amount of food to prepare in such a manner over individual portions or a smaller number. I have said this before.”

“Yes, it’s all very practical, and very sweet, too, but Hina’s fears aren’t entirely rational.”

Kent nodded. “That is very true.”

“I thought there was something familiar about this,” Ikki said, looking down at his plate. “Shin said I was being stupid and nostalgic, but I wasn’t wrong. You did make this, Ken.”

Shin grunted. “Whatever. You’ve had Kent on your brain far too much since you ran into each other the other day. It’s annoying. I need a partner who actually does his job.”

“Hey, I am the reason we have two leads today, which is more than your grumpy ass can say,” Ikki said, shaking his head. “I found us Hina, and she’s already given us a few other places to look, so you can stop pretending I’m this great burden to you. I wasn’t even that bad. I just… Even you have to admit it was a little weird, Ken’s lack of number and how he restricted his parents from giving it out and all that.”

“Which makes perfect sense now that we know who his wife is and what she does for a living,” Shin said. What Kent’s mom told Ikki about the ex was true, Kokoa had admitted as much, and since they did run a shelter like this, Kent wouldn’t want his number getting out to any random person. They might be an abuser looking for their victim and harassing the owners of the shelter to get to them. Shin could accept that.

“Yeah,” Ikki said, smiling. “You, Ken, if you’re stressed… why don’t we go out for a drink sometime? Let off a bit of steam, relax… trade math puzzles again. Might help.”

“I no longer consume alcohol,” Kent said. “It interferes with my medication.”

Ikki frowned. “Medication?”

“I have a headache,” Kent said, letting go of Kokoa and starting for the door. “Excuse me.”

“Ah, Kent, wait,” Kokoa started after him and then stopped, looking back at them. “Um… just eat and I’ll be back in a bit. I… We changed the security protocols on the medication cabinet again, and I’m the only one with a key these days.”

She didn’t wait for a response, rushing out as she finished speaking.

Ikki continued to frown. “Something is still off with him. I can’t even… Medication?”

“He said headache. Good bet it’s migraines, which knowing Kent is not at all surprising,” Shin said, nudging Ikki with his plate. “Sit down and eat already.”

* * *

“ _I guess I was worried for nothing.”_

_Kent stepped backward before he realized what he was doing, bumping the hospital doors and biting back a curse as he set off the pain in his arm again. The rain had made it plague him all day, even though he’d done nothing to acerbate its condition, not even with Kokoa clinging to him whenever she could._

_He understood she needed something to ground her, the only piece of familiarity she had, and all of the bustle of the hospital itself was a bit overwhelming, and with her lacking more than a basic knowledge of the language and after what she must have been through, she was overwhelmed. He could not offer much, but he had done what he could. She’d held his good hand for most of the day, though that had not caused any real strain to the weaker limb._

“ _They said you were at the hospital today. I was so worried.”_

_Kent glared at Yuzuru, almost certain he’d done his best to encourage rumors that Kent was here for some kind of mental issue of his own. “You were not.”_

_He looked around. Though he had bumped into the door’s glass, he was in the wrong position and could not actually pass through them at the moment, much as he might want to flee back inside the hospital. Even if he could, if most of the workers here seemed to believe he was much kinder than he was and not an overly anxious, paranoid and delusional man on the edge of a breakdown, would that even be enough? Yuzuru would follow him, and Kent could not inflict this man on Kokoa in her condition._

_He should have stayed like she asked him to. Then he would not be facing Yuzuru now._

“ _You could have hurt yourself.”_

“ _I am not suicidal, despite your efforts to ruin my sanity.”_

_Yuzuru laughed. “Oh, Ken. You don’t need my help for that.”_

“ _Don’t call me that,” Kent said. That nickname was one only used by Ikkyu. It was not one that Yuzuru had any right to. “Leave me alone. I have already reported your actions to this country’s authorities. I will add this to it.”_

“ _There’s no harm in what I’m doing. I am visiting a friend.”_

“ _No, I was visiting a friend. You are harassing me.”_

_That make Yuzuru laugh. “Ken, you don’t have any friends. You might have had Ikki, once, but you’re mine now.”_

_Kent gagged. “I am not your possession. I am not anyone’s possession, not some pawn in a game you think you’re playing with Ikkyu that he doesn’t even know about. You are a delusional fool.”_

“ _Ikki doesn’t have to know about the game for me to win,” Yuzuru said. “He may not know everything we’ve shared, you and I, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know this game is being played. He does, remember? He’s never liked me.”_

“ _You started this rivalry. Ikkyu finally responded out of irritation, but you have always acted out of your inferiority to him.”_

“ _So you still think Ikki is special? Well, then. That just means you need another lesson, doesn’t it?”_

“ _We are in public. There’s video cameras and security here. If you attempt that, you will condemn yourself. You think you are such a great mind, but you are pathetic, consumed by jealousy and acting out in violence and juvenile anger. You couldn’t accept being compared to someone else, so you developed a rivalry and a hatred for Ikkyu, who mostly infuriated you by not caring about you. And then when college was done and you had nothing to show for it, you finally acted, but you did so as a coward. You are not special because you were able to to hurt me when I was drugged and caught off-guard. Your attack might have been vicious and brutal, but it was still the work of a coward. That is all you are and all you will ever be.”_

“ _Don’t fool yourself, Ken. I still have the power, and everyone thinks you’re insane.”_

“ _You do anything to me, and it proves my side of the story, not yours.” Kent could almost smile at that. “So you won’t because you are that same coward.”_

_Yuzuru moved closer, and then Kent felt a sharp stab in his side. He stared in disbelief as Yuzuru stepped back, laughing. “You really thought I wouldn’t touch you? Oh, no. We’re just getting started again, Ken. I’m far from done with you. You can’t stop this. You are mine.”_

* * *

Kokoa pushed the door to her office open, almost slamming it shut behind her in her haste before rushing over to Kent’s side, wrapping her arms around him and holding him as he shook. She’d been afraid she’d find him like this, even if he’d been almost calm for most of the conversation with Ikki and Shin. She had wanted to believe it would be okay, that maybe what Kent really needed was to see Ikki again, but it hadn’t been like that at all, was it?

He had managed to hold off his reaction for a bit, but now it was worse than she’d seen in a while. He hadn’t even reacted to her presence, and normally he would have, even if she always felt terrible when he jerked away from her. He hadn’t done that. Couldn’t he feel her? If he couldn’t… She shook her head and kept trying.

“Kent, I’m here. It’s okay. Yuzuru is dead, and he can’t hurt you. I know… I know it’s hard, and I never have the right words when it’s you somehow… I wonder if that’s because you matter so much to me, if I can be professional with others but panic over you and want to fix it faster, get so impatient because you’re so important to me… I don’t just mean how you comfort me, how you have since that day in London. I mean… I’m doing this all wrong again. Kent, listen to me, please. This is the office at the shelter. Yuzuru is not here. It’s just you and me. You’re safe. Even if Ikki’s here… he doesn’t want to hurt you. He wants your friendship back as much as you do… I hate seeing this… knowing that both of you… If Yuzuru were alive, I’d want to hurt him. Not that I could, I don’t think, but I’d want to. And I am saying all the wrong things again. I just… I love you. I’d do anything I could to take this pain from you.”

She could still feel him shaking, so she didn’t think he’d heard her.

She sighed, adjusting her position and humming instead. The words weren’t coming out right anyway, but sometimes this helped. She’d been shocked to learn he didn’t know some of the simple, common lullabies she knew, but that was before she knew his parents. She figured they were more likely to read him encyclopedias than bedtime stories. Cute, in a way, but not as comforting in her opinion, even if that was biased.

She knew that kind of thought wasn’t helping. She should try something else. He did. He somehow always found a way to help her.

“You don’t want a reminder of the past, that’s what started this, but… sometimes I think about how you gave me your hand that day when I was in the hospital. I was scared and in pain and ashamed, but you looked at me… and you held out your hand with so much hesitation, but I took it and held on for my life… and that got me through the tests and… and everything else they did. I felt stupid and dirty and guilty, and I thought of anyone you’d have the least sympathy for me, but you didn’t judge me. You just sat there, supporting me, even defending me… and you made it possible for me to start overcoming it because… if Kent could see past those mistakes and that damage… then why couldn’t I? It wasn’t even about what you’d been through… you can’t forgive yourself for that, so you didn’t use that as your reason for helping or forgiving me. You saw it so simply… so logically… you told me that regardless of my choice to go with Michio, I hadn’t chosen the drugs for him… and I hadn’t made any of those choices besides staying with him, however foolish that was, but it still didn’t mean I deserved it. Not what he did. Not what his drug dealer did. And… I wish I could do that for you. Because you’re not just some toy or pawn to be used against Ikki, and nothing you or Ikki did was wrong. Well, I shouldn’t say that because Ikki did break plenty of hearts with that three month thing, and I still think his decision to only have physical relationships was wrong, but you two… you had a special friendship. You sort of… balanced each other out. You grounded Ikki, treated him like a normal person, not a freak or someone to hate because of what his eyes did, and you challenged him to be better. He did the same for you, he gave you someone to relate to intellectually and helped you with the social and emotional stuff you weren’t good at. You were like little kids when you played your math games, and it was a side of you I didn’t expect but did think was funny and a bit cute. The fact that someone wanted to twist it and make it something wrong...”

She held tighter to Kent, and she thought maybe she felt his shaking lessen, like maybe his trembling was stopping. She hoped so. If that happened, he could rest instead of being tormented, and he always needed it after something like this.

So did she, but she barely remembered it because it was so easy to doze off with Kent holding her, and when she woke up, she usually felt a lot better. Kent could go into deeper nightmares, and it wasn’t always a good thing, though if he was still in his sleep, she believed he was not dreaming, only resting. He didn’t always admit to his dreams, but she could tell when he was trying to hide them, and he’d never seemed to have any dreams when he was sleeping still.

She grimaced. She had said she would go back to Ikki and Shin, but she couldn’t leave Kent like this, and he wouldn’t be ready for her to go for a while yet, even if he was able to fall into real sleep.

She looked down at him. “Truth is, though, I don’t actually _want_ to go. I’d rather be here with you. I just… that’s selfish of me. I’d spent all the time I could with you, even if I know that isn’t… one has to have separate interests and other friends no matter what the relationship, and time alone is important, too, but I’d rather be with you. I suppose that’s a bit codependent… we might need each other too much. I don’t know. I… I do know I love you. I just wish I knew how to say that when you were lucid and could hear me. I’m scared you’ll want to leave if I say it, and I can’t… I can’t lose you. I try and tell myself sometimes that you won’t be that upset, that our friendship is strong enough to get past that, and that we need each other, too, and all of this… it’s a natural progression. We did a few things backwards because of our situation, but if you think about it, in some ways… we have been dating all this time and love is the outcome of that… not always, but sometimes. This time. I should just get brave and ask you to marry me for real, not just this arrangement, but the whole thing. We’re so close to it now. I don’t even know that much would change. Though you’d kiss me more often. Not just when we’re with someone who expects it, but… at night and in the morning and… I want to kiss you every time you’re logical and cute, so...”

She combed her fingers through his hair. She had to tell him all of this when he was awake to hear it. She knew that. She couldn’t keep denying it or trying to keep things the same. She knew he wasn’t Michio. He wasn’t going to leave—or worse, change because he felt like her love gave him the right to do whatever he wanted. He’d told her once that if she loved him, she wouldn’t care if he did drugs because they made him happy, and when she told him how wrong that was, he’d hit her.

She’d finally understood then she had to leave him, but the next morning she couldn’t find her passport or any money. It wasn’t long after that he sold her to his dealer, and while she was pretty sure that man had her passport, she’d eventually been able to get another one through the consulate with Kent’s help.

She closed her eyes, not wanting to think about that again, either. Being trapped in another country had been terrifying, even after she got away from the drug dealer. She’d been afraid she’d be stuck there forever.

She owed Kent—and Waka—so much, and she couldn’t repay them. She just kept piling on the debt as she tried to make this shelter work.

She sighed. She still didn’t know how to make up for that.

“Oh, I did have a crazy thought. Do you think that my parents would leave us alone if we did have a baby?”

“It… did… cross… my… mind.”

She tensed. “Kent?”

* * *

“They’re so adorable,” Hina said, putting her hand on her palm and sighing, her eyes on the doorway that Kokoa and Ken had left through. “She’s so lucky.”

Shin grunted, but Ikki didn’t disagree. Sure, Ken wasn’t the best with people, but he was a good friend. He’d never treated Ikki like he was a freak and wasn’t bothered by the idea that Ikki could get any girl he wanted, including Ken’s. It wasn’t just because that was how they met—Ken didn’t hold that against him—he’d been more interested in what caused the girls to react like that. For a while, Ikki had hoped Ken would find a cure for it, but in the end, they never managed it.

Still, Ken did offer suggestions right up to when he was getting ready to leave for London.

“So it doesn’t bother you that he’s a condescending genius?”

Ikki shook his head. “That’s not what Ken is.”

“No, he’s not. Takeru was worse about it, really, being so smart. Mister Doctor’s a kind teacher. She did say he didn’t used to be as patient, but he said she helped him learn.” Hina smiled at the memory. “They’re adorable.”

Shin frowned. “Mister Doctor?”

Hina nodded. “We call him that because he’s also a doctor but of some kind of math and he gets all embarrassed when she mentions it, and since she’s ‘Doctor,’ he’s ‘Mister Doctor.’ Mister Doctor makes most of the meals for us and comes by once a week to teach us, more if you’re dumb like me.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid, Hina,” Ikki told her. “You seem plenty smart to me.”

“Oh. That’s not true, but you’re kind, too.”

“Ikki, stop flirting.”

“I am not flirting. If Ken said Hina’s scores were better than Kokoa’s, she’s a smart girl, seeing as Kokoa was the only one who got close to a passing grade on that test first time around. God, you should have seen him that night. He swore he was going to give me a math problem on the level of P versus NP and then some just to see me cry he was so frustrated. He even asked me if I’d made him do it just to humiliate him. I didn’t, but he did still threaten not to finish the course at least six times before it was over. I think Kokoa was the only one who kept him trying because she made a real effort.”

“Toma said law school was easier than Kent’s class.”

“Really?” Hina beamed an impossibly wide smile as tears came to her eyes. “That can’t be true, but it’s so kind of you to say.”

Ikki felt so bad for this poor girl. She deserved so much better. “I hate to spoil the mood, but we do need to go back to our questions about your brother.”

“Oh.”

“When was the last time you spoke to your brother?”

“Um… about a month and a half ago? It was before I came here. I called him because I wanted to know what he thought about it, but he was really preoccupied and didn’t want to talk about me or Isora. He said… he had enough on his plate with the annoying guy at work, and he almost hung up on me.”

“Annoying guy at work?”

“He never called him by name. Just ‘that guy’ or that… um… that other word for donkey plus hole.” Hina flushed red. “Sorry. I can’t say that word. That’s a bad word, and I’d get my mouth washed out with soap for it at home. Isora… he’d probably tape my mouth shut for a week.”

Ikki winced. That bastard. He’d better hope he’d been the one to die in that crash.

“Okay, Hina.” Shin stood. “We’ll let Kokoa know if we need to talk to you again. Come on, Ikki. Let’s go.”

Ikki had a feeling Shin was too pissed off to sit still after what she’d said about her ex. He probably wanted to go find the bastard and arrest him right now. Ikki wanted that as well, but he’d like to say goodbye to Ken and Kokoa first.

He walked out with Shin, wondering where they might be. He looked around, but he couldn’t tell much about the building from here, and if they’d gone through the security doors, Ikki and Shin couldn’t reach them.

Speaking of, how did they get out of here?

Shin rubbed the back of his neck. “We need to go by Yanachi’s work again.”

“Agreed.”

“And if that jerk Isora is alive, we’re arresting him.”

“Only if we get to use excessive force.”

Shin laughed.

* * *

“ _I’m sorry. I’m afraid we lost him on the CCTV.”_

_Kent swallowed. “I know who it was. Are you actually going to arrest him? Because if you will not, I’d rather you do not waste my time or bother going through the motions. I have already been through his once. I… if you will not arrest him, leave. Now. I don’t… just leave.”_

_His side was hurting, and if those detectives stayed much longer, they’d wake Kokoa. Kent didn’t want that. He’d asked to stay in her room after they were done stitching his side, and this time they had not refused despite the visitation policy._

_Still, that did not mean this would not end the same way it had in Tokyo._

“ _We sent officers round to pick him up. He’ll be taken in for questioning.”_

_Kent nodded. He supposed that was better than nothing, though he was hardly reassured. He grimaced, wishing he had not missed Waka’s contact even if he had felt it best to accompany Kokoa to the hospital. She needed treatment, and while they’d assured him she’d have a translator here, that had not been enough. She was only calm when he was present._

“ _Then I suppose there is nothing else to be done,” Kent said. He had given his statement, told them of the threat Yuzuru made, and he couldn’t do anything else now. The painkillers he’d been given were starting to work, and he was tired._

“ _We’ll contact you.”_

_Kent did not know that he believed that, but he nodded anyway. He frowned to see he’d taken hold of Kokoa’s hand and was drawing small circles on it with his finger. He hadn’t woken her, but that was not appropriate._

_He let go and took out his phone, preparing another text._ I was forced to leave without meeting your contact. It was an emergency.

Are you injured?

 _Kent almost said no, but that would be lying._ Yes. But that came later.

Explain. Now.

It would seem I am not the only one of your former employees in trouble in London. Kokoa was there. She… her boyfriend abandoned her to a bad situation, and she was too frightened to stick to English. They needed my help translating at first, and she… she needed me to stay after. She… is alone here. It seemed prudent to stay, so I did until the hospital asked me to leave today.

_No message came to that, and Kent frowned, but then his phone rang and he almost jumped out of the chair. He grimaced._

“ _I want your last message to be a lie, but you do not lie.”_

_Kent sighed. “I would rather it was a lie as well, but she is here. She’s sleeping, finally, and I do not want to wake her. She… she could not rest before, even when they were done with the… other part. She… I do not understand. How could anyone think to do this to someone like her?”_

“ _You don’t ask that about yourself?”_

“ _I annoy people easily, and I know quite well why Yuzuru is stalking me.”_

“ _I believe I should have made sure he disappeared. And I am tempted to do that to Michio as well. None of us wanted her to go with him. It was not our place to stop her, and she was stubborn enough to leave early because we were all against it, but still… I do wish I’d followed my instinct from the first time Ukyo brought him to the cafe.”_

_Kent did not want to admit that he felt the same way._

“ _How were you injured again? You said you were at the hospital.”_

“ _Yuzuru was waiting for me outside. Though I did not think he would be so bold in public, he… he went beyond taunting me and stabbed me in front of the hospital.”_

_Waka was silent for a moment. “Did the police act?”_

“ _They tell me they will arrest him.”_

“ _Let us hope that they do, but do not go anywhere alone. And I am not just talking about Kokoa. I want you to wait for my contact this time. I will make sure he gets to you, as he will set you up with a safe place for both of you to stay until we are certain Yuzuru and Michio are not a threat.”_

_Kent grimaced. “There is someone else to be concerned with.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _Michio sold her to a drug dealer.”_

“ _I will kill him.”_

“ _She seemed convinced Michio might already be dead. I do not know if that was something the drug dealer said or implied. She… she has a hard time speaking of what he did to her after she was left to him.”_

“ _Understandable. And infuriating. I dislike being helpless when my people are hurting.”_

_Kent had felt the same, hearing her story. He could not fix it or take the pain away, couldn’t make her forget or turn back time. He couldn’t help her at all._

“ _Kent.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _If Yuzuru is bold enough to attack you in public, where his face can be seen and video evidence likely exists, he is even more dangerous than before. It may be that he still believes he can get away with it—but more likely and more dangerously, he no longer cares. His obsession with you and Ikki is all that matters now. It is possible he wants to finish what he’s started with you before he goes after Ikki. I believe he will try and kill you.”_

_Kent nodded. He was convinced of that as well. “I know. He will. He… I wish to believe he will be arrested, but I do not trust that.”_

“ _You have to withdraw from the project.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _It’s not safe, and he has already poisoned that environment against you. Withdraw, stay with Kokoa, and don’t go outside until he is caught. I will have him dealt with if the police do not do their jobs, but until that happens, do not risk it. I do not want to see you dead, and you said yourself you are all Kokoa has at present. I can reach her family or friends and send them to her, but that will take time.”_

“ _Waka...”_

“ _You are my people. I won’t let you be harmed again, not if I can stop it, but that means you have to be just as willing to do as I say.”_

“ _I don’t love the idea of hiding, but I barely go out as it is. It won’t be a hardship. I just… It’s not that I feel that hiding lets him win. Letting him get to me is letting him win. I am… He attacked me twice now and I couldn’t defend myself. You can’t expect me to protect her. I… am clearly not capable of that.”_

_Kent looked over at Kokoa, hating himself for giving voice to his fear, but he could feel it… He would be the death of her if he did this, if he stayed close to her, he’d get her killed._

* * *

“Kent?”

He fought the urge to drag her close to him and not let go. That feeling was back again, and why Ikkyu’s visit had triggered it, he did not know, but he was afraid all over again that someone would hurt her because of him, even if Yuzuru was dead.

“I’m sorry.”

She shifted her position so she could help him sit up. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Kent. I didn’t warn you. I should have. I was going to text you when you got here, but… I saw them yesterday and I didn’t say anything. And they were here this morning. I knew they would be back. I didn’t say anything. It’s my fault. I’m the one that’s sorry.”

He frowned. “You… saw them yesterday?”

She nodded, looking guilty as a tear rolled down her cheek. “I didn’t want you to know I lost Waka’s donation form, so I went to get a copy from Meido No Hitsuji, and they were there. I… Shin accused me of marrying Michio and I got mad at him, and that was why I really was upset and I lied to you about it and I’m so sorry… I just… you’d reacted so badly to Ikki talking to your mom that I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you hurting again.”

He reached for her. “I understand. You did not want to worry me. I often have the same instinct to withhold information from you. I… I likely would not have told you of my incident following that meeting with Ikkyu if Waka had not insisted on driving me to the shelter.”

She sighed. “Kent… I know I can’t help you like Waka does, but I don’t want you to think you have to keep that from me. I don’t think any less of you. I… How much of what I said did you hear?”

He put a hand to his head. “Um… I only remember the part about your parents. I… I have had similar thoughts, but I dislike the idea of having a child merely to appease them. If we were to have a child, it should be because it is a natural progression of our relationship, not because they won’t stop trying to interfere.”

“I agree. I want having kids to be our decision. Well, if we had one we didn’t completely plan for, I’d be okay with that, too, since we would still love them.”

Kent hesitated to point out that for them to have a child in an unplanned manner, their current relationship would have to change. He was not opposed to that, but he did not think she wanted it, so he would not correct that particular thought.

“I should probably make sure that Ikki and Shin found their way out.” She grimaced. “I hope they’re not waiting for me.”

“For us, you mean.” Kent knew Ikkyu would not leave without saying goodbye, and that meant he would have to face him again. “It may be better just to get this over with.”

“Are you sure? You just came out of it, and that one was bad. You wouldn’t stop shaking.”

Kent knew he’d worry her, but she had just been hurt by his admission that he would have kept something from her, and he did not want her keeping something like this from him again. He would have preferred to know that Ikkyu had been there yesterday, and today he would not have come if he’d known Ikkyu was present.

“For some reason, the time when Yuzuru stabbed me at the hospital was replaying itself.”

She tugged him close and held on. “I don’t want you to go out there. I want to keep you in here where nothing can hurt you.”

“That is a bit excessive.”

“I know. I just...”

“And impractical. This room does not even have facilities in case one needs to relieve oneself.”

She laughed, and he reached over to touch her cheek. He much preferred getting her to laugh over making her cry. He hated seeing her tears. She leaned into his hand with a smile. “It feels so good when you do that. I wish you would never stop.”

“I think I may have to point out the impracticality of that as well.”

She nodded. “Okay. Let’s go together. We’ll see them off and probably call it a day unless there’s some kind of an emergency.”

“That sounds wise.”

“Ooh, such high praise from you. I wish I’d recorded it.”

“It’s not that rare for me to compliment you. I actually enjoy doing so when I can manage not to make a fool of myself doing it.”

“You never look foolish to me.”

“Now that is a lie.”

She smiled again, giving his cheek a quick kiss before she rose, holding out her hand to him. He could barely bring himself to take it, as surprised as he was by her actions. She had no idea what she was doing to him right now.

* * *

“There you are,” Ikki said, greeting Kent and Kokoa with another annoying smile. “Feeling any better?”

“Not particularly, no,” Kent said, and he did look like he was leaning a bit on Kokoa for support.

“Migraine, huh?” Shin shook his head. That wasn’t really important right now. They’d only waited because Ikki was stubborn even when they had leads and needed to track down that bastard ex of Hina’s. “We’ve finished with our questions for Hina, at least for now. There’s a chance her ex killed her brother, which might mean we’ll be back. And I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but don’t go reminding her of that chance. We don’t know enough at this point, and there’s still a chance her Isora is the same Isora from that traffic accident.”

“You don’t have to remind me. I won’t go scaring Hina, and I don’t want her blaming herself for her brother’s death. She already blames herself for everything as it is.”

“That is true. She tried to take the blame when the pen was out of ink. And again when the pencil broke. It was ridiculous.”

“I think that’s more than a migraine,” Ikki said, frowning. “Is something wrong with your arm, Ken? You look like it’s bothering you.”

Kent tensed. “I… It… I believe it will rain soon. That tends to bother it.”

“Another reason why we are checking in with Yui and going home early,” Kokoa said, looking up at him. “You need to rest. We’ll make a plan for dealing with my parents so you don’t have to put up with them again. Hmm. Maybe we should talk to your parents. It’s been a while since we had dinner with them, so maybe tomorrow night?”

“I think I know what my mother will say, and I do not need dinner for her to tell me that.” Kent smiled slightly. “I think I will just tell your parents if they wish to buy back the company, they can, but if not… well… It will go for a profit, and we can use that money to establish a trust for the non-profit here. I’d rather do that anyway. And if they push… this is a far better legacy than theirs ever was.”

Kokoa wiped at her cheek. “You always say such wonderful things.”

“I do not. That’s just—oof.” Kent almost looked like she’d knocked the wind out of him when she hugged him, but he smiled and closed his eyes as he held her.

“Hina’s right. You two are adorable,” Ikki said, and they both looked back at him, pulling apart awkwardly. “I wasn’t saying that to make you stop.”

“I’m glad you did. I don’t need to be present for that.”

Ikki rolled his eyes. “Don’t let him get to you. He’s just jealous. Toma told me Shin used to have a crush on Kokoa when they were kids, so… you know...”

“You son of a—”

“I believe you should leave before this turns to violence,” Kent said. “You will disturb the residents, and that behavior has a zero-tolerance policy here. Please leave.”

“I wasn’t actually going to hit him,” Shin said, though he wouldn’t say he might not do it later, when no one was around to see him deck Ikki like he deserved. “If we find out anything about Isora, we’ll let you know.”

“Thank you,” Kokoa said. “I almost hope he did die in the car accident so Hina doesn’t have to worry about him anymore.”

“We’re going to arrest him,” Ikki said. “I don’t know if she told you what she told us, but trust me, we are locking that bastard up. And let me know what I can do to help, okay? I’m really not kidding about that. I want to do something.”

“Donations are fine,” Kent said. “There will likely always be money issues, but food is necessary. I’d also mention clothing, but we are talking about you, Ikkyu, so no.”

“Hey, I can dress ladies in more than sexy underwear.”

“I don’t even want to know,” Kent said. He frowned and reached into his pocket, taking out a phone. He swallowed, and Kokoa took it from him, also frowning. “That is...”

“It’s a wrong number,” she said. “It has to be. We don’t know it, and that’s such a weird thing to say. Let’s just go home, okay?”

Kent nodded, but he didn’t take his phone back, and he rubbed his arm again, pushing up his coat enough to catch his shirt with it. Shin himself was frowning now. That scar on Kent’s wrist… that looked unpleasantly familiar.

“Come on, Shin. Let’s get going. If Isora’s not dead, we have a long night ahead of us tracking him down. And if he is… well, we still have a long night ahead of us.”

Shin nodded, following Ikki toward the door and trying to ignore the suspicion rising in his mind.

* * *

“I didn’t ask Kent for his number,” Ikki said. “Damn it.”

Shin grunted, and Ikki looked over at him with a frown, not entirely sure how to read that one. Was that Shin didn’t want to hear any more about Kent? He wanted to focus on the case? Or he was still smarting over Kokoa choosing Kent and not him?

“I’m not sure he would have given it to you.”

Ikki almost slammed on the brakes. “What?”

“You were so happy he was talking to you that you were willing to write it off, and so was I at first, but he gave you the brush off not once but twice. He refused to go out for a drink with you—doesn’t matter if he doesn’t do alcohol. He could have said coffee or something else instead, but he didn’t. He told you donations, not volunteering even though it’s clear they don’t have enough help around there. And when you asked him a direct question about his arm, he sidestepped it and barely gave you any information about it. Yeah, the rain bothers it, but _why?_ We know Kent didn’t do sports. So what happened to his arm? What gave him that scar?”

Ikki frowned. “I don’t remember the scar.”

“You were too busy gloating over provoking me.”

“Okay, what made you go from ‘friendships change’ and ‘he’s just busy’ and ‘he’s got a migraine’ to super suspicious Shin mode?” Ikki demanded. He’d start to have doubts of his own if he let Shin get to him, and maybe this was just his revenge for what Ikki had said about Shin’s crush on Kokoa—which wasn’t a lie, though Shin had long since moved on—so he didn’t really want to analyze it, but if Shin was right, then Ken was still shutting Ikki out, and Ikki still had no idea why. “The whole ‘she’s my ex’ theory doesn’t work, either, since Kokoa and I never dated and she’s immune to my eyes. So what exactly do you think this is, Shin? When Ken’s mad at me, I can tell, and that was not the vibe I got from him today. You heard him about Kokoa’s parents—he was mad at them, not me.”

Shin shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe you got to me first with your whole ‘Ken hasn’t published anything’ fears.”

Ikki thought about that. “Well… Kent’s mom said he wasn’t very self-sufficient in London. And I used to say it, too. He needed a keeper. He can cook, but he forgot to more often than he did. And he’d get so caught up in research he wouldn’t sleep, either. It wouldn’t be too hard to believe he overdid it in London, and then when he met Kokoa again and she wanted to do this… well, Ken’s more sentimental than people give him credit for. He’d drop everything for someone he loved. I saw him do it for his parents before. He had a big presentation due on the same day his mom needed documents for court, but he went and took them to her and very nearly failed the course because of it. And if Kent dropped out of research like he seems to have done, him not publishing anything makes sense, too. He’s not with a research facility. He’s managing a business—and he sounds like he hates it, but he’d do it for someone he cared about and a good cause.”

Shin nodded. “So then maybe it’s nothing. Let’s just find Isora. I want to deal with that bastard if he’s not already dead.”

Ikki nodded. “It’s too late to go by Yanachi’s work now. We can do that in the morning.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokoa tries to comfort Kent and remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to show a bit of how things became the way they were for Kent and Kokoa in terms of relying on each other, and how she started healing a bit, and when she said what she does to Kent, I knew that had to be included in the story. I did have other versions of how Kokoa met Yuzuru in my head, but this one fits the best and is huge for how she started moving on again.

* * *

 “I… I have no appetite.”

Kokoa winced, though she was not entirely surprised to hear that. She locked their door behind her and turned back to face Kent, hoping she didn’t look as worried as she felt. She knew that Kent wasn’t holding back, and that was good, but at the same time, she couldn’t help her concern. Kent not being able to eat was never good. Yes, he got caught up in work or research and forgot sometimes, but this was different.

“This isn’t because Ikki ate some of your food, is it?” Kokoa asked, moving toward him. “Or is it because I said something about dinner with your parents? I know sometimes that’s stressful for you because you haven’t told them about Yuzuru or your PTSD, but it’s usually okay in spite of that. Your parents care so much about you and you and your dad have those discussions that go right over my head, while your mom sneaks me aside either for girl time she doesn’t seem to be able to acknowledge she wants or to fuss over you. I think she misses when you lived with them. And… that letting them think you came back to Tokyo and gave up research because we got married… she’s a bit worried you can’t do as much on your own as you can. Every time I remind her you make most of the meals, she relaxes a little, since you’d research all the nutritional facts and wouldn’t get poor ingredients, but she still fusses all the same. She seems to think you’ve lost weight, which I haven’t noticed… You feel just as good if not better when I hold you at night or any other time, so...”

Kent frowned. “I… Better? I must admit I am getting a bit less exercise than before, since I haven’t been able to spend as much time at the shelter as I used to and walking back and forth was a large part of the routine I had for exercise. And I haven’t actually met with Waka for… that other business for a while, either.”

She frowned. “You’re not ashamed to have taken self-defense lessons from Waka, are you?”

Kent closed his eyes with a wince, and she moved toward him, holding on tight. He wasn’t really punishing himself for that, was he? And for how long? Had she really missed that?

“You are the strongest person I know.”

Kent snorted. “I am not. You know that I have been a victim more than once and I—”

“No, you are so strong,” she said, reaching up to touch his face. “You lived through what he did to you here, and you stayed strong as he tried to terrorize you in London, and while that was at its worst, you… you came and supported me. You were struggling with so much, and you still gave me everything you had and everything I needed to believe I could get past what Michio and that man did. I have never felt unsafe by your side.”

Kent shook his head. “You can’t say that. You know that I… I actually put you in danger… You came face-to-face with that monster because of me.”

Kokoa winced. She wanted to deny that, though it wasn’t entirely untrue. “I’m glad I went.”

“What?”

“At the time, I was scared but everything scared me because of Michio and how badly he betrayed me and I was afraid that drug dealer would find me and claim me as his again, you know I was… and I was terrified so when you had to go there in person that day, I begged you not to go without me because even with Waka’s friend watching that apartment he gave us, I didn’t feel safe without you… and I… I’ve never forgotten how awful Yuzuru was. I can’t. I just… I am glad I went now because… because I was able to tell those idiots they were wrong to believe him over you and because… you weren’t alone dealing with him for once… it wasn’t much, what I said… but it was still important to me. I… I found a voice that day for you, and I didn’t have one for myself, but because I could do that for you… I was bold enough yesterday to where Shin noticed, and I never really stood up to him or Toma before. I let them cover over their fights or made them stop with tears, but I didn’t ever say that I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be fought over. What people don’t understand is that it’s not about having everyone in the world love you… you want them to _understand_ you. Toma and Shin both thought they knew what was best for me, and maybe they did, but I needed to figure that out for myself, not have it be told to me. And I hated being called ‘dummy’ by Shin but I never stood up to him and told him to stop. I let Toma do that for me, but not anymore. Not now. I… I can speak up for myself and for all those girls in the shelter because I did it for you first.”

Kent pulled her close to him, holding on tight. She thought he mumbled something into her shoulder, but she couldn’t tell what he said. She just held onto him and hoped he could somehow feel how much she loved him since she was still afraid to say it.

* * *

“ _Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.”_

_Kokoa stopped in the doorway, watching Kent pace. He looked agitated, and she bit her lip as she continued to stand there like an idiot. She didn’t know what else to do. Though most of her injuries had healed up before she left the hospital, she couldn’t go anywhere. She didn’t want to, had even hidden in her room for an entire day. Kent left her food she didn’t eat, and he eventually asked to come in because he was worried, but he hadn’t pushed like Michio would have._

_He’d have broken the door._

_Kent was different, and she’d quickly found she didn’t mind sharing this space with him. Kent respected her privacy, though he asked her often if she needed anything, and sometimes she thought he felt more anxious about being with her than she did about being with him._

_It wasn’t that she wasn’t aware that Kent was a man. Even though he never went around naked or half-naked, he was so much taller and sturdier than her that she couldn’t forget what he was, but somehow that didn’t bother her._

_Kent didn’t bother her._

_The man Waka sent to help her… that guy scared her, and she’d embarrassed herself horribly by crying until she passed out, never once letting go of Kent. He kept telling her it was fine, but she knew it wasn’t fine._

_Waka’s friend did keep his distance after that, though._

_She touched her hand to her dress, twisting it in the fabric. She didn’t like this one, even though it would have been one she’d have worn before this happened. Michio had told her he loved the way she looked in one like it, and he’d painted it, too. She sometimes thought of that moment as the last of her innocence, as everything else was shattered and tarnished by the time she spent with him. She never wanted to see that painting again._

_She wanted to buy it and burn it, but she didn’t have any money. She didn’t have a passport. She was completely reliant on Kent and Waka._

_If Kent was any other kind of man, he’d have used that against her. She already lived through that once. She didn’t want to do it again._

“ _Kent?”_

_He started, looking over at her. “Oh. You… you’re out of your room today. I’m sorry. I… I have been a bit busy this morning and did not make breakfast yet. Would you like something?”_

_She shook her head. She wasn’t hungry. “I don’t want anything. I just… is something wrong?”_

_Kent grimaced, reaching up to take off his glasses. “No. Yes. I… it is not something I wish you to concern yourself with.”_

“ _Oh.”_

_He flinched. “Don’t… that’s… I’m sorry. That… please don’t look like that. I didn’t say that to upset you. I didn’t even realize it would.”_

“ _You’re my friend,” she said, and he stared at her in disbelief. “I want to be concerned. Can I help at all? You’ve done so much for me… I want to do something.”_

_He sighed. “No. It’s not… This is… I have to go in person to formally end my tenure with this research firm, that’s all. I do not wish to, and I don’t understand why written notice is not enough. I simply do not wish to go, that’s all.”_

“ _This isn’t… is this because of me? Kent, you don’t have to give up your work to stay with me. I admit I’m… Okay, the idea of you going out that door scares me, which you know because I was a horrible mess when you left for ten minutes to talk to Waka’s friend about groceries and I’m sorry I did that but I—”_

“ _You do not have to apologize. You didn’t know I was leaving. The door opening and closing… I should have considered its effect on you.”_

_She wanted to hold onto him again. “That’s very considerate of you, but it wasn’t that. I was afraid you were going away for good. That you’d only stayed around to get me settled and were leaving since I wasn’t hiding in my room all the time anymore.”_

“ _I would not leave without discussing it with you first. And… it is not currently possible.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _I do not wish to involve you in my problems,” Kent told her. He forced a smile. “I’ve contacted Shamus, and he’s already agreed to drive me over there. I just don’t want to go, that’s all.”_

“ _I want to go with you.”_

_Kent stared at her. “No.”_

“ _Yes. I know I shouldn’t ask, but I have to ask. I have to beg. I don’t want you to go anywhere without me. I’ll go insane waiting for you to come back, worrying that you won’t… I know it doesn’t make sense… it’s not logical like you are… but you feel safe… nothing else does… and I can’t stay here alone. Please don’t make me do that. Please.”_

_She threw herself at him, sobbing, and Kent held onto her, letting out a sigh._

“ _I… I should not do this, but… I… I have an appointment, and I cannot cancel again, I already have too many times… I… I don’t know what else to do. I… You’ll have to come along at least in the car. Yes. That much can be done.”_

* * *

_Kokoa looked up at the building in a bit of awe. Kent worked there? That place was impressive. She didn’t know how he could give this up for her, and she shouldn’t let him do it. She was sure she was still all red and puffy from crying earlier. She must look awful, but somehow she didn’t care. She only cared that Kent had allowed her to come._

“ _This here’s it,” Shamus said, turning around to look back at him. “Another English highfalutin monstrosity she be. Pompous bastards. You sure you want to go in there, boyo?”_

“ _It is necessary. I’ll sign the papers and end this.”_

“ _Kent, you don’t have to give up your research for me,” Kokoa said. “Please don’t. I… I’ve already imposed enough on you. I can’t let you do this.”_

“ _You didn’t tell her? Oh, you’re making right bags of this one,” Shamus said, and she frowned, not understanding him. Was her English that bad? Why would he say bags?_

“ _It is not your concern,” Kent said, frustrated. “I do not—you are not to blame for this. I… Circumstances already forced this decision upon me, and they have nothing to do with you. I promise. Now stay here with Shamus. I’ll be as quick as I can.”_

“ _No.” Kokoa grabbed hold of Kent again. She knew this wasn’t fair, but she didn’t even know what Shamus was saying half the time, and that alone was frightening, but she didn’t want Kent to go in there and quit for her sake. If he was doing that, she had to be there to stop him._

“ _She’s a right stubborn one, same as you,” Shamus said. “Look, Waka won’t like it, but if you still insist on being an eejit and going in without me, take the lass with you. Less of a chance of that dosser getting to you if you’re not alone.”_

“ _That is not—”_

“ _Please,” Kokoa said, though she still wasn’t sure of what was going on. “Just take me with you. I’ll be good for the rest of the day and not ask you for anything, but if you leave me… I…”_

“ _You are allowed to ask for anything you need.”_

“ _Take your own advice, why don’t ya? You are in just as much need of help as she is.”_

“ _Enough, Shamus. Let’s go, Kokoa. The sooner this is done, the sooner… well, no, that I don’t actually know, but… we’ll discuss that with Waka later. I do want to help you get home even if I can’t go back to Tokyo.”_

_She frowned, watching Kent get out of the car._

_Shamus tapped her on the shoulder, and she shrieked._

“ _Easy now. I just… you be careful. Both of you. The police didn’t find the man who stabbed him, and he hasn’t told you about it, but he’s in trouble, don’t think he’s not, so you be careful. Anything happens, you come to me. I’ll deal with it.”_

_She frowned again, but Kent leaned back in, worried, and she grabbed hold of him before he could try and make her stay._

* * *

_Kokoa held tight to Kent even as he opened the door and walked into the room. She gulped and ducked behind him after seeing all those men sitting at the table. Why so many? He said he just had to sign papers, right?_

_Was Shamus right and Kent was lying to her? No, Kent didn’t lie. She knew that. She’d seen him try to before, with Ikki and even customers, and it just wasn’t who he was._

“ _I’d like to sign those papers now,” Kent said. “I do not understand why this had to be done in front of a committee. It did not seem like you wanted me to return, so why all of this? No, do not bother answering. Just give me the papers.”_

_Another door opened, and she felt Kent tense up, his hand now gripping hers so hard she couldn’t help being worried. She looked around him at the man who’d just walked in. She knew him from somewhere, didn’t she?_

“ _What are you doing here?” Kent asked. “I… they’re looking for you to arrest you, and you can just walk in here like nothing happened? No. Not again.”_

“ _Ken, while I know you’re under a lot of stress, you have to stop coming up with stories. The police aren’t looking for me.”_

“ _No. I know they are. Not only did I speak to them, but Waka’s friend has been in contact with them several times. And you can’t go saying you didn’t do anything. You were on the security cameras. That is no story, no exaggeration. Security at the hospital chased after you. The police were going to arrest you. This…”_

“ _I think you have some kind of… delusion about what happened to you at the hospital. Clearly you shouldn’t have left if this is what you believe happened.”_

“ _What I believe happened? You stabbed me in front of the doors. People saw you. The cameras recorded it. This is not a delusion.”_

“ _You need help. You’re not well. Making up friends to visit instead of admitting to your problems, claiming you were stabbed—”_

“ _He was stabbed,” Kokoa said, stepping around in front of Kent. “He shouldn’t have to take off his shirt and show you, but he could if he had to. And he didn’t make up any friends. He was there at the hospital to see me. He… he came and stayed by my side all day until I fell asleep. I woke up when they were checking his stitches, so I know he was stabbed. You’re the one who’s lying.”_

“ _Kent, who is this woman?”_

“ _She shouldn’t be here. This is a sensitive area—”_

“ _If you can bring Yuzuru in after all I have said, I see no reason why Kokoa can’t be present,” Kent said. “Though I have no desire to prolong this. Just give me the paperwork you insisted on having me sign here.”_

_Kokoa refused to hide behind Kent even as they continued to stare at her. She didn’t understand. She knew enough English to be sure she’d said the right thing. Maybe she’d mixed in a bit of Japanese for the words she didn’t know, but it shouldn’t be that hard to understand what she meant, not if all these people were smart like Kent._

“ _We are concerned. What Yuzuru said has us worried about you and your mental health, Kent.”_

“ _The only reason you have any reason to think there’s cause for concern is him,” Kent said. “I do not understand why you insist on believing him over me—is it his money? His father? I don’t care anymore. I just want the paperwork to end this. I am done here.”_

“ _If you’re making up stories—”_

“ _Kent is the most logical, practical man I’ve ever known,” Kokoa said. “He wouldn’t make up stories. Most people would say he wouldn’t even know how to do that. Those people probably haven’t seen him joking around with Ikki, either, but that doesn’t mean that he would lie about this. Kent doesn’t lie. Kent is the most honest, decent man I’ve ever known. He can be rude and pompous because he’s smart, but he’s gentle and kind. He wouldn’t do what you’re saying. If Kent said that man hurt him, that’s because he did. And I don’t doubt it because it is Kent. Not for a second do I doubt what Kent said. I suppose it helps I remember him now. He’d come into the cafe and heckle Ikki while he was working. He hated Ikki.”_

“ _I understand you want to defend your friend—”_

“ _I shouldn’t have to,” she said, still not sure why this was happening. “You’re supposed to be smart men, right? Smart men who do important research, but all I see is a bunch of idiots.”_

“ _Kokoa—”_

“ _It’s funny because I’ve never been smart before, not really. I was in school, and I was going to be a psychologist, but I’m not that smart. I know that. And yet, right now, after all that stupid stuff I did and how badly it hurt me being that dumb, I am standing in this room the smartest person here because I actually believe Kent. You’re the fools. And I’m glad Kent no longer has to work for you. I came in here to stop him from signing those papers, but I understand now. And you will probably regret this someday, you should, but even if you don’t, I get to know that I didn’t do anything wrong. It was you being the real idiots.”_

_Kent put a hand on her shoulder. “You should probably stop.”_

_She looked up at him, suddenly aware she was crying. “I don’t… I’d defend you with my last breath, Kent. And I know you’d do the same for me. I’m lucky to know you. I know that now.”_

_He gave her a troubled smile, touching his hand to her head for a moment. “I still think you should have waited in the car with Shamus.”_

_She shook her head, tempted to hold onto him again. She’d never said anything like that, not to Shin or Toma when they teased her, not to her parents, not to Michio even when he was at his worst, but she’d just stood up to a room full of smart men who would have scared her half to death yesterday. She didn’t understand it, not completely, but somehow she’d done it to protect Kent, and it felt good._

_Kent looked back at the men at the table. “If you will not give me the papers to sign, then a lawyer will be in contact with you. I will have no further dealings with any of you.”_

“ _Ken, you are overreacting. Everyone’s just concerned.”_

_Kent faced Yuzuru. “You are not concerned. You stabbed me in front of a hospital and walked away laughing, gloating about what you’d done. You do not care.”_

“ _If someone did stab you in front of a hospital, it could be argued they knew you’d be in a position to get good medical care, but I did not do that, and you know it.”_

“ _What I know is that I have reported your actions to the police and will be contact with them again.” Kent switched to Japanese as he continued on. “And if you come near me again, I will not wait for them to act.”_

“ _If you were stabbed in front of a hospital, you cannot defend yourself.”_

“ _That may not even be necessary,” Kent said with a grim smile. “I believe the man overseeing our safety is a former Irish terrorist. You do seem foolish enough to risk provoking him, but while you are a pathetic amateur, a bully who hurts others to feel good about himself, that man is a trained killer. I doubt that risk is acceptable to a coward like you.”_

“ _You’re the coward, going off and hiding.”_

_Kokoa knew that was for her sake. Kent was protecting her._

“ _Actually, it is easier to defend a fortress than wage open war,” Kent said. “But then you were always bad at games of strategy.”_

_Kokoa shivered. She’d never thought Kent could be dangerous, but right now, he did seem threatening. She knew Toma and Shin complained about Kent when they played games. Kent’s strategy was brutal, Toma had said._

“ _You won’t do anything.”_

“ _If that’s true, then your game still ends. You can’t win if I refuse to play.”_

_Kokoa knew she probably shouldn’t say it, but she did anyway. “My money would be on Kent.”_

_Yuzuru glared at her, but she smiled, and Kent almost dragged her away from him. They walked to the car in silence, and Kent opened the door for her. She sat down, giving Shamus a smile. He frowned at her, but he didn’t say anything before Kent climbed in, almost slamming the door shut behind him._

_He pulled her close to him, surprising her._

“ _You are so brave. Too brave. Why are you so brave? If he does anything to you because of this… I don’t… I almost wish… You… oh, hell...”_

_And somehow, even though she’d been the one crying before they went inside, it was Kent who held onto her now, shaking as he did._


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shin's still suspicious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote the Shin scene at the end of this chapter first, or started it at least, but then I needed to go back and fill in some from the night before, so this ended up long with the flashbacks and all.

* * *

 “Well, he got off easy,” Shin said, and Ikki nodded, closing the accident report’s file and setting it down on his desk. He leaned back in his chair, stretching. He wasn’t entirely disappointed, since he was glad that Hina would never deal with Isora again. She was safe from him, and if this creep was their killer, then it was over.

Of course, it wasn’t like they could just assume Isora had killed Yanachi or anyone else. They didn’t have forensics to link him, just a possible motive for one death. True, he could have had that silly idea that he could cover over what he did by killing others, but somehow Ikki doubted that.

“I wanted to arrest him.”

“Would have been nice to be able to talk to him for elimination if nothing else,” Ikki said. “I suppose we should ask Toma—do we have to do anything special to look through this guy’s apartment? We have a bit of probable cause, since he could be a killer and we know he was abusing Hina, and he is dead. I’m just not sure where that falls. I think we can just go do it, but this late in the day, my brain goes fuzzy on laws. And it doesn’t help that you had to go ruining the moment back in the car.”

Shin grimaced. “Look, I don’t really want to be obsessing over what Kent did or didn’t do or what is going on with him. He’s not my problem. He wasn’t even my problem when we worked together—except if he missed a shift, which was pretty rare for him.”

Ikki nodded. That much was true. Ken tended to be punctual if he wasn’t sidetracked by research, and he rarely missed a day, since he didn’t get sick often and had a good work ethic. “I know. And I don’t want to believe Ken is lying or that he… it’s Ken. If he’s that mad at me or he hates me, why wouldn’t he just say it? He did say it was a bad time, but we heard why it’s a bad time. His in-laws sound like real pains in the ass.”

“They are,” Shin agreed, and Ikki frowned. “Toma and I didn’t just hang out with her because we all lived in the same neighborhood. We hung out with her because her parents never had and never would win parents of the year awards. They had that business, and it was all that ever mattered to them. It was like… they took time to pop out a kid, found out it was a girl and not the boy they needed, and couldn’t be bothered to have another or watch over the one they had. They were always dumping her on Toma’s parents or mine. They didn’t want her doing college, but if she had to, they wanted it for business, not psychology, and she was supposed to come home and marry some jackass they picked out for her if she didn’t get high enough marks. That was why she took Kent’s math class. She was terrified of bombing her own class, so she got help. She worked at Meido No Hitsuji because they wouldn’t pay for anything besides tuition and board, and when I look back on it now… I’m not surprised she ran off with the first guy who lied and said he loved her because those two sure as hell didn’t.”

Ikki winced. He felt bad for her, but then he always had a little back when they worked at the cafe together. His fan club didn’t like her because she was immune to him, and she’d been so innocent she made Ikki feel like a dirty old man. It wasn’t hard to see how Michio got his claws into her. He’d pretended to give her everything she was missing and swept her clear off her feet.

“At least she has Ken now.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t like it? You don’t trust him with her? This because you’re suspicious of him now, or are you still—”

“She left. I got over her, okay? I’m not pining. If one of us was going to, it would be Toma, not me. I am fine. I think it’s a little weird, yeah, not gonna lie. Kent’s one of those intellectual snobs, and she lacked common sense half the time.”

“You don’t give her enough credit, Shin. Kokoa was smart enough to do Ken’s course and stick with it.” Ikki didn’t think Shin was completely out of that protective brother mode even if he was over the other part. “She was nice to Ken without a reason, and believe me, the amount of people who were is a small number. You don’t know how much crap he had to put up with because he was my friend. And a genius. He wasn’t a snob as much as… look, you said her parents were a large part of why she did what she did, but so are Ken’s. They taught him to value knowledge and logic—and _efficiency._ It wasn’t efficient to have emotions or friendships or even basic pleasantries. He’d rather skip them and focus on whatever he needed to do. He was raised with the idea that your genetics lead you to your proper biological mate.”

“I don’t even want to know, do I?”

Ikki snorted. “Relax, Shin. All that meant was that Ken figured he didn’t have to waste time dating and looking for romance because when it was time, he’d meet his genetic match. He noticed women—I know he did because I’d tease him every time, but he’d remind me that it was a waste of time and he didn’t need emotions cluttering his life and went back to focusing on research.”

Shin shook his head. “It’s still messed up, Ikki.”

“Yeah, but we’re talking pot and kettle here, so...” Ikki shrugged. “I always figured when Ken fell, he’d fall hard because he had no idea what he was getting into and it would blindside him like a truck. He probably had no idea it would be Kokoa even if I know he thought she was cute. And he would have rationalized that using his mind to help her run that shelter wasn’t impractical but for the greater good, so… yeah.”

“I can’t believe we’re discussing Kent’s love life,” Shin said, rising with a grimace. “I’ll text Toma about Isora’s place and if we’ll need a warrant for court. He’ll have it ready if we do.”

“And Yanachi’s work is closed.”

“We can meet at Isora’s in the morning.”

“Sounds good. Night, Shin.”

* * *

“You’re not sleeping.”

Kent sighed, not wanting to face her. She wasn’t wrong, but he would rather she was unaware of that right now. He did not want to close his eyes. He knew that the dreams would come again, and they wouldn’t even be ones of his own past. He could see Yuzuru hurting her. He didn’t want to do that again. Each time, they seemed to be worse than before.

She wrapped her arms around his back. “I really am sorry I didn’t tell you they were at the shelter. I could have at least warned you they stopped by in the morning looking for Hina. Then you would have known that they’d be back. I didn’t want to upset you, but it would have been better than you having no warning at all.”

He covered her hand with his. “It would have been difficult even with warning, and I… I still would have wanted to see you after my altercation with your parents. If nothing else, I had to tell you what I was thinking of telling them.”

“I’m glad you came to me,” she said. “I want to be able to help you as much as you’ve helped me. And… I missed you. I know it’s stupid, we’ve lived this way for a while now where we have our own schedules and we can’t be together all the time, but… I’d actually really like it if you could sell the business and be at the shelter with me all the time. You’ve seen that sign on the building next to us, right?”

“Yes.” The space next to them was up for lease, and he had been trying to determine if they could find a way to manage the expansion. He’d like to, since they could use more housing as well as a better infirmary space and possibly a full-time nurse, not just a few volunteers on rotation. All the staff had basic first aid training at least, but some of the women needed much more than that.

“If we had it, you could have lab space again.”

He turned to face her, surprised. “You… were thinking of a lab for me? I...”

“You gave up so much to make this possible,” she said, touching his cheek. “And don’t think that it wasn’t important just because Yuzuru had forced you to leave that research firm and they were idiots anyway. You could have found another place to work that would have let you do that, but instead you’ve had to deal with my parents and their ridiculousness, and you are good at the business, you are, but it was never what you wanted. And I should never have asked you to do it.”

He frowned. “Kokoa, I don’t regret helping you. I admit I hate the business, but helping you was not a mistake. When I think of the women who have passed through those doors, the children… I know that the value of that isn’t calculated in raw data or their numbers but in what you’ve given them that cannot be measured. It… it matters in a way I did not understand before, no matter how opposed I was to violence in general and abuse as an abstract. I would not condone what those men did, but not condoning it is not the same as actively working against it. Research does not do that. Your work does.”

She smiled, though he saw tears again. “I know, but… I think about what you could have made by now and how smart you are and… I think about the things you have done for the shelter already… the floor plans that are so efficient… and I think… it’s such a shame you’re wasted on my parents’ business. If they could run it, it doesn’t need you.”

He laughed. “Kokoa...”

She put her head down on his chest. “It’s a terrible thing to say about them. Or any of the other managers, but I do think you could do better. And you more than proved you could, but if they’re not willing to accept that—or you—by now, then… screw them.”

“What?”

“They don’t deserve you. I don’t, but they really don’t. If they still can’t see that, then I don’t think… they’re not honoring the agreement, so why should we? If they want the business so bad, they can buy it back and good riddance. We’re done. I’m tired of that place mattering more than I do. I won’t let them take the shelter from me. And I won’t let them hurt you again.”

He frowned. “I wasn’t actually—”

“I don’t want to marry anyone else. I will never marry anyone else,” she said, and he could only swallow, unable to control his reaction to those words. “I want you. Only you.”

Kent combed his fingers through her hair. Being a security blanket for life was hardly the most flattering idea of marriage, but he accepted it. His presence made her feel safe, and that was enough for him. “I did not believe you would.”

“I mean it, though. I don’t… they’re not going to change my mind. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I...”

“Shh. You don’t need to get worked up over this. I will tell them what we’ve discussed. Now please rest. You have a lot to do tomorrow since you wanted to have at least Sunday off.”

“It’s important.”

He held her close. “It will still be there in the morning. That you have told me many times.”

She nodded. “I know. I just… Now I don’t know if I’ll ever say it.”

“Then it either does not need to be said or will keep until you can. Please sleep. I’d feel better if you did.”

“It’s not fair because I will probably be out in minutes,” she whispered. “I love listening to your heartbeat when we lie like this.”

“It is equitable. I enjoy holding you like this.”

She made a noise not unlike a cat purring in contentment and snuggled closer to him. He held on and hoped that having her here would keep those nightmares at bay for once.

* * *

“ _I’m not sure how to untangle you,” Shamus said, looking down at them. Kent grimaced, aware he’d made a rather pathetic display after what Kokoa did for him at the firm. He could not believe he’d clung to her like that. That was inappropriate, and after what she’d been through, he must have upset her, but he hadn’t been able to calm himself until after the car stopped. “Looks like you were both in need of a bit of kip. Must’ve knackered you right out dealing with them.”_

_Kent looked over to see Kokoa had actually somehow fallen asleep, and it almost looked like she was smiling, which should have been impossible with him lying on her like that. “Oh.”_

“ _Come on,” Shamus said. “It’s better if you don’t stay out here for very long. I didn’t spot anyone tailing us, but it’s better not to risk it. I’m not about to risk Waka coming here himself, that’s for damned sure.”_

_Kent could almost smile at that, and he forced himself up from the car, standing unsteadily. He let himself rest against it for a moment. In the past, he’d dealt with these humiliating reactions to Yuzuru in private, having locked himself away in his lab or at the apartment, but that had not been possible this time. Kokoa had seen it. Shamus, too._

“ _No, get away from me,” Kokoa shrieked, and Kent looked over to see Shamus bump into the door, a foot connecting to his shoulder. “Kent!”_

“ _Bloody hell,” Shamus muttered. “Did you not recognize me?”_

“ _Kent?”_

“ _It’s Shamus, Kokoa. The man Waka asked to watch over us. It’s okay. He was just going to help you out of the car.”_

_She whimpered, and Shamus backed away from it, gesturing for Kent to do it. He leaned in and held out a hand to her. He had not wanted her upset, and he hadn’t realized just how much letting Shamus assist her would be a mistake._

_She took Kent’s hand and climbed out, clinging to him and not looking at Shamus. He frowned. “I think in this circumstance Ikkyu might tease you and ask if you used all your bravery up back there.”_

_She shook her head. “No…. It… it’s easier to be brave for you. I… I’m sorry… he… he looked like that other man for a minute. I panicked.”_

“’ _Tis nothing to be ashamed of,” Shamus said. “Should have said something before touching you. I know that. Don’t know why I was an eejit and forgot. Let’s get you both inside now.”_

_Kokoa did not let go of him. Kent looked down at her. “I think I was insensitive just now. That teasing… it was the wrong thing to say. You… I did not mean to burden you with these problems of mine or involve you in anyway. I should not have clung to you, either. I… I do not know what caused that excessive reaction.”_

“ _He was evil,” she whispered, looking up at him. “I could tell by how he looked at you… he’s going to hurt you again.”_

“ _Not if I have anything to say about it,” Shamus said, and she shuddered anyway. Kent led her inside, trying to tell himself her words were simply a natural reaction. They were understandable after what she’d been through. She was afraid of everyone, and Yuzuru even scared Kent. He wouldn’t give the man the opportunity to get close, and with Shamus watching over them, it was even less likely to happen. Yuzuru did not have this address. He did not know Kent’s number now._

_They were safe._

_And yet as soon as Kent thought that, he found himself shuddering._

* * *

“ _Is Shamus outside?” Kokoa asked as Kent turned to leave her alone in her room. She didn’t know why she’d asked that instead of what she meant to say._

“ _I believe so. He said he wanted to check the perimeter again,” Kent said. “I… I am not hungry, but if you wish to eat anything—”_

“ _Would you stay? I don’t… I don’t want food, but I don’t want to be alone, and I don’t want you to go… I guess I did use all my brave because I… I keep thinking something bad’s going to happen, and it’s stupid because we’re here and we’re safe and…” She looked up at him, fighting tears. “Don’t go.”_

_Kent walked back to her. “I know that it is… hard to deal with such irrational thoughts. I find I have them myself, but I do not know what to do to alleviate them. Rationally, I know that this house is safe… it is unknown to Yuzuru, and Shamus is here. And yet...”_

_She hugged him tight, making him tense up on her, but she didn’t let go. “I think you need this as much as I do.”_

“ _I… This is...”_

“ _I knew you were stabbed at the hospital because the doctors and nurses were tending to you and everything, but I didn’t know about the rest of it,” she said, looking up at him. “That man… why would he do that to you? I mean, I know he hates Ikki, but that’s—”_

“ _It is because he hates Ikkyu. Or at least… that is how it started,” Kent took some of her hair in his hand and studied it, though what he was seeing, she didn’t know. “You have such a unique shade of color to these strands. It even seems to shift shades. Did you dye it?”_

_She shook her head. “No. Though if you want to talk about hair… yours is a mess.”_

“ _Oh.”_

“ _Sit down. I’ll fix it for you.”_

“ _That is not necessary. I can do that myself and—”_

“ _If you’re going to refuse to talk and make things about hair, I get to fix yours. If not, then you need to tell me why Yuzuru is doing this to you.”_

_He laughed a bit bitterly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “You haven’t lost your brave.”_

_She would if she lost him. She could feel it now, this sense that if she lost Kent, she’d lose everything, and that was so strange because she used to think that about losing Michio, that was why she left with him, and that was only disappointment after disappointment. And she wasn’t in love with Kent, but he had been there for her when things were at their worst._

_And he’d never looked at her like she was something shameful, that look she swore she could see on everyone else’s faces… her parents, Shin, Toma, if any of them knew what had happened to her… She squeezed her eyes shut._

“ _Kokoa?”_

_She sat down next to him and grabbed hold of him. “I’m not brave. Without you, I’m not brave.”_

_Kent swallowed. “I find… I am not. I don’t know how to tell you about him, though you… you could be in danger now and deserve to know.”_

“ _Did he do this?” she asked, touching her finger to the scar she could feel through his shirt. “And the one on your arm?”_

“ _Yes.”_

_Kent shuddered, and she was no longer sure if he was holding her or she was holding him, but it didn’t matter. They both needed this, and she would stay here forever if that was what it took, wanting them both to feel okay again, no matter how impossible that seemed._

* * *

“Kent?”

“Come and eat. We don’t have much time.”

He felt her arms go around him, and he tried and failed not to tense up over it. He hadn’t heard her get close. She’d sounded further away when she called to him, and it startled him. She held on tight, and he could feel her shaking.

“What’s wrong?”

“You were gone when I woke up.”

“I frequently rise before you do,” he said, reaching over to comb his fingers through her hair. “That can’t be all to cause this.”

“Yes, it can. I can be… irrational and upset when my husband’s not in bed with me when I want him to be,” she said, not looking up at him. “I don’t care if you usually get up before me. I… you weren’t there this morning, and I wanted you to be.”

He lifted her head up so she faced him. “I’m not hurt or gone. I just got up to make breakfast a bit early today.”

“Early?”

He nodded. “I was thinking I’d tell your parents what we discussed about the business, and likely take the afternoon off to spend at the shelter afterward. I’d rather avoid the hostility anyway, but it has been a while since I’ve been able to spend much time with you there.”

“Oh.” She flushed and embraced him again. “You are wonderful. But you don’t have to do that on your own. I’ll be there when you tell my parents. We should do it together. As a couple.”

There were two of them in this marriage, after all, and two of them in the arrangement. It was fitting they were both present, even if he’d rather spare her the confrontation with her parents.

“Very well. Though that will mean delaying it.”

“That would give you time to get all the paperwork ready and have it for them to sign,” she said, giving him that big smile she always got when she thought she was using a logical argument sure to win him over.

He would never admit it, but the smile was what made him agree, not the logic.

“I suppose so.”

“Is it weird that I’m happy about this?”

He shook his head. “I almost feel like celebrating as well. Cutting ties with your parents… I suspect it may well be another step necessary for moving on and overcoming the past, as you would say. Being dependent on them was never a position either of us liked, and yet there was little alternative before we were established as we are now.”

“Yes. So we will celebrate,” she said, her smile getting even wider. “It’ll be the perfect time, and I can… I’ll dress up and we’ll do a whole thing… a museum or something you like and a dinner and...”

“You’re blushing.”

“Would you dance with me?”

“Not in public, you know how I feel about that, but… those times when you put on music and drag me over to dance when we’re supposed to be cleaning are not… unpleasant.”

She hugged him again. “It’ll be perfect.”

* * *

“This is…” Kent’s words seemed to fail him as he looked up at the doorway, though from this side of things, Shin couldn’t blame him. Yesterday had been awkward enough.

“Not a pleasant surprise?” Shin finished for Kent, who grimaced. His grip on his pen seemed to grow whiter. “I didn’t figure it would be.”

“I was going to say ‘not entirely unexpected,” Kent said, taking off his glasses and setting the paperwork to the side. “Ikkyu is not with you?”

Shin shook his head. “Told him to go charm what he could out of Yanachi’s coworkers. I wanted to talk to you alone. Still kind of pissed off at him, to be honest.”

“You are aware that it was not any kind of secret. Kokoa told me about that time when she decided she’d marry both you and Toma. Also, while I am not good at social interactions, I am not blind, either. Neither of you had entirely platonic feelings for her back when she left with Michio.”

Shin grunted. “Whatever. It was a long time ago, and I’m over it. That’s not why I’m pissed at Ikki. His whole obsession with why you stopped talking to him is what’s bothering me. He raised too many damned questions. I could fill in the blanks with what we know, but I still find myself with doubts. He said you almost ran from him the other day. He wasn’t wrong, was he?”

“I believe I excused myself. I was late for lunch with my wife, and it was the day before all the shelter’s bills were due. I had a lot of work to do in the afternoon after having spent the morning here.”

Though Kent seemed calm about it, something still felt off to Shin. “And he brought up how you never published anything even though your life used to be all about research.”

“I still experiment in my spare time, though I have less of it these days.”

That made sense considering where they were right now. “You’re running this business that used to be Kokoa’s parents’ company.”

“I _am_ their son-in-law, as much as I personally dislike them for how they treat her and their interference in our marriage.”

Shin put a hand to his head. “You ditched research to do this for her?”

Kent shifted uncomfortably in his chair, unable to settle in one position. “There were… certain circumstances that led to me being unable to continue with the firm I’d gone to London to work for. They… they effectively ruined any career in research that I might have had. It… it was far from ideal to take this position, but as my career was dead, I thought it might be worthwhile to help her achieve her goal.”

Shin considered that. Exactly what could Kent have done to ruin his career in research? And doing this for Kokoa? Putting up with her parents? No sane person did that without good reason, and Shin had a hard time seeing Kent as someone who’d sacrifice everything for someone, no matter what Ikki said. “Maybe, but it’s still not like you.”

Kent shook his head. “You did not see her after Michio discarded her. I did. I would have done anything she asked me to if it meant never seeing that again.”

Damn. Kent was blunt, but that still felt like a sucker punch, leaving Shin feeling guilty as hell. Not that he was the only one to blame—Kokoa left them all without so much as an email address to reach her at. Shin would have had to chase her down in London.

“Is he dead?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure of that?”

Kent nodded. “I identified him myself after the police found him dead of an apparent overdose.”

“You did?”

“Kokoa was not able to do it. As relieved as she was that he was, in fact, dead, hearing that the police had found a man they believed to be him sent her into a series of panic attacks that did not subside until she was sedated.” Kent shifted again, and despite how matter of fact he’d said it, Shin could tell that memory upset him. “I recognized him, though. It was Michio, and he was dead.”

“Of an apparent overdose?”

Kent sighed. “I believe that Michio’s drug dealer had reached a point where he cut him off because the man could no longer pay and had traded his only leverage of value. He may have known this and taken the dose intentionally. Or he was helped to take it by his dealer that no longer wanted to deal with an addict without the means to pay.”

“Damn it.” Everything Shin heard about this made him even madder than before. “That bastard sold her for drugs?”

“Yes.”

“I—if he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him.”

“A sentiment Waka also expressed. He did say his contacts would deal with the drug dealer, though he never offered any details in that regard. I believe we are better off not knowing for certain. As terrible as that man was to her, she would feel guilty. And I have plausible deniability.” Kent smiled a bit bitterly. “It is true there are times when I wish I knew or had dealt with the matter myself, but that was not possible.”

Shin nodded. He understood. He probably would have done it, and he _knew_ Toma would have. He’d have killed that guy in a heartbeat. Shin would at least have given him a good beating, and he could see why Kent might feel like he should have done it.

“This drug dealer the one responsible for that scar on your wrist?”

Kent pulled his arm down to his lap. “I don’t know what you’re referring to, though if you also wish to ask about my arm, it is sensitive to the changes in weather as I already said.”

Shin shook his head. The hell with that answer. The way Kent had been so damned forthcoming about what happened to Kokoa just made Shin more convinced that Kent was hiding something now. “I saw the scar. And I know how you must have gotten it, because that mark isn’t made at random. That’s a mark I’ve seen before as a cop. Recently, even. So don’t try and lie to me. I know how you got it. Who did it? The drug dealer?”

“It is unrelated to Kokoa’s troubles.” Kent touched his arm, visibly uncomfortable. “There is no reason why you must know this. I… I told you about Kokoa because I do not want you troubling her about it again. It is over aside from the lingering emotional issues that she copes with rather admirably. She has turned most of her energy and pain into making sure others like her get help. She was alone when it happened. They do not have to be.”

Shin nodded. It was admirable as hell, and the kind of thing he’d always known she was capable of if she tried. “If you’re not going to tell me, I’m going to assume it has to to with Ikki.”

Kent frowned. “Why would you assume that? Ikkyu never harmed me. He may have made those threats when we had math duels, but those were all jokes and drama, not real.”

“And he defends you to his last breath, too, so why the hell won’t you talk to him?”

Kent rubbed his nose. “If you… I do not wish to discuss this, but… I… I was attacked by a man in London. He broke my arm, among other things.”

Shin thought of their recent victims and everything they’d suffered before they died. “Damn it.”

“You need not get worked up over it,” Kent said, and Shin shook his head. It wasn’t something to stay calm about, either. “I… I escaped from him and was crossing the street in time to see him get hit by a double-decker bus. He’s dead.”

“You’re sure about that? You identify his body, too?”

Kent winced, and Shin regretted pushing a little, but he couldn’t just let this go. Yeah, they had a suspect in Isora, but that didn’t mean he’d done it. “I did not, though I was assured of it by a friend of Waka’s, and I see no reason why he would lie to me or Waka.”

Shin was a bit relieved by that, though not much. He’d been connecting dots, and they seemed to be leading somewhere, but if Kent said the guy was dead, and Waka’s guy confirmed it, then it couldn’t be related to their case. “And you never told Ikki about this.”

“As I understand from Waka, Ikkyu was experiencing considerable difficulty of his own at the time. There was no reason to add to it. It… it is true that man cost me my position in research. I even now experience some symptoms of post-traumatic stress, and those at the firm then thought I was… unstable. My reputation as a researcher was gone, and I… may have taken a cowardly path in choosing business over trying to fight to get it back. Still, I do not regret helping Kokoa achieve her dream. It means everything to her that she can now work to help people who are in the same situation that she endured. She is… fulfilled. Even when it is stressful, she is glad to be doing it. I did not feel the same about research, despite what she might say.”

Shin nodded. That seemed like Kent. Pretty reasonable, aside from the mushy stuff.

“And now I would like you to get out of my office.”

“Kent—”

“You have pushed enough, and your badge will not stop me from having you escorted out if you make it necessary. I have told you more than you need to know. Leave.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent deals with the fallout of talking to Shin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was kind of impossible for Kent not to have something happen after Shin left. The things he touched on were bound to resurface. It also gave me a chance to explain a few things or at least set up for them.

* * *

“ _You have to take her to the A and E, boyo. You can’t keep this up.”_

_Kent grimaced. “There was not a complaint from the neighbors, was there? If there is not, I would like to respect her wishes on this matter.”_

_Kokoa shuddered again in his embrace, and he almost wanted to yell at Shamus to leave because that man’s presence did make things worse despite all he did to help them. Kent did not blame him, but for Kokoa, who had suffered at the hands of a man who bore some resemblance—perhaps very little but still enough in her mind—it was still difficult to have him around for long times._

_It did not help that Shamus had been the one to take the call that had started this cycle in the first place. That was not wrong, Kent rather preferred to run all the phone calls through Shamus and only have Waka and his parents aware of his current phone number, and he found it a relief not to have fear every time there was a text or it rang because it was only one of four people. Kokoa did not call, but she could if need be, and his parents did not text, so Kent knew it was either Waka or Shamus contacting him. That was better for him, but Kokoa hadn’t taken the report Shamus had given them well._

_Not that Kent would have expected her to react calmly to the police saying they believed they’d found Michio’s body, but he had certainly hoped it would not be so difficult for her._

“ _You know Waka had pretty specific instructions when he asked me to find you two a place to stay,” Shamus said. “Almost thought he was up to something from the old days when he wanted a place no one would hear someone scream.”_

_Kent grimaced. “That is not—”_

“ _You both have your nightmares, no doubt about that. No shame in it, either. I’ve seen things that keep me up at night, and that’s no blarney, so you know I’m not casting stones here.” Shamus leaned against the doorway. “It’s been hours already.”_

“ _I know.” Kent was not ignorant of the time, and he did not want to do anything that would put Kokoa’s health at risk, but her reaction the first time he suggested she go to the hospital had made him never want to say such a thing again. Between the invasive examination they’d done to collect evidence and her fears over what happened to Kent when he was there, she’d been inconsolable, and it had taken a long time to calm her even a little over that idea. He would prefer not to make her go, but he did not know that they would have any choice about it if things kept on this way._

“ _She needs more help than you can give her right now.”_

“ _And if I take her to the hospital—”_

“ _Not you. You’re not going.”_

_Kent frowned. “What do you mean by that? I do not need treatment, that’s true, but you know she only seems to calm when I am with her, and to deny her that—”_

“ _Yuzuru knows you have to go back to get your stitches out. He’ll be watching the hospitals for you. It’s too much of a risk. That’s why we made other arrangements, but he doesn’t know that.”_

_Kent grimaced. “I thought they used the kind that dissolve on their own, and even if he is watching, he can’t have all of them under surveillance.”_

“ _He found you the last time. And I still don’t know how he did it. I can explain him having your address and phone number, that he got from that firm of idiots you worked for, but how did he know which blooming hospital you’d be at to catch you? I don’t like it. He’s got to have connections.”_

“ _His father did make the case in Japan disappear completely. It’s not even that he wasn’t a suspect. Waka says the report of my injuries is gone as well.”_

“ _Exactly. So we’re not taking any risks. No hospitals for you.”_

“ _I am not leaving her alone.”_

“ _You want to do something for her, then we’ll do it by taking you over to the police so you can tell them if the body’s his.”_

“ _Me? They wanted her.”_

“ _Like I care what English cops want. You know this man, you can tell them it’s him, and we’ll be done with it. No need for her to be upset any longer.”_

“ _You still intend to take her to the hospital. That will upset her. The examination itself seemed traumatic for all they did seem to be… sympathetic and attempting to be gentle.” Kent rubbed his forehead, almost setting Kokoa off again by moving. “The hospital is not that secure. We already know this.”_

“ _Agreed. I don’t plan on taking her just anywhere, but she needs more than we’ve got here. We’ll get her settled in safe and take you over to identify the body. It’ll be the end of it.”_

“ _Except for the drug dealer. And Yuzuru.”_

“ _The end of Michio, then. Bloody hell, you and your need to be so damned specific. Worse than Waka, you are. I’ll go get the car ready. You make sure she can travel.”_

“ _Shamus—”_

“ _Not arguing this one with you again. We’re doing things my way.”_

* * *

“ _This won’t be pleasant. He’s been around here for a bit, and before that he was exposed to the elements. We didn’t have any identification on him, but from what you and your girlfriend told the other detective, this might be her ex.”_

_Kent pushed his glasses up his nose, taking a moment to formulate a response. His arm was aching due to the cold in this room, he was worried about Kokoa, and he did not wish to be patronized. “I am not afraid of what I will see, as I have calculated the likely rate of decomposition of his body already given the facts as I knew them and being aware it was becoming even less likely he would be found to be identified in the first place. Furthermore, he was never a friend, so whatever state I see him in currently would cause me no distress and perhaps even a bit of satisfaction knowing what he did. And… your other assumptions are incorrect as well, but I no longer feel like arguing with all of you over them.”_

_Kent wasn’t sure which one of the detectives on his case or hers had decided that he and Kokoa were dating—he supposed the assumption was not helped by him having to translate for her or that they were living together now—but it seemed to have spread to everyone who interacted with them. He did not think she would be pleased if she knew, but as Shamus did most of the dealing with them these days, she might never learn of it, which was for the best._

“ _Right, then. Let’s get this done.”_

_They pulled back the sheet, and Kent looked over at the body. Though the medical examiner was correct and the body had been distorted by decomposition, it was not impossible to recognize that face. Kent had always thought it was far too smug, and he’d wanted to tell Ukyo not to bring his artist friends by, though it was not his place._

“ _It would seem it is Michio. You might contact his family for better identification by dental records or DNA, but from what I see, it is him.”_

_They put the sheet back down, and someone touched his arm. Kent jerked away, and the detective grimaced. “Sorry.”_

“ _I assume there is paperwork I must deal with now?”_

“ _A quick bit, yeah,” the other man said. “Just confirming what you told us, and we’ll get you on your way. Appreciate you coming down to do this.”_

“ _I would appreciate a lot more if you arrested Yuzuru for his crimes.”_

“ _We’re doing what we can, but he’s a right slippery bastard. After you told us he was at that firm, we went round, but he was already gone. He’s got money to keep him on the move, and he’s using it. Seems to stay at least one step ahead of us each time.”_

“ _Does his father have as much power here as in Japan? Is that what’s happening now? Because I told you before—if you’re not actually going to pursue this, don’t bother lying to me about it.”_

“ _It’s not his father. It’s his lack of trail. He’s using cash to move about so we can’t trace him through other methods, and if he has a mobile, it’s disposable and not registered in his name. We’ve gotten plenty of false reports, and when we get a legitimate one, it’s usually too late, but we haven’t given up on finding him.”_

_Kent frowned. “I half expect you to say it’s too much resources for one man who is harassing someone who is not even a citizen.”_

“ _This wasn’t a random attack, but that doesn’t mean others might not be at risk. He’s a highly dangerous man who is able to pass himself off as sane and benign when he tortures people for fun. We are not going to ignore the threat.”_

_Kent did not feel very reassured. He did not know that he would ever fully trust the police again, no matter what country he was in, and while they might be sincere, he did not believe it was enough. “I need to go.”_

“ _Of course. Let’s get those forms signed right quick.”_

* * *

_Kent looked around for Shamus in front of the door, frowning when he did not see the other man, who’d insisted on waiting outside given his own issues with the police, compromising on being close and yet far enough away for his own comfort—and, Kent suspected—to avoid an arrest of his own based on his prior work._

_He shook his head as he walked toward the parking garage. If Shamus was not standing outside, then he would be waiting at the car, and it would not make sense to linger here. He could text him and ask him to bring the car around, but it seemed foolish when he was capable of walking and needed a bit to clear his head anyway._

_He saw the car parked away from the others, nestled in between two larger vehicles. He would not be surprised to learn that Shamus had done that on purpose to block the car from the cameras as much as possible._

_He stopped at the rear door and opened it, sitting down and closing his eyes. He heard the doors lock, and frowned. Shamus usually had greeted him by now, far more conversational than Kent was or would expect a friend of Waka’s to be._

_He opened his eyes, saw a strange coat on the seat that looked a bit like the one he’d started wearing in London, and was reaching for the door handle even as the car came to life. The door didn’t open, not even when he unlocked it._

_Was this vehicle equipped with child safety locks? It had to be, didn’t it?_

“ _It’s funny how everyone thinks all foreigners look alike,” Yuzuru said, and Kent looked over at him behind the wheel. “Your friend assumed I was you until it was too late.”_

_Kent swallowed, trying to determine his best course of action. He couldn’t see Shamus anywhere, and if one child lock was engaged, the other one had to be as well. Yuzuru would have seen to that, wouldn’t he? “Did you kill him?”_

“ _I might, later, when I’m done with you.”_

“ _Then he is in the trunk?”_

“ _They call it the boot over here.”_

“ _Yuzuru—”_

“ _It’s amusing you’re worried about him. Ken, really, you know you’re the one I want. And now that I have you, I can finish what I started. And a bit more. I’ve been thinking about the last time we were together, and I really have been looking forward to doing it all again, but I admit there are certain things I want to do more than others. I’m sure you know which ones I mean.”_

_Kent tried to ignore the renewed throbbing in his arm. “You won’t do any of it.”_

“ _Amusing that you think you can escape from the car. The doors and windows are locked, for one, and for another… I have a very special present for you.”_

_He threw something into the back seat, and Kent coughed as the power hit him. Once again, he could not see, and if he passed out again, he’d have no chance of freeing himself at all. He knew the windows were a poor choice, they were designed not to fracture in the event of an accident, so his only real option was Yuzuru himself._

“ _I did have to tweak the dose. This one isn’t set for Ikki. It’s all for you, Ken.”_

“ _You bastard,” Kent managed to say, but that was all he could do before everything went dark again._

* * *

Kent knew whatever authority he might have had in front of the employees would be gone if they saw him in this position, but he did not know that he was capable of any kind of rational behavior after Shin’s visit. Discussing what happened to Kokoa was difficult enough, as Kent still hated to think of how vulnerable and hurt she’d been at that time, how little he’d actually been able to do for her, and worse still, how he’d actually failed her, getting himself caught by Yuzuru as he had.

And then Shin pushed about Kent’s own injuries, even making the connection—incorrectly, but still recognizing it in some form—to Ikkyu. That Kent could not deal with well, and even if it had not been that, Shin’s questions had brought up one of the worst possible times for Kent to think about.

He took out his phone and pushed the button, knowing he was shaking too much to type.

“I hope you’re calling for reservations.”

“What?”

“It would be good to see you when it is not a crisis matter,” Waka said, and Kent grimaced, knowing full well it was. “Though it would seem it is, again. What happened?”

“Shin started pushing me about… about Kokoa first and about my arm afterward. I… I was able to answer his questions, but I am currently… under my desk and I… Shamus said the body was Yuzuru’s. I saw him get hit by the bus. I don’t understand why that is not enough.”

“Because Shin asked you and it renewed your own doubts as you were never able to look at the body yourself, same as she could not look at Michio,” Waka said. “If it would help, I’d find a way to let you do that, but I do not believe it could, even if he were not cremated years ago.”

Kent nodded. “I know. I just… I am going to start reliving when he had me in London if things do not change, and I… I can’t. These people already have… they don’t respect me because of Kokoa’s parents, and nothing I do has changed that… but if they see this… hear it… I don’t even know if there is anything that can stop it… though sometimes… If I felt like I could move or walk, I’d go to her… I… she is… I don’t know what we are to each other… but she does… help. She thinks she doesn’t, but being with her again… Why do I not remember things like the relief of seeing her again after I woke up? Or… her face when we got her passport back and she could do anywhere… or that smug expression she had when she managed to get one of those ridiculous hats on my head… you know the ones… the soldiers they mock all the time… they wear them… and… I have good memories, too, London was not all horrible, but all I can think about is… Yuzuru.”

“Negative emotions and unpleasant memories seem to have a stronger hold on us. Do you want me to drive you over to the shelter?”

“No. Yes. I… I tell myself sometimes we need a car, but as much as I think I might actually enjoy teaching her to drive it… I am incapable of using it when I’m like this and… she’d probably feel the same… It wouldn’t be worth it. That money can go to the shelter...” Kent heard something and bumped his head on the desk. “Damn it. I think someone’s outside my office again.”

“Just do your best to stay calm. I’ll come get you.”

“You don’t have to—”

“It is either that, or I will lose my temper on this idiotic server I was asked to take on. Sawa made less stupid mistakes and she would put blueberry syrup in coffee. You are giving me an excuse to leave, and I will take it.”

* * *

“Where have you been?” Ikki demanded as Shin finally decided to show himself at Isora’s apartment. “This warrant was ready hours ago, Toma wanted to know how it went, you know how he gets, and I talked to everyone in Yanachi’s office but still managed to get here before you did. What is wrong with this picture, Shin? Any guesses?”

Shin grunted. “Thought I had a lead. It didn’t pan out.”

Ikki supposed he’d have to forgive Shin for that one, though he didn’t really want to at the moment, not when he’d gotten so much crap for being worried about Ken, which he still was thanks to Shin’s suspicious nature taking over everything. How was Ikki supposed to forget when Shin had poked holes in the parts Ikki could accept?

“You going to fill me in on what you learned from his coworkers?” Shin asked, pushing the door open and stepping inside.

Ikki took a look around the room and grimaced. “Looks like someone lost his temper.”

“Or he’s a slob.”

Ikki shook his head. “No, and you know it, too. Look at the floor underneath this wreckage. Spotless, both the hardwood and the rugs. The shelves that aren’t wrecked are neat and tidy. They’ve got a bit of dust, but I’d bet it only goes back to when Hina left him.”

Shin nodded. “Yeah. He would have forced her to keep this place clean, too, and punished her when she didn’t do it just how he wanted. Never met him, but he seems the type.”

Ikki nodded, taking a pair of gloves out of his pocket and putting them on as he knelt to get a better look at what had been smashed on the floor. “Looks like this was hers. That’s Yanachi with her, holding his award. Cute kids.”

“We can probably give that to Kokoa to give back to her.”

“Aw, Shin, you do have a heart.”

“Shut up, Ikki. It could mean something to the case, too. If he broke a picture of her and her brother, maybe he actually did go after Yanachi.”

“But did he go after the others?”

Shin shook his head. “No way it wasn’t the same guy. The details of all the wounds match up. This guy does the same thing to each of them, and no one outside the department knows all of that. So unless the other two were done by cops, he killed them all. Not that we’ve proved anything—I’m just saying whoever killed the first one killed the other two. No way around that. I don’t even know that a cop or any kind of expert on forensics could duplicate it, and they told us it matched down to the way the bones were fractured in the arm.”

“True.”

“So… what did they tell you at Yanachi’s office?”

“That no one knows for sure who Yanachi might have had issues with because he had issues with everyone.”

Shin swore. “Are you kidding me?”

“Oh, yes, because I want the way I spent my morning to be a complete waste of time and make jokes about it,” Ikki said, shaking his head. “No, I asked. I pushed. I tried to get them to remember anything specific, and no one did. They all said—each in their own way—that they didn’t think he got along with anyone and that if he had a quarrel with someone, it didn’t stand out.”

“That’s crap. If he was talking about it with Hina, someone at that office should know.”

“I even asked them if there was someone around the office everyone hated or had problems with, and you’ll love the answer I got.”

“Yanachi?”

“Yep.”

“Damn it.”

“We may have to see if Hina remembers more about him,” Ikki said, “though even that is no guarantee it’s our guy, either.”

“Yeah.” Shin looked around the room again. “Let’s see if we can find anything here that ties him to anything.”

* * *

“Are you certain you wish to help with these?” Waka asked as he reached into the back seat for the food trays. “Your arm seems to be troubling you.”

Kent grimaced. “I do not even think that is about the weather this time. Shin had to ask about it, about my scars, and I… I am even more aware of them than usual.”

Waka did not like the sound of that. Kent could be obsessive when it came to research, and that trait had also caused him some problems as he tried to heal. He would focus on the worst aspects of things—not uncommon for anyone in his position—and even make them worse, since he was smart enough to know other outcomes of the situations he’d been in and even applying some of them to the time that he was missing.

He’d done it to try and stop fearing what he couldn’t remember, but it had not been any kind of relief, and Waka did not want Kent doing that again.

“Then I will let you take these,” Waka said, giving Kent the lighter of the two loads. “You’re sure it is not too much?”

“Are you actually coddling me? Because that’s not like you.”

“You have been under a great deal of stress lately. And perhaps I should not have left it to Kokoa to tell you that Ikki and Shin had been in at Meido No Hitsuji.”

“Ah. It is guilt. That makes more sense.”

Waka grimaced. “That is an unpleasant thought.”

Kent leaned against the car. “And yet there must be some reason why you do all this. I’ve wondered about it before, but… why did we earn your loyalty? I didn’t even work at the cafe for that long. Kokoa, I suppose, she was always special, and the customers knew it and we all did, too. I do not think Shin and Toma were the only ones with feelings for her then. Ukyo did come around a lot less after she left.”

“That may well have been to do with everyone blaming him for bringing that bastard into the cafe to begin with.” Waka knew it was not entirely fair, but it had happened. Toma was the worst about it, though Shin was not much better, and even Sawa had been angry about it. “Michio was her choice, but would she have made it if Ukyo had not introduced them?”

“Most people would say no, as they were unlikely to meet, but having dealt with her parents as long as I have, I would not have been surprised if she ran off with a boy much sooner than she did. I am relieved she’s finally reached the point where she is willing to cut them out of her life for good. I did not think she would, she still held out hope of them changing, but they haven’t… they only hurt her. I haven’t even told her some of what they said, but they still do so much harm.”

Waka finished with the trays and shut the car door behind him. “Ah, so you are going forward with selling the business and concentrating on the shelter.”

“I wanted to see about leasing the space next to us.”

“Seems like a good idea,” Waka said, giving the outside of the building a quick assessment. He did not know that their present circumstances would allow for it, but Kent would make a proper budget and be certain of it before they took that step, and if anyone could make it work, he could. “She often worries about having to turn someone away who needs help.”

“Actually, she wants me to have a lab there.”

Waka nodded as he started working toward the doors. “Also an excellent idea. Your mind is not one to be wasted.”

Kent frowned at Waka as he fell into step with him. “It seems strange to hear you flattering me. Did I look that bad now? Perhaps when you arrived to get me, but now? I… I am already calmer than I was.”

“Kent, every one of you that worked for me during that time was special, not just Kokoa. Some worried me, to be honest, but the dynamic among all of you was unmatched and remains that way. No other group of my employees has been like the seven of you. One of my more recent employees even lamented how none of them could compare to the ‘Magnificent Seven.’”

“That adaptation was not held in high esteem by the filmmaker who created the original _Seven Samurai.”_

“It is not the same, no, but I still enjoy his phrasing if not his taste in films.” Waka nodded to Yui as she opened the door for them. She smiled widely as usual, though Waka did not kid himself that look was meant for him.

“It still is no answer.”

“You are persistent.”

“I prefer clarification.”

“True.”

* * *

Kokoa came out of her office, a bit concerned to see Kent and Waka talking together, even if Waka was smiling this time and seemed amused. Very few things got Waka to smile, but Kent could manage it, and she knew he would smile when he saw her, too. Still, why was Kent here? They’d agreed to wait for the paperwork to meet with her parents, which would mean tomorrow at the soonest.

She smiled at both of them, since Waka had been even more generous this time than the last time, and she couldn’t believe how much food they had.

“There was nothing that special about any of us except perhaps her.”

“Not true, though you do lack insight into your own value. Ah, Kokoa. Kent does not think that your group at Meido No Hitsuji should deserve my loyalty. What is your opinion?”

She blinked. “Um… I didn’t think we were all that special. You were a bit frustrated with Sawa. Though I guess with Ikki around, we were pretty unique, because who else has a fan club and aphrodisiac eyes? And Kent’s cooking really built on what you and Shin had done and the menu was good, so… there’s that, I guess. I don’t know.”

“You believe the restaurant was special because of Kent and Ikki?”

Kokoa frowned. That sounded like a trick question somehow. “Why are we discussing this?”

“Let me put these trays down,” Kent said. “Though admittedly, I’m tempted just to give them to Waka and take hold of you now that I’ve seen you.”

She flushed. Did Kent have any idea what he’d just said?

“I will take them,” Waka said, somehow shifting the trays he carried to one hand and taking the others from Kent. “Do not worry about me. This was for you, after all.”

Kokoa watched him walk toward the kitchen, frowning. “Kent?”

He wrapped his arms around her, and she flinched. Even as much as she welcomed his touch, he had her worried again.

“What is it? What happened? Was it my parents again?”

“Shin came by my office. He… asked about… about several things, including you, pushed at me not staying in research and… my scars. He… he wouldn’t leave until I gave him something about my arm and I… it was still very little, but he asked me if I’d seen Yuzuru’s body after I said he was hit by that bus and I… I didn’t… and now...” Kent sighed. “I already went through several flashbacks at the office. I don’t… there will likely be more, they always seem to come, the worst ones from London… I want to remember… other things. Better things. I… I needed you.”

He didn’t say anything more, but he didn’t have to. She pulled him with her into her office and shut the door behind them. “I’m here.”

He clung to her, still not speaking. She was glad he’d come to her, wanted to help, but even as she did, she couldn’t help but remember that it was her fault he’d been through so much in London. If he hadn’t gone to identify Michio’s body when she couldn’t, Yuzuru would never have been able to hurt him again.

She didn’t deserve anything he’d given her, and she shouldn’t dare ask for his love. That she really didn’t deserve. Helping him like this was not enough.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”

“What?”

“You left the house because of me. Because I couldn’t handle it. I… if I had been strong enough, you wouldn’t have had to go, and he wouldn’t have found you again—”

“Don’t,” Kent said, somehow managing to pull her closer. “I don’t blame you. And I don’t blame Ikkyu. I don’t. It’s… It’s hard to talk to him, but that’s different… I hear Yuzuru’s lies when I try. With you… If I hadn’t woken up to you in that hospital, I don’t know… I don’t know that… this is not right to say or to burden you with… but… you are… this is a rather emotional thing to say and it sounds almost like… like something from fiction of some kind, not reality, but you… you were—are—my reason for living. I… I needed you then… when I was… broken… humiliated and in so much pain… I had lost research… and even with him dead… I couldn’t go back… you needed me… and I… I very much needed to be needed then. I… I fear the irrational part of me would have won without you.”

She shuddered. “Kent…”

“I’m sorry. That upset you. I shouldn’t have—”

“No, I just… I feel a bit of the same… not that I thought you needed me, but if I didn’t have you… I can’t even think about it. It scares me too much. And then… I almost lost you before, and it was my fault—”

“No.”

“It shouldn’t have been that hard to face his body. He was dead. It was safe.”

“If I… I regret allowing Shamus to push me into taking you to the hospital. You asked me not to, and I didn’t want to, though I was worried. If I had waited… we would have gone together. It… It would have been different. And yet… that scares me, too, because then Yuzuru could have hurt you, and that I would never forgive myself for.”

She whispered the words _I love you_ into his shirt, still unable to say them to him, and held him close as he shuddered again. “I don’t want you hurt for my sake. Not ever.”

“I suppose that makes us equal.”

She knew he’d say that, but it wasn’t true. “Shin was being overprotective, wasn’t he?”

“I made him and Ikki suspicious. It was my fault. Not yours.” Kent shifted his position. “You smell different than this morning. Odd.”

She laughed even though she was embarrassed he’d noticed. “I spilled my tea on myself earlier.”

“Oh.”

“Kent?”

“I may fall asleep on you,” he admitted, looking up at her with a bit of shame on his face. “I… I feel close to that level of exhaustion. If I don’t let go now—”

“No. No letting go.” She combed her fingers through his hair. “You stay. I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

 _U_ _nless it’s to give Shin a piece of my mind,_ she added silently, though she knew that was going to have to wait until Kent was better.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokoa deals with the fallout of Shin's visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, this one was... difficult. There's a lot of emotions and pain and hurt and even some blame going around.
> 
> All I really knew was that Kokoa was going to tell Shin how she felt. The rest of it kind of got complicated.

* * *

_Kokoa opened her eyes, her head pounding like that time Michio had talked her into drinking a whole bottle of wine. She didn’t remember much of that night, though she did know what ended up happening. She couldn’t deny it after she’d seen the bed, and Michio just smiled at her and said he was glad she was no longer nervous about it, which wasn’t true at all because she’d been drunk._

_That wasn’t the same, but he kept insisting that because they’d already done it once, she was fine with it. She wasn’t, she understood that later, but she’d let him convince her she was because he kept telling her she’d done it because she loved him, and she did believe that she did._

_Now she knew she’d been a fool, and he’d used her, and she hated him._

_She was glad he was dead._

“ _Kent?”_

“ _Ah, cuttie, you gave us a bit of a scare there, you did,” Shamus said, and she frowned at him, backing up in the bed. Where was Kent? Why was Shamus in here—wait, this wasn’t her room. Where was she? Where was Kent?_

“ _Go away. Don’t touch me. Kent!”_

“ _Kokoa, please calm yourself,” another voice said, and she recognized the language as her own a second before the speaker._

“ _Waka?” What was Waka doing here? He was in Japan, wasn’t he? She didn’t understand. What was this? What was happening here? “Where’s Kent?”_

_Waka sat down next to her, adjusting his glasses and making her feel sick. She didn’t want to hear this, did she?_

“ _Yuzuru… killed Kent?”_

_Waka shook his head. “We don’t know that for certain yet, though we do believe Yuzuru has him now.”_

“ _How? Kent and I weren’t going outside. And we—the police. They wanted me to look at Michio’s body, but I… I couldn’t… and… you sent Kent? How could you do that?” Kokoa asked Shamus, shaking her head in disbelief. She didn’t believe Kent would have gone on his own. That wasn’t like him. He was too smart for that—and too scared. Though he’d tried hard to hide it, she knew now that Yuzuru had him terrified. He had nightmares just like she did, and she couldn’t keep him calm if he fell asleep next to her, not like he could do for her._

“ _It was the bloody police station. I didn’t think that arsehole knew to look for us there and I didn’t know that he could get close even if he did.”_

“ _You told me Kent took her in with him to cancel the contract. If he was able to learn who she was, he’d be watching the police as well.”_

“ _I still don’t know how that dosser knew which police station we’d be at. It’s not like they put it out on a radio he could have listened to. That’s not it.”_

_Kokoa swallowed. “Yuzuru’s father.”_

“ _He’s got influence in Japan,” Shamus said. “Not that much here.”_

“ _Still might have been enough to learn a few things, though you seem to think it was something more, Kokoa.”_

“ _Kent… told him to stay away… that… Shamus was… Irish terrorist...”_

“ _Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. You tell him that, Waka?”_

“ _No, but Kent is hardly a fool. He would have considered it likely considering your hatred of the English and your apparent lack of connection to any official agency.”_

“ _Suppose it could have been me he was tracking, then, if he got a good enough look at me, and I was the one outside most of the time,” Shamus shook his head. “Kept changing the motors, but that didn’t do no good. Still got to us.”_

“ _You are fortunate. He could have killed you. Instead all he did was dent that hard head of yours.” Waka looked back at her. “I assure you, we are doing all we can to find Kent. I came here as soon as Shamus told me he’d gone missing.”_

“ _That was still hours ago,” Kokoa whispered. She hadn’t forgotten her flight from Japan to London. Michio had fidgeted the entire time, kept telling her he needed something to take the edge off, and she hadn’t been able to rest or read because he was moving around so much._

“ _I know. Kent is strong. He survived before. Do not give up on him.”_

“ _Never,” she said, though that didn’t make it any easier or bring Kent back to her now._

* * *

“Is he asleep?”

Kokoa nodded, still holding onto Kent. He had passed out on her as he’d been afraid he would, but he wasn’t thrashing around in his sleep, so she thought this might be a good thing. She didn’t think he’d actually slept last night. She knew he’d been awake before she fell asleep, and it took her a long time, cursing herself for her inability to say those words again.

She’d been close, and Kent shushed her when she faltered, and that was apparently all the bravery she had. Not that she felt like she could say it now since she blamed herself all over again for Kent going out to the police station.

“He’s still, so it’s good sleep,” she said, still combing her fingers through Kent’s hair. “And he needs this. I don’t… I’m worried he hasn’t slept since he ran into Ikki the other day, and today he said… he called me his reason for living.”

Waka knelt near them. “I suppose you never thought of yourself that way, but I believe his sentiment is genuine.”

“Waka...”

“Kent lost a great deal to Yuzuru. His career, his friendship with Ikki, the full use of his arm, and even his purpose. He still carries an unreasonable amount of shame for being a victim despite the fact that he did nothing wrong and being a victim does not make him less of a person. Not even the loss of some of his range of motion does that. And yet Kent still can’t see past the stigma of that word. Logically, he knows better, but he is human as we all are, and that irrational part of him can’t accept his own failings, believing he should have been stronger or seen it coming to prevent it because of his intelligence.”

“Are you sure you don’t want my job?” Kokoa said, and Waka shook his head. He wasn’t wrong. She knew he wasn’t. Kent could forgive her, never held what Michio and his drug dealer did against her, but he couldn’t forgive himself for what Yuzuru did to him. “You know him so well.”

“Kent is easier to know than people realize, but I do not believe I can compete with you, who shares his days and his nights. He has told you more about the attacks than he ever told me. What I know, I know because I was the one who found him the first time and because I oversaw his care the second time. You are the one he explains the nightmares to, not me.” Waka studied her. “And this is not a competition. Kent contacts me when he’s going into or coming out of a fugue state because it is habit. I suppose I am also a bit of… a sense of security. You he needs to protect, though he does not realize you are equally as protective of him, and he sometimes tries to conceal his ‘weakness’ from you, but that never lasts.”

She nodded. “I just… I don’t feel like I can help him. Ever since that day he crossed paths with Ikki, things have been… really hard. It’s like… all of his triggers are… extra-sensitive. He loves going to the museum and telling me about the exhibits, but somehow that became Yuzuru tormenting him after he gave presentations at work. And now Shin is pushing, too...”

“I will speak to Shin.”

She shook her head. “I want to do that. He’s nosing into business that isn’t his. I didn’t ask him to butt into our marriage. No one else needs to do that. I’m done with my parents doing that. Kent’s never do. They’re just happy we’re happy, and maybe his mom fusses a little, but I don’t think she was ready for him to move out. Still, that’s not—I don’t need someone fighting my battles for me. I let Kent do it sometimes, but we share that like we share everything. He fights for me, and I fight for him, but I can fight my own battles.”

Waka smiled at her. “I know that. You have come along way since we first met and you could barely make your way through a job interview.”

She grimaced. “Don’t remind me. I was terrible. I still don’t know why you hired me.”

“I saw your potential, and you did adapt to your role very well.”

She shook her head. “I wasn’t that good, and then I ran off with Michio and ruined everything.”

“I don’t believe Kent sees it that way. Though I know he and all of us would rather you were not harmed, I have to wonder if you would have found each other had you made other choices.”

She wasn’t sure, much as she hated to admit that. “I… I want to believe I’d have seen how wonderful he is. That I wouldn’t have written him off as an intellectual snob who hated people. He’s so much more than that. I mean, I love him even when he’s being that pompous math genius, and him being logical is so adorable and when he gets that look on his face because someone’s an idiot—”

“Yes, I’m sure you have many reasons to love him.”

She flushed red. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to… You didn’t need to hear all that.”

Waka seemed amused. “Perhaps not, though having seen you in London, it is good to see you happy now.”

She was still embarrassed, but she had to admit she was glad, too.

* * *

“You’re not going in.”

“Again with the angry gatekeeper,” Shin said, and Ikki gave him a look. He blamed that on Toma and his stupid video games. “Look, we need to ask a few more questions. We tried calling in advance, but she’s not answering the number she called from yesterday, so you’ll just have to ask her again.”

Yui stuck her nose up in the air. “She already said no.”

“The hell she did.”

“Easy, Shin,” Ikki said. He leaned over the desk and gave Yui his best smile. “Maybe there is another number we could call? It’s important, and we do have something to tell one of your guests that we hope is good news this time around.”

“She gave instructions,” Yui said. “She said absolutely not to allow Shin inside.”

“What?”

Ikki laughed. “Oh, boy. I think someone’s mad at you. Well, let’s see now. You said Shin wasn’t allowed in, but surely that’s just him, right? I still can go in, can’t I?”

Yui frowned, picking up her phone and pressing a button. “Doctor? You have guests at the door again.”

She put the phone back down and seemed to be smirking at Shin. “She will be along shortly.”

“You quit smirking,” Shin muttered, smacking Ikki in the side. He winced, rubbing at the spot as the door opened, though it was definitely not Kokoa who stepped out.

“Waka. Long time no see.”

“Don’t try and be cute, Ikki.” Waka faced Shin. “Did you learn nothing?”

Ikki frowned. “You didn’t seriously come here without me to harass Kokoa, did you? What is wrong with you?”

“I didn’t. That’s not what happened.”

The door opened again, and there she was in full fury. “Shin, I don’t care if you and Toma basically raised me and I was a stupid idiot the last time you saw me when I wouldn’t listen about Michio. That does not matter. I do not need your protection anymore, and I don’t want it. You leave Kent alone. He didn’t do anything wrong, and I won’t let you harass him, do you understand me? He is a good man. You don’t have to worry that he’ll hurt me because he never would, even if sometimes he still says some insensitive things. I don’t care if you think he’s all wrong for me. I know I don’t deserve him, but he chose to stay with me and I love him, so leave him alone.”

“Oh, you did not insult her husband,” Yui said, about to get up in arms herself, and that did worry Ikki a little even as much as he might think Shin deserved it some.

Ikki shook his head. “I thought we settled this, Shin.”

“It’s not what she thinks. It was the scar.”

“The scar?” Waka asked, frowning. “Which scar?”

“It doesn’t matter, Waka. He can’t justify harassing Kent just because we’re married and—”

“The scar on Kent’s wrist looked the same as the ones on the bodies we’ve been dealing with,” Shin said. “I’m not being a jerk, even if I was worried about you. And don’t tell me to stop that because that’s not how it works. It doesn’t just shut off. I care about you, okay? And it’s not—I thought Kent might know something about our case. That and the weird way he was acting around Ikki… I just wanted to clarify some things.”

“The scar is the same,” Waka repeated, and Ikki frowned, watching him with suspicion. “Excuse me for a moment.”

He went back inside, leaving them all there confused and a bit suspicious.

“It can’t be related,” Kokoa said, though she looked scared as hell now. “It can’t. He… Kent saw him get hit by that bus… he’s dead, okay? Don’t you dare start saying that bastard is alive and after him again. Don’t.”

She turned and fled inside as well. Ikki caught the door before it could close, running after her. She managed to clear the inner doors before he and Shin reached them, and they shut behind her, locking in place.

“Damn it.”

* * *

“Ah, bloody hell. Not this again. No favors. Never again. We’re even, remember?”

“Hardly. You let your guard down and Kent was taken, therefore you still owe me,” Waka said, shifting the phone to his other hand as he walked through the halls, aware of what would likely happen in his absence. “The body in the morgue in London. You swear it was Yuzuru’s.”

“It was the bloody bastard who hit me over the head and stabbed me in the gut. I know what I saw. He got in wearing a coat like Kent’s, and I realized a moment too late it wasn’t Kent, but I saw his face. That was the body in the morgue. On me mother’s life it was.”

Waka hung up on him, shaking his head. Perhaps this was only paranoia, though Waka tended to believe his instincts more prudent than paranoid. He did want to be wrong in this case. Shamus said he saw the man who’d attacked him, and Kent had been sure it was Yuzuru in the car, so perhaps this was a false alarm, but he would not be assured of that until he could verify a few things for himself and had all the facts.

Waka opened the doors to Shin and Ikki, holding them open as the boys passed through.

“Tell me what you know.”

Shin shook his head. “Waka, it doesn’t work like that. You’re a civilian. We’re cops. You have to tell us what you know.”

“I do not have to disclose anything to you, and I will not if I do not think it has pertinence to what you are investigating,” Waka said. “I repeat—tell me what you know.”

“I’d like to know what anyone knows at this point, since I’m apparently the only one who doesn’t know about Ken’s scars and this guy,” Ikki said, hurt evident in his voice. “What are we even talking about?”

“Your case. Now.”

“It can’t tie to Kent if the guy died in London, can it?” Shin asked, folding his arms over his chest. “So why should we tell you anything?”

Ikki shook his head. “I have no interest in this pissing contest, okay? I want to know what’s going on with Ken. I don’t remember seeing a scar yesterday, and you didn’t say it looked like one of them, Shin. You know you didn’t.”

“You were obsessing enough over Kent as it was. I wasn’t sure, since I only saw it for a second before he moved his arm again, but it did look like the marks they had on their wrists. Kent said he was attacked but the guy died in London, right? Your friend verified that.”

Waka nodded. “I just spoke to him, and he said the same thing as before. The body in the morgue was the same one who attacked him and abducted Kent.”

“You had one of your friends with Kent?”

“Because of Kokoa, right?” Shin asked. “Michio was dead, Kent said that much, but the drug dealer that bastard sold her to was still out there, so she had protection… which meant Kent had protection. Wait. Did she contact you after it happened?”

Waka shook his head. “No. Kent was there when she made it to the police and was unable to give her statement because she was too traumatized to stick to English and they did not have a Japanese translator on staff. He was able to translate for her and remained with her at the hospital. He was the one who contacted me. I arranged for someone who owed me a favor to watch over them until Kokoa’s passport was reissued.”

“He did a lousy job if this guy got Kent on his watch.”

“I still have not forgiven him for that,” Waka said. “After he disappeared, I took charge of their safety myself. I saw them safely back to Japan when they decided it was what they wanted, and I have helped them out from time to time here.”

“Ken didn’t tell me about any of this.”

“He said Waka told him about your problems,” Shin said. “Apparently Kent didn’t think you should have to deal with his problems, too, and it was over, so why bother telling you?”

Ikki shook his head. “That’s not… I would have wanted to help. Or… Hell, I’d have joined them in this place after that disaster that my life became. I wish he’d told me.”

Waka did not think it would have been wise, not with how badly Ikki had blamed himself for that girl trying to kill the others and that company going bankrupt. If he had learned that Yuzuru’s hatred of him had led to as much as Kent had suffered, it might well have pushed him over the edge. As it was, Waka had one hell of a time pulling Ikki out of the alcoholic despair he’d gone into after it all happened.

“And you should have,” Ikki said. “What the hell is wrong with you? It’s not even that you played both sides, no, because even when you were acting like a friend and sobering me up, you knew all along that Ken had been hurt and didn’t say a damned thing, though you told him all about my mess. What is that about? Playing favorites, then?”

Waka shook his head. “It is more complicated than that.”

* * *

“You’re shaking.”

“I’m sorry,” Kokoa whispered into his shirt, and Kent frowned, not sure what he had done to set her off this time. Was it just showing up unannounced with Waka? No, wait, he had told her about Shin’s visit.

And a lot more, things he did not believe he’d actually said before, and they likely unsettled her. Kent did not like to admit to them, that much was true, because he knew it was even more pathetic of him to want to give up after what Yuzuru did. That feeling went well beyond the conviction he’d had that he should have died the first time. Kent had _wanted_ to die after the second one, and he had come close enough to scare himself more than once.

Without her… he might have done it.

“No, I am. I… I wanted to try and avoid reliving the whole of London’s nightmare, but I didn’t think about what this would do to you.”

“No. I’m glad you came. I always want you to come to me,” she said, holding on tighter than before. “I… I told Shin off, but he… no. he’s wrong. He has to be wrong, and that’s all there is to it.”

Kent frowned, reaching up to comb his fingers through her hair. He did find it fascinating, the way it seemed to change colors, not just because of the light, either. “I don’t understand. If he said something about me that… you know whatever it is, it’s untrue. I can’t think of—No, I suppose that’s not true… Yuzuru did twist that part, too, said that Ikkyu and I were… but that… it’s not true. We were friends. Only friends. I am attracted to women… you in particular… and… So if it was about that, ignore it, please. That...”

“Kent, breathe, please,” she said, touching his face in worry as he fought the panic attack robbing him of air. “That’s not it, okay? That… I know Yuzuru used that against you in the worst way possible, but that wasn’t what Shin said, and Yuzuru was wrong, and he’s dead. Just… try and breathe. We’ll both breathe. You can count if you want. Do the Fibonacci sequence or recite pi.”

He smiled a bit through his struggles to breathe, knowing full well he couldn’t count but loving her for suggesting either of those things. He held onto her and felt himself start to calm with the numbers she’d suggested in his head.

“Thank you,” he whispered. It was inadequate, he wanted to tell her so much more, but he’d just made a mess of it and this was pathetic as well. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I hardly feel like that is true.”

“It is. Kent, I’d tell you if you did something that upset me, and you didn’t. I might be worried, but mostly I just wish I knew a better way to help you with this. For all my training, I never seem to manage to do any good. I can’t seem to help you see that it wasn’t anything you did, only Yuzuru.”

“Logically, I know that. I tell myself that. And yet…” Kent sighed. “It is not your fault my brain won’t accept the logic. It’s not even a flaw in your training. You have tried several methods with me, none of which have had much success, and I did refuse others like hypnosis and EMDR.”

She nodded. “I know.”

Kent had a strange impulse to kiss her, but he did not. That was too confusing under the circumstances. “I am very tired again.”

She nodded. “Me, too, but Kent… I don’t know that Shin or Ikki left after I did. Waka had already gone… I think he was calling Shamus—”

“Shamus? Why would he call Shamus now?”

“Shin said that the scar on your arm was like the marks on the victims in their current case. He has to be wrong, Yuzuru is dead, but… when Waka walked off and I… I panicked myself and came back to you. I… it can’t be true. He can’t get you again. I… I can’t let that happen. I can’t lose you.”

Kent held her close. “Shh. It’s not going to happen. As much as sometimes it feels like he’s still out there, that’s… that is the post-traumatic stress. He’s dead. I know I was injured and I passed out as soon as I saw it happen, but he… he called my name, and that bus hit him… and he’s dead.”

“He’s dead,” Kokoa repeated, but Kent had the unpleasant feeling that neither of them believed that now.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The discussion of the possible connection continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a bit stuck, and then I started writing Ikki's flashbacks. They are kind of overdue, actually, though I think in them being here, one can kind of see where the moments match up with some of the pieces from Kent's memories. Then I was tripped up by the scenes I'd written to continue the current time line, at least until I flipped their order and let them lead into Ikki's flashbacks. I'm hoping that works. 
> 
> Also, I made a cover art for this story and I'm tempted to put it on every chapter, though I probably shouldn't, but I'm at least going to add it to chapter one, so... I'm saying this here because I finished it last night and this is the first update since then, so... now people are informed in case they skipped over that chapter when going to updates.

* * *

 “I believe that disclosing certain points of this matter when you were at your lowest following the loss of the company and then that woman would have been detrimental to your recovery,” Waka said, and Shin found himself frowning again. Why would it be that bad if Ikki knew about what happened to Kent? That was unrelated, and Ikki was not like Toma, who took the protective thing way too far and would have lost it to know that someone he cared about had been hurt when he wasn’t around to keep them safe. Hell, Toma would never have let Kent go to London if it was him. He’d have found some way to keep him in Japan, just like he’d tried to do for Kokoa.

“Are you sure that’s all it is?” Shin asked, folding his arms over his chest. “You’re doing a hell of a lot to block us from knowing what went down in London, and I don’t like it.”

“There is a great deal of this that Kent would not want either of you to know, as he blames himself for far more of it than he should. He was unable to protect himself, and he feels he should have known the attack was coming.”

“How? If this guy got him at random, that doesn’t make sense. He said it wasn’t Michio’s drug dealer, and what does that leave? I guess I’d lean towards someone who hated foreign immigrants and tourists and went after Kent because he’s Japanese with what I do know so far. Unless this was about you, Waka, and whatever it was you did over there that gave you someone to ask to watch over them.”

“That I cannot discuss.”

“Of course not.” Shin didn’t doubt it was classified or maybe even illegal. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. “Still, you’re not helping anything if this guy really is out there. You let your friend identify him. Why not Kent?”

“His injuries from the attack were severe. Some went septic, and he almost died before he reached the hospital.”

Ikki flinched, and Shin supposed that was part of why Waka held this back. It was bad.

“He survived the surgeries, but was comatose for a week. Kokoa had become rather dependent on him. I stayed close to her, as they kept threatening to have her removed, which would have set her recovery back a great deal. My associate made the preliminary identification. I was told it would be verified by other means as well.”

Shin nodded. That did sound like Waka had covered his bases as well as he could have. “You never checked to confirm that it was done?”

Waka folded his arms over his chest. “Exactly what kind of a fool do you take me for, Shin? I had no reason to accept any of it at face value aside from what Kent told me because I know him and I know he did not lie. The others I was less assured of, but yes, there were tests done.”

“So this guy is dead?”

“I was willing to accept that he was before.”

“Not now?”

Waka took off his glasses and started cleaning them. “Your case calls it into question, yes, which is why I wanted more information to be sure. It is true that scar on Kent’s wrist is a bit unique, but far from conclusive proof the two things are related.”

“A name would be a start,” Shin said. “We just spent the better part of the morning eliminating our other leads, and we came back to talk to Hina because we’ve got nothing besides the ‘annoying guy’ in her brother’s life to go on since it doesn’t look like her ex had anything to do with it. Let us eliminate him as a possibility for ourselves.”

“I’m surprised you’re willing to settle for that.”

“I would much rather get the whole thing out of Kent.” Shin wouldn’t lie about that. He wanted to know for sure it wasn’t connected, and that meant finding out all of what happened and more than likely, getting a good look at all of the damage done to Kent. Waka said injuries, but Shin had only seen one scar.

“She won’t forgive you for that,” Ikki said, “though I’d like to hear what he has to say about all this… I still… It’s still hard for me to understand why he didn’t tell me. I’m sure I poured my heart out in some drunken emails he probably didn’t want, but you know… I at least said it, right?”

“You did.” Waka turned away, though, just in time to see the doors open. Kent and Kokoa came in, her hand tightly wrapped around Kent’s. “You do not look well. I would rather have been able to reassure you immediately, but it would seem we are at a bit of an impasse here.”

Kent nodded, taking that far better than Kokoa did, since she moved protectively in front of him and glared at Shin. “Is there… any reason to believe… Shin’s suspicions are valid? I know what I saw, but I did not see his body, that is true. I...”

“Kent, that’s not your fault. You were in the hospital,” she said, wrapping her arms around him and shuddering. He touched her head, trying to soothe her.

“The only thing I can think of is that there were two men involved,” Waka said. “And I am not speaking of Shamus. While I have not forgiven him for the lapse that led to your abduction, I did not believe he was the type who could have been bought, and his injuries were not enough to break him and make him shift sides.”

“We are speaking of a man who continues to work for a cause that was officially disbanded years ago,” Kent agreed, making Shin frown again. “I… We did discuss this before, Waka. I...”

Waka nodded. “We did, and I know what you said then, but it may need to be said again.”

Kent grimaced. “I… I never saw anyone else. Never heard any other voices. I don’t even remember him talking to anyone but me. I… I can’t… I can’t be certain… there are still parts that… I don’t remember… but I only saw him after I woke up there and he’d already started… I don’t know. It… It was him in the street. That much I am sure of… I know that… the injuries… the drugs were gone by then, it was just that he’d… done those things… I dislocated my hand to get free when he was in the other room… I didn’t see or hear anyone else when I got out… my only thought was getting away… no, that is inaccurate… I wanted to see Kokoa again… make sure she was safe…”

She looked up at him, her eyes full of tears, and Kent smiled down at her, touching her cheek and wiping one of them away. That was unexpected, not something Shin would have thought he’d see from Kent, ever. He almost wished he wasn’t. This felt private, invasive. Wrong.

Kokoa hugged Kent tight. “I am so glad you got out of there. I was afraid I’d never see you again.”

Kent nodded. He took a breath and managed to look at Waka. “I… I did not see anyone else, not even after that. I… wandered into that street and… not sure how I made it across, but I was across it when I heard that voice and turned and… it was him. That part I am sure of.”

Kent finished with a shudder, and Kokoa shifted so she could hold him instead, trying to support him. He clung to her for a moment, and Shin tried not to react. It was strange as hell to see someone like Kent look so… fragile. He was never emotional, but this got to him good.

* * *

“They may need a minute,” Waka said, gesturing for Shin and Ikki to leave. Ikki looked reluctant, but Shin dragged him along, giving them some privacy. He might have found it difficult to watch. Waka shut the doors behind them, letting them lock.

“Hell, I need a minute,” Ikki said, leaning against the wall. “There’s so much going through my head right now, and I can’t… Ken almost died. And I didn’t even know. And I just… I don’t even know what to think right now. I…”

Waka knew that Kent had never wanted Ikki to learn of this, and to a degree Waka had supported that decision. Initially, he’d allowed Kent time to come to terms with it and speak to Ikki himself, as he’d asked. It was not that Waka believed that Ikki did not deserve to know, no, especially not when his own life was in danger, but Kent had not asked for Waka to keep Ikki from knowing that he was in danger, only not to disclose the details of the attack. Those wounds were private in many ways, things that others could not claim rights to know, not by friendship or blood. Waka felt sure Kent would have told Ikki once he’d had time to recover not just from the attack itself but from knowing he would never get justice. Kent had been too good a person to let Waka deal with Yuzuru, but there was not a day that passed that Waka did not believe he should have done it anyway.

If Yuzuru had made a move against Ikki, Waka would have, but he’d ensured Ikki’s safety perhaps too well. Yuzuru had no longer been able to get close despite his attempts to stalk Ikki.

Yuzuru had gone after Kent instead, and Waka had been too far away to stop him then.

“I’m a lousy friend. The worst. I thought it was bad not knowing he was married, but this… I didn’t even—”

“The hell, Ikki.” Shin cut him off. “Kent didn’t tell you. He could have, but he didn’t. He kept it from you. And so did Waka. You can’t expect to have known. What, by some magical math sense you two shared? Don’t be stupid.”

“His parents do not even know,” Waka said, and Ikki stared at him. “Kent never told them, either, though I did advise him otherwise in both cases.”

“His parents don’t know?”

“I asked,” Ikki said. “I asked her flat out what happened to Ken, and she didn’t know. She put it off as being because of Kokoa.”

“That is true. Both of his parents accept his decision to leave research and take up her family’s business was entirely based on his feelings for Kokoa.”

“I thought they were smart,” Shin said. “He’s their son, and they believe that? I didn’t buy it, and I barely know him.”

“You’re also suspicious of just about everything, Shin.”

“It didn’t make sense. Kent’s not the kind of guy who gets all emotional over a woman like that and drops everything for her.”

“Actually, he is. I told you before he did it for his mom.” Ikki grimaced. “I guess they’d have a hard time accepting it… If it was a random attack that came out of nowhere… they’re all about logic and statistics, and the odds are really against something random like that.”

“It was probably just Kent’s pride.”

Waka could not deny that Kent’s shame over what happened was a part of why he did not want others to know. His pride had been irrevocably damaged, that was true. “I believe Kent’s parents are more willing to accept his feelings for Kokoa as the change than they would be his post-traumatic stress. Having seen his reaction and knowing that by all reports his parents are even more logical than he is—and his logical side is no help to him in this matter, it keeps telling him that he should not feel what he does because it is so illogical—I doubt they would be able to understand what it is like for him when he goes into a fugue or even a more minor moment like this. You are having trouble grasping it, Shin. You did not think he could be so emotional, did you?”

“The damned truck,” Ikki said, shaking his head. “I used to say it about Ken falling in love, that it would hit like a truck, but… it’s not just love that would. The fear, the pain, the shame, the guilt...”

“That last one you know all too well,” Waka said. “You nearly drowned in it.”

Ikki nodded. “I did. I… I was a great mess before I decided to try being a cop. I still don’t remember why I chose it… think I was drunk at the time.”

“Figures,” Shin muttered, but for all his grumbling, Waka did think Shin liked working with Ikki. They did actually seem to be a good team. It was also nice to know that Ikki was not completely without friendship after the loss of his fan club and the rift that had formed between him and Kent because of Yuzuru. “Okay, back to the facts, Waka. Kent said you asked him about a second man before. Did you have reason to think there was one?”

“Nothing in particular, no. Closest I came to that was some questions I had about how the attack was pulled off in London.”

“Was your friend involved?”

“He was not a friend. He was a man who owed me a favor and had damned good reasons to want that debt repaid,” Waka said, adjusting his glasses. “Though given what happened, I believe I should have gone myself as soon as I knew of the situation.”

He could tell himself he was watching over Ikki. He was, and that had been necessary. Though at the time he had not known immediately that Yuzuru had abandoned his attempts to stalk Ikki to terrorize Kent instead, Waka had been aware of other events in Ikki’s life. Ikki’s job had disappeared, along with the company he’d worked for, and he’d been deep in a bottle blaming himself when that woman from his fan club attempted to kill the others.

Ikki was still dealing with the fallout of her actions when Waka got the call that Kent was missing. He’d seen Ikki to an alcoholic rehabilitation center and taken the first flight to London.

Waka was only one person, he knew that, and yet for all that he had done for Ikki, he had failed Kent when he needed Waka’s help the most. Trusting Shamus alone with his safety and Kokoa’s was a mistake Waka would never make again.

“You didn’t know this would happen,” Ikki said. “Kokoa was the one in danger. Kent was just watching over her and in the wrong place at the wrong time, right?”

Waka only wished that were true.

“Are you going to give us the name or not, Waka?”

“Yuzuru.”

* * *

_Ikki leaned against the wall, checking his phone again. He knew he annoyed Ken when he got drunk and “clingy,” but even so, he would have expected to have heard something from him by now. Even a simple comment about how excessive Ikki’s messages had gotten was to be expected. He was actually starting to get worried._

“ _Come on, Ken. Answer me already.”_

_He heard someone laughing and looked up with a frown. He would have thought he’d find someone from his fan club doing it, just because he was used to them hanging around or showing up uninvited no matter where he went, but he found himself looking at Yuzuru instead._

“ _What are you doing here?”_

“ _What, I can’t pass through an alley without it being a crime?”_

“ _No,” Ikki said, shaking his head. He didn’t know what it was with this guy, why he just wouldn’t quit and why he took it further than anyone else did. Ikki was used to people hating him because of his eyes, but Yuzuru was worse than most. Ikki tried to ignore him, but the guy never stopped, and he lost his temper one day._

_Ken was right to say that just made it worse, but ignoring it hadn’t changed much, either._

“ _Are you missing the little puppy dog?”_

“ _What?”_

“ _Your precious Ken. He’s like a pathetic dog that follows you around, so you must miss him, right? Need his adoration, too, since it’s not enough you get it from all the women. You have to have his, too, or you’re not complete. Disgusting.”_

_Ikki shook his head. “Ken does not follow me around like a dog. I mean, sure, I can talk him into things no one else could manage, but that’s different. He agrees because he’s curious or it’s some kind of research, and even if it wasn’t, there’s nothing wrong with him spending time with me. You act like that’s all he does when he spends ninety percent of his time in the lab. And Ken does not adore me. My fan club, yes. Ken, no. He treats me like a normal person. He’s my friend. You don’t understand that because you’re the one who has no friends—and that makes you pretty pathetic. Not Ken.”_

_Yuzuru just smiled. “And when was the last time you heard from Kent, anyway?”_

_Ikki frowned, not sure he wanted to answer that. Yuzuru couldn’t actually know anything about that, could he?_

“ _Kent is very busy, I’m sure,” Waka said, appearing out of nowhere and scaring Yuzuru, who just about pissed his pants. “As he moved up his departure for England.”_

“ _What?” Yuzuru asked, and Ikki almost did the same, but he refused to let Yuzuru have that moment._

_Waka eyed the other man so coldly Ikki thought he was about to see the rumors about his boss in action. “Ikki, your break is over. As for you, you were warned once, and if you set foot on my property again, I will make sure you never walk anywhere again.”_

_Ikki knew his break wasn’t over, he’d only barely gone outside when Yuzuru showed up, but he wasn’t about to argue with Waka right now. He went back inside, waiting for Waka to do the same. When Waka shut the door behind him, Ikki swallowed._

“ _Did you actually hear from Ken?”_

“ _Yes.” Waka started walking away from him, but Ikki kept pace with him. “He will not be able to complete any of the shifts he is currently scheduled for. I have to discuss this with Shin.”_

“ _Oh.”_

_Waka reached out to touch Ikki’s shoulder, surprising him. “Do not let that one near you again, Ikki. He is dangerous.”_

“ _Yuzuru? He’s pathetic.”_

_Waka shook his head. “Do not underestimate him. I have seen men like him before. There is nothing inside him. Others would call him evil. I do not make such distinctions, but I know what he is. He is a killer, and he hates you. Do not let your guard down. He will hurt you if he gets a chance.”_

_Ikki winced. “Damn it. You’re not kidding. I know you’re not, but… I wish to hell you were.”_

_Waka nodded. “I would rather my words were said in error or paranoia, but they are not. I know what he is, and I do not wish to see you harmed. Be careful. Extremely careful.”_

“ _The way he was talking about Ken…”_

_Waka tensed._

“ _I guess it’s a good thing he’s going to London early, right?”_

“ _I sincerely hope so.”_

* * *

_Ikki looked over his email and frowned. He knew Ken should have changed his number by now, he’d said he intended to have a local number and service while in England, and he’d use some other special service or phone card for his conversations with his parents—Ikki should go over and teach them to video conference. Ken’s mom might already know, but he wasn’t sure about his dad._

_He’d offer to do that in his next email._

_He was about to compose a new message when a new message popped up in his inbox, making him smile. Finally._

_He looked at the math problem and almost cursed Ken for it, much as he’d been looking forward to one of these. It had been too long already._

_And… what the hell? Was the rest of this message in code?_

_Ken must have a hell of a lot of time on his hands. Ikki would have figured he’d be busier than that, but somehow he didn’t seem to be. Ikki finished the first part of the code with relief, realizing it was a simple cipher and Ken must just be teasing him._

London is different. I find the weather the most difficult to adjust to, as it rains here far more than it used to, and I seem to feel it every time it does. The window outside the lab looks very dreary, as you would say. My mother keeps pestering me about eating. It is as if she forgot that I was a cook at Meido No Hitsuji for months, as she seems to think I cannot prepare meals for myself.

I know you are laughing now. You always say I need a keeper.

_Ikki did laugh then. He did say that, and it was true. Damn, he missed talking to Ken. This email had been weeks in the coming, and it was too short, already half over._

This position is an adjustment. I am used to the professors leaving me be to pursue what I might. My parents, too, would allow me to indulge whatever questions most interested me. These men are all about results. Worse, they are about social niceties. Where was that when they asked me to apply? I confess I remember no such thing, but they keep expecting me to do something that has been called “smoozing.”

_Ikki grimaced. Ken had to hate that. He really didn’t see the point in bothering with niceties. He’d be polite and little else._

I do have more to tell you, but I do not have time at present to speak of all it. I expect that once my routine is fully established, communication will be easier. The problem above should make you cry, and it is a shame I will miss you conceding defeat.

“ _Never,” Ikki said, more determined than ever to solve it and get it right the first try._

I will contact you again when I can.

_Ikki sighed, printing out the problem so he could work on it before settling in to type up his response. He picked it up from the printer and almost jumped when his phone rang. He would laugh again if that was Ken._

_He took out his phone and frowned. “Waka, I know I’m not scheduled to work today. I… Well, I know it puts you in a bind and all, but I did give my notice. I’m starting with that accounting firm in a couple days. I can’t take more shifts.”_

“ _Yuzuru was here.”_

“ _What? After you warned him off? That’s insane. I know he doesn’t know you like we know you, but you weren’t kidding, and I swear you scared him when you said it.”_

“ _I did, but it seems it was not enough. I saw him lurking in that same spot your fan club would use to watch you work.”_

_Ikki winced. “Damn. Look, I’m sorry, Waka. I don’t—I guess he really is off the deep end. I knew he never liked me, but he was all smiles and ‘let’s bury the hatchet’ the night Ken won that presentation. He even gave Ken a gift, the bastard.”_

“ _He did?”_

“ _Yeah, and Ken must have took it with him because I was going to throw it away, but I didn’t get a chance to. Well, I probably would have opened it first, I’d have been curious if he actually meant his whole ‘peace offering’ crap, but I doubt he did.”_

“ _I would say that’s a no. Ikki, go to the police. File harassment charges against him.”_

“ _He hasn’t actually—”_

“ _Stalking laws in this country are worse than a joke,” Waka said. “You need to start now before it is too late.”_

_Ikki shook his head. “Knowing who his father is, that’s a waste of time. I won’t get anywhere with it, I’ve got almost no proof, Ken’s in London and can’t tell them what he was like around me, so it would be my word against his, and I’m pretty sure with Yuzuru’s dad pulling the strings, his word will be the only one heard.”_

“ _I am certain he means you real harm. I do not want him to have a chance to get close.”_

“ _Waka, I’m fine.”_

“ _You’re not, but I will see to it you will be.”_

* * *

_Ikki sat down in his chair, grimacing. Work was uncomfortable at best. He was glad to see these women weren’t all falling for his eyes—maybe they were losing their effect? Only that didn’t seem to be enough because they were avoiding him, and the men, too._

_Half the office had been gone today, and Ikki knew it was his fault. They were all gone because of him and these damned eyes. He hated them. He almost wanted to cut them out. Maybe being blind would be better._

_He grimaced, shaking his head as he did. That was insane, though he was getting a little desperate these days._

_He heard something buzz, and he looked down at his phone, smiling when he saw he’d gotten another email from Ken._

Congratulations on solving the puzzle.

Have been given an unexpected problem at work. May not be able to talk much.

_Ikki sighed. That was far from what he’d hoped for, but at least Ken was doing well with his research, which was more than Ikki could say. Nothing seemed to be going his way these days—well, no, one good thing had happened—he hadn’t spotted Yuzuru anywhere in days, which he wanted to take as a good sign. He doubted it was any kind of report he’d made, as the police basically seemed to laugh it off like he’d expected, but Waka’s words had gotten to Ikki all the same._

_If the police didn’t do something, he figured Waka might, and that was both a relief and a curse all at the same time. He went to his contacts and made a call._

“ _I could use you for the Sunday shift if you’re in need of work.”_

_Ikki laughed. Trust Waka to say something like that. “Actually, I’ve got a bit too much right now. Almost everyone in the office is out sick, so… it’s bad. I’m drowning in it, but I guess it’s good to be in demand, right?”_

“ _One would hope so.”_

“ _Waka...”_

“ _What is it?”_

“ _I haven’t seen Yuzuru around in a bit. I was just… you didn’t do anything to him, did you?”_

“ _Are you actually worried about that man?”_

_Ikki snorted. “Hell, no. I just… I wouldn’t want you to have had to do that for me, okay? I don’t… I know he’s a bastard, but even at your worst, you’re a good guy, Waka, and I don’t want you doing something like that for me.”_

“ _I did not harm him. Perhaps I should have, but I did not.”_

_In spite of how much he hated Yuzuru, he was relieved to hear Waka hadn’t gone that far. Ikki caused people enough problems with his eyes. He didn’t want someone to think they had to kill for him. That would be wrong. If someone had to fight Yuzuru, it should be Ikki._

“ _It is possible he noticed the measures I took to ensure your safety. They’ll remain in place until I am certain he is not a threat.”_

“ _You mean you scared him off without doing anything?”_

“ _Of a sort.”_

“ _Waka—”_

“ _For all he is willing to taunt you to your face, he does not seem to favor a direct confrontation. I believe he would not even attempt to strike unless he felt he had an advantage, which he does not. That does not mean he would not attempt to speak to you, only that he might not take it further unless he could be sure of his victory.”_

“ _Guess I can see that. He does like to talk a lot. Didn’t seem to be able to take it when I told him Ken was doing fine in London. He really was convinced Ken couldn’t hack it there, but he’s doing pretty good from what I can tell. He does seem to be pretty busy. Said he got a new project, too.”_

“ _I am relieved to hear he is well and in communication with you. I will look into Yuzuru’s changed behavior. Do not let your guard down.”_

_Ikki almost said something teasing, but Waka’s tone was too serious for that, so he didn’t._

* * *

_Ikki looked at his phone and sighed again, bringing the glass to his lips. He knew this stuff was supposed to be drank by the shot, but the glass worked better for him right now since he’d broken the bottle taking it out of the cupboard._

_He’d destroyed an entire company with his eyes. A well-established, prestigious firm, and he’d made it crash and burn in only a few months. He couldn’t believe it. And yet he could, because these eyes, these cursed eyes._

_He was tempted, again, to cut them out._

_His phone rang, and he grimaced, answering it without looking at who was calling. “Unless you have another bottle of… whatever this is, I am not interested.”_

“ _I would not encourage you to further intoxication.”_

“ _Damn, for a minute there you sounded like Ken, Waka. It would be nice to hear his voice.”_

“ _I would say the same. I take it he hasn’t been in contact with you.”_

“ _Nope. No emails for weeks. I know he’s busy, but things are bad right now. I… Waka, I ruined an entire company. They lost all their clients. Went bankrupt. I tried, I tried so hard, but it was too much work for just me and I couldn’t keep it going when no one else would come in, and the rumors about that were crazy… and somehow… no one has confidence in them anymore and they’re pulling out and… it’s gone. A company that good, that established, that long-standing… and it’s gone in months because of my damned eyes.”_

_Waka seemed to grimace. “Ikki—”_

“ _I know it was me. I know they were avoiding me. It’s happened before, but not like this. I should just cut them out. Pry them out and—”_

“ _Don’t you dare,” Waka said. “I am on my way, so do not do anything stupid before I get there.”_

“ _You don’t have to do that. I don’t—I’m fine. Really.”_

“ _That is such an obvious lie it offends me,” Waka said. “And if you do harm yourself, I will make you regret it far more than your own actions.”_

_Ikki nodded. “Okay. I’m scared. I won’t do anything. Promise. Hey, Waka?”_

“ _What?”_

“ _You think you could do something with those old contacts of yours and see if Ken’s really okay? It’s so hard not being able to talk to him like I used to. He’d always have some logical reason for me or he’d tell me not to wallow in this because it was… stupid. And it is stupid, it is, but he’s the only one who has the guts to say that to my face.”_

“ _I will say it if it needs said.”_

“ _Not the same. But thank you.”_

“ _I am also sending someone over to see about Kent. My options in London are limited, but I will use what I can.”_

_Ikki smiled, curling up around his glass. “Thank you, Waka. I didn’t know you could be that kind.”_

“ _Trust me, Ikki. I am not.”_


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ikki remembers... and learns more painful truths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter... it hurt. And I cried. It was hard to get right... and it does hurt. Everyone is hurting.

* * *

 “ _Wake up.”_

_Ikki opened his eyes, not entirely sure why he was looking at Waka. He knew he hadn’t opened the door. That was for sure. He’d brought a few bottles home, set them on the table, and he was pretty sure he’d gotten through most of them last night._

_He’d been trying to drown out Rika’s voice, but he couldn’t. He could still hear her._ You can’t monopolize Ikki. You have to share him. Three months is all you get. If you do not do daily reports, you cannot date him. You know the rules.

_She’d said it other ways, too, in so many other emails and videos, things that woman had collected to justify trying to kill Rika and the others, but that didn’t make it right. Didn’t make it possible to forget. Rika had been his friend back in middle school. How could she do this to him for so long and keep saying it was for his good? It wasn’t._

_She’d destroyed any chance he had of a real relationship, and he hated her for it._

_He hated his eyes more._

“ _This has to stop, Ikki.”_

“ _I know. I’ll just cut out my eyes, and it’ll be fine.”_

“ _No, you will not. You will, however, get sober and refuse to let these women take advantage of you again. It doesn’t matter what your eyes did. They were wrong. That does not mean that it ends here. You have the opportunity now to be free in a way you were not before, and if I learned nothing else in my time in the military, it is that chances like this must be taken.”_

_Ikki put a hand to his head. “It is strange to hear you being… inspirational.”_

_Waka leaned down into his face. “I can make it an order and bark it to your face if you prefer.”_

“ _Not really.”_

“ _Good. Get up.”_

_Ikki grimaced. “No. If I move, I’ll hurl.”_

“ _If you vomit on me, I will make you regret it. Now get up. We do not have much time.”_

_Ikki shook his head. “I’ve got nothing but time. I can’t get hired, but I can get any woman I want… I don’t even want them, but I can have them… and they’ll give me alcohol or pay my rent… and I hate this… but it never ends.”_

“ _It will once you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start actively working to change things. There are jobs where your eyes won’t be a factor. You can find one. It may not be your ideal, but it is possible. And you do not have to date any woman who is only interested in your eyes. You can do better than this. It is time you started. That means getting sober, to begin with, and the rest will come after.”_

“ _Why bother? Not even Ken will talk to me anymore.”_

_Waka grimaced, but he shook his head. “Exactly what do I look like, Ikki?”_

“ _A very scary man in an odd coat?”_

_That almost seemed to get a laugh out of him. “Come on. On your feet. I’m going to get you started, but the rest will be up to you. You can fight this. You know you should. Kent would say the same.”_

“ _He hasn’t emailed me in months.”_

“ _I doubt that would change his opinion, and you do not know that he does not want to, only that he has not been able to, which is different. Up. Now. Or I will take you as you are, and I do not think you want that.” Waka gave Ikki a pointed look, and he glanced down to see he was only half-dressed. He didn’t remember taking off his pants, and he had no idea where they were._

“ _Um...”_

“ _You will not keep doing this. Once you are sober enough to see past the guilt, you can make changes. It will be your choice to make them, of course, but until you stop using this as a substitute for dealing with your problems, you won’t even be able to see that one exists.”_

“ _That sounds a bit like something Ken said.”_

“ _Did he now?”_

_Ikki nodded. “He said that while I might feel some minor relief from self-medicating with alcohol, it didn’t change the underlying issue and like any illness, treating the symptoms and not the cause would not make it better. He was kind of mad at me because I shut him down about more experiments on my eyes. I was just so tired of it, but maybe if I had… maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”_

“ _I do not know that there is a cure for your condition, but I do know you have chosen a poor method of coping with it. If nothing else, you can learn others where I’m taking you.”_

_Ikki wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that, even if it did seem like Waka was doing this to help him. He wouldn’t have expected it of Waka, either. “Why are you doing this?”_

“ _I made a promise.”_

_Ikki tried to remember what that was, but Waka didn’t give him time for that. He tapped him on the head—no, tapped was the wrong word, that hurt._

“ _I have always believed you were capable of more. You are not a stupid man, Ikki. Stop acting like one. Others may have helped create that prison for you, but you also chose to stay in it.”_

_Ikki didn’t want to hear that, but he didn’t know that he could argue with it, either._

* * *

“ _I… I have to thank you,” Ikki said, adjusting his sunglasses and looking out the window, trying not to be too aware of the fact that he was being watched. He understood why, but it was a bit difficult all the same. “I didn’t think I wanted this, and if I’d been more sober, I might have fought you about it, but you were right. This was what I needed.”_

_He didn’t love rehab. He wouldn’t say that. Still, he’d found he did have a different perspective now that he was sober. He’d been an idiot, he knew that now, since drinking didn’t fix anything, and he could have taken other steps to end the fan club drama before, but he hadn’t wanted to hurt them, so he didn’t. He hadn’t really understood that what he was doing wasn’t kindness._

_He’d heard that a few times in here, though with a lot less judgment than he’d expected. These other men in his group therapy had done stupid things, so none of them was in a position to judge, and most of them were in here because they’d hit much further of a rock bottom than Ikki had._

_He was lucky. He had someone who still cared enough to make him face what he was._

“ _I am glad.”_

“ _You sound tired, Waka. This a bad time?”_

“ _No, it is good, finally, but it was rough for a while.”_

“ _Oh.” Ikki hadn’t known. “I’m sorry. I… I only just got phone privileges back today. They kept them from us so we wouldn’t do anything stupid, which was probably good, but still… I didn’t know what was going on out there until now. I didn’t mean to bother you.”_

“ _You are not.”_

“ _I owe you. I do.. I… I don’t even think Ken would have made me do this, but I needed to. I didn’t see it, but I do now. You were right. He was right. A lot of people were right. I could have changed this sooner. I didn’t want to admit it, but I could have. I thought I was doing the right thing for everyone, but it wasn’t right for anyone.”_

“ _It is good you see that.”_

“ _Seriously, Waka, is something wrong? You don’t sound good.”_

“ _I told you. It is fatigue.”_

“ _You didn’t go and dump me in here because you were dying or something, did you?”_

_Waka laughed a little. “No. That would hardly be my… style, if you want to call it that. No, it is… It was a long week, that is all. I meant to warn you I’d be out of contact, but it seems that was unnecessary.”_

“ _Out of contact?”_

“ _I have been at the hospital. A friend was injured and has been in a coma. He regained consciousness not long ago. It pleases me to hear you are also improving. The timing seems fitting.”_

_Ikki laughed a little. “I guess. I hope your friend gets better. I think that they’re taking my phone away for a bit. I… I did want to thank you.”_

“ _You are welcome. You should also know that I will hold a job for you at Meido No Hitsuji while you figure out your next steps.”_

_Ikki could cry over that. He felt stupid, but it was true. “Thank you. Again.”_

“ _I will see you when you are finished. I’m proud of you, Ikki.”_

* * *

“ _You think it would be weird if I became a cop?”_

_Waka looked up from the food he was making, and Ikki almost regretted saying anything. He would have liked to have talked this over with Ken, but Ken still hadn’t contacted him. Ikki didn’t know what was going on with him. Maybe he was just busy._

_Ikki hoped he was just busy._

“ _Is that what you think you should do?”_

_Ikki shrugged. He still wasn’t sure of much. “I’ve been trying to figure out what I could do that wouldn’t be an abuse of my eyes or a waste of my brain, and while I did get some modeling offers, even now, I don’t want to do that. I want to be more than my eyes.”_

“ _So a job as a public servant has appeal for you.”_

“ _Well, a bit. I mean, I’d still probably cause trouble in an office situation, and I don’t want to do what Toma did and become a lawyer. I think Shin even got fed up with it and changed paths. I was never interested in research like Ken, and I did think about doing accounting from home, but I think that’s a bit… risky.”_

“ _Too many unsupervised hours?”_

_Ikki nodded. “Yeah, that. Exactly. It would have some advantages like reducing the amount of people I meet or the likelihood of someone stalking me because I never go out—”_

“ _I have learned that Yuzuru is dead. If he was the stalker you meant, you no longer have to fear him. He was killed in an accident while crossing the street.”_

_Ikki snorted. “Seems fitting. He was too stupid to check traffic. That’s a relief, though I was a bit concerned about the fan club, still. Some of them didn’t take me seriously when I broke it up and told them never to start back up again.”_

“ _They may try, but what they do is not what you do. If you act like it is dead, it can never be what it was. You will have be far more selective about your dates than you were.”_

_Ikki nodded. “I already knew that. It’s a long shot, but I’m going to find someone who sees more than the eyes. It’s not impossible. Kokoa was immune, and Ken didn’t care. People who can see past the eyes exist. I was letting them be the exception when I should have made them the rule. I’ll stick to the people who can see past it, even if they are rare.”_

“ _That seems wise.”_

“ _It’s funny how much smarter you get when you stop drinking.”_

_Waka smiled. “Indeed.”_

“ _I kind of wish I could tell Ken about all this. He might laugh, and he’d say it took me long enough, but he’d probably be proud of me, too. I like to think so, anyway.”_

“ _I believe he would be,” Waka said. “I don’t think he would ever want less than the best for you as he knows better than anyone what you’re capable of. It may simply be that this part of his life is… difficult and he’s having trouble coping with it, so he has no idea how to support you, and being Kent, he simply avoids what he cannot do because it’s impractical to do otherwise.”_

_Ikki laughed. “Yeah, that does sound like Ken.”_

“ _To answer your earlier question, I do not think it would be ‘weird’ if you were a cop. I believe you have some things to offer the position that few do.”_

_Ikki found himself grinning. “It’s worth a shot, at least, right? Maybe it’s not the right path, but I won’t know until I try, so I’m going to try. No more wishes. No more letting the eyes hold me back. I’m at least trying from now on.”_

“ _Good. And while you are at it, try to remember to that the bell means you greet the customers.”_

_Ikki winced and rushed off to get the door._

* * *

“That name sounds rather Japanese, not English,” Shin said, eying Waka with a frown. Waka did not respond, watching Ikki instead, and there was something up with that, because Ikki looked like he’d been sucker punched and then some. “What the hell am I missing?”

“No,” Ikki said. “It wasn’t him. Not _that_ Yuzuru. He hated me, I know that, but he was in Japan. He was even stalking me for a while, or at least it seemed like it. Why would you say he was responsible for what happened to Ken in London?”

Oh, damn. Shin knew, he didn’t like it, but he did. It all fit, didn’t it? No wonder Kent never told Ikki about it, why Waka kept it from him, too. This bastard who hated Ikki had gone after Kent. On purpose. Nothing random about this attack. He’d targeted Kent, and he’d tortured him. All because he was Ikki’s friend.

Before Waka answered that, Kokoa pushed open the doors. She grimaced a little, trying to force a smile, but it didn’t work. “Um, Kent’s not feeling very good, so I’m going to walk him home.”

“Wait,” Shin said, because if this was connected, they needed Kent. That name wasn’t enough, even if it was about to do Ikki in over there. “We still need to talk to him.”

“Shin, please,” she began, wincing. “Kent’s not up to this right now. You have no idea what it does to either of us, fearing that somehow he’s still out there, and it’s not… It’s not any easier for me. I almost lost him. It was my fault. I couldn’t face going to see Michio’s body, and because of that… please. Just leave us alone for now.”

Shin didn’t want to go against her when she was pleading like that, but he couldn’t just let it go like she wanted. “Kokoa, if he is alive, then you don’t want to go before we’re sure. We need to be looking for this bastard. We need to be sure, and I don’t think anyone but Kent can tell us if we’re right about this or not.”

Ikki pushed past him, past her and through the doors. He went over to where Kent was sitting and knelt down next to him. “Tell me he didn’t do this to you because of me. Did he?”

Kent grimaced. “Ikkyu...”

“Don’t lie. Not that you can, you can’t, but you… damn it, Ken. I can’t even tell you how sorry I am,” Ikki said, and Shin did think he might even cry. “I knew he… he said some stuff, even followed me around some, but I thought you were safe… you were in London. I didn’t… I didn’t know he’d go that far. These eyes, again, always the eyes… I… I’m sorry.”

He reached over like he was going to hug Kent, but Kent jerked away from him, shuddering. “Don’t.”

“You must hate me,” Ikki whispered. “I… it is my fault. I—”

“No,” Kent choked out. “He wanted that. He wanted it to be that… told me it was why, but I knew… nothing he said about you was true… those things he said… about us… it wasn’t… None of it true. Not real. It wasn’t your doing, no matter what he said. What he did, that was him, not you, but he… he said it over and over again… and the rational part of my brain knows better… but the irrational part of me… it kept replaying his voice… I couldn’t face you… but I didn’t hate you.”

Ikki winced. “Ken… there isn’t anything I can say or do to make up for that—”

“I told you. It’s not what you did. Yuzuru acted on his own.”

Shin didn’t know that it would matter what Kent said. Ikki would still blame himself for it, which was why Waka and Kent had kept it from him. Shin glanced towards Waka, who had his hand on Kokoa’s shoulder as if to reassure her. She didn’t look much better than Kent did, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Maybe he did, but he still did it because of me. I’d never really seen him have a problem with you until after you left for London. He said some stupid crap about you before Waka ran him off, and he made me mad, but I didn’t know he’d do this. If he did it because he couldn’t get to me...”

Kent turned away, and Shin figured Ikki was on the mark there, or at least Yuzuru had said as much to Kent. Bastard. Blaming Ikki for all of it, and for what?

“Was this over math?”

“It… may have started out that way… he was… a rival in our same department at college, but… he did not leave it at that… he had nothing… besides his father’s money… and influence… mediocre at best in math… couldn’t compete with Ikkyu when they applied for the same position… he also felt… he lost women to Ikkyu… he was in every way inferior… and he knew it...”

“I always just thought he was pathetic. I didn’t think he was capable of anything until Waka warned me about him.”

Kent nodded. “I felt the same… before he… thought it as a prank at first...”

Shin winced. Kent had no idea what was coming, did he? Not that it would have made much difference if he had, but at least Waka had seen enough to warn Ikki. Neither one of them warned Kent, though.

Shin gave Kokoa another glance. She probably wasn’t going to like this, but they had to know, didn’t they? “Any chance he wasn’t working alone?”

“He was always alone when he came near me,” Ikki said, “though that’s not proof of much.”

Kent put a hand to his head, and Shin could see it shaking from here. “I… From what I remember, no, but… there are some gaps. I… I was drugged… part of that time is… completely gone. Other parts are… incomplete flashes… but I only ever remember seeing… or hearing… Yuzuru.”

Shin nodded. That probably meant it wasn’t the same guy, but Shin didn’t want to assume anything at this point. “I’d like to see your arm, Kent. The whole scar. It was pretty damned specific the way our killer did it, and I don’t want it to be the same, but if it is… you and Kokoa and Ikki need protective custody.”

Kent swallowed, and that time Kokoa did rush to his side. “Don’t. I will vomit on you.”

“I don’t care,” she told him, trying to ease him into her lap. “Just breathe, okay? Rest and breathe. I’m here.”

She put her hand on his head and he shuddered but did not pull away, closing his eyes. He did look like he was going to be sick all over her, and Ikki didn’t look much better.

She looked up at Shin. “You just had to push, didn’t you?”

“I am trying to help. I don’t want this to be connected, but if it is… pretending it’s not won’t help any. We can settle this and get you home.”

“Let me see the other scars, then. I can tell you if they’re the same.”

“Kokoa, that’s—”

“If you want a fast answer, that’s how you’ll get it, but if you push Kent again, I swear I will hurt you. I… I’ll kick you in the balls if I have to.”

* * *

“So fierce… so brave,” Kent whispered, still shaking against her. She wasn’t even sure why he was still conscious at this point. Usually by now he’d be lost to the fugue or so tired he couldn’t stay awake to fight it any longer.

“Only for you,” she said, combing her fingers through his hair. “You make it easy… can face anything as long as I’m doing it for you.”

“Not just for me… for anyone here...”

She supposed she did fight for the women at the shelter, but it wasn’t the same. She knew she had Kent to stand behind her—Waka, too, she supposed—and facing down some abusive boyfriend or husband wasn’t that scary knowing that. They might laugh at her, small and furious, but they almost always backed off without Kent having to say a word. He was still intimidatingly tall, and he tended to get angry if someone threatened her.

He might break down over it afterward and beg her not to do that again because she’d scared him, but he was so strong when it mattered. He always was. Even now. He was trying so hard.

“We are talking about dead bodies. And an active case.”

“Shin, just give her the damned pictures,” Ikki said, looking just as miserable as Kent did. “She’s not going to lie about it. She’s got no reason to protect the bastard that did this to Kent. If they’re the same, she’ll tell us.”

Shin grimaced. “It’s not like I have them in my pocket, Ikki. We’d have to go get them. Or get secure access to the files here. It would actually be simpler if Kent just showed us.”

“No,” Kent said, and before she could react, he was up off her lap and down the hall. She flinched as the bathroom door slammed shut behind him.

Waka moved to block Shin and Ikki from going after him. “Don’t. You will only make it worse.”

Kokoa pulled herself up and adjusted her skirt, trying to calm herself and give Kent some time. He hated being so “weak” in front of people, and she didn’t want to stress him further. He was already struggling badly, and it was making him sick.

“All I said was the truth. I don’t have the pictures to give you.”

She put her hand to her head, feeling a dull ache as she became aware she hadn’t actually eaten today since Kent showed up so early. “It… it actually isn’t… you… not exactly… I… Kent is really sensitive about the scars… Yuzuru… would trace them… and talk about… how he enjoyed making them… how it was… how it was because of something Ikki did… Yuzuru… talked about him like… a possession… that each scar… showed how much Kent was his and not Ikki’s...”

“Damn it.”

“Kent rarely leaves them uncovered, and sometimes it’s too much if I happen to graze one of them,” she said. “I tried to spare him that, but… He’s really struggling right now. It’s worse than it’s been in years. I… I don’t actually think he’s been this bad since… since before we left London.”

“You can go to him now,” Waka said. “Enough time should have passed.”

She nodded, leaving the others behind as she went to Kent’s side.

* * *

“Damn it,” Ikki said, leaning back against the wall. “That bastard. I… There’s a part of me who wants him to be alive so I can kill him. I… I don’t even understand. It… I don’t… Damn it.”

He didn’t know how to feel. Part of him was still in shock, part of him was so angry he wanted to break something, and the rest of him didn’t know how Ken didn’t hate him. He hated himself more than ever. He’d thought he felt bad when the company went under, and he’d felt worse when that woman almost killed people over him, but now… He understood why someone would commit seppuku. He wanted to. This wasn’t that same old urge to cut out his eyes.

“Hey,” Shin said, shoving him. He didn’t push hard, though he could have, and Ikki almost fell anyway. “Don’t you dare go wallowing in guilt now.”

“Excuse me?”

“The bastard used your best friend to get to you. He did. No denying that, but Ikki—Kent didn’t want you blaming yourself for this. He said it, and he kept it from you for the same damned reason. If you go blaming yourself and drowning in guilt, you will let that sick bastard win. Don’t you dare. He doesn’t get that from you.”

Ikki frowned. He hadn’t expected that from Shin. They weren’t friends, Shin had said that just the other day, but now he was acting weird. Ikki must look like a real mess, but even so, he wouldn’t have thought Shin would be showing his soft side to him.

“Shin is correct. Kent did not want you to blame yourself.”

Ikki grimaced. “You knew he was suffering. You knew, and you didn’t tell me. All that time. You said… you… that friend in the coma was Ken and you didn’t say anything.”

Waka nodded. “I didn’t, but if you consider how you are now and where you were then, you should understand why I did not. When I left for London, you were ready to cut out your eyes. You would have done that and more if I had told you that Kent had been harmed by Yuzuru.”

Ikki ran a hand through his hair. He couldn’t really deny it. He’d been in a bad place when Waka forced him into rehab. He’d nearly destroyed his life, but Waka making him take that step was a wake up call, and he’d made real changes afterward.

“And you left him behind?” Shin asked, frowning. “That doesn’t seem like you.”

“He locked me in rehab first, actually,” Ikki said. “Don’t look at me like that. I know I still drink, but not like I did. A few after a rough case is not the same as the bottles and binges I went on before, okay? I have learned moderation. And no, that wasn’t what they taught me—most of them say no drinks at all. I just… I modified that a little.”

“Any change Ikki made had to be his own, but he needed the clarity to do it. That facility was a place where he could sober up and see things as they really were.”

Shin nodded. “Guess that makes sense.”

Ikki looked back down the hall. Ken still hadn’t come back, and there was no sign of Kokoa. “Waka, when Ken—”

“If his condition had deteriorated, I would have sent for you. I would not have kept it from you. Kent stayed stable, just comatose. When he woke… It was not wise to bring the two of you together at that time.”

Ikki swallowed. “You… Me being there would have hurt Ken? That much?”

“Don’t start again.”

“Shin—”

“I’m not doing this with you, Ikki. You do not get to wallow.”

Ikki shook his head. He couldn’t ignore it, couldn’t pretend he didn’t hear what he heard or that he wasn’t at fault here. “Waka, was Ken suicidal?”

Waka closed his eyes. “Kent had almost no experience dealing with his emotions before that attack, and his logical side has never been able to accept that what he was feeling was natural or acceptable. He does not know how to cope with the overwhelming feelings he experiences in the aftermath of it. He cannot forgive himself for the weakness he sees not only in being unable to defend himself but also in the emotional responses that still happen.”

“It wasn’t his fault.”

“Nevertheless, I believe if he had not had Kokoa to watch over and help, he may well have seen ending his own life as the only logical response to his situation.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent remembers more and a theory starts to form about what happened in London.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long and still pretty painful... it fills in a few more blanks, but it's not happy stuff.

* * *

 “ _I’m not sure if this one is my favorite or not,” Yuzuru said, tracing his finger along the mark that ran along Kent’s wrist. “It was so much fun breaking it. Hearing it snap like it did. The sound was incredible. So were your screams.”_

_Kent shuddered, trying to pull away from Yuzuru even though there was nowhere to go. He’d woken up in another strange place, and he didn’t know where he was, but he was once again bound and at this bastard’s mercy._

_Except that expression was inaccurate. Yuzuru had no mercy in him._

“ _Yes, I should really just keep you forever like this,” Yuzuru said, and Kent tried not to flinch. “I can admire each and every mark you have, these little lines that say you belong to me—”_

“ _I do not. Stop saying that. I am not your possession.”_

_Yuzuru laughed, putting his hand over where he’d stabbed Kent before, making Kent try and pull away, right into Yuzuru, who grinned so smugly Kent wished he could kill him. “You are. I suppose you still think your precious Ikki can save you, but he won’t. He cowered behind your old boss. Couldn’t even handle a girl on his own. Had to have the cops save him from her.”_

“ _That woman was deranged,” Kent said, not sure why he kept trying to argue with Yuzuru. He knew the truth. Waka had told him about Ikkyu’s difficulties. Kent knew of no way to help, even if he thought maybe he had more understanding now after the time he’d spent with Kokoa. It still wasn’t enough._

“ _She was, wasn’t she? Thinking she could get Ikki when the only one he cares about is himself,” Yuzuru said. “After all, he abandoned you, didn’t he? Not that I mind. I like knowing you’re mine.”_

“ _I am not.”_

“ _You are.”_

“ _Just kill me. I will never agree to whatever it is you think you’ll get from me, and if you intend to keep me here… I would rather be dead than ever see your face again.”_

_Yuzuru smiled at him, pure insanity making his eyes shine. “I know you don’t mean that, Ken. You and I share something special. You haven’t forgotten that, have you? I haven’t. We’ll be together for a very long time. I know you want that as much as I do.”_

_Kent shook his head. “I would kill you if I could.”_

“ _Ah, but you won’t,” Yuzuru said, patting his cheek. “You need me more than you ever needed Ikki. You know that. So do I. Just look at you.”_

_Kent was aware he was already injured. He’d woken up to Yuzuru’s brutality, and none of that had any chance to heal. He likely did look pathetic, but he didn’t care. He did not need Yuzuru. He didn’t want this man touching him, and he would end this, one way or another._

“ _I think I want to make another mark,” Yuzuru said. “I just need to find the right place for it. Hmm. Where should it be? Here? No, no, that’s no good, there’s already one here. But if we go down here...”_

_Kent jerked away from him, and Yuzuru laughed again, yanking Kent back and ripping the skin near the bonds._

“ _Mine. And I do like this spot here. It’s perfect. I could mark it over and over again.”_

“ _No. Just kill me.”_

“ _I am not going to do that. You’re mine.”_

_Kent closed his eyes, almost willing to plead to any number of gods he didn’t believe in to let it end. He just wanted to die._

* * *

_Kent opened his eyes again and looked around in confusion. Was he somewhere else now? How could he be somewhere else? Had Yuzuru moved him? Was that possible? Or was he hallucinating? He could be feverish. Given his wounds, he would not be surprised._

“ _Do you like it?”_

_Kent tried not to react to Yuzuru’s voice. He had almost thought he’d been left to die again, and he would have preferred that._

“ _I said,” Yuzuru grabbed hold of Kent’s face and forced him to face him. “Do you like it? This is home now. I found us a nice place where the walls are so thick no one will hear when you get stubborn… Well, I still get your screams, but I don’t mind that at all. I can’t believe how much I like them. They’re incredible.”_

“ _You’re sick.”_

“ _I am looking forward to forever here with you,” Yuzuru said, smiling gleefully as he looked around the room. “I can do so much here. I’ve got room for more marks, and look at how nicely this one here turned out. And I already have a spot picked out for the next one.”_

_Kent shuddered. “Stop it. What is it you want? What will it take for you to stop?”_

_Yuzuru laughed. “I don’t have any intention of that. I used to think all I wanted was revenge against Ikki. I did, but then when I thought I’d killed you, I was disappointed. I missed you. I know I showed you just how much I did.”_

“ _Bastard.”_

_Yuzuru smiled, patting Kent’s cheek. “You know you don’t mean that. No, you enjoy this as much as I do. I know you do.”_

“ _You are completely delusional. I hate you. I want you dead. I want to die.”_

“ _You’re so amusing.”_

“ _This is not funny. It’s not a game. It—Stop that. Don’t touch me.”_

“ _I’m not going to stop, Ken. I told you that. I know it will take some time for me to put Ikki completely out of your mind, but I will. You are mine. You’re all I want. I had a taste of what it was like with you, and I didn’t understand how perfect it was. I thought it was enough that you died, but when I learned you were alive… I knew what I had to do. I tried toying with Ikki, but Ikki… he’s such a disappointment. You… you’re not. You are so perfect for this.”_

“ _No.”_

“ _We’re going to be together forever now, Ken. I’ll take very good care of you. Better than Ikki ever did. Because you are mine. You were wasted on him. He doesn’t understand you or what you need, and he doesn’t deserve you, but I know. I know what you need and what I’ll give you because I do know and I’m so generous.”_

“ _Get off of me.”_

“ _I have to break your arm again, though. You are much too defiant.”_

_Kent tried to get away, but there was nowhere to go. Yuzuru undid one of the bonds, taking Kent’s bad arm down, and though he did his best to brace for it, the pain when he twisted it was excruciating, and Kent saw black, almost passing out again._

“ _There. That’s better. Shame about the scream, though you will once the rest of the bones shatter. We’ll do that when I come back. All of this work makes me hungry. What about you?”_

_Kent gagged, and Yuzuru laughed as he went into the other room. Kent looked at the open door and swallowed. Yuzuru wasn’t going to stop. He wouldn’t quit. He was completely insane, and Kent knew he could not allow himself to be trapped here forever._

_He didn’t doubt that Yuzuru would force food and water in him, probably already had when he was unconscious. Starving himself wasn’t an option, and he didn’t see any weapons he could reach, though his arm was useless even if he could._

_Except… Yuzuru had miscalculated._

_Kent bit down hard on his own lip, fighting the existing pain as he prepared for more. Yuzuru had made this possible when he broke these bones before, though Kent was not grateful to him, not for this, even if it meant—there._

_The room spun and darkness almost overwhelmed him with the throbbing in his hand, but he’d managed it. His wrist was at a distorted angle, but he was free._

_He forced himself up and almost fell before he got one step away from the bed. Oh. His other injuries had distracted him from that one on his leg. He grimaced. If he was anywhere other than the ground floor, he would not make it._

_He heard traffic outside. Maybe just getting there would be enough. Enough to end it. That was all he needed, wasn’t it?_

_Kokoa’s face came to mind, and Kent tried to push it out. He didn’t want to think about her. She… she couldn’t need him, not like this, not so broken… she wouldn’t want him or need him. She was safe, wasn’t she?_

* * *

“Kent.”

Though the smell was disgusting, he could not actually bring himself to lift his head. He hadn’t had much in his stomach, having digested his breakfast some time ago, but that did not make it easier. This was still unpleasant—gross, even—and he wished he had been able to avoid it, but he could not stop the heaving of his stomach. He’d almost calmed down, but when Shin asked again to see the scars, he couldn’t.

Kokoa came closer, holding out a wet cloth. “Can I?”

He nodded, letting her wipe off his face. He didn’t feel strong enough to do it himself, and he did not want to feel that on him any longer. She finished and threw the cloth away, reaching behind him to flush the toilet and rid them of his mess.

She sat down in front of him, touching his cheek. He grimaced. “That is not wise.”

“I want to touch you if you’re okay with that, but I’ll stop if it bothers you. I just… I want to help, and I know a part of it is just helping me because I feel better touching you.”

Kent didn’t understand that, but he didn’t stop her from wrapping her arms around him. He held onto her, burying his face in her coat and catching the scent of the tea again. She was like tea. He’d read about that analogy once—how people were like tea—one never knew how strong they were until exposed to water.

Or was he thinking of something completely erroneous? He no longer knew.

“He wasn’t supposed to know. Not like this. Not… I… I couldn’t even...”

“You did fine,” she said, turning her fingers in circles over his back. She touched a scar and he pulled away from her. “Sorry.”

He put his head back down. “Perhaps… stick to my hair? He… He had no interest in that, and it… it feels nice when you do it. Not like… not like how I messed that up for you.”

“You were learning, and I love when you do it now.” She combed her fingers through his hair. “You are so warm and kind and gentle. And I’m very proud of you. I… Maybe I wasn’t… I may have overreacted… acted like you couldn’t handle this, but you could. You did.”

“If vomiting counts as handling it, I am not sure they should have given you that degree.”

“That… Was that supposed to be a joke?”

“I suppose it wasn’t very funny. More insensitive. I’m sorry. I am… I’m not okay. I don’t know how to go back out there. I can’t. I… I can’t show him. I know, logically, Shin is not Yuzuru. And we can’t afford not to know if it is him or someone he was close to or something, but I _can’t._ I can’t show him. I can’t even look at them myself.”

“We’ll get Shin secure access somehow. I don’t care. You don’t have to do that. There are other ways to check.”

Kent nodded. “I… I fear knowing. That, too, is irrational, but if he is alive...”

“I know.”

Kent shook his head. “I can’t. He… He was never going to let me go, not even in death. I… he… I can’t… if he’s alive...”

“If he’s alive, we stop him for good,” she said. He frowned at her. “I didn’t necessarily mean killing him, though I think all of us might be tempted. Shin and Ikki can arrest him. I know the charges were dropped before, but there’s no way Shin and Ikki would let it happen again. And… maybe it does mean he has to die… but… he’s so evil… that is for the best of everyone, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know anymore. Yuzuru… he made all those lines blur...” Kent closed his eyes. “I thought before that I didn’t want Waka to cross it… but a part of me does wish I’d never said anything.”

“I know. I feel the same. And… I feel guilty because I think they did do that for the drug dealer, but you… you still had to suffer. I was free and safe, and I have you, but you weren’t safe and you’ve been hurting. And Ikki was hurting and...”

“Don’t say you weren’t. You’re strong and you’ve done so much for others, but I know it’s not like you got over everything in an instant. I remember them threatening to take you away and sedate you… but you held onto my hand even as you shook and sobbed… you were terrified, but you wanted to stay with me anyway. Even after I failed to protect you… to protect myself… after all he did...” Kent looked at her. “I don’t think we ever did settle who cried more during that period.”

“Me.”

“That’s what you always say because I hate myself for actually crying over what he did, but I don’t think it is necessarily true.”

“You always think you were so much weaker than you were, but you’re not. Even if you did cry, that’s not… you went through something horrible, and you… you defied the odds to get back to me. I know you weren’t doing it for me, but I know what the doctors said. You should have died. Both times.”

Kent shuddered. He could never tell her how much he’d wanted that, how he’d wished he was dead.

“Kent, I know this is really, really bad timing and all, and I was going to wait until we’d had that discussion with my parents and were celebrating… While we were dancing seemed perfect, and that was the plan, but I think I should say it now… only it’s harder than I thought now that I started and I don’t understand that because I’ve said it so many times lately and—”

“Kokoa, I think we should move.”

“What?”

“I am going to pass out again, and I do not want to do it in the bathroom.”

“Right. Of course. I’ll help you up.”

* * *

“I think we waited long enough,” Shin said, and Ikki frowned at him, but he ignored it. He wasn’t looking forward to Kokoa’s reaction, and after what Waka just said, he figured it would be stupid to push Kent. He wasn’t interested in making anyone go that far. He also knew that after Waka’s admission just now, if Ikki didn’t get in to see Kent soon, he’d start obsessing again. He wanted to be in there before, and it wasn’t going to get any better if he was stuck out here fearing the worst.

Waka nodded, adjusting his glasses. “She may need help moving him now.”

“Moving him?”

“These moments take a physical toll on him, too. It is very likely he did as he said and vomited, and he will be exhausted if he has not already passed out. If the incident is severe enough, he will lose consciousness quickly.”

Ikki looked like he wanted to hurt himself, not that it would help anything, but he couldn’t help Kent or change the past, so he might just do something dumb.

“Calm down,” Shin told him, since if he punched the wall or anything like that he’d end up terrifying the women here. They were fortunate they hadn’t run into any of them yet. “Remember where we are.”

Ikki grimaced. “I… Yeah. Damn it… Ken’s… and there’s nothing I can do...”

“Mister Waka?”

Waka turned, looking behind him. The hallway had been empty a moment ago, but that wasn’t true now. Shin didn’t think this one was a threat, not after interviewing her, but still, she’d gotten pretty damned close while they were distracted.

“Is Mister Doctor okay?”

“He will be,” Waka answered. He gave Hina a surprisingly gentle smile. “I have another question for you, though. Have you eaten?”

She checked her watch, frowning. “It’s broken. It didn’t work. I...”

“I brought a very special meal today, and I’d be honored if you have some,” Waka told her, guiding her toward the cafeteria. “You can tell me if it is any good.”

“Your food is always good. Not as good as Mister Doctor’s but still good,” Hina said, beaming at him. “Oh, sorry. That was mean.”

“No, it is true. The cafe did very well when Kent cooked for us. Shin, too. Their menu was very popular.”

“The grumpy one cooks? I didn’t think he would...”

Shin grimaced, shaking his head. He let Waka take the woman, knowing they might still need to talk to her later depending on what had happened with Kent. He didn’t know that Ikki was up to helping Kent, either, but he wouldn’t do Hina much good right now. He pulled Ikki with him and went down to the door.

He pushed it open, remembering a minute later he should have knocked first, maybe, but he didn’t know that it would have helped, either.

Kokoa looked up at him. “Oh. Shin. I...”

“Waka said you might need help.”

She nodded. “I… I’m not that strong, despite what Kent says, and I can’t lift him, but he did say he didn’t want to stay in here. I… Thank you.”

“Ikki wanted to, but I’m not sure he’s up to it,” Shin said as he crossed the room. Ikki was still standing in the doorway, and Shin had a feeling he’d have to smack him later for some comment about how he wasn’t fit to touch Kent or something.

Shin put Kent’s arm over his shoulder and used his hand to brace him only to have him jerk away from him.

“Not… there…”

Shin grimaced. He didn’t think he wanted to ask if there was a good chance Kent would puke on him if he did, but Shin had felt a scar there, too, and he’d bet good money it was the same as the ones on their victims, too. Damn it.

“I’m not doing all the work here. I can support you, but I’m not carrying you.”

“Shin,” Ikki said, but Kent actually seemed amused by it, laughing a little. “Why is that funny?”

“Waka said something… very similar… once… or twice...” Kent said. “Knew… didn’t want… to be carried.”

He took a breath and covered a place on his side a bit up from where the scar was. “There. That… nothing there… can do… there…”

Shin did, and though Kent still shuddered, this time he didn’t fight Shin as he got him up to his feet. “Where are we going?”

“My office isn’t far.”

“No. Intake room.”

Kokoa nodded. “Oh, yes. That would be better. I… I didn’t think of that.”

“Your office… fine… just two of us… this… Shin… I apologize...”

That was all the warning he got before Kent slumped over on him, and Shin almost dropped him, not prepared for his full weight. Ikki moved over to take Kent’s other side before he fell to the floor. Kokoa moved ahead of them to a door up the hall. She fumbled with her keys to open it, her hands shaking.

“It’s fine. We won’t let him fall.” Shin didn’t want her rushing so badly she dropped the keys. She needed to stay calm.

She sighed, leaning her head against the door. “I’m sorry. I was awful to you earlier… I just… I hate seeing Kent hurting, and I know how hard it is for him and… I’d do anything to spare him more pain because what happened… it’s my fault for not facing Michio’s body.. and when he’s like this… I panic… It would be a lie to say that it was worse, that time when Kent was missing… it wasn’t worse than what Michio or his drug dealer did… not physically… but I was so afraid… Waka was there, but it wasn’t the same… he wasn’t Kent… other men still terrified me… the doctors and the policemen and Shamus… not Kent… I knew he wouldn’t hurt me… he didn’t judge me… I… I never gave you the chance to prove you wouldn’t, either...”

Shin didn’t know that he wouldn’t have said a few stupid things. He’d handled it badly before he knew her husband was Kent. Shin was the tough love one. He might have even told her how dumb she was for going off with Michio. It might have been true, but it wouldn’t have been what she needed. Maybe she needed a bit of coddling. He didn’t know. He hadn’t been there. He’d made it so she didn’t trust him to be there for her.

That wasn’t all on her. She wasn’t entirely wrong about it. He might have been the wrong choice.

She unlocked the door and pushed it open, turning on the light. She went to the longer of the two couches, sitting down and looking up at them. “I realize it’s awkward, but please bring him here. Kent… it’s much worse for him if he wakes alone.”

Shin wanted to ask about that, but he didn’t. He might need that information later, but for now, the important part was getting Kent settled. He didn’t want to carry him forever. He worked with Ikki to get Kent across the room and let Ikki ease him down into her lap. When Ikki was done, he backed off and collapsed onto the other couch.

“He looks bad.”

Shin took one of the other chairs. He didn’t know that he felt up to fighting with Ikki over it right now. He might have to let that idiot wallow a bit.

“These are nice chairs, though,” Ikki said, lying down like he might sleep himself. Shin wouldn’t be surprised. Ikki did look like he’d been in a fight and lost, even if it wasn’t physical. He was a mess. “Nice space.”

“Seems like a lot,” Shin said. This was where they greeted women looking to escape from abuse, right? Wasn’t it too big?

“Some of our guests need to lie down. Or they don’t come in alone,” Kokoa said, and Shin tried not to think about that. Of course whole families and kids ended up in places like this, too. “Kent found away to arrange the chairs to give them as many choices and space as possible. He’s very considerate.”

“Not… was practical...” Kent muttered, his eyes still closed. He did not sound good.

“Your practicality is adorable,” she said, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

“Head… hurts...”

“You weren’t out very long. That tends to happen when it’s like this.”

Kent grimaced. “Hate to think… that idiot… was right...”

“Idiot?”

Kokoa sighed. “One of the doctors that treated Kent… his theory was that Kent’s… inability to deal with his emotions made more of his post-traumatic stress symptoms manifest physically.”

“Sounds like a cuddly touchy-feely type. He want you to tell him how all of it made you feel all the time, talk about all those feelings?”

“Shin hates the department’s shrink, in case you couldn’t tell.”

“That is one woman I wish you had run off with your eyes.”

“Ah, hell, no,” Ikki said. “I would never risk taking off the glasses around her. She’s bad enough without them. It’s not even that she’s interested in me. She’s just… No, I have much higher standards these days.”

Shin almost snorted, but he knew that was true. Ikki didn’t date much, and not just because of their hours on the job.

“Am glad… you were there… for Ikkyu… when I could not be… Thank you, Shin.”

Shin grimaced. “I’m not.”

Ikki laughed. Kokoa smiled, taking Kent’s hand. “I think you are, and we’re all grateful for it. At least one good thing did come of it, right?”

“That’s you two,” Ikki said. “What you have is special.”

She flushed. “Oh… I just make it easier for Kent to wake in other rooms… that’s not...”

“Not true.” Kent said, looking up at her. “That… is invaluable… considering… how… it was to wake in strange places… in pain and… not able to remember… how I got there… or what happened… not all of it… but that is not… all you are to me… I told you earlier… I do not want to repeat such an overly sentimental thing… it is… unlike me… and yet… I will say you gave me purpose… he took so much… you gave me… more...”

Her eyes filled with tears. Shin figured Ikki was probably near them, too, but he didn’t look to confirm it.

“We need to be sure he’s not still out there.”

* * *

Ken closed his eyes, and Ikki wished he knew of some way to make this easier for him. Shin wasn’t going to let it go, though he wasn’t wrong. They couldn’t. If Yuzuru was the one behind these new bodies, what would he do if he knew Ken was here? Ikki had lost track of him, hadn’t been able to find Ken on any official records as a cop—he could understand why now, and it was probably a good thing Ken had done that and done his best to drop off the planet as much as was possible these days—and maybe Yuzuru couldn’t, either.

“Oh, hell.”

Shin looked over at him. “What now? You remember something important?”

Ikki shook his head. “It’s not about Yuzuru. I just… there a drinking fountain around here, Kokoa? I could use something.”

“Outside the door,” she said, frowning at him. “Ikki, are you sure—”

“I’m fine. Just got a bad taste in my mouth.” Ikki gave her his best smile as he headed for the door. He didn’t look back at Ken, but he heard someone else moving and figured it was Shin. He didn’t stop him, going for the drinking fountain as he’d said.

Shin made sure the door was shut behind them. “You didn’t fool anyone. Spit it out.”

Ikki sighed, leaning against the wall. “What did Hina tell us about her brother?”

“He was some kind of geek with computers.” Shin winced when it hit him, too. “A genius who didn’t know how to get along with people.”

“I want to be wrong. Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me this bastard did not start killing people because they reminded him of Ken.”

Shin ran a hand over his face. “No. It’s not that simple. Takeru Yanachi might have been similar in a few small ways—they definitely didn’t look alike—but if it was that, we’d have seen more victims that fit that profile. The second victim wasn’t like that. He was popular. Well-liked.”

Ikki grimaced. “You realize what you just said, right?”

“You’re making connections that don’t necessarily mean anything. Don’t twist our facts to fit a theory. Kent said Yuzuru died in London. He’s sure the guy was working alone. We haven’t proved otherwise. And the third victim doesn’t mesh with you or Kent.”

Ikki nodded. That much was true. He couldn’t say that their third victim had any parallels with either of them. Unlike the first one who was a loner and misunderstood or the second one who was popular and a friend to everyone, the third was very close to his family, especially his brother, who’d been pretty shaken by his death. That didn’t really fit, so Ikki might be overreacting.

“It’s hard to stay calm right now.”

“I know. Look, one way or another, we will figure it out, and we will stop this guy. Yuzuru or not, he will get caught.”

Ikki nodded. He knew they’d do it. They had to. Ikki hadn’t planned on giving up before, but if it was Yuzuru, he’d make that bastard pay for all he did to Ken.

“Is he unconscious again?”

Ikki looked back at Waka, shaking his head. “No, he woke up after we moved him, was only out for a bit in the hall, but I remembered something about the case, so Shin followed me out here to talk me down.”

“Something about the case?”

“First victim had some similarities to Kent. The misunderstood genius loner,” Shin said. “It’s not exactly the same, but when you add it to the scars and the second victim being one of those popular types everyone likes, Ikki got a little paranoid. Third victim doesn’t fit. Close family unit kind of guy. It’s not proof. To get that, we really do need to look at Kent’s scars.”

“I think it best you let Kokoa tell you if they are the same. Kent does not react well to being examined by men. He will not even let me see them, and if in helping him, I touch certain ones—”

“Yeah, I got that earlier trying to help him stand. He was really sensitive to the one on his side.”

Waka grimaced, and Ikki was afraid to ask, though he doubted Shin was.

“There a reason for it? Because it is in the same spot as the other victims, so if it is...”

“As I understand it, that was one of Yuzuru’s favorites.” Waka shook his head. “It does not mean it is the same man, though again, it is unsettling.”

Ikki would call it more than unsettling. He didn’t know how to help Ken at all right now. His best friend was suffering, and all he could do was watch, knowing it was all his fault.

“You said you had doubts because of the attack in London,” Shin said. “What exactly happened that made you have doubts?”

Waka removed his glasses, taking time to clean them. Ikki had a feeling he might actually be stalling for time.

“How’s Hina?”

“Fed and happy enough to annoy Ai, who took her back to her room.”

“Already?”

“He may have demanded she eat on time, but he also demanded her portions stay small so she would not get fat. She doesn’t eat much, despite everyone’s efforts.”

“Damn it. He got off too easy.”

“Agreed.”

Ikki wanted to hit something. He needed to do something, and if he felt like this, Shin did, too. “What about London, Waka? What happened? Kokoa has said it was her fault a couple times now, but it isn’t, is it?”

“No. It is true she was struggling with the knowledge that the police wanted her to identify the bodies, and Kent was having a hard time keeping her calm, as any mention of it did set her off again—I suspect she was actually present when Michio died but has blocked most of it out due to the trauma surrounding that moment and what followed after—”

“Is that drug dealer dead?”

“Yes. And no, I did not do that myself, though I had my hand in it. I allowed the location I learned to be leaked to his enemies, who disposed of him in rather a gruesome manner, though nothing less than he deserved for what he did to her and others.”

“Good.” Shin’s voice was cold, but he wasn’t the only one thinking it. “What happened with Kent?”

“Shamus was in charge of their safety at that point, and I do fault him a great deal for his poor decisions at the time. He thought it best that Kokoa be taken to a private clinic and treated while Kent made the identification, and he gave him little choice in the matter. Kent wanted to keep her at the safe house and wait it out.”

“That doesn’t seem like him.”

“There was greater risk in leaving, and from what both of them said, her examination at the hospital was also very traumatic for her. No matter how kind or gentle they might have been, they were looking at intimate parts of her body, and it would have been invasive and likely felt humiliating and shameful. She still doesn’t like to go to hospitals or even the doctor and will try and cover over illnesses. Kent always sees through it, of course, and takes proper care of her, but she will not even go for regular checkups even now.”

Shin winced, and Ikki felt a bit sick.

“Do not even start to think it, Ikki. You are not in the same class as them regardless of the reactions inspired by your eyes. Focus.”

Ikki sighed. “Do I always have to get the tough love? I want Kokoa’s kind.”

Waka shook his head, and Shin snorted. That joke had helped a little, then. Maybe.

“At any rate, when Kokoa was taken to the clinic and sedated, Shamus drove Kent to the police station. He was able to make the identification, but while he was inside, somehow Yuzuru was able to gain access to Shamus’ vehicle.”

Shin frowned. “He did this… at the police station? Abducted Kent in front of a police station? Are you sure that bastard wasn’t helping him?”

“Nothing I could find or Shamus’ behavior once I arrived in London suggested that. Part of the problem does stem from Shamus’ issues with the police. He is a former Irish terrorist, and he’s still someone they watch. He didn’t go into the station with Kent, and he parked in a place so as to keep his vehicle from their notice and cameras.”

“Damn it.”

“Both Kent’s account and Shamus’ agree that Yuzuru used the fact that Shamus was waiting for Kent against him. He had somehow found a coat like Kent’s and used it to approach the vehicle, entering the back seat. By the time Shamus realized it was not Kent, Yuzuru hit him over the head and knocked him unconscious. Kent said that when he entered the car, the doors locked, and he realized Shamus was not behind the wheel. He was not in the vehicle at all, but the child safety locks had been engaged, trapping Kent in the back seat and before he could attempt to break the glass, he was drugged and remembers nothing in between that moment and when he woke up again somewhere else with that man already having started hurting him. What Shamus remembers next is being dragged out of the boot and stabbed. He was left for dead, but Shamus is not the sort that dies easily. He dragged himself to a phone, called me, and I saw to it he was found and treated.”

“Ikki?”

“I wouldn’t have thought Yuzuru was capable of doing all that on his own, but then… he didn’t seem like he was the type to go this far, not at first. Not… If Waka hadn’t told me the guy was a psycho, I’m not sure I would have seen it.”

Shin eyed Waka. “I remember a guy who used to insult Ikki when he came into the cafe, but he didn’t seem this warped, either. And from what Kent and Ikki have said, he still doesn’t seem the type.”

“Yuzuru’s obsession made him dangerous, though it was far from obvious. He played innocent very well for a great many people, not just his father.”

“I never got anywhere trying to press charges against him for harassment,” Ikki agreed. “Knew I wouldn’t, but still. Do we really think he pulled that off alone?”

“Though Kent has no memory of anyone else working with Yuzuru, I am no longer certain he was alone in this. The more we consider it, it seems the only option that makes sense. Yuzuru had someone helping him. And that person is still out there.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waka deals a bit with Shamus' actions. Kent has a bit to add to the latest theory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... I cried again... and it hurts a lot again... I'm sorry.
> 
> It was almost funny and cute a bit in the middle, but it didn't last. I'm sorry.
> 
> I owe a lot of fluff and good times for these characters. I just... don't know that I can write fluff. I may have to see this all the way to the end first.

* * *

 “ _Kokoa,” Waka said, and she jumped. She looked up at him with those big eyes of hers, and though they were already red and swollen, the tears were ready to start again. “You need to eat something. Please take this. It is only a simple broth, but you need it. You haven’t eaten anything since got here, and that water you drank earlier is not enough.”_

“ _Kent’s dead, isn’t he?”_

_Waka refused to believe that. He knew the statistics and the likely outcome, of course, but he knew what it felt like when he lost a fellow soldier. He’d felt it more often than he cared to admit when he served in the military. He did not feel that sense now, though he might simply be stubborn about it. He should not be losing one of his people during peace time, certainly not one like Kent who had so much more to offer the world._

“ _I told you. We do not know that. We are still searching. Eat.”_

“ _You’re here,” she said, her despair so strong in her words Waka could almost feel it like a physical wound. “If Kent was alive, you wouldn’t be here. He’s dead.”_

“ _No. I do not believe that. Kent is strong. He will come back to you.”_

_She shuddered. “No one would want me like this… Kent… Kent is too good for someone like me… too smart and kind and… I’m just a dirty little whore like that man said...”_

“ _No. You are not.” Waka sat down on the edge of the bed. “You are a lovely young woman with a generous heart. You are—”_

“ _I know you think I’m stupid. Everyone does. I was. I… I thought he loved me,” Kokoa whispered, pulling her knees up against her chest. “Michio never loved me. Kent… Kent is so bad at emotions but he showed me more love than Michio ever did… and Kent doesn’t love me… he… I had Shin and Toma. I didn’t… I should have known what love was… but they were so… overprotective I thought… I thought I knew better… and I didn’t… I just knew how to be a dumb slut.”_

“ _Do not speak of yourself that way. You are… everyone has times when their emotions make them believe things that are not true. You believed in Michio’s love. He gave an appearance of that to everyone, even if we on the outside did not believe it the same as you did.”_

“ _No. I was stupid.”_

_Waka sighed. He did not know that anything would reach her at present. “Did Kent ever tell you that you were?”_

_She frowned. “Um… no. He said it about Sawa and Mine in that class, but he said… he said I tried harder and asked better questions when I didn’t understand, but that was… that wasn’t this.”_

“ _Has he said it at all since you met here in London?”_

“ _No.”_

“ _And wouldn’t you think if anyone had a right to go around calling people dumb, it is our Kent?”_

_She laughed a little, grabbing hold of her pillow before sobbing into it again. Waka tried not to grimace. He’d hoped that using Kent might help, but it had only upset her further as he was still missing. She didn’t even have a true comprehension of how long it had been, and if she did, Waka had a feeling she’d be inconsolable. It was bad enough she had that poison in her head. She was not unintelligent and she was not promiscuous, either. What she’d experienced at the hands of those men was a crime, and she was blaming herself for it, which infuriated Waka even if he knew showing that to her would not help._

_She did not understand, could not see past it in her grief and guilt._

“ _I see him dead when I close my eyes.”_

_Waka shook his head. “No. Kent is alive. My instincts are rarely wrong.”_

“ _No. I… I see Michio… and then it becomes Kent… because it’s my fault… he… he was safe but then he… he went out for me even though he was scared, and Yuzuru is so much worse than them… I saw it… I think he’s like them but worse… they were cruel but he is evil… and… I… it’s my fault. Kent’s dead and it’s my fault.”_

“ _We should increase her dosage,” the doctor said from the doorway, and Kokoa screamed, backing up against the wall, her panicked eyes searching for an escape._

_Waka blocked her view of the window before she could make a run for it. “That will not be necessary. Kokoa’s friend is missing, and she is understandably upset, but you will stay away from her unless she asks for assistance.”_

“ _I am the doctor—”_

“ _And I do not care,” Waka said, rising to force him out of the room. He shut the doorway behind him. “Did Shamus tell you nothing of her condition? She was abused by an addict. Drugs only make her fears worse.”_

“ _Then why did he bring her here for sedation in the first place?”_

“ _Because he’s an idiot.”_

* * *

“ _You should not have separated them, Shamus. What the hell were you thinking?”_

_Shamus grunted, putting a hand over his side, but Waka had no patience for that at the moment. Kokoa had only barely fallen asleep after exhausting herself in tears, and the doctors thought Waka was the cruel one even though he knew all attempts to drug her would only acerbate the situation. They had to get Kent back. She would not start seeing things clearly again until they did._

_He grabbed Shamus by the collar. “Answer me, or you will wish that Yuzuru killed you before I am done with you.”_

“ _I thought it was best,” Shamus said. “She couldn’t calm herself, and that boyo was completely knackered. He looked done in himself, and he couldn’t stay up another day to keep her calm. He’s not been sleeping as it was. He’s been on edge since he went to turn in the paperwork and that bastard was there. It was supposed to be simple. She would never have had to know he was gone. We should have been back long before she woke.”_

_Waka studied him hard for signs of deception. “So help me, if you are working with Yuzuru—”_

“ _And why the bloody hell would I do that? Doesn’t matter what he might have offered me, I’d be a damned fool to take anything and go against you. You’d hunt me to the ends of the earth.”_

“ _You do not seem to be that intelligent right now.”_

“ _She was a mess. He wasn’t any better. I did what I did to help them. I swear on me mother’s life I did. It was a bloody police station. I don’t understand how he could have got away with it, and why the hell aren’t you yelling at those eejits for letting it happen right under their noses?”_

“ _Because I did not leave them in charge of Kent’s safety. I put you in that position, and you failed. I may well demand back everything he suffers now and more, do you understand me?”_

“ _I do, but I swear to you, Waka—it looked like it was Kent coming up to the car. Then he got in, I made my usual joke, and when Kent didn’t respond, I started to say something and something hit my head so hard, I heard it crack, swear I did. After that, it’s nothing until I’m in the bloody boot. It’s dark. I was only half-awake when he yanked me out and dumped me on the ground. I was still trying to sit up when he stabbed me. Then he just walked away like I were nothing, got back in the car and drove off. I called you soon as I could. Was all I could do. Didn’t even know where I was. Doctors say I should have bled out. You think I’d do that to myself? Hell, no.”_

“ _The wounds are minor compared to some.”_

“ _Compared to what you’d do to me, that’s for damned sure,” Shamus said. “I’ve got no bloody reason to work with that bastard. I saw what he did to that boy. No. I’m a freedom fighter, not a monster.”_

_Waka let him go and turned away. “How did Yuruzu know where you would be and what car you would use to make this trap?”_

“ _I don’t know. I said before he couldn’t have got it off the police radio, but the girl said his father has influence. How much?”_

“ _He’s an elected official back in Japan. He made Kent’s case disappear completely.”_

“ _Then he’d have enough influence to get information on me or the girl, wouldn’t he? Maybe both. And he has money according to the blooming idiots they got for police here. That detective told me that Yuzuru kept moving around and using cash and they couldn’t find him. He’s bloody Japanese, isn’t he? He can’t be that hard to find even if London’s a damned crowded city. People in shops remembered Kent. They asked me about him even if he only went in with me once.”_

“ _Kent is taller than the stereotype. He attracts notice wherever he goes.”_

“ _True enough, but that doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t have noticed Yuzuru. Bastard’s so bloody smug they’d have noticed him just the same.”_

_Waka shook his head. “Stop giving me more reasons to hurt you for your incompetence. If Kent is not found soon, you are a dead man.”_

* * *

“If you have something in your case, I would appreciate it if you did not try to hide it from me,” Kent said, and Shin looked over at him. He sounded a lot better, a lot calmer, but he didn’t look much better at all. “I realize I may not seem capable of hearing such information, but I assure you the lack of knowledge is worse.”

Kokoa nodded, coming up to wrap her arm around Kent’s. “It’s… it’s terrifying not to know, especially when that possibility is hanging over our heads. Yuzuru being alive… He can’t get Kent again. He can’t.”

Kent put his hand on her head. “I… I also have something to discuss with you, but I do not feel well and should sit down again.”

Shin didn’t argue with that. Ikki walked in after them like he expected Kent to fall again, even if he was much stronger on his feet than before, not using too much of the support Kokoa gave him. She sat down first and pulled Kent down next to her, holding him again.

“It is not so much that we believe Yuzuru is alive,” Waka said, taking one of the other chairs. “It seems more likely that he had help in what he did. Though you do not remember hearing a second man, with the kind of money and influence Yuzuru had, it was not impossible he had some kind of help.”

Kent shuddered. “Yes. That… that does seem… likely.”

“You remember someone, Ken? I’ve been going through my memories, but like I said, Yuzuru was always alone when he was stalking me. And he didn’t really have friends. Not even people hanging on him for handouts. I remember mocking him for it. He’d said something about you that pissed me off and I said he was the pathetic one because he didn’t have any friends.”

Kent closed his eyes, and Ikki flinched.

“Yuzuru came into Meido No Hitsuji alone,” Kokoa said. “At least… that time I saw him there, he was alone. He tried to hit on Sawa and Mine and even Ikki’s fan club. No one paid any attention to him. Some of them even got mad when he heckled you, Ikki.”

“I remember that. Thought we’d have a riot, but Ikki got them to calm down and laugh about it before they left.” Shin had thought it was weird, but then everything to do with Ikki’s fan club was weird, and that was before he knew what they were really like in that fan club, their twisted rules and perverted voyeurism. Those women were guilty of crimes, Rika more than any of the others besides the one who’d tried to kill people, and Shin knew they’d all gotten off easy for what they’d done.

“I wish I hadn’t,” Ikki said. “If I knew then what I know now… But then the fan club wouldn’t even have been there. I’d have shut that down soon as Rika started it, but I thought she was a friend.”

“I told you before it was likely she told you what you wanted to hear.”

“Yeah, Ken, you did, and I ignored how she treated you. I was an idiot, okay?”

Kent grimaced. “That’s not… I didn’t.. I suppose I see Yuzuru’s actions in others all too easily… He could be… deceptive and charming… those people who did not see him for what he was… who sided with him over the truth… Rika was like him… She had you and others fooled...”

“Not sure why,” Shin said. “She dressed like a freak.”

“Ikki was vulnerable. She acted different and like a friend when all of it was starting,” Kokoa said. “It was a confusing time for Ikki when he suddenly became popular and all the boys started hating him because all the girls loved him. Rika abused that. It was wrong, but she would probably have fooled you or me if we were in a similar position, Shin.”

Shin frowned. “Just not Waka or Kent?”

“I don’t think anyone fools Waka,” Kokoa said, though she smiled when she looked down at Kent. “And Kent would have wanted to experiment on her. You should see his room back at his parents’ house or the pictures of his research. His father said he was practically born in the lab. His mother disagrees and says it was the courtroom, and she should know because she had him, after all. They’re actually really funny and so proud of him. I love looking at the photo album with his mom. His dad gets sidetracked talking about each experiment.”

“I am not sure you needed to share _that_ much with them,” Kent said, and Shin swore he was red over that.

“Not much of a surprise. I always knew you were a big nerd. Figures you were experimenting on stuff even as a kid.”

“He did,” Ikki agreed. “And she’s not wrong about that room or the photo album, but you really got them that drunk? They never agree to more than one cup of sake.”

“That is with good reason,” Kent said, wincing. “And it is not particularly relevant now.”

Shin thought Ikki was just enjoying the nostalgia. Kokoa had been for a bit, too. Even Waka seemed a bit amused.

“Kent’s mom and I have girls’ nights while the boys experiment,” Kokoa said, and Kent frowned at her, looking like he wanted to reach up and cover her mouth. “I love Ayeka. She’s… she’s been more of a mother to me than mine ever was.”

Kent took her hands in his. “They do not deserve you, and we will end things with them soon. Just… this matter… it… it has to take precedence.”

She nodded. “I know. We are making sure you’re safe because he is not hurting you again ever. I can’t lose you.”

“I fear what he’d do to you more,” Kent said, “If… if I am only a possession, then you… I don’t want to think about what he’d do to you.”

She closed her eyes, tears rolling down her face. “Kent...”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I didn’t… it terrifies me, but I didn’t want… you did not need to hear something so… I did not want to scare you further. Please… forgive me… I… I can’t control these emotions...”

He touched her cheek, and she wrapped her arms around him, holding onto him.

“No, it’s not fair if only I can be honest about my fears. You shouldn’t have to hold them back. He didn’t even seem to notice me that day, I was like… something under his shoe, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t do anything… he wants to hurt you… and he forced you away from Ikki… I… it might even be worse because we’re married...”

“Hey,” Shin said, and she looked over at him. “Don’t go borrowing trouble, okay? We know you’re scared. Not going to say you shouldn’t be, but we don’t know it’s him, and we don’t plan on letting him get close to any of you. So try and stay calm.”

Kent nodded. “Um… to that end… I should admit… I overlooked something… it was so small and I never… it was a part of… when Yuzuru drugged me… he said it was a custom thing created by a chemist friend of his.”

“What?”

* * *

“I don’t remember Yuzuru having any chemist friends,” Ikki said, frowning. He rubbed his head. “He was pretty much an outcast, a loser. No one paid much attention to him. He had more because he annoyed me than anything. I know how it sounds, Shin, don’t look at me like that.”

“Ikkyu… is not wrong… Yuzuru went unnoticed… before he started… confronting Ikkyu… publicly. He… did not even get… what he wanted… from Ikkyu… for nearly… a year…”

“Yeah. I lost my temper and snapped back at him. It didn’t help any, but he wasn’t going away when I tried to ignore him.”

“He sounds like a special kind of stupid.”

“A warped one, that is for sure,” Waka said. “He did not seem to understand hints. Not that the threats I made should have been unclear.”

“Are you sure there was a chemist?”

Ken nodded. “May not… have been a friend… Yuzuru… called me that… and more… but I was not… and… no… I… I never thought of it as part of it, not before… when we discussed if there were others involved… because I did not see or hear him… but… the drug he gave me… was unique… I do not know what it was...”

“It was out of your system when you were found?”

“It was,” Waka answered for him. “They didn’t find anything in his blood to indicate its presence.”

“It… was some kind of… powder… the first time… it exploded in my face… small air burst, nothing lethal, but… it blinded me… and I experienced some… delayed responses… before I lost consciousness.” Ken was shaking again, and Ikki wanted to do something to help him, but there wasn’t anything. Even Kokoa couldn’t get him calm.

Shin grimaced. “I don’t want to ask, but delayed responses?”

“It… I didn’t feel him break my wrist though I heard it snap,” Ken whispered, his voice so low Ikki could barely hear it. “After that… it is blank until I woke… The second time… it… he changed the dose… and I didn’t even have time to react… before losing consciousness.”

“He did it twice?” Ikki stood, starting to pace. He had to do something. He couldn’t take this. “Damn it, Ken. I… I’m… I know I said I’m sorry, but it’s not enough. I… I want to go kill him but he’s already dead… and it… I can’t do anything.”

Ken shook his head again, looking away.

“Is there more? There is, isn’t there?”

“Ikkyu...”

“Just tell me. I don’t—you’re already hurting enough because of me. That’s not right. It’s only fair I… I should know. I shouldn’t get off easy because it was because of me and—”

“Don’t, Ikki,” Kokoa pleaded. “You don’t have to do that. Kent doesn’t want that. He didn’t want you hurt. He… he still has a folder full of math puzzles he made for you. He wanted to share that with you. And he missed you. Terribly. He… we tried to work on letters or emails… Kent kept having such bad fugues he had to stop. The doctors… they put him on such strong medication he couldn’t get out of bed… so he… he stopped trying for a while, but… neither of us ever gave up hope that Kent’s symptoms would lessen enough to make it possible to talk again without a fugue. Neither of you should have to hurt. If anyone wanted that, it was Yuzuru.”

Ikki sat down again, overwhelmed for a different reason. He couldn’t even bring himself to speak. If he caused Ken that much distress…

“The bastard doesn’t win,” Shin said. “And maybe this chemist is the one we’re looking for, so… you need to finish, Kent. We’ll deal with anything that might come after you do.”

“It was probably a lie,” Ken said. “It… Not the chemist… I don’t think Yuzuru had enough skill for chemistry to make a drug like that or a delivery method…”

“Yeah, so we’ll look into him, so anything else you can remember about that drug—we need it.”

“I… he said… it was… the first dose was for Ikkyu… and I… I could fight it a little… because… of the difference in our size… but… the second one… was for me… and I couldn’t… didn’t stand a chance...”

Ikki felt like he’d been kicked. He didn’t have words. What the hell did he say? Sorry would never be enough. Ken had suffered in Ikki’s place, and it couldn’t be undone. “It should have been me.”

“No.”

“Ken—”

“The only real… solace… in this… No, I suppose that’s not accurate… Kokoa… has been much for me, I… I need her in ways that are not logical or practical… emotional responses that are so unlike me… but she is so… necessary… I do have that, but aside from her… It was… it is… The phrase is… ‘I took comfort’ and… I… I did… It was… I am… I have some satisfaction in knowing he did not actually get what he wanted… because he could not harm you. That… do not say it should have been you. It… the only small victory I had… was knowing that it was not. You… and Kokoa… were safe from him. I did not care… about anything else.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The discussion comes to a conclusion for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were a few ways the plot might go.
> 
> This one... won. And that is not necessarily a good thing, but... it does mean it progresses.

 

* * *

“ _Here. It just come on the radio. Two foreign males—Asians—coming in from an accident,” Shamus said. “According to the report, the one’s got a bunch of scars and a broken arm among his other injuries. This might be our boy.”_

_Waka doubted it. Yuzuru had abandoned Kent in a remote location where his body was not meant to be found for days. It had already been four. Kent should be dead now, even if Waka’s gut told him otherwise. Kent would not like it, trusting facts and logic as much as he did, but Waka’s instincts kept insisting that Kent was still alive despite what he knew of Yuzuru and the previous attack. Yes, Kent was strong, like Waka kept telling Kokoa, but that did not mean that Yuzuru did not mean to kill him._

_Yuzuru had been denied a chance to get to Ikki. He’d tipped his hand too far in what he’d done to Kent the first time, though Waka was certain he hadn’t expected Kent to live and be able to tell others what he’d done. That made it possible for Waka to protect Ikki from Yuzuru even after his father made Kent’s case disappear. Kent didn’t get justice, but Ikki was safe. Yuzuru could not reach him, could not take him by surprise as he had Kent._

_Only Waka had failed to anticipate Yuzuru shifting his focus back to Kent. He had people watching Ikki. He kept tabs on Yuzuru, though that little bastard must have known it—he’d been smart enough to pick another country to travel to—and slipped into England without raising any flags._

_It should not have been possible, Waka should have been notified, but he hadn’t been._

_He had failed Kent, not just in not recognizing Yuzuru’s absence for what it was, but also for those damned words he’d said trying to persuade Kent to stay in Japan._

“I will be half the world away. I won’t be able to help you if something happens.”

_Waka knew his words weren’t wrong, but he regretted them all the same. He’d been too far away, that was true, and he couldn’t help in person, but he could have used his other connections, could have done something before Yuzuru destroyed Kent’s credibility at the firm._

_He could have had people protecting Kent all this time._

_Instead, Kent had thought he couldn’t contact him and tried to deal with the stalking alone._

“ _Waka, it’s the best lead we’ve had in days.”_

_He looked over at Shamus. That was his other failure. He should never have left Kent’s safety to that man. Shamus had seemed capable, but he was not enough. Yuzuru had gotten past him, and Waka would never forgive him for that._

“ _It is not that credible, and you need to stop trying to pretend you can atone for what you did.” Neither of them could. Waka should have ended this back in Tokyo._

“ _Waka—”_

_The knock on the door interrupted whatever else Shamus would have said, and Waka moved to open it, taking care to be sure that no one he did not want in the room could enter. He frowned at the sight before him._

“ _I’m looking for Shamus O’Leery. He here?”_

“ _Bout time your useless arse showed itself,” Shamus said, coming over to the door. “You better be coming to say you found him.”_

“ _You are not the detective I met before,” Waka said, eying Shamus with suspicion._

“ _Oi, don’t go starting that. This eejit’s the one who should have caught the bastard before he got to Kent. Don’t know who the others were. Didn’t see them since you handled all that, but this one, he should have done his bloody job.”_

“ _And you should have done yours,” Waka reminded him coldly. He faced the detective. “You have something to report, then?”_

_The other man nodded. “Got a call not long ago about an accident. Report was some tourist got hit by a double-decker bus.”_

“ _Tourist?”_

“ _I know. Poor assumption because the guy had Asian features. And the bloody bus, I’d say. Could have been a local. It’s not impossible, and that’s not the point. We were contacted because he matched the general description of the man we’ve been searching for. It may be Yuzuru.”_

_Waka looked at Shamus. “You deal with it.”_

“ _Waka—”_

“ _I said, you deal with it. It is your fault Kent was taken, and I will not leave Kokoa in her current state. You fix your mess, and if that is not Yuzuru—”_

“ _I got it,” Shamus said, shaking his head and pointing a finger at the detective. “Don’t you go smirking. You’ve no bloody idea. He’s more dangerous than all the boys I knew in the day put together.”_

_Waka almost smiled, though he was far from amused._

“ _There is more,” the detective said, still fighting his enjoyment of Shamus’ squirming. “There was another man near the scene. Again, they assume it’s connected because they’re both Asian. He’s been taken to the hospital. Severe injuries.”_

“ _Kent?”_

_Waka fought a wince. Kokoa should not have heard that. She did not need to chase false hopes. She was in too vulnerable a state now, and to be disappointed if it was not Kent could push her past the help Waka knew how to give._

“ _It’s possible. He didn’t have any identification on him.”_

“ _Can we go see?” Kokoa asked. She pulled the sleeves down over her hands, looking even smaller in Kent’s shirt. Waka had believed giving it to her would help, but he now thought that was a mistake. “Please. I… I need to do something. If it’s Kent… He… I want to see him. I… I can’t stay here. They… That doctor...”_

_Waka grimaced. “He will not be seeing you again. I do not like his idea of treatment.”_

_She did not seem reassured. “I think Kent scared them into not doing stuff to me that I didn’t want… they didn’t drug me… I begged him not to let them… I… Michio… No. I… I won’t get distracted. I can’t… Please. Can we see if it’s Kent?”_

“ _I don’t know as you want to see that, cuttie. We don’t know if it’s him or not.”_

_She shuddered, looking a bit like Shamus’ words made her want to run. “Waka, you said you thought Kent was alive.”_

_He almost cursed himself for saying it, but he did still believe that._

“ _He shouldn’t have to be alone in the hospital. That place… it’s scary… even when… they… they try but they can’t understand what that’s like… how bad… they look with pity… but it just makes the shame worse… I know Kent… it’s not the same… but… he was there… he let me hold his hand… I know I’m a mess, and I don’t deserve to see him because it’s my fault—”_

“ _We will go.” Waka did not want to raise her hopes, but he also did not want to be the one who drove her back to the bed in fear. He also would not allow her to believe this was her doing. He blamed Shamus, not her._

“ _Waka, you can’t be taking her—”_

“ _Not another word from you, Shamus. You have done enough damage.”_

* * *

_Kokoa shivered and pulled on her shirt, knowing she probably looked ridiculous, but she didn’t care. Waka had let her have one of Kent’s last night, and though it was not him, could not replace him, she felt better wearing it, even if it was too big for her and might even have been able to be a dress since Kent was so tall. She felt a bit closer to him in it, and that helped some._

_Not enough. Her nightmares were still bad, and if he died because of her, she’d never forgive herself. She heard someone cough and moved closer to Waka. He gave her a look, and she tried not to wither under it, though she wanted to curl up and cry every time he did. He made her feel like such a child. She was so pathetic, and she knew it._

_She’d almost ruined everything when that detective touched her arm, and she screamed, and Waka had even scared her then, though she knew he was trying to help. She should be better than this, but she couldn’t stay calm. She’d known it would be hard, since they were going to a hospital, but but this place made her want to run in the other direction, and the detective trying to help her inside made it worse. She shouldn’t have come, but she was so desperate to see Kent she couldn’t think._

“ _I believe you had a young man brought in recently,” Waka said to the nurse. “Asian, in his mid-twenties. His arm was broken among other injuries.”_

_She just looked at Waka. Kokoa was staring, too, but part of that was that Waka’s English was flawless and he could have passed for a native speaker. “I can’t give out information like that.”_

“ _You’d better, love,” the detective told her. “There were two of them there, and one’s a right bad one, so we need to be sure the one you’ve got is the one we hope it is, or your people could end up the ones hurt. Won’t take more than a minute.”_

_She frowned. “If he’s in treatment—”_

“ _Yuzuru is evil,” Kokoa said, and the woman looked at her. “It… he would hurt people… and he lies… has people fooled to think… he’s good… but he hurt Kent… Kent’s good… he… It’s Kent, isn’t it, Waka? He’s here and he’s alive and… please let him be alive...”_

“ _A minute, love,” the detective insisted. “Let her see if it’s him, and then they can wait out here, but if it’s not him… you don’t want that other near your people.”_

_The nurse nodded, rising from her desk. She led them to the door and opened it, taking them back past a few curtains and doors, and Kokoa tried to stay calm, though she felt like screaming. The nurse stopped at another door made of glass, the people inside it going about in a hurry as they said things Kokoa had no hope of understanding, but that didn’t matter because whoever it was on the bed was fighting them._

_She winced. If it was Yuzuru, she hoped they hurt him, but if it was Kent… She remembered how scared she’d been when she had to be here, and she ran through the door, going over to the bed. She didn’t know why she did it, not when she was already scared and it might not be him, but she had to know, didn’t she?_

“ _Keep him still. I can’t stop this bleeding if he’s not still.”_

_She winced. How could they do that to Kent? It wasn't just what Yuzuru had done. Kent was scared of them treating him, just like she'd been. He needed reassurance, not them holding him down. She swallowed, going up to the bed. “Kent.”_

_His eyes opened, and he frowned as he saw her. He stopped, just staring at her as she reached her hand out to touch his face and brush back some of his hair. “You have to let them treat you. Remember, you told me that when I… when it was so bad… You said it would be better if I did, and that… that you’d be there for me when it was over. Or you’d stay if I wanted. I… I wanted you to stay. I should have said that then. I didn’t… I was too scared, but you’re alive… if you’re alive… I’m so sorry. It was my fault.”_

“ _Oi! What’s she doing in here?”_

_Kokoa flinched. They were going to make her leave. She knew that, and she knew she probably had to because Kent was in really bad shape, but she’d had to do something. Kent seemed to try to say something, but his eyes closed._

“ _Kent.” She felt tears roll down her cheeks, but he was still breathing. Still alive. All their machines said that. “Just… please… don’t die. I’ll make it up to you somehow. The rest of my life… I promise… I’ll make up for… for all of it… you did so much for me, but I… I… I’ll find some way… just don’t die. Please.”_

* * *

“You know, I really don’t think that’s your only victory,” Ikki said, trying to force a smile. Ken was being too kind to him, and he didn’t deserve it, not after what Ken had suffered. Ikki was grateful, overwhelmed, even. He didn’t know how Ken didn’t hate him for this. Not that he wanted to think he’d hate Ken if their positions were reversed, but it _was_ Ikki’s fault. He was to blame. Yuzuru’s hatred of him had was why he hurt Ken, and there was no denying it or going back from it. Ken had every right to hate him.

And he didn’t. How was that possible? Wouldn’t the logic of the situation say to blame Ikki?

Of course, Ken wouldn’t see overcoming something like that as a victory, either.

“You two have something special,” Ikki said instead, knowing he could never help Ken the way Kokoa was now. “You are… relationship goals, and I won’t deny it—I’m jealous. Though I changed things and I don’t date women who are all about the eyes anymore, I don’t have what you have.”

“It is a true partnership,” Waka said. “Your ability to support each other has always been admirable. You alternate being strong and balance each other out even when you both believe your strength is gone.”

Kokoa flushed. “That’s not… It’s… it’s really embarrassing for you to say that, Waka.”

“It is somewhat sentimental, though I suppose today has been… that,” Ken said, combing his fingers through her hair as she blushed into his shirt. “I… It was a relief to wake and find her there. Safe. I knew she had not been with us… but Yuzuru did lead me to believe that Shamus was dead, so I didn’t know… I didn’t know what had happened to her. Or Ikkyu, as I’d been unable to contact him… Yuzuru’s comments were… confusing… I wasn’t sure if he’d done anything to him or not, but Waka said… you did well in rehab… which logically… I should have suggested long before your situation became as bad as it did.”

“Ken, don’t start blaming yourself for that. You… I am the one at fault here.”

“None of you is, and if I hear that again, I’m going to start knocking heads,” Shin muttered, shaking his head. “She is not to blame for what that bastard did to her, you are not to blame for what Yuzuru did to Kent, and neither is Kent. The guilt doesn’t help anything. So stop it.”

“It would be… nice if it were that simple,” Ken said. “No amount of logical reasoning has ever made that possible. And now… If this was that chemist… I had that piece all along and never… I know for my… sanity, such as it is, I needed to believe that Yuzuru was dead, but this… it could have been avoided...”

“Kent, don’t,” Kokoa said, shaking her head. “You couldn’t have known. This… it was all so personal. What Yuzuru did, how he kept trying to hurt you… that… you didn’t have any reason to think someone else would keep doing what he did. Why would they? Why would anyone want to be like that? I suppose I should have that answer, I’m the psychologist, but… I don’t. I can’t understand why someone would do that. I can list off possible reasons, but to me… that would never be justified.”

Ken nodded. “Agreed. Past abuse is possible, even probable according to some statistics, but to do something like that to someone else… Yuzuru enjoyed it. He… was bored...”

Ken shuddered again, this time leaning into Kokoa for support, and Waka was right, they did do it for each other so well. Ikki knew Ken didn’t understand the need to hurt others despite what he’d been through, though Ikki couldn’t say he was the same. He’d wanted to hurt Rika. He wanted to hurt Yuzuru now.

“We’ll have to look into who the chemist might have been,” Shin said, grimacing, and Ikki knew he wasn’t looking forward to getting details from the British police. Ikki wasn’t, either. He wasn’t sure he could face knowing everything that had happened to Ken, as cowardly as that was. Another part of him wanted to know, so Ikki didn’t know what to do.

“You think you can get us that faster than official channels, Waka? I don’t know how willing the London police will be to share, if he was even on their radar.”

Ken shook his head. “It would have been in Tokyo. Maybe even… someone at the university.”

Ikki frowned. “I know he said it was a dose for me, but how would he have gotten that drug into the country?”

“He was able to enter England without attracting any notice. I was not notified that he’d gone there, and I should have been.” Waka sounded angry about that. Ken flinched and looked away. “He was stalking Ikki. People were watching him for me, and him leaving Japan—I should have been told. I was not. This still angers me.”

Ikki grimaced. “That’s...”

“You told us why that idiot let Kent get taken. Why wouldn’t they tell you about Yuzuru leaving Japan?”

Waka took off his glasses. “I should not have expected better of bureaucrats. They assumed that when I said I wanted to know if I he went near England, that I only needed to be told if he flew there directly. He did not. He went on a private jet to another location in Europe and crossed over to England later. Why they felt that was different, I do not know, but they will never make such a foolish mistake again.”

Ikki didn’t think any of them wanted to know what Waka had done to that idiot. He shook his head. “We should probably start looking. It’s going to take a while to get through all the possibilities even if we restrict our search to Tokyo. Even the university… it’s not that small a group.”

Shin grimaced. “You two have nothing that can narrow that down? No names? No one that knew Yuzuru?”

“He was a pathetic loser who didn’t have any friends. His one claim to fame was his father.”

Shin gave Ikki that look that said he would gladly hit him right now. “It doesn’t have to be a friend.”

“It is true… Yuzuru had none to our knowledge, but… You were more aware of other departments in the school than I was… Yet… there was something...” Ken put a hand to his head. “It was in passing… Or was it? I don’t… we may have discussed it once… No, more, I suppose... but it… some sort of scandal… in the chemistry department? Am I remembering that correctly?”

Ikki nodded, standing up as he did. He felt energized for some reason. “Yes. There was. The summer before, there was a chem major who got expelled. It was all anyone could talk about. The rumors were all over the place. Some idiots even accused me of getting drugs from him because of my eyes. I thought I’d get hauled in to talk to the police, but Ken offered them his research and they left me alone.”

“I could offer quite a bit of documentation to support Ikkyu’s claims that the ‘condition’ was long-standing and not drug induced.”

Ikki smiled. “I even hugged you for that. You were not happy.”

“It was extremely unnecessary.”

“You kept me from going to jail as a pervert and rapist. It was totally necessary.”

“This guy was dealing date rape drugs on your campus?”

“It was never confirmed what he sold,” Ken corrected. “Ikkyu assumed it was that because he was also questioned in the matter.”

Kokoa curled up against Ken. “It wouldn’t even have to be… those kind of drugs… to make… that possible. Easier, maybe, but… other drugs can… leave you vulnerable to it… even take memories of what happened away.”

Ken nodded as he held her. Ikki saw Shin ball a fist, and Waka also looked a bit angry.

“Michio?”

“I don’t…” She looked up at Kent. “It’s not fair. You had to say so much… but I don’t even...”

“You do not have to,” Ken told her. “What happened to me… may be relevant now… what he did to you… it angers all of us… makes us helpless because we cannot change it… but there is no need to pry into it, either. I… I know, and I… had to, in part, as I was translating and helping you with medical decisions, but… it does not have to be said.”

“Such an idiot… turned my back on people who cared… and never saw… how wonderful you are,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Sometimes I like to dream… about what London would have been like… if we’d gone together… as a couple… not scary like with Michio and no Yuzuru… but fun like… dressing you in that hat and touring the Victoria and Albert Museum with you and how nervous you got when I talked you into going on the London Eye and how you still won’t admit you’re afraid of heights but we were both afraid of the wax museum...”

Ken was rather red again. “I… that’s not...”

“I think it might be wise to stop for now,” Waka said. “Ending on an almost pleasant note is better for all of you, and if your theory is correct, you are close to identifying Yuzuru’s accomplice. It has been a long day that has taken a toll on everyone, and it is not quite over yet.”

Shin nodded. “We still need to look into arranging protection for you, maybe a safe house.”

“That might not be necessary,” Waka said, and Ikki knew Shin had to be frowning, too. “Will you put the facility into lock down for the night?”

“We can,” Kokoa said. “I don’t like doing it because I’ve always told them it’s not a prison, and it’s not. It’s just… The system you helped us pick out is very secure. If we do enact the lock down, it will keep almost everyone out.”

“You’ll stay here?”

“It would not be the first time we have done so, not even the first time we’ve done it with lock down protocols in place. One was just a test, as Waka wanted to be sure of the security we’d installed, but others were not. So far no one has gotten past them.”

“Arranging for additional protection would not be unwise,” Waka said, “but the building itself should be secure—far more so than attempting to move either of you at present.”

Ikki couldn’t blame Waka or the others for distrusting the safety of a police station or anywhere he and Shin might be able to arrange through the department. “I hate leaving, but… if Waka did the security...”

“He’s not infallible,” Shin said, “but Yuzuru got to Kent at a police station, so… that’s not any better. We’ll go with this for now. Have to figure out something to do with Ikki, though.”

“What?”

“Technically, there is space for both of you here,” Ken began. “Unless I am wrong on the calculations… you are below capacity at the moment, yes?”

“We are,” Kokoa agreed. “Lin left a couple days ago to start her job up in Kyoto. And… well, Chuyo, too, but… that wasn’t so good.”

Ken grimaced. “No, but you cannot force her to make other changes. We all may know better, and he will harm her again, but that does not mean that we can make her or anyone stay.”

“I know. And I know no one would have convinced me to leave Michio at first. I… that took time… and then...” She shuddered again, and Ken held onto her as she did. She looked up at him. “I am so lucky to have you. I don’t ever want you calculating the odds against it. Please. That… that would just scare me too much… I don’t… if you hadn’t been there that day… Most of that time is still a blur… I don’t remember… how I got away… just that… everyone scared me… and then there you were like… an answered prayer… a dream… a wish… a miracle...”

“I was none of those things. I didn’t even know what to say to you.”

“That was perfect, though,” she said, and Ikki knew everyone was frowning at her now. “Because.. you treated me like you always did… and not like… I was broken or shameful… you were… just you. And you had so much trouble of your own but took on mine, too.”

Ken leaned his head against hers. “I think we have both said how it is easier to face someone else’s problems than our own.”

She nodded. “Very true. Doesn’t make me feel like what you did for me is any less special or that you’re not as wonderful as you are, though. I need to tell you that more often.”

Ken went red again. “I don’t believe that is necessary.”

“I’m not staying.” Shin’s words interrupted their moment, though Ikki wasn’t surprised. Shin wasn’t really someone who wanted to see anyone displaying affection. “I’m going to find this chemist.”

“And I’m going with you,” Ikki said. He was aware of the looks he got, but he shook his head. “No. If this is because of Yuzuru… because of me… I have to stop him. I’m a cop now. I made the decision not to let other people control my life, and while that was mostly about the fan club, it doesn’t mean I’d feel differently about this. I… There is no way to make up for what Ken suffered because of me. There just _isn’t._ If I don’t do this, if I don’t stop this guy… No. I’m going.”

“Ikkyu—”

“I have to,” he repeated. “I won’t do it stupidly. Shin will be with me, and we’ll take backup when we go question this guy, but I need to do this. You understand that, don’t you?”

Ken sighed. “More than you will ever know.”

“If this is connected, we’ll need you to testify,” Shin said, and Ken looked at him. “Don’t think that won’t be just as damned important. It might not be as satisfying as punching him in the face, but if we’re going to have a case, we’ll need you. You still have a part in it. And if you get caught and we have no witness, I will be pissed.”

“Aw,” Ikki said, pulling Shin into a hug. “Look at how much he cares.”

* * *

“We don’t actually have proof this guy is involved.” Shin wasn’t sure if Ikki wanted to hear that or not, but it needed to be said.

Ikki tapped on the glass of the passenger window. He lowered his head. “Part of me hopes he’s not. I can’t deny that. If this is about Yuzuru, then it’s about me, and I… I’m not going to crawl into a bottle again, but watching Ken like that… I’ve seen him drunk. I’ve seen him stressed out over presentations. I saw him in a few low moments, but Ken… I won’t say I bought into the myth that he was a robot or untouchable or didn’t have any emotions because I always knew better than that, but I rarely saw him lose his cool, and when he did, it was always… bad. I don’t… Waka was right. I mean… I can tell it could have been that for Ken. He has to hate living like this. And I hate knowing it is all because of me. Ken angered people, he’d be the first person to say that, but people never hated him like Yuzuru hated me, and if this is a copycat… It still started with me. People are dead because of me.”

“You didn’t know.” Shin heard Ikki snort, but he shook his head. “You and Kent both said it—this guy seemed more pathetic than anything. Waka said he had people fooled. And then both Kent and Waka kept this from you. Others might not have been able to, but Kent knows you better than anyone, right? And Waka… Waka is Waka. You didn’t know. You might never have known.”

“Doesn’t make it better.” Ikki ran a hand over his face. “Ken’s already struggling, and right now everyone’s freaked out about Yuzuru getting him again, but as much as that worries me... I'm almost more afraid of what happens when it gets quiet. If Ken starts thinking again about how he kept it to himself and someone else died...”

Shin knew others would be angry. A part of him was, frustrated because they might have known in the beginning if they’d known about Kent’s attack. “It happened in another country, and he believed the guy was dead. It should have been over. Anything else would have been paranoia, right? And it’s Kent, so he didn’t give into paranoia. It’s messed up, but it’s not his fault. It’s not yours, either. It comes back down to the bastard who chose to do this, whether it was Yuzuru or someone who wanted to be like him… That doesn’t even matter. He still _chose_ to do this. You didn’t choose it. Kent didn’t choose it.”

Ikki nodded. “I know that. Rationally, I do, but… That’s not enough.”

Shin figured as much. No one was bouncing back from this easily, not Kent who still struggled with the PTSD, not Ikki as much as he’d pretend all that crap just rolled off his back and he didn’t care, not even Waka, who had showed more emotion than usual and did seem to blame himself for what happened to Kent as well.

He parked the car in front of Ikki’s building. Ikki looked up at it and sighed, opening his door. He seemed a little shaky as he stood, shutting the door behind him. Shin got out, leaning against the car.

“You going to make it?”

“You that worried about me?”

Shin wasn’t going to answer that. “Look, you can sit this part out. Today was… long. Everyone got a good kick to the gut—not literally, but you know what I mean—so go in and sleep it off.”

Ikki shook his head. “I want to end this. I’m showering and changing. That’s it. We’re not done until we have him in custody.”

Shin nodded. “Fine, but don’t do anything stupid in the shower.”

“See? You are worried.” Ikki gave him a teasing smile, but it faltered a moment later. “I… Thank you. You have the worst of this, I think, trying to keep us all going.”

“Whatever. Just go shower. I want one of my own, and don’t even think about offering me yours or your clothes.”

Ikki managed a short laugh, digging his keys out of his pocket and heading upstairs. Shin shook his head, watching him until he was out of sight. He knew Ikki needed at least a bit of a break even if he wasn’t about to stop now, and he could use one himself, but they didn’t have the luxury of a lot of time.

He should start digging into who this guy was who’d been expelled from their school.

Shin was about to reach for his phone when he heard something behind him. He started to turn, but someone slammed him hard into the car.

“You know… I thought you didn’t matter. That you didn’t care enough about Ikki, he didn’t care about you, so you weren’t important to the finale, but then I heard you now, and you are, aren’t you?”

Shin tried to shove him off his back, knocking him into the car next to them. He hit with a groan and then shoved something up in Shin’s face. White powder hit his eyes, and Shin couldn’t see anything.

“Even Ken couldn’t fight that one off, so don’t feel too bad.”

“I will kill you,” Shin hissed, though Kent wasn’t wrong about this stuff. His words sounded strange, and everything was dark.

“No, you get to die first. Really, you’re the lucky one. Ikki’s the one who will really suffer.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shin was taken. The others need a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked the idea of Kent and Ikki working together to find Shin. That didn't work as well trying to put it on paper as I liked, but... that was the idea behind this section, at least.

* * *

_Kent woke to darkness and shuddered, He didn’t understand. When it all went dark again, he’d thought it was over, but he knew he’d heard Yuzuru’s voice, too, and if Kent was alive… it wasn’t over. He wasn’t free. He’d dislocated his wrist and made an escape… for nothing. Not even death had saved him. Yuzuru was right. He had Kent forever._

“ _Kent?”_

_He heard his name but couldn’t respond, even if that voice was familiar, that same one he’d thought he needed to return to, but no… he was wrong. He didn’t have anyone like that. His parents would manage. Ikkyu had his own troubles. No one needed Kent._

_Kokoa…_

_He would only cause her more pain. He could not do that. Not to her. Not when she was already hurt and suffering and he could do nothing to fix it. He had tried before, foolishly offering food and other things that could not be of any use._

“ _Saints be praised. You’re alive, boyo. You gave us one hell of a scare.”_

_Kent frowned. Wait, he knew that voice. That was Shamus. No, Shamus was dead. That couldn’t be Shamus. “No… not...”_

“ _Kent.” Her voice was full of tears now, choking on his name, and somehow he saw her. Behind her was very bright white, and he almost thought this was some kind of hallucination. He wouldn’t say it was that light at the end of the tunnel nonsense people spoke of, no, as he didn’t believe in an afterlife, but she was there. How was that real? “You’re… you...”_

“ _Shamus is correct that you had us worried, though I think in part he was worried for his own sake, as I did make it quite clear that I would make him pay for his negligence.”_

“ _Waka?”_

“ _We are all present, Kent. We have been, on and off, for the past week since you were found. Well, she has barely left your side and has not departed from your room.” Waka came up behind Kokoa, who shivered but tried to smile at him even as her eyes overflowed with tears._

“ _I’m so glad you’re not dead,” she whispered, reaching her hand out to touch Kent’s forehead. “I thought I’d never see you again at first and then… then you didn’t wake up.”_

_He hadn’t wanted to, but telling her that seemed wrong. His body was full of pain, and he knew things were broken. He didn’t know all of his injuries, but he knew how he’d felt when Yuzuru had him. He knew how he felt now._

“ _I missed you,” she said, her voice quieter than before, “and I’m sorry. I should have gone to see Michio’s body myself. I should have—”_

“ _No. It’s… you… would not have wanted… to see… that.”_

“ _I think I might have. I hate him. I hate what he did and what he made me do and… I hate myself.” She lowered her head. He almost wanted to reach out and touch her, but he could not move for all he was awake and in pain. He couldn’t get his body to respond. “I don’t know what I’d have done if you died.”_

_A glance toward Waka had him confirming that it was as bad as her words implied._

“ _I hope you will rest now that Kent is awake,” Waka told her, and she jerked, moving closer to Kent’s bed. “Do not panic. I did not say you had to leave.”_

_She shuddered. Kent swallowed, knowing he could not move his arm, could not raise a hand to touch her. He wanted to, wanted to give her some kind of reassurance and somehow it seemed better to do it with a physical gesture and yet he could not make one at all. His body was too damaged for that._

“ _I am glad… you are here...” Kent said. “Thought… wasn’t sure… if you… were safe...”_

_She shook her head. “You were the one that wasn’t safe. I was… I was… safe. Waka was there. Shamus, too. I… I should have been fine… I…. I missed you. I thought… I… Kent...”_

“ _Neither of us comes close to you,” Waka said, sounding a bit amused and also very tired. “And it is a relief to see you awake again.”_

_Kent shook his head. He was not relieved. He wanted to be, for her sake, but he could feel all that Yuzuru had done. He remembered more of it this time. He should be dead. He… wanted to be dead. “Tired...”_

“ _You should rest. Both of you.”_

* * *

Shin forced his eyes open, his head feeling strange. Everything was fuzzy, and nothing seemed to work right when he tried to move. What the hell had that stuff been? He’d heard of plenty of drugs doing what he did for a living, but this one—what was it? Some form of ketamine? That stuff could be inhaled, but he thought it took longer than that.. It was a muscle relaxant and tranquilizer, used for anesthesia—and date rape.

He wasn’t sure that it was ketamine, though. He didn’t think it did the blinding thing, but then it was supposed to be a special blend, right? It could have had something else in it. He wasn’t an expert, even after years as a cop, so he couldn’t tell just by what he remembered.

“Good. You’re awake.”

Shin tried to look for the source of the voice, but he couldn’t see anyone else in this place. He didn’t recognize it, but then it looked like a place everyone had forgotten. He wouldn’t be surprised if someone had died here before.

He was sure some of those stains were blood.

“See, this has to be done in a certain order, and it ruins everything if it’s not in that order, because that is how it went the first time, and that time was special.”

Shin felt nauseous. What the hell was that drug, anyway? If he puked, would it make it easier to move? Could he maybe free himself?

“Because,” the voice went on, and Shin was starting to get annoyed because this guy was hiding from him somehow, attacking him from behind so he didn’t get a good look at him, and now staying somewhere out of sight. “This has to come first.”

Shin felt a hand on his wrist, and the knowledge of what was coming almost made him panic. He wouldn’t, he refused to, but he _knew_ what this sicko did when he twisted a wrist and just how many pieces he’d break Shin’s arm into next. He’d seen the damage in the autopsy room, in the x-rays.

“And it can’t happen before you’re awake because if you’re unconscious, you won’t scream, and the screams are the best part.”

“You’re sick. And you won’t get away with this. You made a big mistake. You abducted a cop. You think that won’t get noticed? All hell is about to come down on you because if the cops don’t find you and that idiot Toma does, you’re dead. You better hope it’s the cops, because if it’s Ikki or Waka, you will die. That’s if I don’t kill you myself.”

The hand moved to his cheek, patting it. “You have such bravado. Such strong words. So tough but you’re much more fragile than you think. Believe me, I know just how to break someone like you. Really, Ken was the perfect choice for refining the method. Getting such an emotional response from a robot… Ah, perfection indeed.”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t even you, was it? Yuzuru did that. You’re just a pale imitation. A copycat. You’re pathetic.”

“Is that what you think? You have a lot to learn, Shin, but don’t worry. I look forward to teaching you. Starting with this.”

Shin braced himself, but he still couldn’t control his reaction when his wrist snapped.

* * *

“Ikki.”

He almost jumped at the voice, looking around in confusion. What the hell? He was back at the shelter? When did that happen? He couldn’t remember coming here. He’d gone outside, and Shin wasn’t there. He’d called out to him, and he’d called his phone, and Shin was gone.

Right. Shin was gone.

“I did not expect you to return so quickly,” Waka said. “I haven’t even finished all the preparations I intended to make before I left.”

Ikki swallowed. “I...”

“It does not seem likely that Shin would have kicked you out of interviewing the chemist. He might have felt it better you rest, in which case you returning here is not unexpected, but I thought both of you agreed to do this safely.”

Ikki nodded. “We did. And… I don’t… Waka… he’s got Shin.”

Waka’s eyes closed, and Ikki tried to brace himself, knowing he deserved whatever fury was coming his way. When something gentle touched his arm, he looked over and frowned in disbelief.

“What happened, Ikkyu?”

“I...” Ken looked concerned, and that just made this worse. Ikki didn’t deserve concern, and not from Ken, of all people.

“Come back inside. Not only do you not look like you should be standing there, it is dangerous and the lock down protocol is still in effect.”

Ikkyu managed a nod, taking a step forward. He stopped inside of the door and leaned against the wall, running his fingers through his hair. He took a couple breaths, letting them out and wincing each time before he looked at Ken again. He knew he wasn’t worthy, that none of them should be looking at him like that, so worried. All the same, he wanted to move closer, felt the same as he did when he was drunk and needed to hold onto something.

“I swear, I almost hugged you.”

“I do not think you would enjoy my reaction to that,” Ken told him, blunt as ever, and Ikki managed a strangled sort of laugh. “I do mean that. Between the PTSD and my attempts to learn self-defense, it would not be pleasant.”

Ikki knew that, but he still wanted to do it, since Ken sounded so normal and Ikki felt hopelessly lost right now.

“He’s in shock,” Kokoa said, wrapping her arm around Ken’s and biting her lip. “Ikki… can you tell us what happened to Shin?”

Ikki touched his head, tempted to pull his hair out. “I… No. I was only gone for a few minutes. We agreed on that. Shower and change of clothes. I went in to use mine, Shin was waiting by the car, and I… I came back out and he was… gone. I didn’t know what to think at first, but I called… he didn’t answer, and he wouldn’t have left, not without the car, so I… I called it in. I called them, and I remember staring at the car next to ours because there was white powder on it and the side mirror was broken, but I… It’s kind of fuzzy… I know he’s gone. He didn’t just walk away… there wasn’t much sign of a struggle, but I… I know. I saw the car and I knew…”

“You did well to call it in,” Waka said. “They should be able to use forensics there to tell them more about what actually happened—”

“It is not difficult to surmise,” Ken said. “Given how quickly that drug takes effect and the white powder Ikkyu saw, Shin was drugged. He did not have much chance to fight back. That is how Yuzuru did it, and if you believe someone is copying his work, they would do the same.”

Ikki flinched. He knew Ken was right, but hearing him say it like that… How could he be so calm? Ikki was a mess, and he hadn’t ever been hurt by this bastard.

“Do you remember what they did when they got there?” Waka asked, and Ikki thought about it. He should know. He did, didn’t he?

“They… started taking the pictures and then the samples, like a crime scene. It is one. It was one. I… one of the other detectives… Um… his name… I can’t remember it...”

“That is not important.”

“Agreed. The only reason we’d need his name is if he didn’t do his job, in which case, he and I would have words,” Waka said. Ikki wanted to smile, but that tone of Waka’s was murderous. “What did he do?”

“He took charge… wanted everything on our case… even older ones… I told him… I told him about the chemist. I did. I… He’s not a friend, and I don’t like him much, but he’s good at his job. He was in control, had everyone doing what they should… Tracing Shin’s phone. Collecting evidence. Looking into other cases. He had people doing all that, and I just stood there. I...”

“You have been through a lot today,” Kokoa said, “and Shin would not want you to blame yourself. He might even hit you if he knew you were.”

Ikki grimaced. “It’s my fault. And I… I fell apart when he needed me. I didn’t… I… No. I…I preserved the scene. And I... I told Morioka where the security cameras were so they could get them, and I told them to track Shin’s phone because the calls I made rang like it was still on, but I didn’t hear it, so he didn’t ditch it in front of my apartment building. And I said I wanted to look into the chemist, but Morioka said… They’d handle it. That I was too close to it, so I had to back off. I had to… They told me to go inside. I did… but… I walked right out the other door and came here.”

“Morioka is a good man. He will see it through,” Waka said, and Ikki frowned, not sure how Waka knew him, but then he didn’t know that he wanted to know. “You got them started and came to make sure Kent was still safe. Do not blame yourself for that.”

Ikki wasn’t sure that was what it was. He still felt strange, and the fog that had gotten him here wasn’t all gone. He knew he should have done more. He should have been there.

“I… that front desk is scary like that.”

“Yui or anyone in her position would be in danger if it were otherwise in a lock down situation,” Ken said. “It is necessary.”

“I… that was dumb. I don’t know why I said that...”

“You’re trying to ground yourself again. It can take a bit. Be patient with it.”

Ikki tried to smile. He’d joked about Kokoa’s kind of help earlier, but now that he had it, he felt like it was too kind. He didn’t deserve kind.

“It was excessively foolish of either of you to separate.” Kokoa looked up at Ken in shock, but he shook his head. “It is no kindness to pretend a mistake was not made. Although one would assume Ikkyu was the more likely target, the truth is that separating was a poor tactical decision. You did not make it alone, so do not take the blame all upon yourself, but you both knew better.”

“Ouch. That… is that your version of Shin’s tough love, Ken? Because… that’s brutal.”

“If I were to tell you that your decision was a wise one, you’d think I had more mental problems than I do,” Ken countered. “And you will feel guilty about everything and anything at this point. It seemed better to focus it on the one thing that is perhaps a legitimate reason to feel as you do rather than a bunch of others that are not true reasons at all.”

Ikki grimaced. “I don’t—”

“There is a reason she is the psychologist and I cook the food,” Ken said, and Ikki found himself laughing. Damn it, this wasn’t funny, but he couldn’t stop himself, and better that than crying, right? “I see I’ve provoked a hysterical response. Perhaps you are now ready to move on to more productive discussions?”

Ikki didn’t know about that. “How are you calm right now?”

Ken looked down. “I… I am capable of a certain amount of… calm in a crisis. This usually occurs when Kokoa is confronting an abuser, and my appearance at her side has been a deterrent in several situations like that, where I can intimidate them by my size or demeanor. For the duration of the crisis, I will be fine… and a complete wreck afterward that can’t let go of her for hours, but as we are in that time when I can function almost normally, I would prefer to do so before I do break down again. I need to. I… I have to. You blame yourself for that ten or fifteen minutes you were gone, but I… I had years I could have done something about this and did not.”

Ikki winced. He shouldn’t even have asked. “That’s not—you shouldn’t—Yuzuru’s dead, right? And how the hell would you know that the chemist would warp like he did and kill people?”

Ken shook his head. “It is not—”

“That I refuse to let you take the blame for,” Waka said. “We both know if you’d had your chance, you would have stopped him back when it first started, and you being unable to do so was no fault of your own. You did not make that decision, and while it is true you were unable to change it, you would have seen your part through. You cannot take the blame for what others failed to do—and I do not mean you in those others, Ikki. This was politics, and it still infuriates me that it was allowed to happen.”

Ikki felt like he was missing something. His head hurt. He rubbed at it. “Can we actually do something? They’ve got the tests and the trace and… I don’t even know what else we could do. I could look up the name, but they’ve got it already by now, and if he has Shin, he’s not at home. Even if he is, what can I do going there?”

Ken leaned back against the other wall. “The other victims...”

“Oh, _hell.”_ Ikki smacked his head against the wall behind him. “We both said it. We had it right in our damned faces and didn’t see it.”

“What?”

“The similarities between the victims,” Waka said, and Ikki nodded in shame. “First a genius with difficulty relating to others, you said, and then a popular one, well-liked, and the third… with a close family unit.”

“Shin is close to his mother. He’s… he’s got a codependent relationship with her where he became the second adult in the house when his father failed them.”

“Not just that. The third victim’s brother was devastated by his death. He took it really bad.” Ikki shook his head. “How did we not see it?”

“None of us actually wanted this to be connected to Yuzuru. We would have taken any small piece that denied the connection and tried to make it a cause for doubt.”

Ken nodded. “I would actually have said it pointed towards someone else in spite of the vague similarities.”

“What?”

“At first, Yuzuru spoke of what he did to me as… as being because he could not get to you, that is true,” Ken said, choking a little on the words. “And then…. He shifted to… obsessive behavior. He still blamed you, but he… he had decided I was a possession. I belonged to him. He had told me before that he was using me to teach you a lesson, but in the end… he told me you were not worth it… and that I… I was all he wanted and he wasn’t letting me go.”

Ikki felt sick all over again. “Damn it, Ken. You—”

“I got away. And it is like I said, it does lend some credence to the idea that it is a copycat. If he still believed Yuzuru was obsessed with you, yes, he would target Shin because Shin is now your only friend and he would want to take that from you and ruin your life before he killed you, but if it was Yuzuru… Taking Shin seems unlikely.”

“I...”

“Do not give up now, Ikki. We have an advantage that the copycat will not be expecting.”

“What?”

“Me.”

* * *

“Kent,” Kokoa whispered, knowing that for as calm as he was now, he was still hurting. This was very close to his worst nightmare—Yuzuru being alive _was_ his worst nightmare—and yet he was still trying to keep Ikki from blaming himself and find Shin. Not all of what he did was helpful, no, she was still a bit shocked by what he’d said to Ikki, but he was trying.

“I don’t want to revisit my memories. That much is true. Still, it is possible that I know something that he will not expect anyone to have, since if he has been watching you, he is likely ignorant of our… reunion, such as it was. I do not know that he is aware of my connection to this place or even of my return to Japan.”

Kokoa nodded. “He might not be. Because of our arrangement with my parents, a lot of what we have is in my name, and what isn’t… Kent did change his name to appease them.”

“You took her last name?”

“Not entirely. Only on certain paperwork.”

“Do I even want to know if that’s legal?”

“I wouldn’t put this shelter at risk or give them grounds to take back the business,” Kent said. “The idea of being permanently attached to them in any way besides my marriage to Kokoa was repugnant, so I go by their name only when necessary… and for certain searchable public records.”

“Which is why I couldn’t find your phone number.”

“Yes. At any rate, it should mean that any accomplice of Yuzuru here in Japan would be ignorant of my survival and return, as he would be unaware of my connection to Kokoa and the marriage.”

“I’m still not sure how that is legal, but that’s something I’d make Toma figure out, not me.”

“I can have my mother explain it if you like. She helped draft the contract when I told her that Kokoa and I had decided to do this. She was rather adamant about a few points and very nearly blocked it when they made unreasonable demands about our children.”

“She made it more fair than my parents wanted. They still hate her for it,” Kokoa said. “I love her for it. Kent’s mom was wonderful. So was his dad. They made me welcome right away. I thought they’d be angry and blame me for Kent not being in research. They were really supportive, though, and they helped while I went back to finish my degree.”

“They value education.”

“Yes, they do.” She touched Kent’s cheek, knowing full well that wasn’t the only reason why his parents had chosen to help them while she and Kent were still trying to get started. She had her degree to finish, he was taking up the business but also finishing his doctorate, and Daichi and Ayeka had been so generous then.

“So… um… I don’t want to be Shin and break up the moment, but as he’s missing… I have to break up the moment,” Ikki said. “I don’t know of anything that would help unless this sicko went back to Meido No Hitsuji.”

“No,” Waka said. “I would have been aware of a breach in security. There was none.”

“It wouldn’t be there, even if that place was central to all of our lives at one point.” Kent closed his eyes. “If it is a copycat, and one that Yuzuru worked with back then… Waka, I don’t even know where that was, but you do. Do you think that… He could have taken Shin there, right? It must have been remote, possibly abandoned, and if it is someone imitating Yuzuru, he’d do that. He’d go there. I don’t know where the other bodies were found, but if this is just a copycat...”

“He may well have gone back there, yes,” Waka said. “I did keep an eye on the location before Yuzuru’s death in London. It no longer seemed necessary when he was dead.”

“What are you two talking about?”

Kokoa wrapped her arms around Kent, trying not to shudder as she thought about the place where he’d almost died. She didn’t know where it was, either. It still terrified her, though, because he could have died before she met him again. If Kent hadn’t been in London, if she hadn’t had him…

“Lock this place back down when we leave.”

“Of course, but taking Ikkyu is unwise. He will be the copycat’s endgame.”

“Hey, I am going. I got Shin into this mess, and I am going to get him out of it, okay? That is what I have to do. You can’t deny me that, Ken. I have to go. I… I was in such a fog earlier… I screwed up… I have to do this. Waka, I am going with you.”

“I did not think for a moment you were not.”

Kent frowned. “This is a bad idea. If the copycat gets Ikkyu—if Shin is—Shin should have a few hours yet, that much is true, but this—”

“I fully intend to abuse Ikki’s badge. That is why he gets to come. You need to remain here. You are the last line of defense we have if something goes wrong, though I do not intend to allow that to happen. I will ask for my people to assist as well as Morioka’s.”

“This...”

Kokoa held onto him. “I don’t like this any more than you do, but since it’s me and I’m selfish, I don’t want you to go. I know… you need your chance to face and end it just as much as Ikki does, but… please let that be in court, Kent. If anything happened to you...”

He sighed and pulled her close. She knew she’d won, even if it wasn’t fair at all to him.

“Kent,” Waka began, and he tensed in her arms. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then trust that I will bring them both back alive.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shin faces off with the copycat, and Ikki and Waka go to find him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain was not cooperating to pin this story down to a path. It keeps changing its mind where it wants this one to go. And it's not fair and could be very painful for the characters. 
> 
> I did know that no matter what path happened, at least this much was going to stay the same, so I finally wrote it in spite of myself.

* * *

Shin’s arm throbbed with pain, hanging from an odd angle and giving him no relief. He hadn’t been able to stop it, and it pissed him off, making him wish he could get his other hand on the guy and rip him apart piece by piece. This guy was a coward, that much was clear, though at the same time, he understood even better what Waka had said about Kent blaming himself. Shin knew better, he did, but the way he’d been unable to do a damned thing about it despite being a cop, that ate at him anyway.

He had a useless arm that was still bound up above his head—the sicko had so kindly put it back after taking it down to break it—and the other one ached, too, just from the position it was in. He had tried pulling on it, but whatever the bastard had used wouldn’t budge, just tore at Shin’s skin.

“You ever going to show yourself? Or are you too much of a coward for that? You can’t even face me, right? That how it works? Too afraid of the men you abduct even though you’re going to kill them? You can’t even feel that powerful knowing you’ve got us tied up and we can’t get free? What, did one of them manage to kick you in the balls so you cower away from everyone?”

“You wish that were true.”

“I can see most of it is. You’re cowering somewhere I can’t see you. You are afraid I’ll get free, aren’t you? That I’ll be able to stop you? That what I told you is true and that the police will find you. You’re afraid to show yourself so you won’t get caught, that it?”

“Should have kept you on the higher dose. You’d talk less. I don’t want you talking. It was amusing hearing Ken try and defend Ikki, but you’re not doing that. You’re boring. If it wasn’t for the fact that hurting you will hurt Ikki, I would have never done it.”

“Ikki doesn’t care about me,” Shin said. “We’re not friends. We just work together. So yeah, you picked the wrong guy.”

“Ken was the right one. Thought it was a mistake at first, getting him and not Ikki, but he was perfect. All his little logical arguments, his defense of someone indefensible—he fought so hard despite the drugs and the pain. He was even calmer than you were at first, though I did find ways to make him scream, to make him beg me to stop. We haven’t gotten there, Shin, but we will.”

“Like hell. They will find you. And you can believe if a cop doesn’t get you, Toma will.”

“You’re irritating me. That makes it a perfect time for this, I suppose.”

Shin saw a knife, and he could bet that was the same as the one that had been used on the others, the cut on their side, that same one Kent was so sensitive to earlier. He swallowed. He knew he couldn’t avoid it, either, damn it. That one was dangerous. At least one of their victims had bled out from it, and if it was just a little off in placement, it could cause enough internal damage to be fatal.

He did not want to die at this bastard’s hands.

He wouldn’t.

He knew they were looking for him. Ikki wasn’t stupid. He’d know as soon as he got back outside that Shin hadn’t left by choice, and even if he broke down over it—which he probably would, knowing how much he blamed himself like an idiot—he was still a cop. He did his job, not just when it was simple and easy but when it was twisted and ugly like this case. If all he did was call Waka to have him check on Kent—and Shin doubted that was all Ikki would do—the others knew Shin was missing.

He just had to stay alive for them to find him.

And they would. Stupid as it was, if they didn’t, Toma would. He wouldn’t give up, he’d chase it until he went insane.

So they’d find him. And they’d get this bastard because Shin and Ikki were already close enough with what Kent had told them about the chemist.

That didn’t make being stabbed any easier.

* * *

“You weren’t lying to us, were you? Not just trying to make Ken or me feel better?”

Waka shook his head as he drove, moving them through traffic at speeds Ikki expected out of Shin, not their scary former boss. “There would be little point to that, as any false hope would not aid either of you, and Kent is rarely accepting of anything close to a platitude. Even the most sincere sentiments are often lost on him, whether they are the honest feelings of everyone telling him not to blame himself or his wife’s love for him.”

Ikki grimaced. “He can’t see that? I could in seconds. She’s head over heels for him, and he loves her just as much if not more.”

Waka grimaced, not responding as he reached over to touch a couple buttons on his phone. Ikki could have said something about doing that while driving, whether the phone was in a hands-free spot or not, but then the call connected.

“How is he?”

“Asleep already. I think the stress of Ikki going took everything he had left. He held me for a bit but stopped shaking quickly. He’s pretty still, so I hope he’s just resting, not having any more nightmares. Are you there yet? Did you find Shin?”

“Almost there. I wanted to see how he was.”

“Nothing’s tripped any of the alarms. I think we’re okay. Please tell us once you know anything. I know I just said Kent’s out, but… as much as he needs to rest, it won’t last. It’ll be like those first few days in the hospital, I think… because he was like that after we got back to Japan… every time he woke up… he’d think he was somewhere else back in Yuzuru’s hands even though he was supposed to be dead.”

Waka nodded. “I won’t make you wait for word. Try and rest as much as you can. You know you can’t support Kent if you’re exhausted, and you have more than Kent depending on you.”

“I know.” Kokoa hung up, and the silence afterward was unsettling.

Ikki looked at Waka. There was no point in asking if what she said was true, because it was. Ken had struggled. That much Ikki already knew.

Waka stopped the car and got out, and Ikki frowned as he saw the street. He’d been a little preoccupied thanks to that phone call, but this was insane. Wasn’t this kind of thing for snipers or terrorists? They’d blocked the street completely.

Waka walked straight toward Morioka, ignoring anyone who spoke to him or told him to stop, and Ikki could only run after him, showing his identification to a few uniformed officers who didn’t know him on sight.

“You sure about this, Waka?”

“I would not waste your time, and had your department done their jobs properly back then, you would not be asking me that question.”

Morioka grunted. “You know that’s not on our men. That was the lawyers and the politicians.”

Waka just stared at him, and Ikki wondered if he’d see Morioka fold. He seemed pretty tough, and most people respected him, since he helped with the program for juvenile delinquents, turning them around from punks to damned good cops, but Ikki thought his money was on Waka all the same.

“If my partner’s in there, I want to find him. Shin doesn’t deserve this.”

Morioka looked at him. “You’re staying put down here.”

“Sir—”

“He goes with me,” Waka said. “You will search every room and announce your presence. That is required. Expected. Protocol. It may well mean Shin’s life if you do it by your rules, and I refuse to allow that. I know exactly where to look, and if I am wrong, you have lost nothing.”

“Damn it. That’s not—”

“We also never had this conversation, and you never saw me.”

“If you kill him—”

“I will make sure Shin is safe. Nothing more, nothing less.”

* * *

“Staring at that knife like that makes me wonder if you’ve ever even done this before,” Shin said, and the man looked back at him. His eyes were strange, vacant, and Shin grimaced to see it. Oh, he was screwed. This bastard was high on something, wasn’t he?

Maybe that wasn’t the way Yuzuru worked on Kent, but this guy… he wasn’t Yuzuru, was he? He was some copycat, and watching him now, Shin thought maybe he knew why the bastard had snapped. It wasn’t hero worship, it wasn’t indoctrination, it was just drugs.

The guy had gotten high for long enough or on strong enough crap that he’d ruined his mind. He’d become deluded enough to think he was Yuzuru or something close to it, didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t, if he even knew up from down.

He was just high and living out a fantasy.

Great. That meant that all bets were off, right? Anything Kent might have known about this guy was useless, though he probably wasn’t wrong about it being the chemist. This guy was so smart, he’d used a super drug to ruin his brain.

Damn it.

He didn’t think there was any reasoning with this guy, not that he’d believed there was before, but the drugs made him even more unpredictable. Shin couldn’t be sure he’d stick to Yuzuru’s script and torture him like the others.

He looked like he’d put himself in a stupor, which would be great if Shin had any hope of getting out of his bonds, but his one arm was still useless, and he couldn’t contort himself enough to get free. His side was bleeding enough to worry him, and he was a little light-headed. That could have been the pain or the drugs or blood loss.

He didn’t know. He knew he was screwed. That much was clear.

“Hey,” he called out, but the guy didn’t respond, just kept staring at the blade. “The cops are outside, you know. Building’s surrounded. You won’t get away.”

The chemist took a bottle out of his pocket. “You need more of this.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Won’t shut up. Not any fun. Just annoying. Time for the fun stuff. You know it takes memories? They disappear. And so then at night, you cower in fear wondering just what happened when you couldn’t remember. That’s funny. That’s what Kent got. Lifetime of fear. Well, short lifetime, but still… he got that. Must have been fun.”

Shin really wanted to kill this bastard. If he could get free, he was at least punching him. He had to be careful, though, because if he pushed too far, he would get dosed again, and that he didn’t want. That stuff would make him completely helpless again, and he couldn’t afford that when he was in danger of bleeding out.

Not that he knew how to free himself, but that wasn’t the point.

“What is that drug? That what you used to sell on campus?”

“No. That was the usual stuff. This? It’s private. My own special blend. Perfect for something like this. Used to be the girls never saw it coming. I’d ask them if they liked snow, and told them I could make it because chemist and I proved it, and then… we really had fun.”

“You sick bastard. When I get free, I am going to make you pay for everyone you did that to.”

“Then the police tried to arrest me, but Yuzuru and his dad made that all go away. Had to give him my special blend and hear him go on and on about Ikki this and Ikki that… Well, for a bit. He actually seemed more obsessed with Kent after a while. Not that it mattered. He went away, and I was free, and I enjoyed it so much...”

So before he got himself so brain fried he started killing people, Yuzuru and his dad let him free to rape women. Great.

Shin was going to go after Yuzuru’s father and take him down just as soon as he got out of here.

If he lived that long. Pain flared in his side, and he looked at the blood again, knowing that was not good at all.

* * *

Though it was clear Ikki had many questions, he said nothing as he followed Waka. The others seemed confused that he’d moved beyond their barrier again, but he had asked Morioka to block any escape, not to secure the building itself. That would have attracted too much notice, as he’d already said. He did not want Shin dead, and there were only a few ways in and out of this particular building. As long as those paths were blocked by the police, the chemist or whoever this was would not get away from them.

Waka had used similar tactics before, during his time in the military. He found this approach better than a frontal attack, certainly better than a siege. If Morioka’s chokehold on the area was tighter, he would leave the killer with little option but to kill himself and Shin. That outcome was unacceptable.

Waka entered the rear of the building and took the back stairs. Though he had not come across any squatters the last time he was here, that did not mean there would not be some homeless or other unfortunates in the abandoned building. The police would have to get them out one by one, but Waka was not the police. He had other priorities, and right now, that was Shin.

The last time he was here, he’d had to search every room, since the gps on Kent’s phone was not nearly accurate enough, but if Kent’s theory was right and this copycat was repeating Yuzuru’s actions, then he would be here in the same place where Waka had found Kent before.

That was not something he wanted to repeat. Kent had stopped talking long before Waka reached the location, and he’d known the ambulance he’d called might be taking away a body instead of a patient. The same could even be true of today, but Waka had to believe they still had at least as much time as Yuzuru had used in the past.

Waka stopped outside the door to the room, looking at Ikki. Ikki nodded to him, as if to signal he was ready, though if this was like before, nothing would prepare him for that. Waka pushed on the door, and something came towards him, a blur that did not distinguish itself as it barreled into him, knocking him back. He hit the ground hard and struggled to get a grip on the man attacking him.

“Get Shin,” Waka ordered at the same time as Shin called out from the other room.

“Help Waka. If he doses him with that crap, it’s as good as over.”

The powder hit his face, and Waka could no longer see. He coughed and lost his grip on the man above him, but the weight seemed to disappear with the darkness.

* * *

“Damn it,” Ikki said, looking at the blood on Shin and back at Waka, who’d gone very still. The guy had bolted as soon as he threw the powder at Waka, and while it was hard to believe he’d taken Waka down, Ikki knew he had. He also knew there was a bunch of cops waiting outside for that guy. Maybe he was making a bad choice, but he knew what he had to do. “Screw it.”

He went over to Shin’s side, kneeling down next to him. “This is bad.”

“I told you to help Waka.”

“Waka’s out cold. He’ll be pissed when he wakes up, but you’re bleeding,” Ikki said, taking off his coat and vest, using the vest to apply pressure to the wound. He grimaced when he looked up at Shin’s arm. “Damn it.”

“Yeah, he did that first. Had a whole order Yuzuru must have done crap in, but he didn’t actually do that much. Bastard was getting high off his own crap, so… he screwed this up. Not that you didn’t. Waka’s unconscious? What the hell?”

“You didn’t dodge it, either,” Ikki said. “The guy was out the door and on Waka before we could react. Waka ordered me in, you ordered me out, and by the time that was done, he’d already dosed Waka and ran. Unfortunately for him, there’s a big blockade of police officers led by Morioka waiting for him.”

Shin managed a small smile. “Told him that. Guess it wasn’t a bluff.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Ikki shifted his hold and reached up to pull on the part in the wall. None of this wood looked all that strong, and he had a feeling it would splinter even if he couldn’t get the metal parts off Shin right now.

“Morioka let Waka in?”

“I don’t even want to know how those two know each other, but Waka knew about this place, so we came almost straight here as soon as I told him about it. I… I screwed up at the crime scene. I… I lost it a bit when I realized you were missing. I made a few calls, looked around, held the scene, but I was a mess. You should have been the one there doing that. I don’t… I don’t even remember most of it. It was a blur. Kokoa was kind. She called it shock. Waka forced me to walk through what I’d done and everything, but it’s still such a fog, and Morioka ordered me to stay at the apartment. I was supposed to be off the case. Couldn’t even talk to the chemist.”

Shin grunted. “If Morioka knew about that, then you didn’t need to. Though… they might not… have found him. He was… here.”

“You look bad.”

“Feel worse, but if you start blaming yourself, I swear, Ikki, I will kick your ass as soon as the medics are done with me. You do not get to wallow.”

“Ken said we were both idiots because we shouldn’t have separated at my apartment.”

Shin grimaced. “He’s right. And blunt as ever.”

“Kokoa was pretty mad at him for saying it, but it was like having the old Ken back for a bit there. So calm, in control, blunt and insensitive…” Ikki shook his head. “Anyway, you owe him, not me. Ken and Waka figured out about this place.”

Shin nodded. “Okay. Better get Waka off the floor. He’s going to be pissed.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t get sappy now.”

“I’m allowed to be glad you’re not dead, Shin. If nothing else because I did not want to explain that to Toma.”

Shin laughed.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shin's in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it was a bit hard to get this chapter right. It was in parts too happy and then trying to do too much. I almost threw part of it out, but with some editing and other scenes, it came together finally. I hope.

* * *

_Kent jerked awake, trying to move and crying out in pain when his arm reminded him it was once again broken. Pain lanced through him, and he shuddered, feeling sick. He could taste things he did not wish to think about, and he wasn’t sure if that was the drugs or something else._

_Something touched his head, and he flinched. “Leave me alone.”_

“ _Kent, it’s okay. You’re in the hospital. You’re not with him. You’re safe. Waka went to shower and change since Shamus said that body was Yuzuru’s. You’re okay.”_

_He felt himself tremble anyway despite Kokoa’s words. He should know that by now, but he still seemed to wake up in the same panic, sure that he’d be greeted by the man who’d abducted him, that somehow, even though Kent had no real imagination to speak of, he’d dreamed up all of his time in the hospital._

“ _I hate this.”_

“ _I wish I knew a way to make it easier for you,” Kokoa whispered, touching his cheek ever so softly, like she was afraid she’d hurt him if she did. “I want to hold your hand like you did for me, but… both your hands are damaged.”_

_He knew that. He’d done part of that himself to get free. “That… it...”_

“ _And I thought about that time when we were both so upset and we fell asleep next to each other and how it actually felt… safe when I woke up. I don’t know if it was like that for you, but… I’d do that if it would help.”_

_He closed his eyes again. He couldn’t say if it would or not. That did not seem like something that should, and yet when she said it, he wanted to have it. He couldn’t say why. He knew they were not like that, not even friends, but her presence had been strangely soothing since he first met her again in that police station. Even when she was hysterical, he felt better near her, and he did not think it was just because he could help calm her down. He liked being able to do that, but he didn’t believe that was the only reason that being near her helped._

“ _Kent? Are you… I shouldn’t ask. If you fell asleep again, I should let you rest.”_

“ _They said… my injuries… Do we… you have a phone, don’t you?”_

“ _Waka gave me one and said to call if I needed anything or you did and not to hesitate and not to think I’d annoy him or that it was too small a thing. He wanted us to call.”_

_Kent took a breath and let it out. “Call him. Tell him I want out of here. Now, or at least… as soon as I can be released. I… I want out.”_

“ _Kent—”_

“ _Just tell him that. Please. You don’t have to—don’t look so frightened. I… I don’t think waking up here is helping, and I… that offer you made… you can’t do that here… but… maybe… No, that’s foolish. I didn’t—forget I said that.”_

_She smiled in spite of her tears. “No, I… I’m glad you think it might help. I’ll call Waka. I hate to wake him if he’s sleeping, but then… he’d rest better if we were all at the apartment, right? So we should just… leave here. It’s better for everyone.”_

“ _Yes.”_

_She touched his face. “It… someday it’ll be better, and you won’t always wake up thinking he has you. I believe that. I wish I could make you feel as safe as you make me. You are… I… I’m calling Waka now, okay? Just… um…”_

“ _You can text if you’d rather not have me hear what you have to say.”_

“ _No, it’s just weird calling Waka when I’m not checking my work schedule or needing to change a shift or call in sick, that’s all.”_

_He had no such reservations, but then he’d already made some of the worst calls he could make to Waka, so he had no shame left… Waka already knew it all._

“ _There,” she said. “I sent the message. We’ll be able to go home soon.”_

* * *

“Kent, it’s okay. I know it’s a different place, but it’s just the shelter,” Kokoa said as he jerked in her arms. She winced but continued to comb through his hair. “I’m here. I’m sorry I moved. Or was it my voice? I… Waka called, and it was important, so...”

Kent looked up at her, and she gave him her best reassuring smile as she combed her fingers through his hair. She wasn’t sure what he’d been remembering, but almost all of those memories were bad, so he would be upset.

“They found Shin. He’s alive. He just got out of surgery.”

Kent put his arms around her, leaning against her as he tried to calm himself. “Ikkyu?”

“He’s okay, too. He’s at the hospital with Waka and Shin right now.”

Kent tightened his hold, and she hugged him back, glad he was awake so she could share her relief with him. She’d been so scared, but now she knew Shin would be okay. She knew that probably seemed wrong after spending so many years avoiding him, but she had been able to tell herself that Shin was fine as long as she didn’t know better. And in this case, she knew, and it was horrible, because she knew what Shin would go through before he died. Not that she—she was going to work herself up again, but she knew Kent’s scars. She knew how much he’d suffered, and she didn’t want Shin to go through that, and if Ikki were to be taken, too, she didn’t know what they’d do.

“It’s okay, Kent. They’re okay. Shin… he didn’t have time to do much to Shin. You… you and Waka saved him.”

Kent shook his head. “I didn’t… I don’t even know… Wherever that was, I don’t remember it. I know I woke up there, and I… I tried to piece a few things together as I contacted Waka, but I… I don’t know where it was. Waka does. I don’t.”

“You still had the idea, and it was good. And if you’d needed to, you would have found some other piece of your memories that would help. Like… that place you said he took you to in London. You were able to describe it enough for them to find it after the accident.”

He shook his head. “No. I...”

“You did.” She leaned down and kissed the top of his head, not wanting to let go even to comb through his hair. “I know you did. You’re so strong.”

“Feel pathetic. The way I fell apart after Ikkyu and Waka left...”

“You were strong up until then, and you did what you needed to do so we could get Shin back and Ikki stayed safe. And we can even go see that for ourselves.”

“What?”

“They arrested the chemist. Shin’s safe. Ikki’s safe. And we’re safe.”

“You would like to go there right now, wouldn’t you?”

“I do want to see Shin, but I can wait. I trust Waka. He’s not lying to us. We’ll go when we’re both up to it, and don’t think you have to push yourself.” She lowered her head. “I could happily stay like this for a few hours.”

“It cannot be comfortable.”

“I’ll lay down next to you, then, but I’m happy just to be with you.”

“I may fall asleep again.”

“That’s okay, too.”

* * *

“I swear, he’s going to kill me.”

Shin looked over at Ikki. “Toma?”

“Him, too, but I was talking about that one,” Ikki said, pointing to the man now leaning against the wall on the far side of the room. In spite of the pain medication he was on, Shin recognized that look. Waka was very angry. That was well beyond the look he got with idiots who thought they could leave without paying or anyone who disrespected his staff.

Waka looked every bit the assassin ready to kill someone.

Shin looked at Ikki. That better not mean what he thought it meant. If it did, Ikki had more than Waka to fear. “Tell me... you didn’t let that bastard... get away. If you did, Ikki... I won’t forgive you. Even if... they tell me... you’re the reason I’m alive.”

“He did not escape,” Waka said. He didn’t seem all that pleased to say it, though. Why wouldn’t Waka be okay if the guy was caught? “Morioka informed me as soon as I woke that he is in custody. He is also suffering from apparent withdrawal and impossible to speak to at present.”

“But you’re still mad.”

Waka adjusted his glasses. “It is no consolation that he hit like a truck or that he had a powerful drug at his disposal. Such a weakness is… humiliating.”

Shin grunted. That figured, didn’t it? “Makes you a bit of a hypocrite, doesn’t it?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, you told Ken not to blame himself, didn’t you?” Ikki asked, almost looking amused. Man had to have a death wish, but then he did blame himself for all of this, didn’t he? “If Ken’s not supposed to blame himself for getting taken because of those drugs, and I bet you would say the same to Shin even though he just woke up so you haven’t had a chance to yet, but you won’t forgive yourself, it does kind of make you one, doesn’t it?”

Waka glared at Ikki, and for all he was brave a minute ago, Ikki took a step back behind Shin’s hospital bed like he was trying to hide. Shin somehow wanted to smile at that, though.

“How’s the pain?” Ikki asked, clearly trying to change the subject. “They give you enough medication for it? Because your arm… that wound on your side...”

“Hurts like hell... but... enough drugs… make it a bit dull.” Shin wasn’t kidding himself. Having his arm broken like that made him mad and useless. He looked at the cast and tried not to curse. That one was temporary. They’d warned him he might have to go back to surgery for more pins when he was awake a bit earlier, and he didn’t want it to be true, but he’d deal with it if it was.

Ikki grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

“I told you... if you apologize... one more time—”

“Shin bears his own share of the blame. I believe I said that before.”

“Never thought... be glad… hear your voice… or something like that... from you, Kent.” Shin grimaced, but it was true. Having Kent here made it a little more real. He wouldn’t have come if their suspect wasn’t in custody, but he was here. That meant it was that much closer to over, even with Shin having a useless arm.

Kent nodded. He still looked tired, drawn and pale, but he was moving on his own. He reached back to pull Kokoa into the room with him. She almost looked worse than he did. Shin shook his head. They didn’t need to be here.

“You didn’t... have to come... Not like… we’re… anything… or this… doesn’t bother you.”

“I am fine,” Kent said. Shin frowned, knowing Ikki was, too. Kokoa looked up at Kent, and he shook his head, giving her a bit of a smile, almost seeming gentle. “This is harder for you than it is for me. My issues with the hospitalizations I experienced had to do with waking in strange places. The invasive parts… that happened when I was still unconscious, so I have no memory of them like you do. I… Perhaps if I did—”

“No, you have enough without those, too. I… I wish I didn’t have them, but they… they don’t seem to want to go away.” She shuddered, and he embraced her, holding on until she was calmer.

Shin tried to sit up, but he couldn’t hardly move the arm and the pain in his side almost had him crying out, wishing for stronger meds or unconsciousness. That hurt. It all did, but he’d live. He knew that much. “You don’t have to be here.”

“No, we did have to come,” Kokoa said. “It… it’s not the same not seeing it with our own eyes. Not that Waka or Ikki would lie about you being okay, but… we’ve had some bad experiences not checking for ourselves on other things. And… don’t say you don’t mean anything to us. You… I am sorry about… about what I did, but I… you’re still like a brother to me, if only in my memories.”

Shin knew that wouldn’t change. She was still the girl he had to protect, even if she’d chosen someone else for that role. She could have a brother and a husband. That was how it worked in plenty of families. He didn’t want to say that, though. It sounded a bit pathetic. “It wasn’t Yuzuru. You were right about the chemist.”

“I… am glad I was able to be of some… assistance.”

Ikki moved a chair over, and Kent frowned at it even as Ikki almost pushed him into it. Kokoa didn’t even wait a moment before climbing into his lap, sitting there a bit like a smug cat would. She might even be purring she looked that happy to be there.

“Ikki says you and Waka found me, too.”

Kent tensed, and Kokoa tugged on his shirt like that would calm him somehow. “I… that is inaccurate. That… that was Waka.”

Waka grunted, clearly not pleased by that statement, though Shin had a feeling his pride would be smarting over that bastard getting the better of him for a long time. Shin didn’t even know the chemist’s name, but he knew he felt the same. He was still pissed that the guy got the better of him. That shouldn’t have happened.

“I am told that… they found some proof of some kind at his house,” Kent said, looking at Ikki then. “That they are satisfied that he is behind it.”

Ikki flinched. “Well, more or less. I wasn’t allowed near much of any of the case, and I wasn’t really going to leave the hospital anyway, not with Shin and Waka here, but I guess they haven’t actually been able to interview him very much because he was high and now he’s in withdrawal. Still, last Morioka said they were pretty sure, and you wouldn’t be here if Waka hadn’t told you that.”

Kent let his head rest against Kokoa’s, closing his eyes. “That is true. I would have been more likely to stay indoors and only leave if it was absolutely necessary. I… I regret letting Shamus convince me I should go. I also… no, that does not matter.”

Shin frowned. There was something nagging at him, but it was hard to think with the pain meds.

“You should rest,” Kokoa said. She gave him a small smile. “We’re just all very glad you’re okay. When Ikki came to the shelter… We were all worried. You’re strong, you are, but we still worried. Yuzuru and anyone copying him… they’re sick and… I was scared.”

Shin nodded. She wasn’t the only one. He’d been sure he would die a few times there, and he was still mad. “Think he was too far gone… on his own drugs… to do much.”

“It was enough,” Ikki said. “You almost bled out while we were waiting for the paramedics. And your arm is a mess.”

“Still not as bad as any of the others,” Shin said, though he was getting tired again. He wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to stay awake, but Ikki better not wallow in this crap. “Stop blaming yourself. Told you I’d kick your ass for that.”

* * *

“You have lousy timing,” Ikki said, watching Toma walk into the room. He got a frown from the other man which told him no one had filled Toma in on all the details of the case yet, or he’d be doing a lot worse than frowning. Ikki’s days were numbered once Toma knew the truth. He’d never forgive Ikki for being the cause of all of this, not when baby brother got hurt. “Shin just went back to sleep.”

Toma grimaced. He did look tired, but Ikki didn’t think there was anyone here that didn’t. He hadn’t been able to make himself go back home, not when the parking lot was a crime scene. Waka hadn’t gone, either, though he was also supposed to be watched over for any lingering effects of that drug since they still didn’t know what it was.

As for Ken… well, he wasn’t going anywhere until Kokoa woke up, but somehow Ikki didn’t think he minded at all. Holding her seemed to put a smile on his face.

“Didn’t want to wake him,” Toma said, his eyes on Shin. “Just couldn’t get away any sooner. It was a mad house for a bit. They were demanding warrants, the prosecutors were panicking, and some politician was trying to butt in, too.”

“Not again,” Waka said, stepping away from the wall like he might just be about to go after someone. His voice carried a threat in it that made Ikki pity whoever Waka might target. Maybe even Toma just a little. “Toma, if they start yielding to political pressure, you tell me immediately.”

Toma nodded, now looking worried. Waka’s presence would do that to most people, though. “I didn’t know they were trying to bring it down on Shin’s case. I was busy with the warrants. They wanted several all at once, didn’t give me much detail on the case, only that they were up against a clock. Bastards. I should—”

“You got them the warrants they needed. Let it go,” Ikki said, not liking the look on Toma’s face. If he’d been the prosecutor in with that chemist, the guy might be dead now, high or not, for the crime of touching Shin. “The suspect’s in custody, but he was high and that’s probably the panic you heard about. Can’t do much with him high or in withdrawal, and they’d want to make a case fast. This guy… he killed three others. Shin was lucky.”

Toma’s eyes returned to the bed, looking down at Shin’s cast. “That is not lucky.”

“It is.” Ken’s disagreement made Toma still in shock. He hadn’t paid any attention to Ken’s presence before, or Kokoa’s, too focused on Shin and then Waka, but now he was staring at the two of them in disbelief. “He only did the first twist. Shin’s arm is broken, but… the bones were only twisted in one direction, not multiple fractures in both directions. He never went back to do the second or third break. Shin should require far fewer pins and likely lose little if any range of motion. And the wound in his side missed any vital organs.”

Toma seemed to struggle for words. “That’s...”

“Damn it, Ken,” Ikki said, knowing full well Ken’s arm had seen all that damage if not more, and he had to have lost some range of motion for him to say that.

“We were able to locate Shin quickly and minimize what he suffered,” Waka said. “We were fortunate. Shin was, and he knows it.”

Toma ran a hand over his face. “The hell. I can almost understand why Waka’s here, but you, Kent? No one has seen you in years, and you’re sticking your intellectual nose in this? And that’s not even—Kokoa? How—what—why?”

Kokoa stirred, her fingers twisting in Ken’s shirt, and she mumbled something Ikki couldn’t make out from here.

“She was napping as well until you came,” Ken said, clearly displeased by the fact that Toma woke her. Protective Ken was nice to see, and Ikki was glad Kokoa had found that, that they had each other through all of this. “She could not rest while Shin was missing, though she tried. She was unable to settle until she saw for herself that he was alive and well.”

“Mmm,” Kokoa said, shifting in Kent’s hold. Her eyes opened a little, but they only seemed to see Ken. “Mad at me?”

“Of course not.”

“Sound grumpy,” she said, voice full of sleep and completely adorable. “Did I wake you up again? Or is this because you need to go to the bathroom and I’m sleeping on you and won’t move? You hate when I do that, but you never say so.”

Ken shook his head, a bit red again. “No, I am not mad at you. I am not grumpy, either. You just go back to sleep and do not worry about… that other part.”

“You are my favorite pillow.” She seemed to be trying to get closer to him, which wasn’t even possible. “Warm and safe and Kent.”

“Please stop talking now.”

“Only if you kiss me.”

Ken stared at her. “I think I will ignore that because you are mostly asleep and have been through a lot in the last few days.”

She stuck her lip out in a pout. “You don’t love me.”

“That is not true,” Ken said. He grimaced and put his hand on her head before kissing her forehead, even redder than before. “There. Now sleep.”

Ikki swore she was grinning. She curled up against him, having a very good dream despite what was going on around her. Toma, on the other hand, looked like he was in some kind of nightmare.

“What the hell?”

“They met in London... They’re married… It’s not... the crisis... you think it is,” Shin said, shaking his head, clearly annoyed by the fact that he was awake again. “You are… so damned loud. And did you... really have to... make them get... all lovey dovey again? Did not... need see that again.”

“Morning, Shin,” Ikki said, unable to help his laughter. This was pretty funny. “Guess you already know that big brother’s late to the party.”

Shin groaned. “Didn’t need to come at all. I’m fine.”

Toma shook his head. “You don’t look like it.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“So Kent said.”

“Well, he would know,” Shin muttered. Toma frowned again, but no one offered to explain that to him. He’d find out eventually, but there was no way Ikki wanted him starting a fight here. Shin needed to rest, clearly Kokoa did, too, and Ken wasn’t in much better shape. Even Waka looked pained. Coming off that stuff must be rough.

“I’d like an explanation.”

Shin shook his head. “Later. Sleep first.”

* * *

Toma looked around the room, feeling even more awkward now that Shin was trying to sleep again. He shouldn’t say anything, should let his brother rest, but how did he do that when there were so many questions going through his head. None of this seemed real right now. He couldn’t believe it when he finally got word Shin was in the hospital, and he was still furious with his boss, since they had to have known back when they were demanding warrants that Shin was missing, and no one said a damned thing to him. No one in his office.

And no one in this room.

“What the hell happened?”

Ikki grimaced. “Well… you know a bit about our case, right? Serial killer, tortured his victims—we know of three he killed, still hoping that’s all it is—that guy did get Shin for a bit. It came out of nowhere. We weren’t expecting that. We had a lead we were going to chase down after a shower and change of clothes, and I went in to do that… when I got back, Shin was gone.”

Toma folded his arms over his chest. “That’s not an answer.”

“Such an ass,” Shin grumbled, and Toma looked over at him. “Told you—”

“You can sleep. They can answer my damned questions.”

“Should not have come, Toma.”

“If it makes you feel any better, he’s been telling all of us that,” Ikki said with a slight smile. “Though Waka and I were here same time as him, so he could let that one go. And Waka didn’t have much of a choice in it.”

“Ikki.”

“Right. Um. So...”

“We were… at dead end… went back to talk to the sister… first victim,” Shin said, trying to adjust his position again.

“I advise you not to do that,” Kent said, shifting Kokoa and looking like he wanted to stop Shin from moving. “Even with the cast, that kind of break… you will regret it. Try to keep weight off it and not use it until it is healed. As you like to say, do not be stupid about it.”

“You a medical doctor now?”

Kent shook his head. “No. I am not.”

“His doctorate’s in mathematics, just like you’d expect,” Kokoa said, now awake. She touched his cheek with an adoring smile. “Though I think it could be in anything. Kent’s so smart he could probably switch to anything else without trouble.”

Kent grimaced. “No. There is a reason you are the psychologist and I cook the food.”

“You’re a cook?” Toma asked, frowning. Kent, the super genius who tended to annoy all of them with what he knew and just how much he knew, he was only a cook? Sure, he’d been good at it back at Meido No Hitsuji, but that didn’t mean that anyone expected him to do that forever.

“That’s not all you do.” Kokoa took his hand in hers. “Kent has been running a business that subsidizes the shelter for the past few years. He also manages all of the shelter’s accounting and makes a lot of the meals for everyone. He does that for the two of us, too, but he also helps with his father’s experiments, too, when he can, and I’d tell you about all the other things he does for me, but some of that is… well, it’s private.”

“Shelter?”

“They run… shelter… battered women. Was where the sister was.”

Ikki nodded. “Yeah, our victim’s sister ended up there, which is good for her. She needed to get out of there, but it was a little difficult getting in the door to interview her. Kokoa has a very formidable secretary there, not that she wasn’t pretty good at blocking us, too. And you should have seen her yell at Shin when he tried to interrogate Ken.”

“I did not interrogate him.”

“If that passes for a normal conversation with you, Shin, you have even less interpersonal skills than I do.”

Toma almost laughed at that as Shin glared at Kent. Still, that wasn’t the issue. “You run a women’s shelter?”

Kokoa nodded. “I wanted to after… You and everyone else… you were right about Michio, okay? You can have that. Say I told you so if you need to. He… he got hooked on drugs and he… he I was stupid, and at first I forgave him and believed he’d change, but he didn’t. I realized he wouldn’t… but he took my passport and money and I could barely speak the language… I thought I was trapped. I was. I… I never wanted anyone else to feel like I did then. I… I was lucky. I found Kent, and he… he helped me with so much… not just getting my passport back—I think Waka had a hand in that, too—but Kent translated for me, stayed with me in the hospital… by the time we were discussing leaving London, I knew I never wanted to be apart from him again.”

Toma balled a fist. “Michio—”

“Is dead. Drug overdose.”

“Sorry, you’re a little late to that party, too,” Ikki said. He smiled a little. “Not that we all weren’t. Shin and I only found out about it a couple days ago when we were looking for our victim’s sister.”

“You could have told us.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t think I could. It might not have been fair, but… What Michio did made me feel useless and stupid and all of you warned me against it, so I thought you’d… you’d all hate me and blame me for going and for what he did and… I was wrong, but… I didn’t want to face you. Any of you.”

“That’s not how it would have been.”

“I know that now, though Shin wasn’t exactly calm about it when he found out. He was angry when he saw the wedding band and thought I married Michio. And even now, Toma, you are staring at us like me and Kent being married and caring about each other is impossible, but it’s not. We have a good life together. Kent makes me happy. He keeps me calm, too, when things are bad and the memories are getting to me, but he also… he goes along with my silly whims… he won’t dance in public, but he’s sweet when we’re alone in our apartment and I put on music and he doesn’t sing but he’ll let me drag him to karaoke bars so I can and… I love going to museums with him because he knows more than the exhibits and tells me about them and he smiles so much he’s… he’s in his element and it’s beautiful.”

Kent looked a bit uncomfortable. “I think she has a habit of exaggerating what I do for her.”

“No, I don’t. You are wonderful, and I don’t tell you that enough. I didn’t even tell them how cute you are when you’re being all logical.”

Toma blinked. Well, damn, he’d never have thought it possible, but Kokoa really was in love with Kent. She practically had the stars in her eyes as she looked at him. Still, that didn’t mean Kent felt the same. He just looked embarrassed, not in love.

“Yes, well, you are excessively cute when you think you can persuade me with logic, but that does not need to be said now.” Kent frowned at his own words. “I… I did not get enough sleep. This conversation should be… private.”

She smiled at him, apparently enjoying seeing him flustered like that.

“Point being, we were there to interview a witness,” Shin said. “Ikki and Kent… came up with a theory… about the chemist… and we left to interview him. Guy rushed me, got me with drugs that were strong enough to take out Waka… and that’s it. End of story. Now go home, Toma.”

“No.”

“I think we should,” Kent said, prodding Kokoa off his lap. “Neither of us got much rest, and there is a lot to do at the shelter.”

“Let me help you out with that.”

“Ikkyu—”

“It’s a rare opportunity. With Shin on medical leave and me banned from doing anything else on the case, I’m free. Shin’s already sick of us, and we’re keeping him up, so let me help out a bit. I want to. I do.”

“I will drive you,” Waka said, leaving the room, and Kent and Kokoa followed after him without protest. Waka had known about them all along, but that was still a little weird to see.

Ikki stopped at Shin’s bed. “I know you won’t, but if you need anything—”

“Don’t. And won’t have a chance with him here.”

“Okay, but if you did—”

“I’m fine, Ikki. Go.”

“I’ll check on you later. Maybe even sneak you in some contraband for lunch. And don’t give me that look. If I get some of Ken’s cooking, you’ll want it, too.”

Shin laughed, and Ikki finally left. Toma went over to the chair and sat down. Shin gave him a look, but Toma wasn’t going anywhere, so he might as well be comfortable.

“It’s like the last few years never happened,” Toma said, and Shin gave him a look. “No, not Kent and Kokoa. That’s still weird. No, I meant Kent and Ikki. It’s like… somehow he didn’t drop off the face of the planet for the last few years. How is that possible? Isn’t he pissed? I’d be angry if it was me and Kent didn’t say a word but now he’s back and married to a girl I know and never so much as picked up a phone.”

Shin grunted. “Pretty sure nothing could come between those two. Not for long.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shin's stubborn and wants answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been trying to work in the end part somehow since I started this story. In an alternate, unwritten version, they learned things in a different order, and that conversation came before the others, but this way worked better overall, I believe.

* * *

 Shin gave Toma another glance, grimacing. He didn’t know who had told him about this, but he’d have to find them and kick their ass because the last thing he wanted was Toma fussing over him and being his usual overprotective idiotic self. Shin didn’t need that. What he needed was answers, and he wasn’t going to get them lying in bed.

He’d given them a day already. That was plenty. He wasn’t about to lie here any longer, and he didn’t care what Toma thought or anyone else. Shin was not staying here. That bastard might be in jail, but that didn’t mean it was over. Shin wouldn’t be able to talk to that guy directly, but he could probably find some of the old unsolved cases that were this bastard’s work against women.

Hell, Kokoa might even have a few of them at her shelter, but Shin wasn’t going there. Not right away, at least. He knew that they’d just want to force him home if he went to the station, but he had a few other ideas about how to find out more, and he wasn’t going to lie here when he could be doing something.

He shifted to push his weight on his good arm, remembering what Kent had said about using his other one. He didn’t intend to break this thing for good, and Kent wouldn’t say that without having learned it the hard way. Besides, Shin knew he couldn’t afford to take his pain meds if he wanted to do any investigating, and he already hurt now.

“What are you doing?”

Damn it. Shin had hoped Toma would sleep a bit longer, and he hadn’t made much noise, but then Toma was a freakishly light sleeper if he was pulling his paranoid crap.

“Taking a piss.”

Toma shook his head. “Pretty sure they would have given you a catheter—”

“Don’t,” Shin said. He knew they hadn’t, and he was damned glad about it even if he figured there’d been some embarrassing moment with a bedpan while he was unconscious. He didn’t know for sure, and he didn’t need to, since it wasn’t going to change anything. “And don’t think you need to help me, either. Bastard didn’t start on my legs. I can walk fine on my own.”

“Shin—”

“I do not need to be coddled. I didn’t die, okay? I’m angry. That’s what I am. Angry that the guy got a jump on me, angry that I couldn’t fight him off, angry that he was able to break my arm and stab me, but I’m _pissed_ that some politician let him loose. He bragged about raping a bunch of women, and if you think I’m going to lie here in bed and let him walk on that now? Hell, no.”

“I thought he was going down for murder.”

“You think that helps those women?” Shin asked. He shook his head. “If it was like what happened to me, they never even saw him coming. Never had a chance to fight back. So they’re out there, terrified. Who knows who that bastard was? They need to know we stopped him.”

“I’ll give you that, but you just got out of surgery. You’re not leaving the hospital.”

“Only one of my arms is broken. I can still punch you in the face.”

Toma folded his arms over his chest. “You don’t want to force this, Shin.”

“I do. And if you try again to stop me, you’ll be the one regretting it.”

* * *

“Morning, Kokoa,” Ikki said, smiling brightly past Yui at her. Her very loyal secretary was still guarding the door fiercely, even though he’d been back yesterday with Ken and Kokoa. He supposed he didn’t look like a policeman or even a gentleman today, since he’d worn some old clothes to work in instead of a suit.

“Morning, Ikki.”

“You don’t seem so happy to see me. I told you I’d be back today to help some more. I have that whole list, remember?” Ikki had seen a few things while he was there that he wanted to help fix since none of the women knew how to do it, and if Ken did, he was too busy to get to it. They weren’t life-threatening or anything, but Ikki had time, and he wanted to do it.

“I know, but you don’t have to do all this.”

He shrugged. “Days off are pretty rare in my line of work. You should take advantage of me before I get dragged back. I’m only free now because Shin’s in the hospital. I checked on him this morning before I headed over. He’s doing fine, if even grumpier because he’s hurt and stuck in bed.”

She nodded. “I’m glad he’s okay. I just…”

“Is it a problem that I’m here?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I wasn’t expecting you, but it’s not a bad thing. You’re very kind to do this, Ikki.”

He smiled at her. Were this a few years back, he might even have flirted with her, but he wouldn’t now. She was happily married, and he was glad to see both her and Ken as happy as they were together. “Well, if I say it’s the least I can do—”

“Don’t do that. You don’t have to feel so guilty. You know that’s not what either of us wants. I think if… it seems like maybe that’s the thing to do, to get mad and blame you, but that was never what Kent wanted, and it’s not what I want, either. I think… I’m glad you two have a chance to be friends now. It might not have happened without this, and I guess… it’s the good thing that has come out of this. That doesn’t mean I want Shin to be hurt or you to—I’m just glad you have been able to spend time together again as hard as it was.”

“That why Ken spent most of last night avoiding me?”

She sighed. “No. Kent… You know that Kent… withdraws when he’s feeling too much. He doesn’t just do that to you—it’s to his parents, to anyone he works with, to Waka, even sometimes to me. It’s… he thinks he wants to be alone with them—or at least he doesn’t want anyone to see him like that, but me… I always barge in… I refuse to leave him alone if I don’t have to, though… maybe I should… I don’t… I can’t. I shouldn’t say that. I could, I just never want to… I can’t stand to see him hurting. I… I’d take all that pain away if I could.”

“You really love him.”

She flushed. “Well… yes. I do.”

“You don’t have to be shy about it.” Ikki thought it was cute. They were adorable. “Though I wouldn’t mind being able to tease Ken a bit about it.”

“Oh. Um… he’s not here.”

“He’s not?”

She shook her head. “No, I told you before—Kent spends most of his time running the business. I’m hoping that will change soon, but for now… He has to work there.”

“Oh. I guess I thought you wouldn’t be separate so soon.”

She smiled. “Well, I’d prefer not to, but… Kent making sure the business is going smoothly means we can support the shelter _and_ that we’ll be able to end the contract with my parents. So I’m glad he felt like he could go, though… I’ve been texting him almost non-stop all day.”

“That is adorable.” Ikki saw her get even redder. “Well, I’m a bit disappointed I won’t see Ken, but I am your slave for the day, so put me to work.”

* * *

“This doesn’t look like any place you want to be, Shin.”

“If you don’t like it, you can leave,” Shin said, already tired of his brother and his stupidity. Shin didn’t need a babysitter. He was managing just fine on his own, since for whatever reason, the guy had gone after his non-dominant hand. Shin could manage plenty even with one arm busted.

“You were lying about all of it, weren’t you? I should have known. This isn’t about the case or those women. You were just saying that so I’d leave you alone while you went off and did something stupid. No. I’m going to take you back home. Now, before you end up hurting yourself.”

“I am not a child. You, though, are still an idiot.” Shin moved over to the bar, taking a stool for himself as he considered the room and the most likely possibilities.

“You’re not supposed to mix alcohol with your medication. Since when do you have a death wish? I didn’t even think you liked to drink between how much you hate bitter things and your dad—”

“I swear, if you keep talking, I will deck you.”

He heard someone chuckle and looked over at that same washed up cop Shin had seen when he was last here with Ikki.

“You change partners? The nice one get sick of you?”

Shin rolled his eyes. “Doubt it. Ikki’s loyal like gum you can’t get off your shoe.”

Toma laughed. “Gotta admit, after seeing him with Kent again, I have to agree.”

“What happened to you?” the cop asked, eying Shin’s arm. “That’s one hell of a cast you’ve got there. Whole arm, huh? Has to hurt.”

Shin grunted. “More pissed off than anything. Bastard might be in custody, but he admitted to a lot more than what we had him figured for, and those idiots don’t want me in the office because of my arm. So I figured I could get somewhere asking around in a cop bar.”

“Makes sense,” the other man said, lifting up his drink. “What this one do? More bodies than the ones you were saying you didn’t have forensics on?”

Shin couldn’t be sure there wasn’t any others, but if there were, they hadn’t found them. Nothing had come up when he and Ikki researched it, but it was still possible that there were other dead victims. “Not that I know of, but I won’t rule it out. No, this jerk was bragging about using drugs to rape women.”

The other cop swore, finishing his drink and demanding another from the bartender. Shin watched him, wondering if he’d worked any of those cases.

“You know of any cases where they reported being drugged? Not in a drink or their food. This guy used a fast-acting white powder that’s inhaled. It blinds and knocks you unconscious for a while. Any of that sound familiar?”

“No, but if this jerk’s been active more recently, I wouldn’t have. It’s been years since I’ve worked. That damned case… damned politics...” He downed his shot, and Shin was surprised to see the bartender give him another drink. Wasn’t this guy out of money? And it was still early in the day to be that far gone already.

“Think I do remember something, though. Damn it. There was a detective talking about something like that. I don’t remember for sure which one it was… need to think...”

* * *

“Mister Doctor?”

Kent looked up from the paperwork. He should be at the business, he knew that, but he didn’t want to be at that office, so he’d dealt with everything that was essential and left as soon as he could. He no longer cared to try and fight what Kokoa’s parents had done to the place, and the hostility he received from their loyal employees would not change if he stayed dutifully or left, so he chose to leave. He knew that Kokoa still had her hands full trying to reassure everyone. Ikkyu was, thankfully, still involved in his small “handyman” tasks he wanted to do, and so Kent had been left alone, which was preferable at the moment.

At least, he had been until Hina came to the door. Still, he could not take it out on her. She hadn’t even startled him, which was unusual.

“Is something wrong, Hina?”

She was too late to be worried about lunch, so he knew it wasn’t that. She kind of bounced into the room as she came closer. “Can we make a cake?”

Kent needed a minute on that one. He’d never had anyone ask him to help with the cooking, not besides Kokoa. She often offered to, both here and at home. He would not have expected Hina to be the one to ask, of anyone, seeing as she was so afraid of getting fat.

“What?”

“I’ve been here for a whole month now,” she said, smiling. She was bouncing now, from one foot to another. “And I know that might not seem like a good thing, but it’s a good thing, right? I don’t have to be with Isora, and I know I lost my brother and I didn’t even know, but… everyone here is so kind to me… And they don’t tell me I’m dumb… I learned so much and I help sew and… I want to celebrate, so can we have a cake?”

Kent knew to refuse would be cruel and set back her recovery, especially as she wasn’t allowed sweets by her abusive boyfriend. “Yes.”

“Yay!” She cried and hugged him, jumping up and down despite her grip on him, which was very awkward for him. “You’re so kind, Mister Doctor. Thank you. She said we should ask you, and I’m glad we did.”

Kent looked back at the doorway to see Kokoa there with Ikkyu, who had his phone out and was either filming or photographing Kent’s discomfort. He grinned, though it was difficult to be mad when Kokoa was smiling at him as well. She looked like she might just cry, but from happiness this time, which was always preferable, even if he hated making her cry.

“We’re going to make a cake!” Hina cried, running back to them. Her excitement clearly wasn’t to be contained, as she kept moving about in a hyper manner. “Oh, I have to go tell everyone about this.”

Kent shook his head as she left, bounding past Ikkyu. He crossed over to Kokoa’s side, and he swore her smile got bigger as he did.

“You know you could have told her she could have a cake without making her ask me.”

“I know, but… you were a part of helping her, too, and that she’s comfortable with you and you did that for her… it’s beautiful and… I wanted to share her happiness because it’s infectious and there’s been so much bad lately.”

“That’s adorable. Kiss her already, Ken.”

Kent backed away from her, all too aware of Ikkyu’s presence now. He might have embraced her without the audience—not kissed her, that was too much, something she didn’t want, but the hug might have been acceptable if not for Ikkyu.

“Oh, come on. You two aren’t that shy. I’ve seen you hug plenty already.”

Kent sighed. That was different. Ikkyu had no idea the true circumstances of their marriage, and honestly Kent didn’t want him to know. He was suddenly struck by the thought that perhaps most of his refusal to see Ikkyu had nothing to do with the words Yuzuru had spoken and almost everything to do with keeping someone who always knew him too well from knowing that truth.

No. That wasn’t it. That was—he still had other secrets he wanted to conceal. Though it could be that it was him feeling stupid and guilty, since it wasn’t as difficult to be in Ikkyu’s presence as his anxiety had led him to think it was. He could have possibly done this years ago, but he had not.

“Ken? You okay?”

He forced himself to nod. “Yes. I… It’s nothing.”

“Was it bad at the business today? I hate that you had to go back there. I guess it wasn’t fair to ambush you with Hina after you just got here.” Kokoa wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, I will be so happy when we’re done with them and you can be free to do what you want to instead of their stupid business. You shouldn’t have been stuck with it for this long. I’m sorry.”

“It was not all bad, and it did make this possible.”

“I know, but… think of all the time we could have been spending together,” she said. “That I’d rather have than a bunch of money, even if we need it for the shelter. We’d have found other ways to make it work.”

“Yes, possibly.”

“Not possibly. You’re smart and determined, and what you set out to do, you do,” she said, looking up at him with another smile. Then her face reddened. “Oh. We promised Hina cake. We should probably go before she starts on her own and burns something.”

“Yes.”

“And yet neither of you are moving. This is so adorable.”

“Shut up, Ikkyu. And if you take another picture, I will break your phone.”

“Too late. I just sent it to Shin.”

“Shin’s phone is missing.”

“True, but since there’s no way Toma’s budging from his side, he’ll still get it.”

“And he’ll be just as annoyed as I am right now.”

Kokoa started laughing, clinging to Kent as she did. “Oh… you two… This is… It’s like it used to be. I know it doesn’t sound like it, but it is, and it’s so cute. I’m so glad.”

“We are not cute.”

“Yeah, I really prefer the ruggedly handsome idea,” Ikkyu said. “Though I suppose I’m more of the debonair prince type, aren’t I? Such a tragedy.”

“I don’t think either of you fits an archetype. I’m sure people assume you do, but you don’t,” Kokoa said, taking hold of both of Kent’s hands and tugging him forward. “Come on. Let’s go defy some stereotypes and make a cake.”

“I hardly think that qualifies as defying stereotypes.”

“Sure it does.”

“Someone is twisting her psychology degree.”

She just laughed.

* * *

“What the hell?” Toma asked, looking down at his phone. Shin hoped that was a call telling him to go, since all he was doing here was pissing Shin off. He hadn’t helped, and his attempt to get more from their drunk companion only made it worse. “Why am I getting a bunch of pictures of Kent and Kokoa? Are these… posed? What is Ikki even doing?”

“He said he was going to help out at the shelter,” Shin said. Toma knew that. He had been there when Ikki said he would help Kent and Kokoa. “I’m sure he went back today. He’s still on leave. He won’t be out the whole time they want to stick me with, though he could be because he’s got vacation time on the books.”

“You know that much about him?”

“Don’t get jealous. It’s not funny or necessary. I work with Ikki. Day in, day out, and we have odd hours and get to work weekends and holidays and all of that fun because crime does not stop. Ikki doesn’t take a bunch of time off any more than I do. He’s not close to his family, and up until a couple days ago, Kent had vanished from his life. All Ikki had was the job.”

“That is so weird considering how many women used to be around him all the time.”

“The fan club was messed up. I don’t even want to think about how warped that crap was because really, some of those women should probably have been arrested for sex crimes, including that French Revolution freak. Ikki still dates, but it doesn’t last long if he thinks it’s about his eyes.”

Toma grunted. “Fine, but why is he sending all this crap to—Oh.”

“What?”

“He says your phone still hasn’t turned up, so he sent the pictures to me because he knew I wouldn’t leave you.”

Shin snorted, though it didn’t surprise him much, either. It wasn’t like Toma would go away despite Shin’s best efforts.

“Don’t know why Ikki is sending you all these pictures of them.”

“Because they’re affectionate as hell and he knows I don’t want to see it, so he’s sending it to me to annoy me like the troll he is.” Shin shook his head and looked around the room again. “I should find someone else to talk to.”

“Yamato.”

“Yeah, that’s helpful,” Shin said, tempted to shake the drunk or smack him. This trip so far was a complete waste of time, but there were others he could talk to.

“Bastard.”

Shin looked over at Toma. “What now?”

“Apparently they’re making cake for someone named Hina and you’re invited but I’m not,” Toma grumbled. Shin threw his napkin at him. Idiot. He didn’t even want to go. “Oh, and get this—his reason for that is because I can’t accept that Kent and Kokoa are married.”

“You’re still acting like it bothers you.”

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“I got over her a long time ago, and while I wouldn’t have thought it of them at first, it didn’t take long to see it. It’s not just the way she goes on and on about him like she did at the hospital. Kent’s less public about it, but he’s done a lot for her. It was strange for a bit, but now… so long as they’re not being annoyingly cutsey in front of me, I don’t care.”

Toma’s phone buzzed again, and Shin reached over to take it from his brother. He was going to tell Ikki to come pick him up so he could leave Toma behind. He’d never get anywhere fast enough while walking. His side still hurt too much.

_Since you’re having trouble believing it, I submit further proof. Consider this exhibit C. Found this last night, but I think you’ll agree it proves my point._

Shin started to ignore that and type his message when the picture popped up. It was a group shot of them all from Meido No Hitsuji, and most of them goofing off in some way or other. Toma had given him bunny ears, so Shin was trying to hit him, Ikki’d tried to intervene, and Sawa and Mine were just laughing at them, but off to the side, not even seeming aware of any of the rest of what was going on, were Kent and Kokoa. Their eyes were on each other like they were the only two people in the room. He was smiling, and she was blushing, and damned if it didn’t look intimate somehow. Crop the rest of them out of the picture and it would look like the two of them actually were a couple.

“Damn.”

Toma tried to grab his phone back, and Shin bumped the drunk trying to keep it from him. The drunk looked at the screen. “That’s him.”

“You mean my partner? Yeah, Ikki’s there. We worked together in college, too. He didn’t work any rape cases like that, though, so it’s not—”

“Not that him. This one. The tall one in the back.” The drunk’s finger shook. “That’s the kid. From that case. He… He was a mess when they brought him in, almost dead, but he… he knew who did it… but they said no forensics… let that punk walk...”

“Wait,” Toma said, frowning. “He’s not talking about—”

“Kent. He’s talking about Kent.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shin and Toma continue their discussion with the cop. Kent and Kokoa manage a talk of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... This chapter made me cry. And... I'm sorry.

* * *

“What do you mean, he’s talking about Kent?” Toma demanded, eying Shin with a bit of anger. What the hell were those three—four—five, counting Waka—keeping from him? What the hell was going on here, and why didn’t he know about it? What did this washed up cop know? Damn it, Toma hated not knowing anything. “What does Kent have to do with the serial killer who almost killed you?”

“That guy was a copycat.” Shin focused his attention on the other detective. “You’re sure that it was this man here? You called him a kid before.”

The detective shrugged. “They’re all kids to me.”

Shin shook his head. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Kent was twenty-five when this picture was taken. Graduate student, maybe, but not a kid. You really sure it was him and not some other guy with glasses?”

“Yes. Couldn’t forget him. Not that one. Would have made an impression even if the case hadn’t gotten screwed over by the politicians. Wasn’t even how bad he was hurt, the mess he was when I first saw him at the hospital...”

Toma knew of one sure fire way to be sure it was really Kent. “He talk about some kind of convoluted math thing that went way over your head?”

“No.”

Toma tried to think of something else that would make Kent stand out, but if it wasn’t math and probably wasn’t his height, he didn’t know. He’d never gotten that close to Kent. Shin knew more since they both worked the kitchen and he had Ikki as a partner to tell him a lot more about Kent since up until he disappeared, Ikki had to have known him best.

“The scary bastard with the glasses that was with him?”

The detective laughed. “Hard to forget him, either, but no. That wasn’t it.”

“Waka was there.” Toma didn’t have enough of these pieces, not yet. Shin knew enough to have guessed that, but that didn’t explain much. “Why?”

“Kid called him. He was the one that found him and got him to the hospital.”

“Damn it.”

Toma looked at Shin. “What is it?”

Shin balled his good hand into a fist. “Explains a few things I was missing. Now I know why Waka was able to find me and why Morioka let him do what he did. Part of it, at least. More of the rest of it fits, but it’s pissing me off all the same.”

“You’d be a fool to go up against that one,” the drunk said, shaking his head. “His eyes were cold. Knew he’d gladly have killed us if we screwed it up.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Waka,” Toma agreed. “You only ever dealt with him? Never Kent’s parents? His mom’s a lawyer. I’m surprised that happened.”

“Never saw hide nor hair of them. Only that one. He was always there with him any time we were. He didn’t have to say anything. Almost never did. Two words, once. Scary as hell when I think about them.”

Toma was losing his patience, and Shin had to be, too. “What words?”

“‘I see.’”

Shin shook his head. He leaned back to the bartender and ordered a bottle of whatever the hell that guy was drinking. Toma knew it was strong stuff, and that wasn’t going to help any, not if Shin was really after information.

His brother grabbed the bottle from the bartender. “Bring him. And his glass.”

Toma did, though he was not sure he wanted to, even if he couldn’t help being curious as well as frustrated. He didn’t like being kept in the dark, and this case had almost killed Shin once already. He wanted answers, too. He didn’t care what it took to get them.

He shoved the detective into the booth Shin had picked. Shin set the bottle down and the other man took it, pouring a shot with shaking hands.

“What was it?” Toma asked, not sure why Shin would let the guy get any drunker than he already was unless this was supposed to make talking to him easier. “Come on, what was it about Kent that stuck in your memory if it wasn’t math?”

“The eyes. The voice. Like he was dead inside after what happened.”

Shin grimaced, though Toma figured only he caught that one. No one who didn’t know him well would have seen it. “What did happen?”

“We were told by Morioka to go down to the hospital and take a statement soon as the kid was out of surgery. Yamato and I were both angry about it, but we went. The other guy was waiting for us. He didn’t say anything, just stared. Creepy as hell.”

“Did you know what you were getting called down for?”

“No. Morioka gave us our orders and a look that said ‘don’t screw this up.’”

“Which you did,” Shin said, and the other man glared at him. “Fine. You went to the hospital. Kent had just gotten out of surgery. Waka was with him. What the hell happened?”

He filled himself another drink, downing it. “Kid’s story never wavered. He had a few parts he said were ‘unclear,’ but for the most part, he could detail it so calmly you’d think he was a damned robot. He had just taken his friend home—friend was drunk, so he helped him to his futon and left. He stopped to check a present he’d been given, and it exploded with white powder, right in his face, blinding him and making him feel ‘strange.’ His reactions were slow.”

“In what sense?”

“He was pretty sure his wrist got snapped before anything else, though he didn’t feel it at first. He heard it, and the pain came shortly before he blacked out. When he woke up, he was somewhere else, and that man was twisting his arm until it broke. When he didn’t react to it, he turned it the other way and broke it again.”

“Damn it.” Toma looked at Shin. “That what he did to you?”

“No. He only broke it once. Don’t interrupt.” Shin looked like he wanted some of that alcohol for himself even if he hated bitter stuff. “He did it until Kent screamed?”

“Yeah.” Another shot went down quick. “This guy—”

“Yuzuru.”

“Smug son of a bitch.”

“Focus,” Shin repeated, even more annoyed now. “I didn’t give you his name so you could give me commentary on him. I just don’t want you wasting time dancing around it and not using it when we both know who it was. Kent told you it was Yuzuru, didn’t he? He’s the one that started this whole thing.”

“Yeah. He didn’t see him at first, but he recognized the voice. Doubt that kid ever forgot it, either. If anything, that was what seemed to bother him the most.”

“That this bastard was after Ikki?”

“No. He called him something else.”

Shin rolled his eyes. “Ikkyu. Kent always called him Ikkyu.”

“Right. That was it.”

“They’re not that different of names.”

The drunk just smiled as he reached for the bottle again. Shin grabbed it. “Stop trying to mess around. It’s not cute or funny, and it won’t get you more alcohol. I don’t even need you to tell me this. I can find other ways to get what you know.”

“Yeah? You think so? Yamato’s dead. And that kid is, too. Disappeared completely after what happened.”

Toma looked at Shin. “You said they met in London.”

“They did. That was where Michio took her. And Kent was going there. We all knew that. We even knew he moved up his plans to leave.”

“That’s right. You were pissed because Waka hadn’t hired anyone new, Waka was gone a lot dealing with vendors, and Kent didn’t stick out the end of the notice he gave, moved up when he left and… Damn it, that’s when this happened, isn’t it? That’s why none of us knew. Kent covered it up by saying he went to London early. And Waka helped him do it. The hell. Why would he do that?”

“Because these bastards let Yuzuru walk.”

* * *

“What?”

Shin was barely controlling his own rage. He didn’t have time to deal with Toma’s. The last few pieces had fallen into place, and he wanted someone to pay for all of it, wanted something to break. He could feel his arm throbbing, but the pain wasn’t even the worst of it. Yuzuru’s father had gotten the chemist off, he knew that, that was half of why he was here, but now he knew just how many strings that bastard had really pulled and just how screwed up this whole thing was.

“You act like I wanted to do it.”

“Don’t act all sad and pathetic. Kent told you who did it, didn’t he?” Toma demanded, his scarier side showing itself now. “Kent knew. He told you. And he doesn’t lie. He doesn’t even know how to.”

“He’s a hell of a lot better with lies of omission these days.” Shin had to admit that, much as it pissed him off. If not for his own abduction, he might not have seen it. Something had been nagging at him, and he’d assumed it was the girls the chemist raped, but that wasn’t all of it. Kent had been attacked here first. That was how they’d found him. Shin was alive now because Kent was attacked first and Waka somehow found him in that place. So Waka had found Shin.

“Not the point.”

Shin nodded. It wasn’t. “You let Yuzuru walk.”

“Bastard politicians did that. That SOB’s dad was someone high up in the government, so they told us no. We didn’t have forensics, only an eyewitness, and they said he’d never hold up in court with the gaps in his memory, which was complete BS.”

“Kent admits to not remembering everything.”

“Because the kid passed out off and on through what was happening. Most of his story didn’t waver at all. Some of it we had to figure out from his wounds. He could detail the first part with few problems, but there were more and more gaps as he went in and out of consciousness from what Yuzuru did to him. He couldn’t explain some of his injuries, refused to acknowledge others. He never changed his story, though. Not once. He was drugged, abducted, and tortured by this Yuzuru. He believed Yuzuru’s attempt to strangle him had him believing he was dead, so he abandoned the ‘body.’”

“He never meant for Kent to be found.”

The detective shook his head. “Oh, no, he did. That sick bastard left him with his cellphone. He wanted the kid found. It was all a ‘lesson’ for his friend. He did all that to the kid so he could torture his friend with it.”

Toma shook his head. “That’s insane. Yeah, those two were close, and hell, they were probably the only two that understood the other, for all that Ikki had a damned fan club, but why do all that to Kent? Plenty of people hated Ikki but never took it that far.”

“Yuzuru was some kind of… rival. Or he wanted to be one. Kid thought he was pathetic and that it was a prank until the bastard tortured him.” He was drinking straight from the bottle now. “Yuzuru blamed the whole thing on this Ikkyu. Couldn’t get to him, so he took the kid. The kid was pathetic, following Ikkyu around like some kind of puppy, couldn’t function without him, they weren’t just friends, there was something sick and sexual about their relationship, the list went on… and Yuzuru made him pay for each of those things. If the kid tried to tell him he was wrong, he paid for it. Yuzuru was easily provoked by any defense of his friend this kid made, got violent every time. He stabbed him or broke fingers, choked him, beat him… you name it, he did it to that kid at least once.”

“And you let him walk.”

“Our hands were tied. Even the scary guy with the glasses understood that. Kid took it calm as hell, too.”

* * *

“ _I wanted to see if—”_

“ _You can leave,” Kent said without looking up. He did not have much here at the hospital, so packing should not be so difficult, but he was still injured. His hands in particular were troublesome, as he could only use a few fingers. Waka had left him alone to do this, a subtle way of trying to prove to Kent that his choice was not the right one._

_Kent would not make another. He knew that. He could not afford to, not with all he’d already lost. If he stayed instead of going to London, he would be close enough to be at Yuzuru’s mercy, and he had no illusions about that. Yuzuru would kill him. He had to, if only to save face._

_It didn’t matter that the case had been dismissed. Kent was still a witness as well as a pawn in the game Yuzuru was playing with Ikkyu. Yuzuru would come back for him, and he would not be able to stop him any more than he had the first time. His parents’ house, while in a nicer neighborhood, was not the most secure building in the country, and even if it was, the idea of facing them like this…_

_Kent could not bring himself to do so. They would never understand._

“ _Look, I know that we didn’t have enough evidence to go forward, but we are still—”_

“ _Save your meaningless platitudes for someone else. They are of no use to me, and I have no desire to hear them,” Kent said, turning to face the detective. “You do not get to relieve your guilt by empty words to me. I refuse to hear them.”_

“ _Look, they said that there is no forensics and—”_

“ _Your lies are as clumsy as your patronizing attempt to comfort yourself while wasting my time.”_

“ _The lab didn’t find anything we could use to connect him to this, and the politicians won’t go against his father, but if we could find something more—”_

“ _Stop it,” Kent said, very close to losing his temper. “Locard’s exchange holds that every contact leaves a trace. Maybe the lie about the forensics lab comforts you, but it means nothing to me and I do not care to hear more. Go away.”_

“ _I am still trying to find a way to—”_

“ _You will not arrest Yuzuru. That I understand and have accepted. Now leave.”_

“ _I am—”_

“ _Waka, I would very much like to depart now.”_

_Waka nodded, taking a step towards the detective and making him back out the door. Kent watched him go, still frustrated._

“ _You won’t tell me I should have let him talk.”_

“ _Of course not.”_

_Kent lowered his head. “I… There should have been evidence. And my word… should have been enough without it. I...”_

“ _I know.”_

“ _I feel like he’ll be waiting outside to gloat over this. That he… I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… I’m scared.”_

_Waka nodded. “Understandable. Yet know my words are no mere platitude when I tell you I will not let him harm you again.”_

_Kent had to hold himself back from a foolish urge that was completely unlike him, one that wanted to cling desperately to Waka until he felt safe again._

_Worse still was the knowledge that he was very unlikely to ever feel safe again._

* * *

“Kid was right.”

“It doesn’t stop there, though,” Shin said, and Toma looked at him. “When Ikki ran into Kent, he couldn’t find any record of him.”

“I know. Kid dropped off the face of the planet. I was… He told us to get out, and we did, but I didn’t like leaving it like that. Yamato told me to let it go, but I didn’t. I got these random post cards once a year… felt like taunts. All they ever said was ‘good job.’ Didn’t know if it was Yuzuru, but I thought it might be. Tried to check up on the kid. He’d gone off the face of the planet. Was always sure that meant he was dead. That Yuzuru did go back for him and killed him.”

Toma frowned. “Kent’s alive, though.”

“He is?”

“You still have my phone. Show him the pictures.”

“No,” Shin said, though he did take it out and started typing a text, awkward as it was with only one hand.

_It’s Shin. Need you to meet me at the bar. It’s important._

“He thinks—”

“I don’t care. They didn’t just let the guy go. They buried the case, made it like the report never existed. Hospital records were purged, everything official is gone,” Shin repeated, and Toma’s look went dark as he looked at the detective. “There’s nothing on file for Kent. At all. The crime scene photos, the evidence… that’s got to be gone, too. There’s no records of the tests that were done. No case number. Nothing. Those bastards completely covered it up, made it disappear.”

“Not all of it. Once I knew what they were doing, I took my own copy and notes home.”

Shin looked at him. “I want that file. Toma, escort him home and get it for me. Don’t let anyone else know you have it or what you’re doing.”

“What? No. You don’t give me orders, I’m not leaving you, and you’re not going anywhere.”

“No, I’m not,” Shin agreed. “Not yet, anyway. I’ll stay here. I already texted someone I need to talk to, so you go, get the file, and I’ll be waiting right here when you get back. Don’t give me that look. Just go. I need that to finish this thing.”

“Shin—”

“This is a cop bar. It’s safe enough. Go.”

“If you asked Ikki—”

“Not Ikki,” a voice said from behind them, and Shin could tell Sakuragawa was already annoyed. “Wouldn’t have come if he was here.”

“You still holding that time his glasses slipped against him?”

She glared at Shin, not answering the question, though he knew he was right. He hadn’t thought she’d actually be here on her lunch break, but he should have known. This place had a good meat plate, and that was her favorite. “You interrupted my lunch. And you’re supposed to be in the hospital, idiot. Why are you texting me from your brother’s phone?”

“Mine’s missing, haven’t got a new one yet.”

She rolled her eyes. “Still stupid.”

Shin shrugged. He turned to Toma. “Would you just go? She’s already pissed off, and I want that evidence. Need it.”

Toma glanced toward Sakuragawa. She gave him a look that suggested she’d gladly kill him and leave no forensic evidence behind, as she liked to say to Ikki any time they interacted, since he liked to try and convince them that she and Shin belonged together, grumpy as they both were.

“I’ll be fine. And I swear if you don’t knock off the protective crap, I will hurt you,” Shin muttered, rising from the booth. “Let’s go to your table. I need to talk to you.”

“I’m ordering a second plate and charging it to you.”

“Whatever. My wallet’s gone so Toma’s paying.”

“In that case, I’ll order a third,” she said with a smirk, and Toma winced. One thing about Sakuragawa, she could eat. And drink. She slid back into her own booth, leaning back against the cushion and waiting for Shin to take the other chair. He did, giving Toma another glance, hoping he’d stop being stupid about this.

“I need a favor.”

“Like that wasn’t obvious. What kind of favor?”

“You know the case I’m working by now, right?”

She nodded. “I didn’t do any of the testing myself. You know that. I’m not senior enough for that. And I’m a woman, as if that makes a difference.”

Clearly not with her table manners, Shin thought as she went back to work on the plate. “They told us that there weren’t any forensics to speak of. That they tested and retested but got nowhere.”

“So?”

“So the guy they have in custody was a copycat, but his case supposedly had no forensics, too. And got buried by a politician whose son did it. That was never in question.”

She frowned. “You know that for sure?”

“Turns out the original victim was Ikki’s best friend. And Kent doesn’t lie. He told them who did it, but the guy’s dad had it buried. Including the forensics. Now if Toma’s not being dumb, he’ll get me that cop’s case file—”

“If it even has forensics, they’ll be contaminated.”

“I know, but the more recent cases… you think you can look at them?”

She set down her food. “You think they covered the forensics again? For a copycat? Why?”

“He claimed the guy let him free so his son could have drugs and when he was free, he used those drugs to rape women.”

If she wasn’t pissed off before, she was now. “You think he covered up murder, too?”

“Maybe. It could be he didn’t want anyone knowing this guy was copying his sick freak of a son. Or it might be something a lot worse.”

She nodded, shoving her plate away and starting to rise. “Well, you’ve ruined my lunch.”

“It’s important.”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t. I’ll do the tests again myself, though I won’t have answers right away.”

Shin knew that. “I appreciate that.”

“Don’t do that. It’s scary when you’re grateful.”

“Sakuragawa—”

“And you look like hell.”

“I’ll rest when this is done, but if I’m right about this… that guy could end up walking. He’s killed three people, and I don’t even know how many women he hurt, but that politician will let him go. That can’t happen. Not again.”

“Agreed.”

* * *

“That was a lot of fun,” Ikki said, and Kent looked at him. Kokoa could see how exhausted he was, the social demands of the afternoon having taken their toll on him. He looked like he would collapse any second now, though he’d been so kind to everyone, especially Hina, as they crowded around him for a cooking lesson.

She knew Ikki had gotten pictures of that, and she wanted them because Kent had been so sweet but also because it never stopped impressing her how he managed to put so many abused women at ease. Knowing his insensitive nature from when they first met, she wouldn’t have thought it, but he was very good to them. His awkwardness could put some at ease, and others relied on how kind he was to Kokoa to trust him. In the end, though, it meant he was a valuable piece of all of their healing—a man who did not hurt them or scare them, one who could show them more of how a man _should_ act towards women.

She thought Ikki helped that, too, today, as Waka did whenever he was here, but Kent was the one the girls saw the most, and anyone who worked here or volunteered adored him.

Kokoa grimaced. If she kept thinking like that, she’d get jealous, even if Kent had never even looked at another woman. Some of the guests had thrown themselves at him, but he’d never taken them up on it. He could have had any of them. He chose not to, but… what if he did develop feelings for someone else?

She couldn’t keep doing this, could she? She couldn’t hold him in a loveless marriage even if she loved him desperately. That wasn’t fair.

“You seem upset,” Kent said, and she winced, wishing he wasn’t so good at reading her moods.

“You both look pretty tired. Hopefully that’s all it is,” Ikki said. “You want me to drive you home? You’re not obligated to do anything else with me, I promise. No drinks, no dinner. Just a lift home since Waka’s not here.”

“That’s kind of you, Ikki.”

Kent nodded. “Yes, thank you, Ikkyu. It… today was a long day.”

“I’ll go put this stuff away and meet you by the car, okay?” Ikki smiled at them, and she swore he was just so happy to be able to be near Kent again he was almost as bouncy as Hina.

Now that was a funny image.

“What is it?”

“I’ll tell you outside,” Kokoa said, taking his hand and leading him to the door. She didn’t want to do this inside. Truthfully, she was still a bit bothered that she hadn’t had a chance to spend any time alone with him today. She was so stupid, but it wasn’t wrong to want five minutes with her husband, was it?

“Very well. We are out of doors now. What is it you wanted to—hold on.” Kent took his phone out of his pocket and frowned at it again. “I think I should have blocked this number when I got that random text the other day. I was just too distracted to do it.”

“We can do it now,” she said, watching him do it and biting her lip. “Kent?”

“What? You look like something’s wrong again, and I know you let Ikkyu assume you were tired, but I don’t think—”

“I told myself to wait again because I had it all planned with the celebration and the dinner and the dancing, but then today I almost said it while you were making that cake, and then I said no because it wasn’t the right time, but that’s just _stupid_ because why even wait when it’s something you deserve to know and not saying it seems to hurt even more every day and why should we do that when we don’t have to?”

Kent frowned. “Kokoa, I don’t know what this is about—”

“It’s my fault. I said it, didn’t I? I was scared, and I didn’t think that would ever change, that I’d ever _not_ be scared of being intimate again, so I asked for the safe thing, and I thought it was what I wanted, but what I never even thought about was… I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, and I knew I wanted to be with you, and somehow I thought I would never care if it was only as friends. I thought I didn’t want romantic love, just safe love like you’ve given me all this time.”

“If this is about meeting Shin again—”

“I love you, Kent. I have for so long I don’t even know for sure when it started. It’s hard because of how we came back together, and I don’t want you thinking this is just gratitude. It’s not. I’ve been over and over it in my head… I told myself if I was just grateful, it would go away, and it didn’t. I said if I was just… using you to feel safe… I’d get tired of it. Only I… I just kept falling deeper and deeper in love with you.”

“Kokoa...” He stared at her, and she started to regret her words. She made a mistake, telling him, didn’t she? She wasn’t sure if waiting would have made any difference. Probably not, not if he didn’t love her like that.

“I’m sorry. Just forget I said that. We—what we have is—”

“You startled me. I… I had not noticed that your feelings toward me had changed, however effusive you might have been of late in praising me to the others, and I was not expecting such a confession. I never thought that would be how you felt or what you wanted and had prepared myself—attempted to, I suppose is more accurate—attempted to accept that being your source of safety was enough.”

She was the one frowning now. “What?”

He leaned his head against hers. “I told you when we first discussed this arrangement that… it did not bother me as I did not think I could be… a true husband to anyone, that I wasn’t… fit to be one… and I still do think that most times despite my efforts towards you. I just wanted to be able to support you in any way I could, but I… I found myself wanting much more than that. I, too, cannot remember the precise moment I knew only that the conviction was stronger by the day and harder to ignore, especially when you were lying beside me at night.”

She felt herself flush. “I… I would have… that...”

“I allowed you to assume some of those mornings you woke without me were due to nightmares when they were not. I didn’t want my body’s physical reactions to upset you.”

She swore she was crying. She didn’t even know what kind of tears these were. “Were we both being complete idiots?”

“It would seem we were acting somewhat foolishly and should probably have discussed this a lot sooner than now.”

She almost laughed. Yes, that was true. “Kent?”

“What?”

“Please kiss me. You don’t know how much I’ve wanted you to do that lately.”

“Here? We’re on the street and in public and—”

“Please,” she repeated, knowing she had no shame and would beg if he didn’t do it soon. She had wanted it for so long, and it would mean even more if he did do it now, here, as terrible of her as it was to ask knowing how he didn’t like being affectionate in public.

Kent touched his lips to hers, a bit hesitant at first, and she wanted to wrap her arms around him and hold on forever, even if she knew Ikki would be back soon.

She heard a loud noise and they broke apart. “What was that?”

Kent didn’t answer, but he pushed her back almost up against the building as a car swerved up onto their sidewalk like it was coming after them. The driver must have lost control, and there was nowhere for them to go.

She felt herself hit the wall, hard, as Kent bumped into her, the car almost flattening them against the shelter. She winced, knowing it had to be worse for Kent, even after the car passed them and stopped. Kent fell, and she choked, pushing herself away from the wall and to his side.

“Kent...”

She heard footsteps and looked back at the door, expecting Ikki or Yui, but the door was closed. She looked up to see someone grab Kent, dragging him back toward the car before he’d had a chance to move or answer her.

“No,” she called out to them, not sure why they’d think just dragging him off was better than examining him first if they were trying to help. “What are you—don’t—you don’t have to—there’s a nurse here—”

“That won’t be necessary. Neither are you. Really, this is overdue.”

She felt a sharp stab in her side, and she looked down to see the knife. No. This wasn’t… it couldn’t be… She was bleeding, she saw the blood, but this couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not after she’d finally gotten the courage to tell Kent the truth.

“After all, Ken _is_ mine.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The others learn of what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... This one was hard, even if the last scene kept tormenting me until I put it on paper. I thought it was all wrong, and I hated myself again for starting this story, and I continued to find myself second-guessing my choices and my writing, but in the end... I finished the chapter.
> 
> And it's still painful for now and very nearly made me cry, but... it is important.

* * *

“ _There,” Waka said, settling Kent down on the bed. Kokoa had been surprised that he could even lift him, but he had almost too easily. She worried that Kent had lost weight, too much weight, since he had been abducted and then in the hospital. Kent couldn’t cook for them now, but she’d cook for him if he’d let her. She wanted to make sure he was okay. “Do we need to make further adjustments?”_

_Kent shook his head, eyes half-closed. He was either exhausted or in a lot of pain. She hated seeing him in pain. She wanted to take it all away, but even when he slept, he seemed to be hurting._

“ _You’re certain?”_

“ _Yes. I am too fatigued to move. I think I will rest, and the pain is not unmanageable in this position. It certainly is no worse than others.”_

_She grimaced. Kent was so… accepting of that, and it scared her when he was like that. She felt like he was… lifeless, barely going through the motions. He didn’t want to be here, to be alive, and she had to be wrong about that but she wasn’t sure she was, and that terrified her._

“ _I will be out in the front room for the next few hours,” Waka said. “If you need anything else, call for me.”_

_Kent nodded, but she doubted he would. He rarely asked for anything, not in the hospital, and not even here, at the house, though that was before he’d been taken._

_Waka left, and she found herself fiddling with Kent’s shirt again. She still wore one of his, though at this point most of them no longer smelled like him, having been washed and lost whatever it was that gave it the same scent. The detergent? She supposed it had to be, but then… why wouldn’t it be the same if they were using the brand that Kent had bought when he went shopping with Shamus? She didn’t know. She just knew she felt better in one of Kent’s shirts than her own dresses, and after that nightmare she’d endured, she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to wear a skirt again._

“ _Kent, do you mind if I stay in here for a while? I… I’ll sit in the chair over there and—”_

“ _You should rest,” he said, frowning at her. “You never seemed to sleep at the hospital.”_

_She hadn’t gotten much, that was true. The chairs were uncomfortable, and people kept trying to make her leave Kent’s side. She couldn’t do that. “Later. I don’t want to be alone.”_

_He looked at her, and he’s so tired and hurting so much, but she knew he wouldn’t take his medication. “Then… there...”_

“ _What?”_

“ _The other side of the bed is unoccupied. It… there is enough space, and we did discuss this before,” Kent said, looking at his arm and back at her. “I can’t gesture to it. This is stupid.”_

_He was frustrated now, and she hated that. She crossed to the other side of the bed and crawled onto it. The bed was large—it had to be for Kent’s height—and she wasn’t at all close to him. She told herself she wasn’t disappointed by that._

_She did turn so she could look at him, finding him already looking at her. “Kent?”_

“ _I… I hate that I am afraid to sleep,” he said, and she winced, though she knew that she was the same. She was still scared of the nights, maybe even more so now that Kent had been taken while she was asleep._

“ _Resting isn’t always sleeping,” she said, scooting closer to him as she spoke. She shouldn’t, but she wanted to be near him, not clinging to the edge of a bed, and since she couldn’t hold his hand, this was the best she could do._

“ _That is true.”_

“ _Kent?”_

“ _What?”_

“ _I… I am very glad you’re alive.” She couldn’t make herself say the rest, even though she felt it, but she already knew that it was true._ I wouldn’t want to go on without you. _She felt herself flush at the thought and hoped he couldn’t see that, but she was too close, so he had to see it, didn’t he?_

_He let his head rest near hers. “I do not know that I would be here if not for you.”_

* * *

“Goodbye, Mr. Ikki!” Hina called, waving to him from the doorway, “You’re such a nice man. Tell Mr. Grumpy hello for me!”

Ikki smiled at her, waving goodbye. He was happy for her. She was doing so well, and he hoped she kept getting better. He wanted her to have a good life, one much better than the one she’d had so far. All of the girls here deserved that. He was glad he’d been able to help out here. He liked this place Kokoa and Kent had built.

He would come back, tomorrow if they weren’t pulling him back to do desk work. Hell, he’d rather take some of his unused leave. He had plenty, and if Ken didn’t hate him being around, he’d do it. He’d had to lose years of friendship, and he didn’t want to lose any more.

He walked to the door, leaning out and frowning. Hadn’t Ken and Kokoa said they were going for the door? “Ken? Kokoa?”

“Ikki...”

He felt sick as he heard her voice, and he ran over to her, not believing what he was seeing. This couldn’t be real. He felt that same overwhelming sense that had hit him when he saw that Shin wasn’t anywhere near their car. Only this… was he allowed to think this was worse?

“Kokoa, I’m here. I’m here,” he said, kneeling down next to her. Who could do something like this to such a sweet woman like her? She had a good heart, such a pure one. Everyone loved her. How could someone think to hurt her?

“Kent...”

Ikki choked, looking around. His friend was nowhere in sight. “Please tell me he ran after the person who did this.”

He knew that was a stupid thing to say, since Ken would never do that. He wouldn’t leave someone behind, and not Kokoa. Not the woman he loved. Kent would never have left her, not even to catch the person who did this. Ikki knew what had happened. He just didn’t want to believe it.

“Took… Kent...”

“Damn it.” Ken had already suffered enough, and if they had gone after Ken and left Kokoa behind, then this—that copycat wasn’t the end of it. Were there two? Or was the one just a convenient fall guy?

“Nurse...”

Ikki nodded. She had one inside, he’d even met the woman, and she seemed nice. He liked her. That was a good idea. “Okay. Careful now. I… I’m going to risk moving you. I’ll get you to her. I need… you have to stay awake, so you keep… you keep talking, okay? I know it hurts, but I… I have to know more, sweetheart. Can you tell me just a little?”

“Car… hit… took… Kent...”

Ikki had seen tire marks on the pavement. He had been more focused on her, but that explained part of it. Kent and Kokoa were out here, waiting, and then the car came. That didn’t explain everything, though, since she’d been stabbed.

“Ikki...”

“I know. We’re almost inside, and as soon as I get you to the nurse, I’ve got calls to make. Lots and lots of them, okay? I’ll get all of that started...”

“No… leave… find Kent...”

She didn’t even know what she was asking. “Ken would never forgive me if I let something happen to you. But don’t think I won’t. I will. I… I have to. Just… You hold on, okay? Hold on for him because… he’ll come back for you. I’m sure of that.”

* * *

“This the place?” Toma asked, and Shin nodded. He was really starting to feel his arm and his side, and he could use more painkillers, but if he took them, he’d be useless, and he had too much to do to quit now. He couldn’t prove anything until Sakuragawa got back to him, but that didn’t mean he was going to let what Kent and Waka had done slide. Shin wanted to know why they’d held the first attack back from him and Ikki. Ikki knew about the other attack, and yeah, he’d been kicked pretty low by what he did know, but that didn’t mean he’d break down knowing about the rest of it.

“This is it,” Shin said, opening the door, and getting out. Something felt off, and he looked around, trying to place it. The shelter was quiet, but then it hadn’t been some kind of busy shopping center before, and it wasn’t on the way to a popular restaurant or anything, either. Still, something felt weird.

“You need to learn to answer your phone.”

He jumped at Waka’s words, but at least he hadn’t hit the car like Toma did. “I don’t know where mine is. It hasn’t been replaced. Toma insisted on taking his back after I spoke to Sakuragawa.”

Waka nodded, though that didn’t seem to make things any better.

“What is it?”

“The others will be here soon enough.” Waka walked away, and Shin frowned, following after him. Waka bypassed the security on the door and went inside, but Shin almost stopped at the door.

“Wait. They’re still on lock down? After they had a damned party?”

“Come,” Waka said, not answering, which in of itself was enough to worry Shin. Whatever had brought him here was not good.

“It wasn’t a copycat, was it?”

Waka shook his head. “That I cannot say. You would actually be in a better position to know than I am, seeing as you were alone with that man. Still, I believe you would already have said you believed it was Yuzuru if you had a reason to suspect it.”

“Not entirely. I only saw Yuzuru once, so I might not recognize his voice. The one that was there… He was more in control at first, but he could have taken the drugs and gotten weird as they took effect. The voice didn’t seem to change, either. Was probably the same guy the entire time.” Shin didn’t know if he was sure about that or not. He should be, but this whole case made him question everything he thought he knew. “Though if you want to talk about suspicious—why the hell didn’t you and Kent tell us he got attacked here, too, not just in London?”

“Because I could have stopped it all back then. Kent told me not to let Yuzuru pull me down to his level, not to let him turn me back into a killer, but if I had...”

Trust Waka to be blunt about it. Shin had to wonder why Kent would ask that of Waka. Wouldn’t Kent’s logic say that Yuzuru should die? After seeing what he’d done to Kent and knowing the guy was after Ikki—it didn’t seem to Shin like it would make sense to leave him alive.

Damn, that made Kent a whole hell of a lot more sentimental than Shin would ever have thought. He’d only asked it to save Waka from having more blood on his hands.

“So what happened to Shin—”

“Don’t start,” Shin said. He didn’t want to go down that road, and sure as hell not with Toma. “You think Waka doesn’t blame himself like everyone else in this whole mess does? Ikki blames himself because Yuzuru fixated on him. Kent blames himself because he couldn’t stop what happened to him. And Kokoa blames herself for Yuzuru getting Kent a second time. Blaming each other doesn’t help. It fuels the anger, but we’re all angry anyway, so why bother? We don’t need it.”

“I don’t know. I just know if it had been me, nothing Kent said would have stopped me,” Toma said, and Shin didn’t doubt that for a second.

“Kent chose going to London as a way to move on from what happened. He had every intention of having his ‘revenge,’ if you want to see it that way, by living a good life and staying on the path he’d already chosen for himself in research. He could have had a very distinguished career if not for Yuzuru’s interference. He was healing, and I believe in time he would have spoken to Ikki about what happened and his parents as well. The second attack… delayed that even more.”

“And you watched over Ikki instead of Kent.”

“Kent asked me to, and I told you I was supposed to be informed if Yuzuru left the country. Kent seemed safe. He wasn’t. And isn’t.”

“What?”

* * *

Waka pushed open the door to the infirmary, stepping inside. He had been in this room more often than he liked to think about, though most of the time, he was here for a stranger. That did not mean it was easy to see anyone injured, especially these women and children who were unable to fight back. Still, he knew this was worse as he took in the pale form on the table with a wince he knew he hadn’t hidden from anyone. After all the times he had sworn never again, she was there, quite obviously hurt, and Kent was missing.

Again.

Waka had failed, and he did not want to be forgiven. He should not be, even if it appeared that this nightmare was once again over. If he was right, it never had been.

“What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know all of it,” Ikki said, running a hand over his face, his appearance ragged, distress in his eyes and the way he held himself. “I told them I’d drive them home. And I went to put some of the stuff I brought away in the maintenance closet, and I went out and… she was on the ground… she called out to me… Ken was gone… She was able to tell me that… a car hit them and then they took Ken… but that was it. I… I actually wanted my eyes to work, you know… because if I had enough power to make women fall in love with me, I could will her to survive, right?”

“Ikki.” Waka did not have more words for him. Nothing would comfort him now, and he was not one to offer false platitudes to others, either.

“I was hoping it wasn’t leading to this,” Shin said, and Ikki stared at him. “I wanted to find the women that bastard raped so they could have a chance to press charges, too, but I didn’t find them. I found the cop that worked Kent’s case instead.”

“What?”

Toma lifted up a file. “He kept his notes and a copy of the case after Yuzuru’s father made them bury it.”

“If we’d had it, we would have known from the beginning.”

Ikki shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t understand...”

“You’re in shock again,” Waka said. He could see that much, and Shin wasn’t helping anything with this. The original case did matter, and had they known of it before, it might have stopped things from progressing to this point, but that could not be changed now, and holding it back had not been the cause of Shin’s abduction and injuries. Kent had given them the chemist, and he wasn’t wrong about that. And perhaps Waka was too used to trying to protect Kent, who was already struggling with as much as he’d been forced to tell. Waka had tried to leave him some secrets, some privacy, though it was all gone now. “And though you have acted admirably so far, Ikki, I do not know that what they’re telling you needed to be said now. Little is gained by it.”

“Maybe not, but he deserves to know and it was part of what I was leading up to,” Shin said. He grimaced, unable to fold his arms over his chest with one broken. “It did give us something. Maybe. Supposedly there were no forensics on Kent’s first case, just like in our three.”

Ikki put a hand to his head. “Shin, I can’t think right now. I don’t even know how I managed the phone calls to get the crime scenes here and the ambulance, and hell, Kokoa could have ended up dead if she hadn’t reminded me there is a nurse here… I don’t even remember calling Waka.”

Personally, Waka had no desire to revisit that conversation. “You did. That is all that matters.”

“I asked Sakuragawa to go over the evidence in all the cases. There’s nothing on record for Kent’s, but if she can prove they buried the forensics in this case—”

“Are we talking about Yuzuru’s father being behind this? Why the hell would he hurt Kokoa and take Kent? Kent’s case was buried, right?”

That was true, it had been, but that did not mean the man wanted it coming up again in any way. So long as Kent lived, the rumors could resurface, and there _was_ evidence in England even if it had disappeared here. “I guess it depends on if this politician feels that murdering someone is worth keeping that a secret forever.”

“Not helpful, Waka.” Shin leaned against the wall, in obvious pain. “We know he’s covered for his son and the chemist. He let the chemist off to get his son what he wanted, right? And he almost had to know what the chemist did after he was freed. We don’t know that he knew about the murders, but if we made the connection, there’s a chance others would.”

Ikki shook his head. “Not that big of one. We connected it because we know Ken. Others don’t. And even that file’s not enough.”

Waka did not point out that Ikki had not seen what was in it. Combining the initial injuries with those on record in England would be damning. “There is a substantial amount on record in London. The police there did not yield to the influence of that family, not in most respects.”

Shin eyed him suspiciously. “That sounds like you think they did somehow.”

Waka adjusted his glasses. “Kent is missing. I cannot help but reconsider the possibility that Yuzuru is alive.”

“How? You said they tested DNA and stuff.”

“All of which was provided by Yuzuru’s father for the comparison.” Waka had to admit it was an angle he should have considered before, but the DNA had backed Shamus’ claim, and he’d allowed himself to be satisfied with the answer. At any rate, the body was gone as soon as the test was done, so there was little Waka could do about it. He’d certainly heard nothing of Yuzuru in the years since. Japanese news outlets reported that the politician’s son had died in a tragic accident abroad and gave little details about it, but they had at least held to him being hit by a vehicle while crossing the street. Kent had believed he saw that, but he had been across the street and his wounds were septic, meaning he had a fever. So maybe while he had heard the voice he recognized, the man the bus hit was not Yuzuru at all. “If he was working with someone else and that was who Shamus saw in that morgue, it is possible that they could easily have made it seem as though Yuzuru was dead when he was not.”

“Damn it.”

“It is only a theory. One I do not want you to share with her if she wakes. She will likely be inconsolable. She was the last time, and she is even more attached to Kent now than she was then.” Waka looked at Kokoa, knowing there was little he could do about her fears, though at least her condition was stable. She should recover, though he was not sure how much she’d want to if she lost Kent. She was strong, and she did a lot for others, but always with him at her side.

“Well, we know, one way or another, this isn’t just the guy they have in custody,” Shin said. “We don’t know if it’s Yuzuru or his father or someone working for either of them.”

Ikki shook his head. “Pretty sure we will soon enough. Right, Waka?”

Waka didn’t want to agree, but the fact was that if it was Yuzuru and he was playing out his game at last—which did make one wonder what had kept him from acting sooner—then it was still possible the endgame would play out with another attempt to harm Ikki. “We are not yet so desperate as to use you as bait.”

“You have some other kind of plan?”

“First, we take care of Kokoa. Don’t even begin to argue with me—if anything happens to her, we will not get Kent back alive. So her safety and survival is our first priority.”

Ikki shuddered. “If it is Yuzuru, and he has Ken—”

“Kent lasted four days last time and freed himself. Do not underestimate him.”

* * *

“Don’t tell me,” Shin said as Morioka walked into Kokoa’s room, “they’re already putting pressure on us to drop the Yuzuru angle.”

“His father has a lawyer and refuses anything to do with the matter. His son is dead, and he will sue us for defaming the man’s name,” Morioka answered, which got a snort from Toma. He knew plenty of unethical lawyers, it was pretty much an international joke, but it still infuriated him that others would abuse their positions like this. He hated knowing that he, of all people, was one of few decent ones. Kent’s mother was another. “He’s a jackass. Whether he admits it or not, this is connected. Even if it is a copycat, again, it still has root in his son’s original crimes.”

“Weren’t you one of the ones that backed off the case before?” Ikki asked, frowning. He hadn’t been there for Shin’s conversation with the cop, so he didn’t have any details. “What gives you the right to say that?”

“Sakuragawa has the physical evidence from the original case.”

Shin’s eyes went wide. “What?”

Waka seemed to smile. “It would seem that my trust in you was not entirely misplaced after all.”

Morioka met his look. “I know better than to go against you. When you asked me to oversee the case myself, I made sure to keep an eye on it without breaking protocol. When they told me who your friend had named as his attacker, I knew what was likely to happen. It was no surprise to me that the forensic results came back with nothing, but they could only remain that way if they were to disappear. So they did, but what they destroyed was not the real evidence.”

“If you knew about this all along, why not say something? You knew what we were dealing with, and you kept quiet, too?”

“If you’d had any indication of Yuzuru’s involvement, would you have gone straight to his father?”

Shin and Ikki exchanged glances. Even Toma knew that was likely a yes. Shin wasn’t one for holding back and being subtle, and if they were going to do that, they’d play it through some woman close to the politician—wife, secretary, daughter—using Ikki’s unfair advantage to get information. Even without the direct confrontation, the guy was watching the case as if he already knew about the murders. So… he knew, right? The politician was aware of what the copycat was doing and blocking it.

“If we went back with a case they’d already forced us to drop, we’d get nowhere. Especially since the suspect was officially dead. It would have been dropped again.”

“You still could have told us.”

“You should have told me,” Waka said, and though Morioka didn’t shudder like the rest of them, he did seem to flinch. And he should. Waka was pissed.

“You allowed me to believe the witness was dead.”

“For this exact reason. If the case ever did come back up or that bastard decided he needed to be rid of the loose ends for any reason, he’d go after Kent. I promised him safety after what happened. I failed him by trusting the wrong people. I failed her, too.” Waka’s anger was barely restrained now. “What about Kent’s phone? Were you able to trace it?”

“It was turned off not long after the abduction.”

That wasn’t really a surprise to anyone. Why would they let Kent keep his phone?

“You were given access to the cameras. You have the footage of the car. Have you located the vehicle yet? Do you know who it belongs to?”

“Stolen. Abandoned in a parking garage not far from the shelter. The phone was found inside, on the floor of the rear passenger seat. There were several possible vehicles that left after it drove in, and they’re running all of those now.”

“This is stupid. There has to be something we can do,” Shin said, shaking his head. “Waka, you know the most about this. Where would he take Kent? Not back where that guy had me, that’s still a crime scene we’re watching, but… what did he do in London?”

“You don’t know it’s Yuzuru.”

“Acting like it is might get us a way to find Ken, so I’m okay with it. I just wish I knew more and could help.”

“They did find an apartment the second time that they were able to prove was where Kent had escaped from, but that means little. It was a building in London that has no ties or similarities to most in Japan. I can pull up more information on it, see if we can use anything distinguishing about it—age of the building most likely, though I suppose square footage and layout might be factors, however it will still be difficult to use that to narrow it down. More importantly, though, Kent remembered being moved to that apartment. The first time he woke up after the police station, he was somewhere else.”

“And no one knows where?”

Waka shook his head. “Between the drugs and the pain, Kent couldn’t remember much of that place. He did tell us what he could, but while it was enough given the proximity to the accident site and the description he gave to narrow down the apartment, it was not enough to find that other location. If this is going according to pattern, we don’t have much of any way of knowing where he took Kent.”

“Let me have the guy’s finances. I can find something,” Ikki said. “I know I can. Accounting is what I do. Did. I—I can find where he put the money even if he’s covered his tracks.”

“They won’t give us a warrant for that.”

“I should be the one saying that.” Toma shook his head. “And we don’t know that, even if he’s trying to block us already. If they told you that at the office, it’s probably because they’re all too damned scared to even file, but I’m not. I’ll do it.”

“It’s a start, at least.”

* * *

“I can’t believe we’re still sitting around,” Shin said, and Ikki looked over at him. He grunted. “Okay, fine, I can barely move, but still, we need to be doing something. We had a purpose for a bit when Waka made us focus on her, but it’s not enough now. She’s been looked over, they said the nurse did a good job. Kokoa’s going to be fine.”

Ikki nodded. He still looked shaken, more numb than before, but still not himself. Shin knew he wouldn’t be. Not as long as Kent was missing. They did have to find him, but most of that was in the hands of others. Waka had left to go to his shadow contacts, whoever the hell they were, and Toma was about to bring a lot of political wrath down on his own head.

Until he did, though, Ikki didn’t have access to the accounts he wanted. He was groundless, floundering, with nowhere to start. The investigation was in others’ hands, and neither of them liked it. Shin wanted to find something he could do besides sit here and watch over Kokoa, even if he still needed to make sure she was safe.

“If we had a hacker...”

“Isn’t that a bit up your alley? I mean, you’re the math guy.”

Ikki rolled his eyes. “Being good at math doesn’t automatically mean that you’re good at hacking. It’s computer code, which is not all numbers, okay? Some of it is ones and zeroes, but not all of it. And yes, there’s a lot of formulas, but it’s not all math.”

Shin grimaced. It would be simpler if Ikki could do that. They’d have to recruit a hacker into their circle somehow. Someday. “Fine. We’ll just—”

Ikki’s phone rang, and he jumped. Shin gave him a look, and he shrugged as he took it out. “A video call? I don’t get video calls, and the number is blocked.”

“Answer it,” Shin said, even as he had a bad feeling about it. He moved closer to Ikki as Ikki took the call.

“Too late,” Ikki said. “They must have hung up.”

Even as he said it, the chime for the video call came again. Ikki swallowed and answered this time. The laughter made him tense, and Shin fought off a shudder.

“Oh, look at that. Both of you. That makes this so much more fun, doesn’t, Ken?”

The camera shifted, and Shin balled a fist, fighting against a need to gag as he saw Kent bound to some kind of pillar. From what he could see, it looked pretty solid. Maybe concrete. The man moved over to Kent’s side, getting close behind him in a way Shin found disturbingly familiar.

“You didn’t say anything. Can it be you’re not pleased to see them? Or are you ashamed to admit just how close we are? You never told them about us, do you?”

“Get off of me.”

“Oh, Ken. You still think you can deny all we shared?”

“Let him go, Yuzuru,” Ikki said, his fury barely contained. “This is about me, isn’t it? You hate me, so come face me. Take me. We’ll settle it. Here and now. You face me like you should have back then. No more putting someone else in the middle. Not Ken. Not Shin. Just you and me.”

“Oh, Ikki. You’re still such a fool. Don’t you understand yet? I don’t even think you knew what you had in Ken here,” Yuzuru said, touching Kent’s cheek. “To be fair, I didn’t see it at first, either. I thought I didn’t care, that all I needed was to teach you a lesson. I didn’t care if Ken died. That was fine. I thought I had killed him at first, and that was fine.”

“You bastard.”

“Except stalking you wasn’t as much fun, and I missed Ken so much…” Yuzuru lifted Kent’s chin, taking off his glasses and making him shudder as he stroked his cheek with them. “I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I had to get close to him again.”

“I will kill you,” Ikki said. “I will. For what you’ve done, you will die.”

“Oh, that’s not how this ends,” Yuzuru said. “See, I’ve already won. Oh, sure, I let you have Shin back, but I still got the better prize. This one is mine. He’s always been mine.”

“You’re sick,” Shin said, not sure how this guy got this warped, but it wasn’t going to last. One of them was going to kill him. Him, Ikki, Waka… hell, even Toma wanted this guy. “And you won’t get away with any of this. It doesn’t matter who your father is.”

“Of course not. To Father, I am a nuisance. A threat to his ambitions and a disappointment. He doesn’t understand the simple pleasures in life. This, here, is what I want,” Yuzuru said, and Ikki almost dropped the phone as Yuzuru stabbed Kent in the side. “He tried to bury me after London, make it so I did actually die then, but I waited. And when I got free… I knew it was time to end this at last. Of course, I couldn’t resist playing a bit. Not when you were a cop now, Ikki. We had to play a bit of a game. First I found a poor substitute for Ken, then a pathetic caricature of you… The more I saw of you with Shin, the more I knew you’d tried to make him into Ken.”

“The hell he did.”

“So I gave you your last hint… and then you gave me something better.” Yuzuru smiled. “You helped me find Ken again. I didn’t care about you after that point, not really. Ken’s all I need. All I want.”

Ikki shook his head, and Shin bit back a swear because he knew it wouldn’t help. Ikki would blame himself no matter what Yuzuru said. “I didn’t. You—”

“Screw him, Ikki. This isn’t your fault. He’s just trying to manipulate you.”

“You won’t find us. I’ve gotten what I wanted, and that’s how it ends. Ken is mine.”

“I am not yours.” Kent lifted his head, pained but defiant. He glared at Yuzuru. “You… haven’t won. This is no victory. You’re a fool. This… you and your talk… always talking… but never with any sense. You don’t understand. You never have. You’ve never listened. You twist it all around to what you want, but it doesn’t change your initial flawed premise. You have no understanding of anything. And you are pathetic. This obsession of yours is pathetic. It’s all something you made up, from your rivalry with Ikkyu to your idea of me and what I am.”

“I am not mistaken about that. You’re mine. You may have been his once, but you’re mine.”

“No. I wasn’t even Ikkyu’s, you bastard. I am not anyone’s. If I was… hers, maybe… but not yours. Never yours.”

“Is that what you think?” Yuzuru smiled at Kent cruelly, lifting up the knife. “Didn’t you see that there was already blood on this? Didn’t you wonder a little, or did you just assume it was yours? She’s dead, you know. I made sure of that before I left with you.”

Kent flinched, and it was like the fire went out of him. “No. You… that...”

“Ken, don’t listen to him. He’s lying. He just wants you to think that—”

“Don’t try and fool him. I know she’s dead, and he is truly mine now.”

The screen went blank, and Ikki fell to his knees.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shin deals with fallout of the call. Kent faces off against his nightmares, both in the present and the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started out knowing more or less what was coming in the final scene of this chapter. And I tried to build up to it properly, but I don't know if that's even possible... just that... the one flashback was very painful... and the end was difficult as well. Oh. Yeah. I did cry, but I believe I'm getting a cold, so maybe I'm just sick?

* * *

“ _I’m sorry. I must have embarrassed you.” Kokoa couldn’t look back at Kent, as humiliated as she felt right now. She hadn’t thought there would be anything wrong in going to a museum, and Kent had actually seemed interested in the idea for a change, since most of the other suggestions she or Waka or even Shamus had about leaving the apartment were usually refused. Kent’s body was almost healed up, but he still didn’t want to do much._

_His spirits were low, but he’d still do things if she asked him to, which was why she’d asked him about museums, and he’d been willing to plan all this with her. Then she’d gone and ruined it because someone said something._

“ _I am concerned,” Kent corrected, and then his hand brushed her shoulder. She turned to look but he’d already lowered it. He looked away from her. “I… It is perhaps a natural assumption for people who come here. I did not account for that—it was simply my wish that you saw something that interested you as well as all that I wished to see, and the jewelry section of the museum seemed like something you’d enjoy.”_

_She winced. “I did like it. I did. That’s not the problem. It was fine until she said...”_

“ _I suppose the prospect of being engaged to me would—”_

“ _Michio promised me so many things, that we’d get married as soon as his show did well, and that we’d always be happy, and he kept saying how much he loved me, and he did that painting of me and put a wedding band on me because he said he loved me, and then I think about what he was really like and what he did… He was lying, and it hurts to know I was stupid enough to believe him. I loved him—thought I loved him—so much that I left everything for a man who didn’t even want me as more than an accessory on his arm, and that wasn’t even worth it once he had the drugs. And that woman kept saying how lucky I was and I just… If I’m even a little bit lucky, it’s because you were here. You being there that day…” She knew he wouldn’t want her to, but she wrapped her arms around him anyway. She was going to cry again. “I didn’t run from you. I ran because… because no one understands that and I can’t say it—won’t say it—but I am… I am grateful. Maybe even lucky. Because you are here for me, and that… Oh, Kent, I… When you were missing… I… I shouldn’t say this. You don’t want to hear that. It’s not fair to you. It’s not like you had a choice or that… I was just so scared and nothing felt right until after I saw you again. And that’s… I’m putting too much on you. I know that. I should be able to rely on Waka, he’s done so much for us. It’s… Waka’s still so angry with Shamus so it’s hard to be comfortable there, but I know Waka… and yet I always come to you even when you’re having a hard time yourself. I’m so selfish and—”_

“ _I do not mind.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _I… When I am unoccupied, my thoughts are constantly of… Yuzuru and what he did to me. What he said. How he… If you’re talking, I don’t hear him, and I don’t have to think about that. My mind fills with ways to help you, stupid and foolish things you don’t want or are completely impractical, and I was pleased you wanted to come here because it was something I could do for you. I… You don’t leave me alone with those thoughts, and I… I need that from you just as much as you need me.”_

_She found herself wanting to smile. “Kent...”_

“ _Have you given any thought to what you want to do when you get your passport back? Will you go back to Japan?”_

_She shuddered. “I… If my parents know about this… they won’t ever forgive me. So I don’t… I don’t know that I can go back. I don’t know what to do. I...”_

_She couldn’t bring herself to say it because it wasn’t fair, but she didn’t want to go anywhere he wasn’t willing to go. She wanted to be where he was._

“ _There is still time to think about it. I confess I’m still at a loss about what to do. Without that position in research… I don’t know what I’ll do.”_

_She closed her eyes for a moment, a strange image passing through her mind, her and Kent in a small house of some kind, the kind they showed here, not just an apartment in the city like they’d know in Japan, but some cozy place in the countryside like she’d only seen in programs, a place where they could be all alone and never bothered by the outside world. She wanted that, even if she shouldn’t._

_What would they do there, though? That couldn’t be right. Kent would go mad with boredom or worse, those things in his head. She couldn’t do that to him._

“ _I wish there was a way to make this right.”_

“ _What?”_

“ _I… Oh. What if… do you think there’s somewhere around here that… do you think they’d be okay if I tried to volunteer there?”_

“ _Where?”_

“ _A shelter. You know, one for women like me who were stupid—no, women who were abused. They’re not all stupid. I was, but that doesn’t—”_

“ _You were deceived by someone you loved. Stupid is not the right term for that.” Kent sighed. “The therapist that they made me speak to recommended some group sessions, but I don’t… This place might still be a good starting point even if I don’t want to discuss what happened in a group. They assist with domestic violence cases as well, or so I was told.”_

“ _Then we can see if there’s a good way to do some volunteer work, maybe. It… That’s… it’s a start, at least.” She looked up to see him frowning at her. “I… if helping me helps you, then… maybe helping others would, too?”_

“ _I doubt that. They’re not you.”_

_She buried her face back in his coat, not even sure why she felt the need to cry about that. Her emotions were so confused right now. The only thing she was sure of was that she never wanted to be away from Kent again._

* * *

“Damn it,” Shin said, not sure how to get Ikki up off the ground. He was heavier than he looked, and Shin only had one arm to work with. His side ached, too, and he was furious. He didn’t know all the details, but the idea of that bastard surviving and being free to go after Kent, the way he’d bragged about letting Shin go like what happened to him was nothing, and how he’d taken such sick pride in telling Kent Kokoa was dead—if Shin found this bastard, he would die.

“I don’t understand,” Ikki whispered. “If he hates me… why this? Why do this to Ken? To her? To you? It should just be between us. It doesn’t have to be… this. I… I don’t… There’s...”

Shin grimaced. He wasn’t sure if this was some kind of sick long term plan on Yuzuru’s part and he was doing it to completely destroy Ikki—which was working, or would if he killed Kent—or if the guy was just warped and as obsessed with Kent as he seemed to be on that call.

“Stay calm. Don’t let this bastard win,” Shin told him. “He didn’t kill me, and he didn’t kill Kokoa. There’s still time to find Kent. You heard Waka. He held out over four days last time. This isn’t done. Not by a long shot.”

Ikki shuddered. “Shin, I… I said it before. It’s one thing to hate me for the eyes, but this? Punishing people for being close to me? Is that really what he’s doing or is he… I don’t even know what to think.”

Shin didn’t know much, either. “Give me the phone. I think Sakuragawa knows someone who can help us.”

“What?”

“She’s friends with a hacker, and we need to see if someone can trace that video call. And get you the financial records even if Toma can’t. We’re not stopping just because we hit a few roadblocks, okay? We’re not done.”

Ikki nodded, though he was still shaky, his color pale. He did not look good, and Shin knew he wouldn’t be right until they got Kent back alive, and maybe even not then. Still, he wasn’t about to quit. He owed Yuzuru. They all did, and they would find him and make him pay for all of this.

Shin took the phone and dialed Sakuragawa’s number, eying Ikki as he did. He’d give Ikki a few more minutes on the floor and if he didn’t get up, Shin would call for an orderly. For now, he’d just concentrate on getting them what they needed.

“When I have an appetite again, you owe me.”

“I’m not the one that dumped the other evidence on you. That’s Morioka.”

“Figures he was holding back. He’s not stupid. Probably saw this coming.”

“That’s what he told Waka.” Shin didn’t want to think about that, either. He was still angry about all that people had held back in this case, even if Morioka’s reasons mostly made sense and Waka had made sure he didn’t know that Kent was still alive. “Look, I have to ask another favor. And don’t even start on how I already owe you. This is important.”

“You always say that.”

“Because it is.” Shin glanced at Ikki, who was still more or less out of it. “The guy who did this is alive, and he has the original victim again.”

“What? Wait, Morioka said—”

“Kent’s not dead, but he might be if we don’t do something fast. Ikki can try and track down stuff in Yuzuru’s father’s finances, but even if Toma gets a warrant—and we’re pretty sure he won’t, but he was the only one willing to even _attempt_ filing it—it could be too late by then. We need a hacker. Or at least someone with tech expertise. The bastard called Ikki to taunt him. Showed him a video of him hurting Kent.”

“Do I even want to—”

“They were best friends in college when this all started. Two math dorks in their own little world. Yuzuru got jealous. It doesn’t matter if it was about the math, the women, or even how good of friends they were. The point is, he warped the hell out of it. He hurt Kent before, and he has him now. He almost killed Kent’s wife. We’re still at the hospital with her for now. I need that tech support to find where he called from and those records. You still friends with that hacker or not?”

“You’re going to owe him a bunch of donuts at the very least.”

“Whatever. Just get him to help us. Fast. We don’t have time to waste.” Waka might have said that Kent held out four days against this guy before, but that was when Kokoa was safe. If Waka was right, and Kent only withstood that to get back to her, then he might not care at this point, not if he believed Yuzuru about her being dead. “Please.”

“Oh, hell. Don’t do that. I already told you not to. I’ll get him on this, though if Morioka has any sense, he’s already done it.”

She hung up, and Shin looked over at Ikki. They had to get him off the floor already.

* * *

_Waka took a step closer, making sure it was done with silence and care, not wanting to spook his target. This was not a simple matter, and if handled poorly, the consequences could be devastating. He did not want that, and not just because he already blamed himself enough for what had gone wrong in this situation. He had failed to act when he should have, and he would always carry that with him._

_Just as the man in front of him carried so many other heavy burdens._

“ _I suppose I should be glad you did not choose the Tube.”_

_Kent shook his head. “That was… I mean, that’s not… It’s… I can’t actually say it’s not what you think, can I?”_

“ _No.” Waka was not a fool, for one, and it wasn’t like it was surprising after what Kent had endured. He did his best to conceal it from Kokoa, but even she knew he was in a dangerous state. “You rarely leave the house at all, but you did so tonight without speaking to anyone. You waited for her to be asleep, and you tried not to attract anyone’s notice. All of that subterfuge is unlike you. I did not want this to be the reason, but it is not like I can say it is unexpected.”_

 _Kent lowered his head. “I… This is illogical. And I know it is. Yet my brain keeps saying it_ is _logical, that it is the only solution to the emotions going insane within me, to the memories that won’t stop, the sensations that come back with those memories like he’s still there, still… touching me and whispering right in my ear. When I am with her, I… I can focus on her and what she needs… and her voice keeps his away for a while, but then… I can’t use her like that… and I can’t… she won’t stay forever… even if she did… it’s not possible… not to keep doing this… if she’s asleep… I can’t...”_

_Waka nodded. He knew it was more difficult at night, not just for Kent or even for Kokoa. “Maybe you cannot do it forever, but I do not think it is so wrong to hold to what helps for now.”_

“ _More than one person has mistaken us for a couple when we are not and—”_

“ _That does not matter.”_

“ _How can you say that? You know that it is not—”_

“ _Assumptions others make are theirs to make and ours to ignore,” Waka said. “You are more sensitive to them at present, but you ignored them for years before Yuzuru. You worry because of what he twisted, but whatever may happen between you and Kokoa is for you and her alone to decide, no one else.”_

“ _I… I don’t… I was worried I’d become too dependent on you, but I… I already am on her. I… I don’t know how to… None of this… I can’t… this is...”_

_Waka knew trying to offer even a small measure of physical comfort, a hand on the shoulder, would be unwelcome. “When we are in crisis, we need others. That is true of very nearly everyone. You need her now, and you do not have to be ashamed of that. Whether you still need her later or not is yet to be seen.”_

“ _I don’t want to… she’s already suffering and...”_

“ _And she feels alone with that without you. I cannot reach her. It may be possible that others could, perhaps Shin or Toma or one of her other friends, but she resists calling upon them. I could go around her and get one of them—”_

“ _That would be unwise, I think. I am no expert, but if she’s exposed to someone she thinks will blame her for choosing Michio—regardless of whether or not that is true—she might—I don’t—perhaps it is my own selfishness talking. If Toma were to come, I don’t think I would ever see her again. And Shin… I feel he may be too harsh, at least at first. Perhaps that loud one Sawa would be better, but I do not know. I… Everything in my head is such a mess...”_

_Waka understood that. “Which is why you need time to let it clear, not to make an impulsive decision that is unlike you, however logical it might try and claim to be.”_

_Kent looked down from the bridge. “I did calculate the rate of fatality.”_

_Waka grimaced. That he did not want to think about, though he was certain it was high and after all Kent had endured already, his body would likely not defy the odds a third time. “I normally do not intervene, but I won’t let you do it.”_

_Kent shuddered. “I want him out of my head, Waka. I hear him telling me I’ll always be his, and somehow even though he is dead… his words feel true. And I… I can’t live like that, not even for her.”_

“ _You are your own person, Kent. You were never his. If you are hers, it’s because you’re choosing to be, and he can’t take that from you.”_

“ _I think I… I might… Oh. I am crying. This is… unpleasant.”_

_Perhaps, but likely necessary, for all that it seemed a universal concept that men never cry and certainly never in public. Kent would not accept that, though, would he? Kent did not express emotions at all, except perhaps frustration and anger and occasionally amusement. That was all anyone had seen of him at Meido no Hitsuji, even Waka, who saw everything. He knew that Kent had little experience expressing things like fear and doubt which were basic to most people. Kent would either dismiss certain fears as logical caution or doubts as reasonable for any unproven theory. His current emotions were well beyond what he was used to avoiding._

_Kent took off his glasses and rubbed at his face. “I… What was I… even saying? I don’t know anymore. This is so unlike me. I hate it.”_

“ _Understandable.”_

“ _Don’t say that. It isn’t. It’s not the least bit understandable. I still don’t see it. After all this time, I still don’t see how he could have twisted his hatred of Ikkyu into this. How could it be so strong that he would do that to me? He… he was willing to kill me just to make Ikkyu suffer, and where is the logic in that? How does it make sense? None of this does. I can’t do this. I can’t make sense of anything at all anymore.”_

“ _Take it down to the basics, then. Has any of the math you know to be true failed you? Those theorems and formulas you have memorized, have they changed?”_

“ _No.”_

“ _Then those still make sense.”_

_Kent sighed. “That is not enough. It still feels so out of control, so… He’s dead, but I’m still terrified he’ll come for me. No, that he’ll hurt her. He… In my dreams, he kills her because he… he says I’m his. And I can never stop it. Never stop him.”_

_Waka didn’t doubt that Kent was still afraid of Yuzuru returning for him, but he would rather not face that, either. “I don’t believe that. You are capable of much more than he would have you believe, and he only succeeded because he ambushed you and used drugs. I do not think he could win in a fair fight, even if you are untrained, and you do not have to be if you do not want to be. I will teach you what I can—if you want me to.”_

_Kent turned back to look at the ground below the bridge. “My height used to be enough of a deterrent that few would approach me and fewer still would do much to antagonize me. Yet… he won, and he… he made me feel helpless. And ashamed. I am ashamed of that helplessness. And if I have to go on living like this...”_

“ _You don’t. And I am not speaking of taking another step off this bridge. I am talking about taking back some of what you feel he took from you. Kokoa sees you as strength and safety. He did not take that from you or her. And I can help you feel more comfortable defending yourself if you ever need to again. I will do everything I can to see to it that it is unnecessary, but you do not have to feel those things he forced on you. You can change them. We will help you. Others would as well.”_

“ _I… If my parents saw me like this… No. They… they can’t ever know.”_

_Waka was not sure that was true, but for now, he would let it rest. He had to choose his battles with care. “Let me take you back to the house, Kent. Tomorrow we can work on improving your defenses.”_

“ _You can’t stay here forever.”_

“ _No, I can’t. I would like to be there when Ikki gets out of rehab, at the very least, but that does not mean I am abandoning you. Or Kokoa. I believe you are stronger than you think. You have to be to have come as far as you have. This feeling will pass, and I would rather you do nearly anything else than give into it. Become overly dependent on me. On her. Whatever it takes to see you through this crisis. You may carry the scars and the memories for the rest of your life, but that life can still be good. Not just for you but for her as well. Think about when you went to the museum with her. You were both happy in spite of that moment in the middle where she was upset. Those days can still happen. What Yuzuru did to you does not end them or take them all away from you.”_

“ _I feel pathetic.”_

“ _You are not. And do not go blaming yourself. If anyone here deserves that, it should be me. I failed to see what he was before he harmed you or Ikki, and I didn’t kill him when I should have to stop this from happening. I didn’t come myself, sent Shamus, and that—No. I will never forgive myself for failing you this much.”_

“ _No. This isn’t…” Kent shuddered again, and Waka was almost certain he was crying again. “I wanted to kill him. This time, I… I wish I had. That bus… it was too kind to him. That was too quick. He deserved so much more than that. And that I can even think that… I don’t know myself anymore. I don’t, and it terrifies me almost as much as he does.”_

“ _You have changed because of it. That is inevitable, but you can still decide how some of those changes will affect you. You don’t have to let fear or anything else make your decisions for you. If you feel you’re irrational or illogical or can’t deal with the emotions, talk to someone. The best counter for our own failings is some kind of mirror, whether that is a real one or the one we can look at from the perspective of others. Sometimes we need someone outside us to see what we are actually like.”_

“ _That… sounds as if it comes from experience.”_

“ _I was in the military. I did things no one should do. I did things I am ashamed of, and I can tell myself I did them for my country, but in the end, it does not change what I did. I have learned to live with them, and my path is different now. Some do not understand why I chose this one, but they do not matter. This is what I want now and how I choose to live my life.”_

_Kent grimaced. “I… I find it hard to believe I can do that.”_

“ _It was not simple. It does take time. You first have to choose to give yourself that time.”_

* * *

“I missed you.”

Kent grimaced, trying to avoid the hand touching his cheek. Yuzuru seemed to be obsessed with that right now, which disgusted him but in some ways was preferable to other things that he had done. If he was retracing the scars or talking about making new ones, it would be worse. Much worse. Still, the mocking affection and sickeningly cheery tones as Yuzuru touched him was enough. Kent felt sick.

He knew all that would come, every bit of this… ritual Yuzuru insisted on putting him through, same as he’d started on Shin. Though for now Yuzuru had not broken his arm, Kent knew it was coming. That was, after all, his favorite part, or so he claimed.

“Aren’t you going to say it back?”

“No.” Kent had not missed Yuzuru, could never miss such a person. His hatred of Yuzuru had never been stronger. “Why the hell would I miss you after what you did to me? I will never forgive you for what you did to her. Or to Shin.”

“Oh, do you have feelings for Shin, too? Is he a special friend like Ikki is a special friend? You two did work together, didn’t you?”

Kent could deny it, but there was no point in it, and he didn’t need to cause himself any unnecessary pain by trying to avoid answering. “We did. We’re not friends. We were never friends.”

“And yet it bothers you that I hurt him.”

“I’m human. And not completely without empathy, despite what people claim.”

“Oh, that’s so cute.” Yuzuru patted his cheek, and Kent flinched. He knew that he had few options in this situation. He’d been injured when the car hit him, and he’d had no chance to react before they dragged him away, so he’d been unable to stop that, and of course Yuzuru had shoved the damned drugs at him as soon as he got in the vehicle. Kent had woken here already bound and unable to move, and then he was forced to sit through that video call.

Remembering it made him sick all over again. Yuzuru… he was lying. He had to be. Kokoa hadn’t been hit by the car. Kent had made sure she was safe and—this wasn’t right, wasn’t fair—she’d just told him—he refused to accept that she was gone when they had finally resolved an issue they never should have had.

And yet… that part of him was irrational, and he knew it. Life didn’t play fair. Yuzuru’s very existence was proof of that. For him to be born to so powerful a family, one that could ruin so many lives and get away with it—no, there was no fairness in that. None in what Kent had already been through and certainly not in what Kokoa had suffered. She did not deserve that. Her heart was too good, to pure, and she never should have been hurt.

She was gone now. Yuzuru had taken her as Kent had feared for years, and Kent did not know how to cope with that.

Part of him no longer wanted to live. Another part of him was enraged, yet again he was so damned helpless despite what he’d learned to try and prevent this from happening again.

“I have been waiting for this for so long,” Yuzuru said. He leaned over Kent as he spoke, getting close enough to where Kent could feel his breath on his skin. “Well, no, I suppose that’s not entirely true. I did spend part of that time believing you were dead, didn’t I? I suppose that’s because of your irritating former boss. Waka. Somehow he managed to hide your survival in London. My father’s minions couldn’t find proof you’d lived, which saddened me so much. I missed you.”

“I did not miss you.”

“Sure you did.” Yuzuru lifted Kent’s chin and smiled at him. “I know you did. Oh, if only that bus hadn’t been in the way. I know I’m lucky. My bodyguard pushed me out of the way, or I would have died going after you, but because of that bus, I still lost you. I twisted something when he pushed me, and I couldn’t run after you to catch you, so they took you and him and I couldn’t get near you with all the police. Father arranged for them to believe I was dead, of course, and then he locked me away so I couldn’t shame him again. Of course, I just had to be patient, and my time came again, though you hid from me. You shouldn’t have done that.”

Kent glared at him. “You do not control me.”

“You are mine.”

“You are as irritating as the proverbial broken record. Are you finished yet? This is tedious.”

Yuzuru pulled back with a frown. “That’s rather bold of you.”

“You think so?” Kent almost smiled. “Well, you did overplay your hand. More than once, in fact.”

Yuzuru shook his head. “I didn’t. I got all I wanted. I have you. Ikki knows it, and he’ll be tormented for the rest of his rather short life, and so will that Shin, I suppose. Hmm. Yes, I can always finish that later. After Ikki’s had enough time to worry about you, of course. You’re not going anywhere, and that will destroy him.”

It would, but Kent had no intention of letting that happen to Ikkyu or anyone else. “You are so deluded you don’t even see it.”

“It’s cute you keep trying to fight this,” Yuzuru said. He turned away, moving towards a work table. Kent had seen it earlier, with its many implements of torture. It was meant to intimidate, he was certain of that much, but he didn’t care. The pain didn’t scare him.

As soon as Yuzuru’s back was to him, Kent moved his hands, biting down hard to keep from crying out involuntarily as he dislocated his wrist and freed himself. The pain traveled down his arm and made him want to puke, but he didn’t stop, knowing his window of opportunity was limited. He had to use the advantage of surprise—and Yuzuru’s own stupidity.

He wouldn’t think Kent would do anything like that to himself, which under normal circumstances was true, but this was not a normal circumstance, and if Yuzuru wasn’t lying, he had nothing to lose at this point. The pain was irrelevant. He would rather die than try and go on without Kokoa. She was too much a part of why he was even alive now. Without her… No. Kent didn’t want to think about it. He couldn’t face a life without her, illogical and irrational as it might be.

“So, know we should start with your arm, but I want something else instead. I think you know what it is, don’t you?”

Kent gagged, trying to control his reaction. “No.”

“No, you don’t know? I think you do, but if you need me to explain—”

“No, you won’t do it,” Kent said, keeping his eye on the blade as Yuzuru got closer. “I already told you… you overplayed your hand. Not once. At least five times.”

Yuzuru stopped. “Oh? Is that so? Amuse me. Tell me all about them.”

“First, when you almost killed me. You should have made sure I died. You can joke about your games if you like, but you only succeeded in giving me every reason to hate you. Second, when you broke my arm and taught me just how much pain I could withstand if I needed to. Third, when you gave me a reason to improve on my self-defense. Fourth when you made that video call. I am reasonably certain that with the skills of a tech expert, which they are certain to find, they will trace it back to this location. Even if they do not… your greatest mistake was in harming her.”

Yuzuru laughed. “You think she’s that special? She’s nothing. I’ll prove it to you.”

Kent shook his head. “No. You won’t. Because if you did kill her, you took away any reason I had to fight to live. I could care less what happens to me now. I wanted to die before, the last time, but now… There’s nothing to live for, and no reason to care about redemption or anything on my conscience or the noble idea of not stooping to your level. There’s only hatred for you and everything you’ve done.”

“That’s quite the speech, but I don’t see how you can—”

Kent lunged for him, knocking Yuzuru back. Having taken him completely by surprise, the other man barely fought as he hit the ground, and the knife fell out of his hand. Kent picked it up, fighting the pain as he put it to Yuzuru’s throat.

“As I said before… there is absolutely no reason not to kill you.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They continue their efforts to find Kent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't intend to leave this chapter for so long, but it was... intimidating. I couldn't get it right. First the action it needed was hard to come up with, and then I thought I lost Kent's voice. The action scenes I did manage to do undermined why I went this direction with the plot, and then... and in the end, I had to cut part of what I intended to do since the tone was wrong. I think this part suited it better, even if it didn't get all that I had intended to do.

* * *

No reason at all.

This man had done so much, not just to Kent, but to everyone around him. He’d killed three—no, four—others, he’d hurt Kent in ways he hated thinking about, he’d done his best to traumatize and torture those who were not taken, and he’d harmed Shin as well. He did it all while laughing and gloating, and it seemed clear, even with the man’s insanity, that he believed he would get away with it. Judging from the past, it would seem to be true—his father’s intervention had buried the first attack and concealed Yuzuru’s survival the second time.

All the time Kent had been trying to convince himself he was safe, he never had been because this man was still alive. Still out there.

If he was ever to be free of that fear, it meant ending things here and now. It didn’t even matter if it was self-defense, did it? He had his reasons, and what else was left now besides revenge?

Kent knew the others would try and tell him there was more, and he knew that he should try, as it was illogical to die over something so emotional, but when he thought about Kokoa and all the ways she connected to his life, he didn’t see any way of moving forward. His work was wrapped up in hers, as it was for her family and helped support the shelter. He could not run that shelter himself, he lacked sufficient understanding and empathy, and even if he had that, he was a man and few of them were comfortable with him when she was not present. No, all of that died with her, and since he knew he could not go back to research, what did he have?

Friendship? His parents?

He knew it would disappoint them and Ikkyu, but they were not enough.

“You’re hesitating. You don’t want to kill me.”

Kent shook his head, moving the blade down from Yuzuru’s neck to another location. If his knowledge of anatomy was correct, this would bleed far less, and he’d rather not deal with a great mess of blood once he did it. That was better. He didn’t need to see that, didn’t want to watch a pool form, didn’t want to get caught in that. Listen to him now, being practical about how to kill someone. The ridiculousness of it made him feel something close to hysterical.

Yuzuru started to move, and Kent’s hand moved almost in reflex. The knife went in, not where Kent had intended, since that would have been a much more efficient death, and instead all it seemed to do was infuriate Yuzuru, who screamed in anger and shoved Kent off with more force than Kent would have thought him capable of now.

He hit something—the wall, he suspected, since the room wasn’t that large—and grimaced. Worse was the realization he’d let go of the knife when he was pushed. True, it was difficult to hold after what he’d done to his own hands, but he hadn’t intended to let go. This was supposed to be over.

Yuzuru yanked the blade out and came towards him.

Maybe it was over. Maybe Kent had lost.

He wouldn’t be surprised. He didn’t have all that much fight left in him. Revenge wasn’t something he wanted as much as he wanted her. She’d said she loved him, and what had he done? Frozen like an idiot and mumbled something incoherent about physical reactions.

He hadn’t even said the words. She’d deserved that much, but he hadn’t given her that, just a bumbling bit about having to get out of bed so he didn’t bother her. That was ridiculous. Maybe in some obscure way it was showing love, but it wasn’t what she wanted to hear, was it?

And now Kent could never tell her that.

“What’s this now?” Yuzuru asked as he leaned over him. “You look… sad. Is that how my death would affect you?”

“No.” Kent wouldn’t be sad to see him go. He was angry he’d failed, but what did anything matter at this point? Revenge was hollow when he wanted death, and knowing her… she’d be disappointed in him for giving up and for the idea of revenge in the first place. She was too kind to want something like that, whereas he was far too weak.

“Such a shame. I did mourn you, after all.”

“No one would mourn you.”

“Though this time I get to keep you forever,” Yuzuru said, smiling with all his insanity on full display. “I’m so glad. Though… I do have to punish you for what you did, you know that, don’t you?”

* * *

“I don’t want to know, do I?” Shin asked as Toma entered the room, and Toma couldn’t hide the grimace. Perceptive as usual, Shin had missed nothing, though it did make what he’d come to say a little easier. Not much, not by a long shot. Toma’s own anger was boiling over, and he wanted to hurt something, but he knew he didn’t have time for that now. Later, though. Later he’d make sure he had time to destroy something, break it all to pieces and ruin it forever. He needed to break it to feel okay again.

Ikki looked up from his hands, misery all over him. “How can they deny that? We had a damned video call with that bastard, and he’s got Ken, and they still won’t go after his father? This is ridiculous. Politics be damned. He can’t get away with this.”

“He won’t,” Shin said. Ikki looked at him, and he shrugged. “Who the hell cares if we have a warrant? We’re going to get this guy and get Kent back. And we’ll do it before she wakes up if I have anything to say about it. Damn it, I’m calling Sakuragawa again.”

Shin left the room, and Toma frowned after him.

“You may have to pull the overprotective brother thing he hates so much,” Ikki said, and Toma frowned at him. “Shin’s strong. Probably stronger than any of us at this point, but he is running on fumes and anger right now. He’s in pain, and he won’t stop. I want Ken back, don’t get me wrong. And she needs him, but I don’t want that at the cost of Shin.”

Toma nodded. “Bout time the two of you stopped pretending you aren’t friends.”

“Shh. Shin’s still in denial about that. Even more so about his feelings for the lovely Kotoho.”

“What?”

“Sakuragawa. I swear those two are a match made in tsundere heaven,” Ikki said, and Toma shook his head. Sometimes Ikki really was an idiot. “Can’t believe I’m trying to make jokes now. Not that I think a relationship between them would be a joke, not at all, but this is such a mess, and I’m such a mess, and I don’t think I’ve done one useful thing since I learned Ken was missing. Pathetic, right?”

“More like untrue,” Waka said, and Toma jumped. Damn, how did he do that all the time? And were where all of the reflexes Toma had learned working for him for so long?

“Please tell me you have better news than Toma did,” Ikki said. “Shin’s checking on the tech and forensics, but I still haven’t done anything. She’s still asleep, and actually that’s starting to worry me a little because the wound wasn’t that bad.”

Waka looked at Kokoa, and Toma swore. “You had them sedate her? Against her will?”

“Yes, but had you seen her when Kent was missing the last time, you would not question my decision at all.” Waka’s voice was cold even as he displayed a strange amount of care for her, his eyes soft as he watched her. “This is her worst nightmare come to life. She fears nothing more than losing Kent. He gave her something in those first few terrible days that nothing else could match, no matter how anyone else might have tried. As she is his reason for living, he is hers.”

Toma shook his head. “She wouldn’t just quit. That’s not who she is.”

“She’s got the shelter and all those girls to look after. She’d still do it for them.”

“In time, perhaps, she’d be able to do that again, that is true.”

“Is there more you haven’t told us? Because now is a really lousy time to be holding things back. We don’t know where Ken is, and I still don’t have my hands on that financial data. Shin’s bugging Kotoho about it, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to get it any time soon. There has to be something else we can do. Some way to speed it up or… something.” Ikki sounded desperate, not that Toma could blame him for that. He’d have been the same if anyone had actually told him what was going on with Shin, and he was still angry about that.

“I did have a word with a chauffeur,” Waka said with a strange sort of smile. “Which reminds me. I do have a meeting to attend to.”

“Waka—”

“I wanted to check on her and the rest of you, but I have business elsewhere. Excuse me for now.” Waka left as quietly as he’d come, and Toma could only shake his head, frustrated all over again.

“He’s going off to a business meeting? The hell is this?”

Ikki laughed, and Toma looked at him like he’d lost it—he probably had. “Toma, he’s talking about a certain politician’s chauffeur. I have a feeling Waka is about to meet Yuzuru’s father head on, and while I’m a bit disappointed to miss it, I think I’ll take the plausible deniability. I don’t think I could arrest Waka, and it would be my job if I didn’t, so...”

“You think he’ll kill him?”

“Can’t say I don’t believe the bastard wouldn’t deserve it,” Ikki said. “After what Yuzuru did to Ken and Shin, the people he killed and the women that chemist raped… That guy let it all happen. Someone has to stop him.”

“Yeah.”

* * *

“Drive.”

Waka nodded, acknowledging the order and keeping his smile to himself. As expected, the politician had not even looked at his driver as he entered, nor did he feel at all in danger despite his circumstances. His pride was excessive, but as it worked in Waka’s favor, he would accept it—for now. He disliked feeling helpless, and with Kent missing again, he knew he’d failed. He refused to let that stand. He had to act, and he knew it.

He took the car on a path away from any destination that its owner might have intended, going instead for a rather secluded location of his own choosing. He was aware that the other man was not paying any attention to him, and that was also something that worked for him. He didn’t need his passenger panicking before it was time to have their talk.

He parked the car in the darkened corner of the lot. He got out and went around to the back door, opening it and sitting down next to the older man.

“What is this? Who are you? Do you have any idea who I am? You can’t—”

“I could kill you here and now,” Waka said, giving him a thin smile. “It is what I was trained to do in the military, and I was very good at what I did. Extremely efficient, they said. High marks all around.”

“Is that meant to scare me?”

“Your son is an amateur. I am a professional.” Waka smiled again. “Let me assure you that if you continue to impede the police and avoid justice through the traditional methods, you will regret it.”

The other man scoffed. “You don’t scare me. All these words are just talk. If you could do what you’re claiming, you’d already have done it.”

Waka shook his head. Kent had asked him before not to dirty his hands, not to kill for his sake. He could not say it was the right choice, not after all that Kent suffered, but this time was different. He could do little to find Kent or keep Kokoa safer than she already was, and he would not wait for others to act. Waka had a part to play, and he would do so.

“Your son is a monster, and you knew it all along,” Waka said. “You know all he did. You know that he killed three people. You do not get to ‘save face’ and bury this to save your career. Because of you, three men are dead. My people are suffering. So are women we haven’t even found yet, but I assure you—I will make you pay for each and every one of them. And when I finally decide you have suffered enough, you will wish I killed you—but I won’t. Do you know why?”

“Because you have a terrifying speech you think you can use to intimidate me with?”

Waka shook his head. “No. That was a promise, and while you might not think much of them, I assure you there are others who do. I will destroy you. Don’t think I can’t. I have proof of everything your son did in London. You couldn’t bury that, and it turns out, it wasn’t as buried here as you thought it was. The evidence exists. And Kent is alive. He would have testified then, and he will testify now. Your career is over, and everyone associated with you will carry the same taint. You know what that means?”

“What?”

“No one will save you.”

“You’re not—”

“I suggest you think very carefully about your decision. You can turn yourself in for your part in all of this—or you can face what I will do to you if you don’t, but it is over. You are finished.”

* * *

“Let’s go.”

Ikki looked up at Shin, his expression both hopeful and terrified out of his mind. Shin figured that he was afraid of what Shin might say now. He wanted to hear they’d found Kent, they all did, but he was just as scared of it. Shin knew there was a good chance that Kent could be dead by the time they found him.

“Ken?”

“Sakuragawa’s friend gave us a possible location for the video call’s origin. It’s no guarantee that Kent will be there, but we should go there anyway. I sent it to Waka, too, but he didn’t respond.”

“I think he’s a bit busy with Yuzuru’s father.”

Shin frowned. He’d seen Waka go back into the hospital room, but he hadn’t seen him leave. “What are you talking about?”

“He said he had an appointment with a chauffeur. Pretty sure that meant he was going to see Yuzuru’s father. Toma didn’t believe me, but why would Waka leave Kokoa now for anything less? He was working on other ways to locate Ken, we all are, but Waka… he’d take action. Like you would. I still don’t have anything to do.”

Toma grimaced. “You know I tried. The judge denied the warrant. He’s got to be in this guy’s pocket.”

Shin balled a fist. They’d known that was likely to happen, so why was any of this a surprise? No one had even wanted to file other than Toma, and of course they’d make sure that the one person willing to oppose them didn’t get anywhere. Yuzuru’s politician father wasn’t going to let them have what they needed. They’d already prepared for this. “I told the tech guy to prioritize the location. He’ll get us the financial records, but in the meantime, let’s go.”

“I’m going with you.”

Shin stopped dead, looking over at the bed. Yeah, he’d expected that from Toma, who had barely left him alone since he got injured, but Kokoa? No. She wasn’t even awake the last time Shin was in the room. How was she demanding to go?

“I thought you were asleep. And no. You can’t.”

“You left the hospital before you should have,” she said, grimacing as she tried to sit up, “and I won’t stay here when you’re going after Kent.”

Shin grimaced. She was so stubborn, but he wouldn’t let her do this. “We don’t know that he’ll be there. And… We don’t know what shape he’ll be in, if he’s there. He could be in bad shape. He could even be—”

“I know he could be dead,” she whispered, and Shin felt that like a kick to the gut. Her misery was clear, obvious, even, between her voice and her face. “I do. And… it scares me… it… I don’t know… what… Kent… is my world… and I don’t… Maybe it’s wrong to be so dependent on him, maybe it was never right, but… he is my strength. And… and if nothing else, I… I get to say goodbye. With my own eyes and mouth and… not somewhere cold and clinical and… I need to see him… and if he… I need to be there when he wakes up. You don’t understand how important that is.”

“I say we take her with us,” Ikki said, and Shin looked at him. “It’s not like we don’t want to keep her safe, and since none of us want to sit still here… we take her.”

Shin nodded. He didn’t really want to fight about it, and he knew it wasn’t like she would back down. Besides, if they all left, she would be unprotected. Leaving a couple uniformed cops in place wasn’t enough.

“Fine. Let’s go.” 

* * *

Ikki gave Kokoa another glance across the backseat. Somehow they’d ended up with Toma driving. He wasn’t surprised that Toma had forced himself along. He’d figured on that much as soon as Toma came back. He just hadn’t been expecting to get overruled about the driving. He wanted to do at least _one_ part of this. Shin had gotten them the help they needed.

Ikki could find stuff in the finances, he knew that, but he didn’t know that Ken had time for that. They couldn’t wait for the Kotoho’s hacker friend to get him those files, not now. They had to hope that Yuzuru’s overconfidence was his undoing again.

“When we get there, you stay back,” Shin said from the front seat, and Toma snorted. “Don’t start. She’s a civilian. So are you.”

“Yeah, and you have one good arm,” Toma shot back. “You shouldn’t be going, either. You know that. You should have one person with you that’s capable of doing something.”

“I let Waka know where we’d be.” Ikki didn’t even want to argue about this. “And I know I’ve been a bit of a mess, but don’t think I won’t do what it takes. Ken’s my best friend, and this whole mess—it should never have come to this. If Yuzuru had a problem with me, he should have faced me. Not taken it out on Ken and then you. This should have ended long ago between me and him. No one else.”

Kokoa shook her head, looking out the window. “Yuzuru told you that because he likes to hurt people. He’ll torture you any way he can, but this… He’s acting out of his own sense of inferiority. And… I don’t want to say this, but… I kind of think the only reason he started toying with you this time was because he couldn’t find Kent. I… Kent doesn’t talk much about what happened in London if he can avoid it, but… I know when I met him there, he was so… the way he looked at Kent terrified me. It… was like pure evil. I know that seems like an exaggeration, but he… he had a whole room full of supposedly smart men convinced he was a good man and Kent was lying about him stalking him and attacking him outside the hospital… but I could see it… and I knew… if he got a chance, he’d hurt Kent. And… Ikki… Kent told me before that Yuzuru told him… he wouldn’t let him go. In London, he seemed to have switched his focus. He… was going to keep Kent. He didn’t care about you.”

Ikki frowned. “You know… that doesn’t make it better.”

“Nothing will,” Shin said. “We’re not kidding ourselves here. If we find Kent, he’s going to be hurt. That’s a given, whether he’s alive or not. This arm of mine is going to take time to heal. And from what Kent said, it won’t ever be the same. We’re here to end this. We stop Yuzuru.”

“I do love your inspirational speeches,” Ikki said, and Shin glared at him. Kokoa giggled, but then her expression turned to a wince. Ikki put a hand on her shoulder. “We will find Ken. I swear. None of us will quit until we do.”

She nodded, trying to smile. Toma parked the car. Shin opened his door, getting out. Ikki grimaced, pushing his own door open and rushing over to the other door. Kokoa frowned at him, but he shook his head.

“I go first. And no one argue with me—I’m the only one of us allowed to and capable of using a gun right now.” Ikki wasn’t about to let anyone else to go first, and he knew they should leave Kokoa here at the car, but that would just lead to more arguments. “Toma, bring up the rear. Kokoa, you stick near him, okay?”

She nodded. He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it didn’t work. He shook it off and moved forward, taking the lead. This building didn’t look much better than the one he’d followed Waka into the other day for Shin.

Ikki looked around the foyer. He couldn’t see anything here, but that didn’t mean that Yuzuru wasn’t here. The building had more than one floor, almost all of them did in a town desperate to make use of all the space it could. The doors were all open, so it was easy enough to check each of them. Every one of them stood empty, with enough visible damage to the walls Ikki had to wonder how stable this building was. It couldn’t be that safe.

He nodded to the others before starting up the stairs. The wood creaked under his feet, but he ignored it as he moved forward. He was going to search the entire building for Ken, and after he was done, he’d look again.

He heard something ahead of him and held up a hand, hoping Toma would keep Kokoa back. Shin moved up next to the door. Ikki nodded to him, and Shin opened the door.

Ikki stepped inside, gun at the ready. He didn’t see anyone, but he went in closer, wanting to make sure this room was empty. Something about this place felt… off. The smell here was bad, too, but that didn’t mean much in a decaying building.

“Next floor?”

Ikki shook his head. “I heard something.”

“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t upstairs,” Shin said as he got closer. “We should have seen something by now. It’s not that big a room.”

Ikki nodded, reluctant as he was to leave. This room was a dead end. They’d have to keep going. 

* * *

“I don’t understand why you keep resisting punishment. You know that it’s what you deserve.”

Kent shuddered, trying to find a way to turn the tables again. He should have killed Yuzuru when he had the advantage. He knew that. He had hesitated, overthought it, and now he was the one bleeding and again at Yuzuru’s mercy.

He didn’t want to live without Kokoa, that much was true, but letting Yuzuru kill him only meant that he would be free to harm others. That was unacceptable. Kent knew that if Yuzuru did kill him, he would return his focus to Ikkyu. That meant finishing what he’d started with Shin. The others would all suffer if Yuzuru was not ended here.

“I did miss you. So much.”

Kent wanted Yuzuru to stop saying that. He didn’t want to hear it again. He didn’t understand. That wound… was it simply too shallow to do the damage it should have? Shouldn’t it have stopped Yuzuru by now?

“You remain deluded.” Kent was tired, and both his wrists ached, but Yuzuru was still overconfident, didn’t seem to think he needed to bind Kent again. That was a small victory, though it wasn’t much. Kent was still injured. He didn’t have much expectation of this going in his favor, not if what he’d already done had failed.

“I am the one that has you. I don’t see how that’s deluded at all.”

Kent felt like groaning. Yuzuru was so far gone, not that he had not known that before. Kent knew that it was impossible to reason with Yuzuru, but at this point, stopping him seemed impossible. If Kent’s earlier efforts failed, then he was perhaps mistaken in what he remembered of his anatomy studies.

Wait. Was it something else?

“Are you so drugged you do not feel pain?”

“Me, on drugs? Why would you ask that?” Yuzuru smiled and leaned into Kent’s face. “The only drug I need is you.”

Kent had his answer, as unpleasant as that was. He didn’t want to think about what Yuzuru meant by that. He had to focus. He was letting Yuzuru’s words and his own emotions win. He might not want to live, that much was true, but that didn’t mean he was helpless. He had very specific requests when he started training with Waka, and though he could tell his former employer had not liked them, he had complied.

He knew how to fight in this sort of situation. He’d forced himself to learn from this disadvantage, wanting to be able to overcome it if this ever happened again. He didn’t want to be a victim again, though he already was.

He wasn’t sure there was any way to survive this, but since he didn’t care to, he would just have to make sure that when he did die, he took Yuzuru with him. Simplest way of doing that was going out a window, Kent supposed, but they weren’t close enough to make that viable, not when Kent doubted he could walk. Next option, then.

Almost all of the weapons were across the room as well.

Except… Waka had always stressed the value of improvised weapons and making his surroundings a part of his strategy and advantage. The enemy who underestimated his location was one that could be exploited, and Yuzuru did not seem to care about anything but his… enjoyment of tormenting Kent. Nothing else mattered to him.

Fine. Kent would use that. And the post just to the left of them. That should be enough, he sincerely hoped.

“I was thinking about which scar I wanted to see. Or if I wanted to make a new one. I thought… one of my old favorite places.”

Kent tried not to gag. “No.”

“Oh, please. I haven’t done anything to your arm, so this is fair, isn’t it? I did miss you, after all.”

Yuzuru moved even closer, the knife in hand, and Kent braced himself for the pain again. The best time to do this was when Yuzuru was distracted by the torment he was inflicting, so as soon as the knife pierced Kent’s skin, he forced himself to move, using all the strength he had to shove Yuzuru back and into the post with what sounded like a crack.

Yuzuru dropped the knife and slumped over. Kent crawled back from him, his hand on his side. That one was worse than the last because of what he’d done to get Yuzuru off. He closed his eyes, too tired to do anything else.

Maybe it wasn’t over, but Kent felt satisfied. He’d done all he could.

* * *

Kokoa put a hand on her side, refusing to complain even as the pain was getting worse. Toma kept looking at her, so she knew he knew, but she didn’t want him to force her to leave. She wanted to be there when they found Kent. She had to be, no matter what happened.

She followed Ikki and Shin up another set of stairs, and they did the same thing in front of the door, with Shin opening it with care and Ikki going it with his gun ready. She thought it was both scary and impressive—they were really in sync like in television shows—but Ikki could still be shot. He could even kill someone if he had to, and that was terrifying.

She heard Ikki yell for someone to stop and flinched when she heard the shots. She found herself rushing toward the door, ignoring Toma’s voice as he called out to her. She needed to see what happened.

“Stop, Kokoa. It’s not safe.”

“Let go of me,” she said, elbowing Toma in the gut. He groaned. “Kent!”

She pulled herself free and rushed toward where Ikki and Shin stood. If Ikki shot Yuzuru, he had to have been hurting Kent, right? He had to be. She couldn’t accept anything less. She reached Shin and Ikki, looking down at floor. That wasn’t Kent. She knew her husband too well to think anyone else was him in build or in manner.

She didn’t want to see this one’s face, though, even if it meant the end of a long nightmare for both her and Kent. She wanted to believe it was Yuzuru, though. She had to look, didn’t she?

Toma came up next to them. “Is he dead?”

Ikki grimaced. He looked worse than he had at the hospital, but then he had just shot someone. She didn’t even know how that would feel, even after all her talks with Ai. She couldn’t help him, and she knew it.

“Thought… he… was...” Kent whispered, his voice hoarse but so very welcome. “Didn’t… shouldn’t have been able… get up from that...”

“Yeah. Looks like you put up one hell of a fight,” Shin said, and Kent closed his eyes, slumping over. Shin took the gun from Ikki’s hand. “You warned him not to move, but he went for the knife. You did what you had to.”

Ikki nodded numbly. “I know.”

“Kent,” Kokoa whispered, having a terrible feeling as she did. She looked around, frantic, her heart pounding until she saw Kent a short distance away. She rushed and fell to her knees beside him. Kent’s jacket was gone, that nice one she’d insisted on him buying two years ago, and his shirt was soaked through, making her sick to her stomach. She didn’t know that she could dare touch him even if that was why she was here. She wanted to, but she was scared. His eyes were closed, and he wasn’t moving.

“How is he?” Ikki asked, coming close to her. She looked back at him. Shin hadn’t left where he was standing, his eyes on Yuzuru. “Kokoa?”

She forced herself to move, taking her husband into her arms. She could feel him, still warm in her embrace. She held him close, wanting to feel that even if this was the last time and her side was aching. She combed her fingers through his hair.

“I love you,” she whispered to him. “I… I haven’t said it enough… and please… this… none of it was your fault… and it doesn’t make you weak… or… anything. You were defending yourself. Please… you… you’re going to be okay. You… you’re strong, and you… you’ll make it through this… because… you are… and I love you, and I can’t do this without you… No, I can. I… I suppose I can, but I don’t want to. I know that’s selfish and stupid, but I don’t want to do this without you.”

“Kokoa…” His voice came out so quiet she barely heard it. “It is… a nice dream… to hear your voice again… after that nightmare…”

“Ken, you’re not dreaming, okay? She’s not dead. Yuzuru lied to you.”

“He stabbed her. That’s true, but she was alive when he called us. We were in her hospital room, could have proved it. She’s alive. She’s just as stubborn as you are, insisted on coming here.”

Kent looked up at her, but she wasn’t sure he really saw her. “I never said the words… you said… so much… I… I didn’t… even… I was… incoherent… babbled… didn’t even tell you… what you needed to hear… didn’t say… the same words… and now… too late...”

She shook her head, aware of tears on her cheeks. “No. It’s not. Kent, I’m here. I’m really here. I’m not dead. I’m alive, and I’m here. Please believe me. Don’t… don’t leave me.”

He didn’t answer, and she was afraid he had stopped breathing after he stopped speaking. She didn’t dare check. She didn’t want to know. She couldn’t lose him now.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of the aftermath of finding Kent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult because of the balance again. I wanted others to have their moments, small victories, and yet that seemed impossible without things getting excessive and ridiculous. I had to limit it, and then I also had to find a way to continue, though a part of me did wish I'd skipped over some of it. It may have been wiser to do that, though I want to believe this start to healing was necessary. There is still more needed to really recover, a lifetime, even, but the parts I meant to show in the end are still to come.

* * *

“Is he really dead?”

“Looks like it. Not sure he would have lasted much longer even if Ikki hadn’t shot him.”

Ikki grimaced. “A part of me would be glad if it wasn’t, but then… I don’t want Ken to have to live with that. Besides, I wanted my piece of this bastard, too. It should have been between the two of us all along.”

Shin nodded. “Bit disappointed not to get my own, to be honest.”

Kokoa didn’t really want to think about that, as much as she understood. It wasn’t just Kent that needed to face off against Yuzuru. He’d hurt all of them, hadn’t he? Kent had won his part, and Ikki, too, but Shin didn’t get a chance at it, and even Toma wanted to do something to Yuzuru. She almost laughed. She’d like to kick his body herself, even if that was very petty and wouldn’t help Kent at all.

“The ambulance is on its way,” Shin said. “Have to figure Waka will get here first.”

She almost smiled at that, but then out of nowhere, Shin went down, dropping the gun. It skidded across the floor away from him as he kicked himself free of Yuzuru’s hold. He winced as he moved over, punching Yuzuru in the face with his good arm. Once. Then twice. She didn’t think he would have stopped if not for Toma pulling him off.

“Damn it.”

“The hell was that?”

“Drugs,” Kent whispered. “No sense… of pain…”

Kokoa shuddered. Though she was relieved to hear Kent’s voice again, she didn’t want to think about that. How far would Yuzuru go if he couldn’t feel it? He might not stop at all. If what Kent did and Ikki shooting him wasn’t enough, would Yuzuru actually… die? Could he keep getting up if he didn’t realize he was dead?

“Maybe we should throw him out of the window just to be sure he’s dead this time,” Toma said, shaking his head. Shin snorted, picking up the gun again with a grimace. “What? You’d rather sit on him?”

“Rather shoot him,” Shin said, and Ikki laughed. Kokoa had to smile, the thought entering her head that maybe the closeness between Ikki and Shin… would it have happened, would they be friends, if Kent had still been in Ikki’s life. She was glad he’d gotten to know Shin. They were good for each other, since both of them needed a friend.

Kokoa returned her fingers to Kent’s hair. She knew that was a good thing, that friendship, but she still felt uneasy. “I… Should we move Kent out of here? I know the ambulance is coming, but…”

“You think he will pull another zombie act?”

“I think she’s just worried. It’s understandable. I’d rather get away from this creep myself.”

She thought Shin might kick Yuzuru, and she almost wanted to laugh. She was too nervous to do that, still caught in a mess of fear and relief, the fear winning over everything else as much as she didn’t want it to, since she was still terrified of losing Kent.

“If he does pull a zombie, I don’t think we can risk leaving,” Toma said, his eyes hatefully glaring at the body. She didn’t want to know what he was thinking of doing to it. “We don’t want him getting out of here if he does get back up again.”

“He won’t.”

She winced despite Shin’s assurances. They’d had all the assurances before that Yuzuru was dead, but now they were here and he had almost killed Kent. Again. She wasn’t sure she’d believe they were safe any time soon.

“Do we know how he was able to pull this off?” Ikki asked, and when everyone looked at him, he grimaced. “It’s going to bother all of us. I know I’m not the only one. He was supposed to be dead in London. That’s what we were told.”

“Said… his bodyguard… pushed him out of the way… bus hit him… that must have been… who Shamus saw…” Kent shuddered against her, and she did her best to soothe him. “What… I saw...”

“It’s not your fault,” she said, hoping he didn’t think that. “You heard him, and he was there. You couldn’t see what happened to the bus—you were barely alive when they found you—don’t think—this is not… it’s not… that...”

“She’s right. You had every reason to believe he was dead.”

* * *

Though he did not want to admit how much it bothered him to have been fooled, Waka had to accept that it had been done well—between Shamus not knowing it was the bodyguard he’d seen and Kent only having seen Yuzuru, it was all too easy for the politician to conceal his son’s survival. That would not last, not now, since they had him here. Kent was alive, and he could testify to all of it. They had physical evidence as well.  


It was, as Waka had promised Yuzuru’s father, over.

That man’s career was finished. Yuzuru was dead. The chemist would be in jail for a long time and likely die there. Anyone else who’d had a part in concealing Yuzuru’s actions would also suffer—losing their jobs at the very least if not spending time in jail themselves. After many long years, things would finally be set right.

Still annoyed that it took this long and that he’d been unable to make it happen sooner, Waka knew he’d never feel comfortable with this situation, though he’d allow himself to feel some relief for the sake of others.

He still did not entirely know how this particular group of part-timers had become so special to him, but there was no denying that they were. Everyone in this room and a couple more that were not present, he had watched over them all and been proud of their accomplishments as family might do. He did not consider himself their father, that was not it, nor was it as simple as being a mentor. Perhaps he was the eldest brother.

He did not wish to think on that more, not now. He knelt next to Kent. “You know how I feel about having to track you down like this.”

Kent’s eyes struggled to focus on Waka, the pain easily seen in the green. “I… almost forgot… everything… you taught me… not that… thinking she was dead…”

Waka was well aware of how little interest Kent had in surviving without his wife. Kokoa was his entire existence at this point, and while it was arguably unhealthy, it was what had seen both of them through the worst and made it possible for them to help others.

“I’m not dead, Kent. I’m here. I… I may have to move you because my side’s hurting again, but I’m not leaving you. I… I was so scared… you know I can’t lose you.”

Kent’s eyes closed again, pain visible in his expression. “I… Yes. It… does hurt...”

“That ambulance is taking its sweet time,” Shin grumbled. “They should be here by now, even if I figured you’d get here first.”

Kokoa looked up at Waka. “Can we move Kent? Maybe that would help.”

Waka was not certain it was worth the risk. The paramedics would stabilize and immobilize him before attempting to move him down those stairs, which might be more than necessary depending on Kent’s wounds. “Will you let me look?”

Kent buried his head in Kokoa’s shirt. “It… Admittedly… this is… not the worst… not at… the only time he did less… was outside the hospital… when he only stabbed me… but…”

“Ken, it’s us. You don’t have to hide anything,” Ikki said, though he did not seem capable of seeing that at all. “We’re cops, remember? We worked the case. We saw a lot more than what he did here.”

“And if you’re thinking of blaming yourself, that’s just stupid,” Shin said. “You got hit by a damned car. How the hell are you supposed to defend against that? You did fight back here, and even if you hadn’t, you shouldn’t feel ashamed. It’s not your fault—or Ikki’s—that a sadistic bastard was obsessed with hurting you.”

“I may not be a cop, but I did get to see the original investigator’s case file,” Toma said. He balled a fist and kicked Yuzuru. Kent didn’t lift his head to see that, though judging from the look in Kokoa’s eyes, she’d like to do that as well.

“I don’t think any of that is actually helping,” Waka said, since Kent had actually curled up closer to Kokoa and showed no signs of letting go to allow himself to be treated. Waka knew well there was much of what he’d suffered at Yuzuru’s hands he did not want anyone to know, but now everyone here did, and that would not be easy for him to accept.

“Please,” Kokoa said, touching Kent’s cheek. “I… I don’t want to lose you, and if it’s because we didn’t get a wound treated now… I… please. Don’t let that happen.”

Kent sighed, but he let go of her and nodded.

* * *

“Getting pretty damned sick of hospitals,” Shin grumbled, and Ikki just smiled at him. He had to admit he wasn’t that fond of these places, either, but he’d definitely take them over the morgue. He knew they’d have to make it there eventually, since Yuzuru’s little zombie act had managed to spook everyone, and no one was going to rest entirely easy until he’d been dissected. Not that Ikki wanted to see that—he didn’t—but he’d feel a lot better knowing the bastard couldn’t get back up again since his organs had been removed.  


“You can be assured that Kent will not want to stay here long,” Waka said. “He will try and leave as quickly as possible for her sake.”

Shin nodded, adjusting his position to ease his arm, but it was clear it still hurt him. Ikki shook his head as he saw it.

“You know you can go home.” Ikki caught Shin’s look and smiled. “She’s safe, and even if she wasn’t, she’s kind of outgrown the overprotective brothers she’s got. She’s stronger than either of you are ready to accept. And Ken’s going to be okay, too. They said his injuries were… well, it was more the combination of them that was dangerous. He didn’t develop internal bleeding from the car, which was their main fear.”

Ikki couldn’t bring himself to say more. Ken had still suffered, even if the wounds weren’t all life-threatening.

“The knife wounds were made in places that would hurt and scar but not ones that would kill,” Waka said. “It was not Yuzuru’s intention to kill Kent quickly, if at all.”

That got Ikki to shudder, but he knew that Waka was right. That was what they’d been told. Ken had said it himself. Yuzuru had intended to keep him forever. He probably would have ended up killing Ken, but he’d meant to hold on for a long time, until Ken’s body finally gave out under the torture.

“However, that did not come to pass, which we are all grateful for.”

Ikki nodded. He was grateful, even if he still felt off. He didn’t know how to deal with what he’d done, even if it was to save Ken’s life and Yuzuru more than had it coming. He’d never had to kill anyone before, and while it could be argued he hadn’t, since Yuzuru got up again, it was still hard to think about, so Ikki didn’t want to think at all.

“You idiot.”

The angry female voice had them all looking over in surprise. Well, no, Waka seemed more amused than surprised as Kotoho advanced on Shin.

“I had to find out from _dispatch_ that you found him. Not you. Not even this pervert—”

“I object to that. I realize I’m wrongly classed as the prince type, but I have depth and am not a pervert,” Ikki told her, which she ignored completely, still heavily in the tirade directed at Shin.

“And now I have to pay that guy in sweets for information you don’t even need since he’s still grumbling about having to find those financial records. You owe me.”

“Hey, I still intend to connect all those dots,” Ikki told her with a smile. “Believe me, I’m not letting his father off the hook for _any_ of this. Plus, it might help us find some of the chemist’s victims so they can get justice. Or at least peace of mind. And before you start glaring at me, I don’t intend to push the issue on any of them. Actually, I was thinking Kokoa might talk to them if we did find someone… she’s good with the abused ladies at her shelter, and she’d handle it right. She won’t push, but she’d let them know the guy was arrested, and that has to be worth it, doesn’t it?”

Kotoho glanced towards Ikki. He had a feeling she wanted to stay angry with him, but she was struggling with that so she focused on Shin. “Why aren’t you in your own bed?”

“Is that concern or are you wanting to put him there yourself?” Ikki asked, getting a glare for his comment. Shin reached over and smacked him, but he didn’t care. It was worth it.

“I’m fine,” Shin told her, and she just stared him down, not about to give in on that point. This was so much fun to watch. “I am. You can tell I am because Toma’s not here being an overprotective idiot.”

Ikki nodded in agreement. “That’s true. He did say he was going to refile for that warrant because only a fool would deny it now. Anyone who does would be going down, too, since it’d prove just how corrupt they are.”

“It would,” Waka agreed with one of his scary smiles, even rattling Kotoho a bit. “Since you are here, perhaps you would be willing to take Shin home?”

“What? I don’t need—”

“I can tell you how long you’ve gone without sleep if you’d like as well as how long it’s been since you took your medication. Your dedication to the case is admirable, your loyalty even more so, but you do not have to watch over any of them right now and can focus on your own health.”

“He’s right,” Ikki said. “Kent and Kokoa are going to be here for the night, and we’ve got security around the hospital just in case, plus whoever Waka asked to back them up, and I’m not going anywhere. You can try and argue that, but I’m not injured. I’ll be at my desk for a bit, yes, but that’s different. I shot someone.”

“Ikki—”

“I don’t know how to feel about it,” Ikki admitted. “I think in some ways it had to end like this, between me and him because that’s how it started even if Ken and you got caught in the middle. I did what I had to, and it’s done. I… I’m not going to do anything stupid. I… I just owe Ken a lot, and I know he’ll leave as soon as he can, so I may as well be here to help with that. And with the shelter. I’m going to do that until they clear me to work again. It’s fine.”

Shin grimaced. “They’re asleep. Who’s to stop you from doing something stupid?”

Ikki pointed at Waka. “Him?”

Shin frowned. Kotoho laughed. Waka just smiled, and Shin grumbled again as she dragged him away by his good arm. Ikki leaned back against the wall, smiling. Those two were good for each other, even if it never ever became more. The two of them were too stubborn to let the other get away with anything. That was good.

He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, deciding to let himself rest a little.

* * *

Kent opened his eyes, tensing up as he did. He was somewhere else again. He swallowed, feeling sick. He tried to control his trembling as he looked around him. Kokoa shifted next to him, looking up, and when she did, she smiled at him. Her hand came up to touch his cheek, and he frowned, still unsettled. She was supposed to be dead. He knew he’d heard her say she wasn’t, had heard Shin and Ikki… even Waka, but that didn’t mean that it was real.  


She sighed. “You don’t believe I’m really here, do you?”

“Should I? The last thing… This could be some sort of dream, my mind retreating from the unwelcome reality of being Yuzuru’s captive again.”

She winced, forcing herself up so she could kiss his forehead. After she did, she rested her head against his for a moment. “I can see why you would think that, but it’s not true. I’m really here. You’re in the hospital. We both are. I was supposed to stay in my own bed, but as soon as the doctors and nurses left, I came over to you. I know they won’t be happy about it, but I was careful to avoid most of your injuries and I… I just don’t want to be apart from you. I… I suppose it’s stupid, but… we actually haven’t slept apart since before we were married. I… I don’t really know how to sleep without you, and I don’t want to. I… I can’t tell you how much it scared me that I almost lost you.”

“I thought I had lost you,” Kent admitted. Though he’d wanted to tell himself it was a lie, he hadn’t been able to accept that. He wasn’t sure if he was unwilling to bear the false hope or if he had simply wanted a reason to die, one that was not as cowardly as avoiding the pain and humiliation of being in Yuzuru’s grasp.

“I know he lied to you. I… I wish I could have stopped it, but I didn’t… I saw them grab you, but there was nothing I could do. And then he stabbed me… I told Ikki to go find you, but that wasn’t enough… I mean, he found you, but… it was hours later, wasn’t it?”

“If those hours saved your life, they were worth it.”

“Kent—”

“Don’t say they weren’t. I… I can’t do this without you. I know that seems pathetic, and it is illogical, but I… I know… it is true.”

She nodded. “I know. I understand. I didn’t want to go on without you, either.”

He tried to touch her, but trying to move his hand sent pain all the way up his arm. He winced, stopping. He had done that to himself, though it was necessary. He knew he would not be free now if he had not done it. He did not know that he would be alive, even if Ikkyu and the others had come.

“It’s okay,” she said, snuggling close to him. “I am just glad you’re here and that I can be with you. I can wait for you to touch me.”

Kent gave her a smile, though the fatigue was getting to him. He might fall asleep soon.

“Though I wouldn’t mind a kiss.”

He stared at her. “I… you...”

“I suppose I am rather greedy.” She blushed. “Though… couldn’t we argue that… as long as we’ve been together without them… we’re making up for lost time?”

He was tempted to laugh. “I think that is best left for when we are not in a hospital.”

“But… it would distract me, and you know how I feel about hospitals.” She gave him that smile he was weak to, and he gave in, just a little, kissing her forehead. “That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

“I know. And… I admitted to you… that I had… physical reactions… but I… I am still not… ready to demonstrate them in public. I… I can still love you even if… if I am too tired… and a bit… embarrassed… to show it now.”

She smiled, placing both of her hands on his face. “You said it. That is enough for me.”

“Good.”

“For now, at least.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They start to settle back into their lives and routines, all still healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had always intended for a sort of impromptu party at the shelter, and that was supposed to be the ending.
> 
> Then I kept finding more and more to add and things I hadn't addressed and all of a sudden the chapter was almost nine thousand words long.
> 
> I decided to split it, so there's just a bit left, but I think by then everyone will be in a pretty good place, at least for starting to recover.

* * *

“Is there really a point to this?” Shin asked, trying not to give into his habit of folding his arms over his chest. With the one broken, doing that hurt like hell, which made it a very annoying habit to have right now. “He’s dead, isn’t he? He’s not going to get back off that table, is he?”

“He did get up before, remember? You broke his nose for it,” Ikki said, and Shin grimaced, reluctantly acknowledging that he had. He hadn’t had much choice in the matter.

“I… I find myself strangely grateful that the rules have been bent on this occasion,” Kent said, his eyes on the y-incision crossing Yuzuru’s chest. Next to him, Kokoa nodded even as she shuddered, wrapping her arms around his waist. She closed her eyes and seemed to be taking this harder than Shin would have thought. “It… I was in no shape to look when it happened in London. If I had been… Well… perhaps much of this would have been avoided.”

“That is not your doing. It was Shamus’ mistake and that man’s deliberate actions that led to this. You had no choice over how long you were in the hospital—remember, you were in a coma for over a week. You could not have known or gone in that state.” Waka spoke calmly, but the way he looked at Yuzuru, Shin figured he’d like to desecrate that body and then some for what this sicko had done to all of them.

“Ahem,” the medical examiner began, clearing his throat again loudly before beginning. “As I was saying, with the damage to the body, it was difficult to determine the cause of death. Several wounds should have been fatal—”

“Wait, you’re saying it wasn’t me shooting him?” Ikki asked, a bit shaken by that. “I thought for sure that I was the one who killed him. I mean… I kind of think…”

“If it is impossible to determine the exact cause, perhaps that is for the best,” Waka said, looking at each of them in turn. "That way none of you have to carry that guilt with you, no matter how justified the death of this man might seem to be.”

Shin looked at Ikki and Kent, who were both struggling with this even if it was mostly over now that the bastard was dead. Not everything was fixed by that, and Kent still had one hell of an ugly trial ahead of him if Yuzuru’s father didn’t make some kind of deal—Shin was almost certain he would, that everyone in the government would want that, trying to keep the scandal as quiet as possible—but things would quiet down now.

Neither Kent or Ikki needed the burden of knowing they’d killed Yuzuru, even if that bastard had deserved to die.

“Whatever. For all we know, I cracked his skull when I punched him and that’s what did it. Who cares, right? Do we really need to know?”

Kent shook his head. “I do not. There are… Some details are unnecessary, and I do not have any interest in revisiting them. It… There are many I would rather were not known, though it does seem that they… are and to far more people than I would prefer.”

Kokoa tugged on his shirt, getting him to lean down so she could speak in his ear. Shin couldn’t hear what she said, but Kent embraced her tightly afterward and held her there for rather a long time.

“Hmm. Relationship goals,” Ikki said, elbowing Shin. “You should take notes so you know what to do with Kotoho.”

“Shut up. We’re not even friends. She’s just a good forensic tech to know with a weakness for meat. That’s it.”

“Oh, really?” Sakuragawa asked, her anger clear as she stood in the doorway, arms crossed.

Shin hit Ikki even harder that time. “You bastard. You knew she was there.”

“You make it so easy, Shin. I barely even have to try.” Ikki grinned. “Oh, hey, Ken, since it looks like we’re done here, you want me to give you a ride back to the shelter? I’m sure you two have a lot to do today.”

“I am not opposed to a ride, but we are not actually going to the shelter right now. There is a slightly more pressing matter that must be seen to first.”

“Oh?”

Kokoa nodded. “We’re going to meet with my parents and renegotiate the agreement we have with them. If it all goes well—and it should, Kent’s mom made sure the legal aspect was set—we’ll be completely independent of them. No more business. Kent can do what he really wants to, whether it’s going back to research or something else.”

Shin knew Ikki was going to ask about the something else, and while he wouldn’t mind using that to keep Sakuragawa distracted, he knew better than to let her stew. He crossed over to her. “He’s an ass. And I fell for it. What did you need?”

“I told you it’s weird when you’re nice.”

Shin shook his head. “It’s not that weird. Kokoa, am I nice?”

She nodded. “You can be very sweet when you want to be, but you do tend to favor the ‘tough-love’ approach first. Now that it’s not directed at me as much, I kind of think it’s cute.”

“Cute?”

“Well,” Kent said, considering his words like he was puzzling out some kind of math thing, “I suppose you could have it worse. She could be saying you’re adorable.”

Ikki cracked up laughing. “Nice one, Ken.”

Shin shook his head, ignoring Sakuragawa’s obvious amusement. “I am not adorable.”

“You don’t really hate that word that much, do you, Kent?” Kokoa asked, frowning as she looked up at him. “Because you know… I do kind of think… Well… there is a lot that you do for me and a lot that… I mean your smiles alone are adorable and...”

“You are so red right now, Kokoa.”

She got even redder. She tried to straighten her coat and look more professional. “I am allowed to think my husband is adorable. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. He is. He’s the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful man I’ve ever known, and that does say something because I worked with lots of nice guys at Meido No Hitsuji. And there were the customers, too.”

“Yeah, pretty sure some of them had crushes on you, too,” Ikki said, a bit amused. “Not that we didn’t run a good number of them off one way or another. Kind of wish we’d done it for Michio, but he was Ukyo’s friend and… well, since you two meeting in London again was so big…”

“It’s okay, Ikki.” She smiled, though it was a bit forced. “I won’t pretend that I… It’s true I’d rather not have gone through any of that, but… I am who I am today because of it, and I can help others, and I have Kent. That alone makes it worth all the bad I went through.”

“Hardly,” Kent said, but he held her again. “Though I will never stop being grateful for your presence in my life.”

“I think this room is going to go into sugar shock,” Sakuragawa whispered, “and that’s just wrong since we’re in the morgue.”

Shin couldn’t help it. He laughed.

* * *

“Kent?”

“What?”

“What’s wrong?” Kokoa asked, biting her lip as she did. She was almost afraid to know at this point. Was he keeping something the doctors said from her? Had he changed his mind about loving her? Oh, that was insane, wasn’t it? To think that? She hated herself for it. Kent wasn’t that kind of person, and how could she doubt him like that?

In her heart, though, she knew the answer. It was all too easy to find. Michio had said he loved her, but he didn’t. He’d only loved himself.

Kent took off his glasses, rubbing a hand over his face. “Does this feel… too easy to you?”

“What?”

“I am… Well, prior to the first time Yuzuru attacked me, I had not thought myself a paranoid person, and after it, I simply assumed it to be some part of… the lingering after effects, which were made worse when he showed himself in London and began stalking me.” Kent shook his head. “And yet… having this over, coming out with injuries that were not life-altering, knowing that his father, too, is in jail, and now having freed ourselves from your parents and that damned business...”

She felt a bit relieved to know that was what he was concerned about. She smiled and reached for him, holding on tight. “I think we deserve to have things go right instead of wrong. We’ve had more than our share of bad, haven’t we? I’m not pretending others haven’t had it worse. We both know that they have. We’ve met some of them at the shelter. And there are many more still suffering in silence, with no one to help them, no one caring about their pain. Still… I think after all that we have endured, don’t we get a bit of something? Some people don’t, I know that, and in some ways, we are far more fortunate than others who went through this only to die or lose all hope and the ones they loved if they ever had anyone they did and—”

Kent put a finger to her lips, and she stopped, stunned. She wasn’t sure he’d ever done that to her before. “I concede your point.”

She nodded, taking down his hand, as much as that bit of touch thrilled her. She wanted a lot more than that from him.

“I know we said that we would do an entire dinner and a museum and… well, I… I have to admit that I am very fatigued and not up to anything extra tonight. I think perhaps we should consider getting take out and going home.” Kent looked at her, an apology all over his face. “I know it’s not what you want, and I do not want to disappoint you, but I am still recovering and it… I do not wish to say it, but I am hurting, so can we forgo the rest of it for tonight? I do still want to go to the museum with you, and I do not mind going out for dinner, it’s just—”

“You weren’t exactly supposed to leave the hospital so soon,” she said, and he grimaced. “And I know why you did, we both do, but I don’t want you hurting or having to go back, so it’s fine. We can do our dinner and dancing another time.”

“You would remember the dancing.”

She laughed, leaning against him, her happiness warming her even as the night had started to cool. “Well, yes, because I really wanted it and because you were so reluctant but cute about it and also because… that was the plan. I… I was going to tell you I loved you when we were dancing. It seemed so perfect. I couldn’t imagine a better time. That was why I held it back more than once like an idiot and then I almost lost you again and—”

“I think we can both agree we were at fault for not sharing our feelings out of fear. Admittedly, were the feelings to have been one-sided in either case, it would have been awkward given our living arrangements and… the marriage, but I have been thinking some and… I believe that had you admitted such feelings to me and I was not at the same point with my own, I… I think I would have wanted to… stay with you and see if our… progression was as compatible as our current state.”

She blinked. “Wait, you… you would have wanted to experiment and see if we could be lovers, too, even if you didn’t feel romantic love for me?”

“When you say it like that it sounds terrible,” he said, shaking his head as he turned away from her and resumed walking. She hurried to catch up to him, her side aching a bit by the time that she did.

“Kent, please.”

He stopped. “I… You know bad I am with emotions in general. It… It took a considerable amount of time for me to conclude that these ones I do have are romantic. I just… I wouldn’t have ruled out the possibility that I was in love or could love you in the same way that you loved me. That’s what I meant, thought I said it poorly.”

She nodded, feeling even more relieved than she had before, knowing he was right. Emotions confused him, so he would be willing to see if he felt more. She swallowed, thinking her side of it was probably worse. “Is it wrong to say that I… I was pretty sure you were the only man I’d trust with my body? Um… that sounds—that’s—”

“I believe I understand, even if it is a somewhat… unpleasant thought.”

She grimaced. “I do love you. It’s not that. I… when we made this arrangement, I never thought that I would love you as much as I do. I knew I needed you, but I was so broken and hurt by what Michio did that I didn’t want to love again. Over time, though, I think I started… _wanting_ to love you. I knew I trusted you and relied on you, and you are still wonderful to me. I felt worse and worse about keeping you from a loving marriage, even though you always said you were fine with it if I tried to talk about it, so I… I stopped saying anything, but I should tell you… I loved you even more for it. Is that wrong?”

“I am the last person to ask that.” He cupped her cheek with his hand. “I suppose you felt I was rather more… altruistic than I was. I did need you, I _do_ need you, and that I love you—that was a surprise in many respects as I’d more or less believed myself… incapable of such a thing.”

She shook her head. “No. You love so much. You show it in so many small ways, not just to me but your parents and everyone at the shelter and Waka and Ikki and even our ungrateful former employees. Yes, most of that is platonic love, but you have so much love, such a generous heart, and I adore you for it.”

“You are the generous one. I just follow where you go.”

“It’s more than that.” She took his hand in hers. “Someday I hope you can see all that I see in you, just as you keep telling me that I am more than I think I am.”

He smiled at her. “Unlikely, but I will not stop you from trying just as you have never done me.”

She grinned back at him. That was fair, wasn’t it? “I love you. Let’s go home.”

* * *

“Good morning,” Ikki said, leaning across Yui’s desk. “I know I didn’t clear it in advance, but as we’re still officially on leave, I decided to come anyway. I even brought a friend.”

“I understand why you’d think you could drag me into this, but I still don’t understand why she’s here,” Shin said, giving Kotoho a glance. “If you think this is funny—”

She reached over and hit him. “I didn’t come for you or because of that idiot. I have my own business.”

Shin frowned at her, but before he could do something stupid like demand she tell him about an abusive boyfriend—which Ikki was almost certain she didn’t have since she seemed to be well capable of taking care of herself, even if that wasn’t always a guarantee—the door opened.

“Morning, Ken. I brought you something—and I now feel a bit foolish because if you don’t drink, did you have to give up caffeine, too? Should have gone with tea, though unless it was herbal which you don’t like because it’s not actually tea as it doesn’t have any actual tea plants in it and—”

“Coffee is fine, Ikkyu. Kindly stop embarrassing yourself.”

“I wasn’t embarrassing myself.”

“I was two seconds from smacking you,” Shin said. He shook his head, looking at Ken. “He wouldn’t leave me alone, but Toma said he was going to come by, so I chose the lesser of two evils. I don’t actually want to be here.”

“I am almost insulted you’d believe I though you did,” Ken said, making Kotoho laugh. Ken looked at her and frowned. “If Ikkyu used his eyes on you—”

“Oh, hell, no. I came to speak to your wife, actually.”

“Kokoa is in the middle of a counseling session, so you will have to wait, but you may enter. I have no intention of entertaining anyone. I need to make preparations for the next few meals. We went through all our reserves when I was hospitalized.”

Ikki grimaced, not really wanting to think about that. Sure, they were lucky. Ken was alive when they found him, but it would always be an unpleasant memory for all of them. Yuzuru was dead, but that didn’t make all of the pain disappear in an instant. Ken, Kokoa, and Shin still had injuries to deal with as well as other small adjustments to their lives. Ikki knew he was lucky, he’d gotten his best friend back, but he also got some new fun nightmares to go with that.

He shook that thought off, keeping a smile on his face. He refused to think about losing Ken again. He knew he’d have to face that again when he slept, but for now, he’d just enjoy this bit of peace. Speaking of peace…

“So, that conversation with Kokoa’s parents went well?”

Ken nodded. “Yes. At least as far as I am concerned, at least. My mother’s terms were quite… unfavorable to them, but they got back their investment and we are under no further obligation to them. Managed properly, the funds should provide for the shelter, though I am not certain we can expand as much as Kokoa wished to. The income that subsidized us before will no longer do so, and even managed interest will not be the same. Hmm...”

“I might be able to help,” Ikki said. “After all, accounting was my focus, not yours. These days I only really get a chance to play with that if I’m doing it for a case, which is a shame.”

“I think I will manage,” Ken said, and Ikki frowned, not sure what to think of his offer to help being rejected like that. “However, since you are very obviously bored...”

Ikki stopped, almost not sure he believed what he saw as Ken held up a card between two fingers. Was that it? Was that… a puzzle? A math problem of such glorious torture as only Ken could make? Ikki couldn’t contain his excitement. “You are the best friend anyone ever had. Look at this. It’s absolutely impossible. I love it. Thank you. I’ll have to… Ooh, subtract by three, divide by the square...”

“Damn it. There he goes being a math dork again.”

“I’ll have you know that math is very sexy,” Ikki said, looking over at Kotoho as he spoke. She rolled her eyes. “And if you don’t believe me, ask your sister. I’m sure Kokoa agrees with me.”

“I hate you so much right now.”

“He will be distracted for some time,” Ken said. “As much as he’s found an obvious start, I predict it will take him four days to solve at best.”

“What? Four days?”

Ikki shook his head. “It’s never taken that long before. I can do this faster than that.”

“I very much doubt it, but do enjoy the headache you’ll get if you subtract the three.”

“I hate both of you. You used to pull this crap at Meido No Hitsuji, and it was annoying then. It’s only worse now. You’re grown men. Stop acting like idiots over math.”

“I am not acting like any such thing, nor is math so terrible a subject,” Ken said. “As I said, I’ve got a lot of cooking to do. I need to start on the beef and mushroom dashi stew, plus the gyudon… Oh, and we did get that donation, so I suppose I’d better try and make gyutan—”

“You could get Shin’s help with that,” Ikki said. Then he thought about it. “Actually, not so sure about that. You two didn’t always get along in the kitchen, did you?”

“Shut up, Ikki.”

“I think it would be unwise to give Shin a knife in his current mood.”

“Forget his mood. Is any of that beef cooked? Because I want some.”

Ken frowned again, but Shin just shrugged. “She really likes meat. Give her a chance, and she’ll probably take all the gyutan off your hands.”

“Yes.”

“Very well. I was afraid most of our residents wouldn’t eat it anyway.”

“Nope, nope,” Hina sing-songed from the kitchen. “Beef tongue is so gross. Oh, do we get cake again, Mister Doctor? I want more cake. Or maybe another dessert. The other girls said there were lots of good ones besides cake, but I only remember cake with my parents and Isora...”

“Hmm. Didn’t you learn how to make tiramisu for Meido No Hitsuji? I’d love some of that myself,” Ikki said. “I’ll get the ingredients if you don’t have them.”

“I don’t—”

“Ooh, that sounds super yummy. Can we, Mister Doctor? Look, even Mr. Grumpy is smiling. That means it must be good.”

“Mr. Grumpy?”

“She means Shin. Better stop scowling or she’ll start calling you Mrs. Grumpy.”

“Oh, is she his girlfriend?” Hina asked, clapping her hands together. “Oh, I bet you two are as cute as Doctor and Mister Doctor. They’re adorable… I hope someday someone will love me like that. I’m going to go tell Ai about the tiramisu, Mister Doctor. Thank you!”

She bounced away, and Ken grimaced, putting a hand to his head. Ikki knew he should apologize, but it was kind of funny.

“Ikkyu—”

“I’ll just go get those ingredients for you.”

* * *

“Something in here smells delicious,” Kokoa said as she came into the kitchen. Kent supposed she could have gotten another cup of coffee from the pot in her office, but she seemed to want to be in the common area right now. He wanted to take that as a sign the session went well, though he did not want to assume anything, either.

“It is,” the woman next to Shin said, then reached over to hit him.

“The hell was that for?”

“For not telling me you knew someone who could cook like this.”

Shin shook his head. “Did you miss the part where Kent dropped off the face of the planet after going to London? Besides, it isn’t that good. I could do better if my arm wasn’t broken.”

“You’ll have to prove that. You still owe me. And him. He keeps asking me where his damned donuts are.”

Kokoa watched them squabble. Kent wiped his hands off and went to her side, hearing her sigh loudly when he wrapped his arms around her. “Oh, this is so nice. It’s going to be like this from now on, isn’t it? You’ll be here all the time...”

“I don’t think that’s any reason for tears.”

“I know. It’s just… I’m happy. I really am. I know we liked to say all that about being independent people, but I like having you nearby, and this feels good. Better if you’d kiss me, of course...”

He frowned. “I think you asking for that in public as often as you now do is a bit excessive, don’t you? Are you certain you’re comfortable with that? I know we have been married for some time now, and we did recently experience… another traumatic event, but you can’t really think such displays are necessary or even… appropriate.”

She flushed. “Well… Um… we did live in London for a while… and I don’t want to be a coward about how we feel about each other, even if most people are a bit shyer about it. If we both want to kiss, why shouldn’t we?”

Kent shook his head. “Don’t do that. That smile. That’s… not a fair smile. Stop it.”

She frowned at him, but he thankfully did not have to say more right then as Shin’s friend cleared her throat and drew their attention to her. “I didn’t come here with Shin or that pervert he calls a partner. I came to see you.”

“Me?”

The other woman nodded. “I don’t know if they told either of you this, and you were unconscious when I went by the hospital, but I’m Sakuragawa. I work in forensics for the police department. I helped a bit with your case. I actually have found a few older cases in our records that match up either with the description of the mystery drug used by this chemist or DNA samples from him. Shin and Ikki believe the best person to speak to those women would be you, not someone from the department.”

Kokoa tensed, and Kent did his best to soothe her. He would agree with that assessment, though he knew it would not be so easy for her to do this. “I’m not… Doesn’t it need to come from the police?”

“There will be someone with you to make the notifications,” Shin said. “We wouldn’t send you alone, and Morioka would never agree to that, anyway. No, you’d be with a representative for us, but not all of them have your background of working with people who’ve been through this kind of trauma. The one that’s our department shrink is a real piece of work, and if they have her do it, she’ll make things worse for everyone.”

“Oh, definitely,” Ikkyu said as he came back in the room, loaded down with tons of groceries. “We’re trying to reach them to let them know it’s over and if they want a part of testifying against the chemist, they can be, but she’d force them to give statements and evidence. She’s not the kind of person you want to see if you’ve been through trauma. Well, she’s not the kind of person you want to see at all, so… please?”

“You will likely have Shin or Ikkyu with you, and I believe you are more than capable of doing this if you wish to,” Kent said. She looked up at him and tugged his arms tighter around her. “I will not be far away, either, if that is your unspoken question.”

She smiled. “I know. I know I can rely on you. I will take some time to prepare what I think I should have as a basis for talking to any of them… am I allowed to know anything from the case—not details about the attack or anything that has to deal with—I want to know something of the women themselves. It might help. I always ask my new guests about the little things so I have a sense of who they are. Some will tell you everything at first, but others can’t or won’t… some have no idea how terrible the things they’ve been through really are.”

“And that is why we want you to do this,” Ikkyu said. “She’s perfect for it, right?”

“Doctor is the best,” Hina said, coming back into the room. “Though Mister Doctor helps us all and so does Mister Waka. He didn’t bring food today, though.”

Kent frowned. He hadn’t heard that Waka was coming today. That was a surprise, though perhaps it shouldn’t have been. Waka came and went as he pleased, and it was likely he’d want to check on all of them since it was likely that Shin and Ikkyu would be here as well.

“I took care of the food, no worries. We do need to get this put away, though.”

Kent let go of Kokoa and went to see just what Ikkyu had bought. He shook his head at the excess—even with the guests they had, this was too much. No one needed this many sweets. He took the bag into the kitchen and put it away, followed by the next two Ikkyu had brought to him.

He had just reentered the main dining area when there was a high pitched squeal. He turned in time to see two figures throwing themselves at Kokoa.

* * *

“I didn’t understand why Waka wanted to bring us here, but he asked—”

“He was kind of scary about it, said we couldn’t say no.”

“—so we came, but it was hard to tell what this place was, and that woman up front was a bit scary, too, but then we saw you, and we understood,” Sawa said as she held tight to Kokoa. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re okay. We all were so worried when you left with Michio and we didn’t hear anything for so long. I’m sorry I said what I did. I was just worried about you, you know that, don’t you?”

She looked up at her friends—could she still call them that? It had been so long and she’d been the one to cut off contact with them, so they should probably hate her, since she’d been just as vicious in her need to defend Michio. She’d made a mistake, hurt all of them, and she knew it.

“Kokoa?”

“I’m sorry, too,” she said. “I didn’t want to listen to anyone then. I thought I knew better because he loved me and I loved him, and that was all that mattered. It wasn’t, and it wasn’t even love. I now what that is now, but back then… I was an idiot.”

“Don’t say that,” Sawa said, patting her head. “We were all kind of stupid over boys, but that doesn’t make you an idiot.”

“Agreed. None of us thought that,” Ikki said, and Kokoa looked over at him. He smiled at her and started a new chorus of squeals from Mine.

“Ikki! I haven’t seen you since you disbanded the fan club. How are you? You look good.”

“Not again,” Shin muttered, and Sakuragawa winced with him.

“He had a fan club?”

“You don’t even want to know.”

“Most of us would like to forget,” Toma said as he came into the room. He looked around and frowned. “Okay, I know why Sakuragawa’s here, it’s about the case, and Ikki dragged Shin here, but you two? Where did you even come from?”

“I thought it was time.” Waka’s words made Toma jump, and he smiled almost evilly as he came into the room. “I believe you will agree, is that not right, Kokoa?”

She reached up to wipe at the tears. It was, actually. Kent had been forced to face his past again in the worst way possible, and then they’d cut ties with her parents, so it was past time she saw the two of them again. “Yes.”

Sawa smiled, looking relieved. “I’m glad.”

“Me, too. We really were worried about you. No one knew where you’d gone, not Toma, not Shin… though now they do. No one told us.”

“It’s not their fault. We met because of a case Ikki and Shin were working.”

“What?”

“They found the monster that killed my brother,” Hina said. “I know we never got along so well, but he was bad to do that to Takeru. I… I am glad they caught him, and everyone’s safe. It wasn’t Isora so it wasn’t my fault, right, Doctor?”

“It’s not your fault at all.”

“Doctor?”

Waka nodded for her. “Kokoa has a degree in psychology and is a licensed counselor. This is the shelter she established. She most often helps those with domestic problems.”

Kokoa felt herself go red as Sawa and Mine stared at her in disbelief. “I went back to school after it was over with Michio. I… I needed to do this. For myself and others.”

“That is so amazing,” Mine whispered. “Wow. I didn’t do anything half so interesting.”

“Me, either, but I’m very happy for you.”

Kokoa tried to smile, but she wasn’t sure she could keep doing it. She was glad to see her friends again, she was, but this was harder than she’d thought it would be, even if they weren’t mad at her for what she’d said and done before she left with Michio.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and when she looked up this time, Kent was behind her. She did smile at him, wrapping her arms around him and holding on for a moment while she put herself back together. She was fine. This wasn’t bad. It was good. All of it was. She just… needed a minute.

Though it really didn’t help that they were still staring at her.

“Um...”

“Mister Doctor, is the dessert ready?”

“Not yet, Hina. Ikkyu only just got back with the ingredients. However, if Shin’s friend hasn’t eaten it all yet, there’s some lunch ready.”

“Hey,” Sakuragawa began, but Hina’s excitement drowned her out as she went over and did something that would have been unthinkable last week. Hina took a piece of food from Shin’s plate and ate it, chewing happily.

“What do you think you’re—”

“Now, now, Shin. I’m sure you know how to share,” Ikki teased. “Though Hina, I’m sure Ken made plenty, so you don’t have to go stealing Shin’s. That’s kind of Kotoho’s role anyway.”

“Oh. You really are Mrs. Grumpy.”

“Ikki, I will kill you.”

“This seems so familiar,” Sawa said, and next to her, Mine nodded, her eyes wide. “And yet… a lot has changed, hasn’t it?”

“Not all change is bad,” Kokoa said, still nestled against Kent. “Even if some things are painful, others are beautiful and wonderful and worth everything.”

“Get a room already,” Shin said. He caught everyone’s looks. “Or at least try and tone down the lovey-dovey crap for a few minutes? I’m trying to eat, and that’s disgusting.”

“He’s just jealous.”

“Ikki—”

“I didn’t say you were jealous of her. I mean you’re jealous of how happy they are. Hell, so am I. They have a beautiful love and a good marriage, and the rest of us pathetic losers are single and miserable.”

“Not quite accurate,” Waka said, “though it is true they have something rare and worth envying.”

“I think you’ve had your revenge,” Kent said, shaking his head as he let go of her. “I have a lot of cooking yet to do. Excuse me.”

“I’d say he hasn’t changed, but they were just cuddling, so… he definitely has,” Sawa said, shaking her head. “You’re really married to Kent?”

Kokoa grimaced. “Why is that so hard for everyone to believe? Kent’s a good man, and he was there for me when… when things were at their worst. I shouldn’t have to defend my marriage or my husband.”

Ikki nodded. “True enough, but they don’t know the Ken you know. Not even the Ken I know. They haven’t seen his loyalty or how far he’ll go for someone he cares about. Sure as hell don’t know how strong he is… or how forgiving.”

“Don’t start,” Shin said, kicking him under the table. “No wallowing, idiot. That’s done and over and we move forward now.”

“You cannot do so by denying what happened,” Waka said. “Everyone here has changed, that much is true. Yet I believe that the ties you made back then are strong enough to overcome that and even become stronger. As is the case with your friendship with Ikki.”

“We are not friends. We work together. That’s it.”

Next to him, Sakuragawa snorted. “You have the worst case of denial I have ever seen. I thought you were supposed to be good at undercover work or at least have a poker face, but that was pathetic.”

“She’s got your number, little brother.”

“Shut up,” the two of them said at the same time, and Ikki laughed as they did. So did Kokoa. She couldn’t help it. She thought she liked Shin’s friend, which was good because Sakuragawa had helped them find Kent.

Speaking of, she was about to turn and go get him when he came back on his own. He wrapped his arms around her from the back, and she heard him sigh as he let his head rest against hers.

“The stovetop stopped working.”

“Oh.” That would be a problem. They couldn’t really afford a new one even if they had sold the business back to her parents. That wasn’t all settled yet, and the emergency fund wasn’t enough for one of those. “Well, we were going out to dinner to celebrate anyway.”

“We were?”

“Yes. You still owe me that and dancing.”

“You owe me the museum. And why can’t you forget the dancing?”

“Because I love you,” she said, and he grumbled something that sounded a lot like _unfair_ as she ended up giggling.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first reunion ends, but that doesn't mean they all go their separate ways forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad I split this when I did because it still got long enough afterward I needed to split it again.
> 
> I know it doesn't cover everything, but I did want it to end on a positive note, and I was afraid it was going to seem too lighthearted if everything was sealed up nice and tidy. I was hoping for a realistic look at where they were and what was happening with them.

* * *

“Today was a little strange.”

“The reunion, the impromptu party, or just… them?”

Sawa shook her head. She knew that she’d had to ask about Kokoa marrying Kent, but that was just because no one had seen him in years, either. He’d gone to London, and while it turned out that was where Kokoa was, too, it seemed against the odds they’d meet there and be married now. She could see for herself how happy Kent made Kokoa, and he was surprisingly gentle with her—and the other women here.

“I don’t think they’re impossible to believe, not when I’ve seen them together. It’s different, but not wrong or anything. It’s just not something I saw any sign of back when we all worked together.”

Ikki shook his head. “Well, I suppose I had the advantage of knowing Ken back then better than anyone, so I’m biased. I still say he had a crush on her back then, though he denies it. I’m just glad they have each other. It… it was bad for all of us after Meido No Hitsuji.”

Sawa swallowed. She’d gotten that sense, even if Kokoa hadn’t said very much about it. “I wasn’t going to make her talk about it in front of everyone, but… she started this place because Michio abused her, didn’t she?”

Ikki nodded. “He did. And before you get as mad as we did, he’s dead and gone. She found Kent after that, and he helped her through it. She helped him, too. And as much as it kind of stings, no one can really get close to that, to what they do for each other. Not us friends, much as we might want to or even think… we need to.”

“You said something like that before. Why would Kent ever be mad at you?”

Ikki tapped his sunglasses. “The usual. My eyes and popularity made someone hate me enough he wanted to hurt me anyway he could. He used Ken to do it.”

She winced. “That’s so wrong. And it’s not your fault. Everyone knows you can’t control what your eyes do. You were so surprised when they didn’t work on Kokoa. You really wanted to know how that happened so you could stop it happening to anyone else, but even Kent didn’t know. Her best guess was willpower.”

“She’s got that in spades,” Ikki said, laughing a little. “She’s a very strong person. She amazed me with what she did here and all she does for Ken. Not that I thought she was incapable, but this _is_ impressive.”

“It is.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?”

“What is with Mine? She seems to be avoiding me, and that’s not like her. Did… I barely remember when the fan club got disbanded, I was drinking a lot back then, a mess until Waka made me sober up, so I don’t know what I might have said or did, but I think I must have scared her or done something inappropriate because… she’s cozying up to Toma, and that’s just wrong.”

Sawa laughed. “Well, I always thought there was something Toma kept hidden from all of us, but that doesn’t mean he’s necessarily a bad guy. And I don’t know that it’s anything you did. Mine’s grown up a bit now, too. She’s not always chasing boys like she used to.”

“Okay. I just… I didn’t want there to be any of… that.”

“You worry a bit too much,” Sawa said, eying him. “This is a side of you I never thought I’d see.”

“I grew up a lot, too,” Ikki said. “I think if things had stayed as they were, I’d still be in that damned cycle, still have the fan club around me and believing that was all I got, that it was the best I could do. It wasn’t. Ken stopped talking to me, I lost my job, the fan club betrayed me, and I was at rock bottom, but Waka got me back where I could see clearly. I know better now. I won’t let the eyes or anyone else control me.”

She smiled. “Yes. You have grown up. It’s very admirable.”

He shook his head. “Oh, now I have to go start a math duel with Ken. You saying that will make it go right to my head since you were right there with Kokoa in hating my ‘player’ ways.”

“I never said I forgave you for that.”

He laughed.

* * *

“You too proud to ask for a ride home?”

Shin grunted. “I had one. He’s the idiot that dragged me here, after all. And if not him… Well, it would have been Toma, though he seems to have disappeared.”

“You missed that?” Sakuragawa smiled. “That pink haired girl conned him into taking her a while ago. They were the first to leave. I thought your former boss was gone, but he was just in the shadows. He’s still here, watching everyone.”

“Yeah, he’s good at that. Probably was an assassin before all this.”

She eyed Waka like she didn’t believe that, but she hadn’t been around the rest of them long enough to see him do any of his scary skills—the appearing out of nowhere, the superhuman hearing, and if she ever saw him use a knife, she’d understand. “And now he runs a maid and butler cafe?”

“Should kill whoever showed you those pictures,” Shin grumbled, shaking his head. “And for the last time, I did _not_ work as a butler. I was in the kitchen. The whole time.”

“Except for special events.”

Shin grimaced. “Who told you that one?”

“Kokoa admitted to getting all of you to dress up like princes before she left for London with that jerk. Well, she was laughing and reminiscing with her friends, and somehow as a woman I got dragged into it, but whatever. Waka had pictures. You’re not too shabby as a prince, but in her eyes you don’t compare to him.”

Shin shrugged. “Whatever. She loves him, and I don’t care how I look as a prince. Besides, all anyone cared about that day was Ikki anyway. Or Ukyo, and he didn’t even work there.”

“I don’t know. I think someone who got you to do that might be just a bit special.”

“She’s like a sister to me. And yeah, maybe for a bit I thought there might be something other than that, but I’m over it. Not so sure about Toma, but he’s Mine’s problem now, not mine. Why am I even telling you this, anyway?”

Sakuragawa shrugged, nudging him with her shoulder. “I told you it’s weird to see you acting nice. Or happy. That was before this, though. Seeing you here, with people you trust… It’s not so weird. You need them. Even if your brother is only hiding behind a nice guy facade and you work with a ridiculous flirt like that one.”

Shin looked over at Ikki, who was having an actual normal conversation with Sawa, not flirting from what he could see. “He grows on you.”

“What, like a fungus?”

Shin shook his head. “I admit when I first met him, I didn’t think he was anything more than a pretty face with a bunch of girls hanging off him. He’s actually got a brain, and he just wanted to use it, but with his eyes…”

She grimaced, probably remembering her own turn under that spell. She still hated Ikki for that, even if it wasn’t intentional. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“Kent’s tried various ways to explain it by science. You can ask him. He might even go back to helping Ikki with a cure now that they’re friends again.”

“That doesn’t bother you? Losing your friend to him?”

Shin snorted. “It’s not a competition, and if it was, it would be stupid. Kent and Ikki communicate on a level that no one else understands. People take that the wrong way, but it’s not that. How many times do you find someone that gets you? That sees past the acts and the bullshit and everything you try to hide?”

“Not often.”

“You are easier to read than you think. You’ve got walls, but you have a soft spot, and not just for meat, you know.”

“Yeah, and you’ve got a huge one for the people you care about… and animals.”

“What?”

“Everyone saw you in the alley with those cats, Shin. She shushed us so we didn’t say anything, but we saw you.”

Shin grimaced. “Then why are you saying something now?”

“Because you’re being stupid and trying to stay distant from the people who care about you—that _you_ care about. She still wants to be your friend. You’re the one holding back.”

“She doesn’t need me. She has Kent, which means she’s also got Ikki. She won’t be able to get rid of Toma, and now she has Sawa again. Between her and Ikki… Those two are kind of alike, actually. Sawa used to worry about her the way he fusses over Kent. Now I think they’ll do it for both of them.”

“That’s how family’s supposed to work, right?”

Shin gave her a glance. Somehow he had a feeling her family situation was more complicated than he knew. “If you’re that jealous of it, you can always get it yourself.”

“I never said I was jealous.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m not.” She glared at him, and he glared right back until someone made a small noise behind them. He grimaced, expecting to see one of the guests, but when he turned, he saw Kokoa instead.

“Um… this is for you,” she said, holding out a small dish. Shin stared at it. “I know, you’re capable of cooking for yourself, but… Kent and I both wanted to do something for you since you did so much for us, and this isn’t much, but… we are grateful.”

Shin took the dish. “It’s not necessary.”

“It is.” Kokoa insisted. She sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t feel like I could face you before, not just when we first came back to Japan but ever since. It wasn’t fair to you, even if I didn’t think I could do it. It wasn’t… I pictured the worst, and it wasn’t like that when it finally happened. I don’t know if it would have been different if… if there wasn’t a case and if… I suppose I’m still worried there will be fallout later, but that doesn’t mean… I missed you, and I’m glad we can talk now.”

He nodded, not sure what to say to that.

The silence would have gotten good and awkward if Kent hadn’t come back with a tray. Shin started to shake his head. No way. He didn’t need more food. He wasn’t ever home to eat it, and taking a bagged lunch to work never seemed worth it.

“The gyutan seems extremely unpopular, as predicted, but since you enjoyed it, please take this,” Kent said, offering it to Sakuragawa. She stared at it in disbelief. “There is actually more if you’re concerned with taking too much. This is more than we need and more than our guests will eat.”

She took it from him. “You know, you could have your own restaurant.”

Kent smiled. “I do not think that is necessary. Nor am I really suited to it. I like cooking at my own pace when I can be precise, not so much to order. Making the same things all the time is also quite tedious. I like experimenting with new recipes.”

“He really does. He’s got books full of them at home and notes on how to improve them.” Kokoa smiled at Kent, who flushed a little.

“She volunteers to taste test any dish you have that’s got meat in it.”

“Shin—”

“If you like,” Kent said, making her blink in surprise as he walked away.

“It’s how he is,” Shin said. “Don’t take it personally.”

“Who said I did?”

Kokoa laughed, shaking her head as she went after Kent. Shin found himself smiling for some reason, and then Sakuragawa nudged him with her elbow.

“You have good friends.”

“Yeah.”

“Come on. I’ll take you home.”

* * *

“Ikkyu, go home. The shelter will still be here tomorrow.”

Ikki looked up at Ken, smiling slightly as he did. He supposed it was rather late, and as the guardians of this place, Ken and Kokoa would stay later than anyone else, so in that sense, he was keeping them here. He hadn’t meant to, but it had been a long time since he’d seen Sawa—or Mine—and talking to her let him find out what their lives were like now.

Everyone was so different, and yet some things were still very much the same, weren’t they? He was glad Waka had brought them by so Kokoa could have that moment, too. He only wished he’d thought of it himself.

“I hope he took pictures.”

“What?”

“Waka. He probably used his ninja techniques to get pictures of all of us, right? I mean, he had to have. It wasn’t official or anything, but it definitely was a Meido No Hitsuji reunion there for a while. We even had some special guests.”

Ken adjusted his glasses. “I suppose Hina would be very glad to hear you say that.”

“I’ll tell her later. She seemed rather tuckered out when she finally left. Guess we actually took up all her energy.”

“It would have seemed impossible, but then she was with Mine for a large part of the afternoon, so I think it must have been,” Ken said, shaking his head. “I had forgotten how loud they could be. I admit it was nostalgic, but only for that first short while. After that, it was not at all pleasant. I would much rather not deal with such… enthusiasm.”

“That’s you trying not to be mean, right?” Sawa asked, and Ken grimaced. “No, it’s kind of nice. I never thought you’d learn to be less blunt.”

“Kent’s forthrightness is still one of the things I like about him, but he does have more tact now than he used to have.” Kokoa came up and wrapped her arm around Kent’s. “He’s a real help to all the guests here, and the other volunteers just love him.”

“I heard that,” Ikki said, watching Ken shake his head as he got embarrassed again. “Yui says he’s a sweetheart.”

“Shut up, Ikkyu.”

Ikki had to smile, though. “I’ve missed teasing you.”

Ken grunted, taking two more papers out of his coat. “Take these and reconsider that opinion.”

Ikki couldn’t stop grinning. This was great. He’d missed this a lot, too, and even if he got home to work on these and found himself crying—which he still wouldn’t admit to—it would be worth it. Even the nightmares about shooting Yuzuru were worth it. He had his best friend back, and that meant everything.

Well, he’d like to find a genuine romantic love someday, too, but he did have Ken, who was like a brother, and Shin, too, now, so he wasn’t alone.

“You sure you don’t want a ride, Ken?”

“Waka suggested you take Sawa as she lives closer to you. I don’t know how true that is since I don’t believe any of us knows where Waka lives, but that was his suggestion. I am not entirely certain where he has gone, though.”

“Yeah, he was in and out all day. I kept thinking he was gone and then I’d see him again.”

“It is likely nothing of our concern, though I will verify that later.”

Ikki nodded. “You’ll be here in the morning, then?”

“Yes. Now that I no longer have to manage the business, I can spend my time here.”

“Until we get his lab ready at least,” Kokoa said. “Oh, that would be something you could help with, Ikki. Kent shouldn’t set that all up himself, and I don’t know if Waka will be available. Shin might do part of it, but with his arm...”

“Say no more. I will be there.”

“Kokoa, I don’t know that we can expand into having a lab space—”

“We’ll make it work, Ken. Whatever it takes, you two don’t have to do this alone. You’ve got us, remember?” Ikki smiled as Sawa nodded in agreement. “I know you’re big on it being independent from her parents, but this is different. We’re friends, and I want to do it. Whether it’s by my accounting magic or something else, I’m going to have a part in getting you a lab again.”

“It isn’t necessary. I can use my father’s if I need to, and it hasn’t been—”

“Don’t say necessary again.” Ikki shook his head. “No, it’s already settled. We’re getting you a lab. Just you wait and see.”

“Ikkyu—”

“I think I’ll take Sawa home now.”

* * *

“You’re worried again, aren’t you?” Kokoa asked, leaning over Kent’s back to try and peer at his face. He should have taken a preemptive measure and held her in his arms so she could not see his face. Then again, that would not have concealed all of his tension, either. She would have felt it. “You think it’s all going too well, don’t you?”

Kent almost laughed. Kokoa did know him rather well, actually. That should not be a surprise, they were in close contact and quarters for so long now that he had to wonder how they had ever kept their feelings a secret from each other.

“Are you sure that is not how you feel?”

“Well, a bit,” she admitted, reaching up to touch his hair. “Seeing Sawa and Mine again went so much better than I expected. And having everyone together… I’m surprised it went as well as it did. Mine and Sawa didn’t even start fawning over Ikki’s eyes—no one did—”

“He seems to take even greater care to avoid the kind of eye contact that provokes that response and he has also gotten something done to his sunglasses. They’re not regular ones, though I did not get a chance to ask about them between the kitchen and the guests.”

“Yeah. At least the stove got fixed.”

“Yes.”

She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m glad they worked out. I know it could have been worse, but that would have been if we were all being stubborn and inflexible about things. If they’d been mad over my choices… I understand that, but… I was punished enough for them. I don’t have to take more abuse over that.”

Kent shifted so he could hold her as she shook a little. “I do not believe you deserved to be punished at all. This was a universe where you suffered because of that choice, yes, but there may have been countless other possible worlds where that man was good to you for the rest of your life and you were very happy with him. Or with any of the others that were interested in you. You did not have to end up here, married to me—”

“I love you, and this… this isn’t a punishment. I never saw it like that. It’s a salvation. It always has been.”

She clung to him, and he winced, hating that he’d upset her further when he was trying to help. “I didn’t mean it like that. I would hate for you to think being with me was—I just meant that there are infinite worlds and infinite choices and you could have made the same one and been happy… because he would have chosen differently. He’s the one who didn’t value what he had.”

Her eyes brightened, and he could tell she was trying not to cry. “Why are you so incredibly wonderful to me?”

“I hardly think that describes my actions. Still, there are many reasons I do what I can for you from that unfair smile of yours to the way it feels to touch you to the times you have comforted me and even those feelings.” He took a deep breath and let it out, knowing there was still more to discuss because of the admissions they’d both made, but he didn’t necessarily want to do that now. Perhaps after her perfect night where she got dinner and dancing.

She nodded. “I feel lucky I got to love you. You should have someone smarter and prettier and—”

“No. I believe there is some truth to the idea that we need someone who differs from us to have an equitable match. Not in every respect, no, that’s not what I mean, as complete opposites attracting is a fallacy. It’s too romanticized a notion. People with great differences in intelligence, interests, or personality will not be happy for long, but then it is also possible that it such a thing as opposites attracting would coincide with my original theory that humans should have many relationships for the sake of procreation and—why are you laughing?”

She was giggling against him, and he did not understand it at all. “I’m sorry. You just got very serious about it and you were so scholarly and… you’re adorable when you’re like that.”

“Again with that word. I’m not sure it means what you think it does.”

She laughed even harder at that, and he just shook his head and held her close. Maybe this was too easy right now, but that would pass. Things did change, which meant they could get harder again, and while there was no chance of Yuzuru coming back this time, they did still have his father’s trial to deal with, and Kent did not know how to face that. Everything would come out then, things he still couldn’t talk about.

“Kent?”

“Would it be absurd to say… we should enjoy this while we have it?”

She shook her head. “No. Not at all. That’s… It’s not like we’re going to forget about the future completely, you’d never do that, but we can still enjoy what we have without letting that or the past ruin it for us. We have so much now, all our friends and our plans and… our love.”

“Yes,” he agreed, pulling her close. “Though I did have to turn off my phone. Ikkyu has been texting me all evening to tell me how evil I am.”

“Oh, for the puzzles? Did you give him all the hardest ones you made?”

“No.”

She laughed again. “Kent, that’s terrible, but… it’s also… so nice to see you two getting along. You haven’t actually reacted to his name in a while.”

“I have. Just… not where anyone could see it. I’m not over… all of it. It…”

“I know. It doesn’t work that way. You don’t have to be ashamed of your reactions. I know it’s still hard for you. I wasn’t trying to say you should be over it. That’s not what I meant. I… I got to have Sawa and Mine there today, and I… I’m happy, but it reminded me of all the times I didn’t have them and how that was by my choice and… I know you hurt the same way because you had to cut ties with Ikki. It’s not something simple and easy to get over, but that you can still enjoy time with him… It’s wonderful. It really is.”

Kent nodded. “I tried to tell myself for a long time that the only person I needed was you and that I only needed… what we had, but… that’s not true. I do think these other relationships are important, and while I did like what we had, I am… this newer intimacy is nice as well. We’re no longer hiding anything from each other. I think that is very important.”

“It is.” She lifted her head and kissed his cheek before laying back down on his chest. “I love you. And I want to keep moving forward and healing, not just us or the women at the shelter, but our friends, too. That sounds a bit pompous… I didn’t mean… I just—”

“Our friends were also damaged by the past, even if they don’t carry physical scars. Ikkyu has had no small share of trouble, and Shin is still rather guarded despite the time he’s had to overcome that. I think you should talk to Sawa more… she was not just concerned for you. Something seemed to be bothering her. And I do not know about Mine, but I suppose there’s a possibility there. Even Waka… I imagine he finds his situation difficult as well. He has far more guilt than he should.”

She nodded. “Yes. And we can’t cure that for any of them, but… we can be there for them.”

“Yes, that much is true.”

“Hmm. I suppose it’s a bit ironic.”

“What?”

“Well, I cut ties with my parents. My family. Well, the one I was born with, that is. And yet… somehow instead of my family getting smaller since it would have been just the two of us… it’s large and full and admittedly dysfunctional, but we found it and made it and it’s wonderful all the same, isn’t it?” Kokoa lifted her head and looked at him. “Please don’t tell me that sounds stupid.”

“I believe it’s more tied to your field of study than mine, but I don’t know that you’re wrong. I mean, it would be something to consult research done by an anthropologist and—”

She cut him off with a kiss, not on the cheek this time but on the lips, one rather intense and suggestive of other activities. That was… extremely bold of her and completely unexpected.

“Kokoa?”

“Sorry. I… I get tempted to do that a lot when you’re being cute and talking about science or math or… well, when you’re being you and all smart and geeky about stuff.”

He couldn’t find words to respond to that.

“Did you hate it?”

“No.”

“You’re sure?”

“Do you think it requires a lot of further testing?”

She flushed red. “Oh. Um… yes. Maybe.”

It was his turn to laugh. “You do not have to do any of it tonight. I would say that we had plenty of time, but we both know that may not be true. Still, we have not needed that kind of display to feel as we do or to be comfortable with each other. So we do not have to rush that, either.”

She nodded. “I know. And I’m glad we don’t feel pressured at all. I mean, as much as I love you… I would have kept what we had before forever, too.”

He smiled, giving her another kiss on the forehead. “As was I. Our love is not based on physical needs but emotional ones. Again, that’s your realm of expertise, but I think I’m not wrong in saying so, since what we give each other in our worst moments is what we value most.”

“You are both being incredibly romantic and taking all the romance out of it at once.”

He shook his head. “Go to sleep.”

 

 


	28. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waka and the others have something for the shelter and their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was almost impossible to get to Waka's scene. And to finish it. I wanted to include him doing something, but it didn't want to cooperate.
> 
> Nor did the final scene, it just kept getting longer. Still, I think it does show that they're all on the way to recovering. It seemed like a fitting ending.

* * *

“Is this going to be a habit?” Shin asked, and Waka found himself smiling in amusement. He didn’t think the young detective minded as much as he pretended he did, and it would be no better sitting at home alone in his apartment since he was still not supposed to be working. “You dragging us all down here to this place like it’s the new Meido No Hitsuji or something? We do have lives, you know.”

“Does this mean something happened between you and the lovely Kotoho?”

Shin glared back at him. “You are such a—”

“I should advise you that your reactions are actually prolonging your own discomfort,” Kent told Shin, who turned the glare on him. “You can ignore that if you wish. I took far too long to notice the pattern of behavior myself.”

Ikki smiled. “Oh, don’t go spoiling my fun, Ken. He’s even more fun to tease than you are.”

“And how many times have you cried over those math problems I gave you yesterday?”

Ikki frowned. “I didn’t—”

“There’s at least six text messages from you to Kent to tell him how evil he is,” Kokoa said, giggling. “They’re really funny, actually. He was so proud of himself this morning, too. That smirk… we almost didn’t make it out of the house.”

“Do tell.”

Shin shook his head. “Don’t tell. That’s just wrong. Plus Toma’s looking a little green.”

“Well, I think it’s cute,” Sawa said. “You two really are so adorable in love. You’re so lucky.”

“Very. My last two relationships...” Mine shuddered. “Not that they were like some of the stories I heard here—poor Hina—but they were not good, either.”

Shin shook his head. “Do you two only talk about relationships?”

“That’s really not fair,” Kokoa said. “We talked about a lot of things the other day. You didn’t hear that part. And you shouldn’t act like all Kent and I do is talk about how much we love each other, either. We had a talk about parallel worlds and various multiverse theories—there’s another name for it, I know that—since Kent brought it up before bed the other night and I had some thoughts on it this morning and—why are you all staring at me?”

“You talking about parallel worlds.”

Waka almost laughed. “That is nothing. Some of their discussions can be quite spirited. For instance, it is best not to let them start on nature versus nurture.”

“I agree it is best not to start on that,” Kent said, eying his wife before addressing Waka. “Though I am certain you must have had a plan of some sort to bring us all here again. It’s true we have seen more of each other lately, almost… excessively so since you brought Sawa and Mine back into Kokoa’s life, but you rarely do anything without a reason.”

Waka nodded. That much was true. As was what he was about to say. “This was a collaborative effort, actually, and would not have been possible without assistance from everyone here, in what ways they chose to do it—some I do not think are worth sharing yet they are part of this as well.”

“Waka?”

He turned, using the security key to undo the lock. The last of the work had been finished after Kent and Kokoa left for the night, at least for the basics. More would have to be done, but that could be done over time, and he thought Kent should have the final say over this space anyway.

He opened the door and held it, gesturing for them to enter. Ikki pushed Kent and Kokoa in first, so everyone got to see their reactions as they came in afterward.

“This is...”

“I don’t understand,” Kent said. “I told everyone this space was out of the budget for now and yet… you made me a lab?”

“We all did,” Ikki said. “I mean, Waka organized us into it, kept everyone including the loud mouths quiet about it so that we could surprise you with it, but we all had a hand in part of it.”

“Even Sakuragawa,” Shin added for the one major volunteer who wasn’t present. “She said she owed you for all the meat you’ve let her have since she started coming by with us. She said she’d come by later to see it—she’s in court testifying today.”

Kent shook his head. “I don’t—”

“I told you we wanted to, and really, Ken, after everything… this is the least I could do,” Ikki said. Kent closed his eyes, and Ikki hugged him. Kent tensed. “I know you’ll just tell me it’s not my fault and that I didn’t have to—”

“You didn’t.”

“He won’t listen,” Shin said. “Just accept it, Kent. Even I think it’s weird you stopped doing research.”

“I didn’t. I just didn’t do it in an academic forum where—”

“I love it,” Kokoa said, taking Kent’s hand. She smiled up at him and then looked at the others. “Um… I know you want a big moment, but can you please give us a few minutes?”

Before anyone could object, Waka spoke. “Of course. We’ll meet you in the unfinished section when you’re ready. Come on, Ikki. That includes you.”

He left his friend’s side reluctantly, but Waka knew that Kent did not want them to see him fully react to their gift or the reasons for it. They could have privacy for that. He shut the door behind the last of the others.

“We still need to do work on the other rooms, right?” Toma asked. “She wants more guest space.”

“Yes. That part is not done, but we have seen to it they were able to expand.”

“This is exciting,” Mine said, clapping her hands together. “I never thought I’d be a part of something so… worthwhile.”

“That’s because Kokoa chose it. She’s got a good heart,” Sawa said, looking back at the door. She touched Ikki’s arm. “He was really touched, Ikki, and I know he liked it. It’s just… well, she was trying to protect him again. You know how he feels about showing that side to us even if we all know about his PTSD now.”

Ikki nodded, giving her a genuine smile. “Yes. I know, but thanks for reminding me again. You were kinder about it than Shin would have been.”

“Yeah, I was two seconds from smacking some sense into him.”

Waka shook his head at their antics. These ones were still special. Their bonds had held out over time and distance and now seemed even stronger than before in many cases. It pleased him to see it, and he might even go so far as to consider them family as he knew some of them did him.

They were his, and he would protect them. Even if he had failed in the past, he would not do so again. He wanted to believe they would not even need it, but he preferred to prepare for the worst. He would not say he hoped for the best—he made the best happen to the extent of his abilities, just like he had now.

He had brought them all together at last, and he would keep them that way as much as possible. Before not all of them were ready, but now they were, and they would all move forward from here.

* * *

“We have a wonderful family.”

Kent didn’t lift his head, and Kokoa almost sighed. She knew he was struggling, though he’d held it together far past when she thought he would after everyone was there. She was used to finding reasons to draw him off to her office so he could have some time to recoup, and maybe that was wrong of her, but he always seemed grateful for it when she did, so she kept doing it. She knew there was no simple easy solution that worked for everyone.

She thought what they were doing was helping, not just enabling. He seemed to need it a bit less each time, and she had to hope eventually he wouldn’t feel the need to withdraw and hide at all.

“I’m so glad they gave this to you, Kent,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. “I wanted to, and I know you’ll tell me not to, but I did feel guilty about keeping you from research.”

He shook his head against her. “I didn’t… I couldn’t go back to it, not formally. I do it because I enjoy it, but the idea of that field now… What I went through in London was a bit of… a harsh awakening. The people I knew there were in research for reasons of money or fame, being the one to make new discoveries and amaze the world or at least promise they would so they could get money, and that life… it was not what I wanted.”

“I don’t think every job would be like that.”

“No, but… I would have a hard time finding one, I’m sure. My academic career almost fell apart when the research one did, you know that. I finished my doctorate, but… I have to admit, there were times I felt I couldn’t.”

“You do not have to have a bunch of fancy degrees to impress me. I’ve always thought you were genius level smart, and I feel… so proud when I can follow even half of your thoughts. You make me feel smarter just for knowing you. Well, now, at least. At first, I just felt so stupid in comparison.”

“Your willingness to learn has always been admirable to me. I hope you know that.”

“I do.” She smiled, tempted to kiss him again, but that wasn’t something to do with everyone waiting on them outside the door. “You don’t think they remodeled everything over here, do you? That’s so much even if I wanted to expand so we could take in a few more guests without forcing a lot of them to double up. So many of them didn’t have any kind of privacy before and I want them to have their own space and—”

“I think it’s best we see for ourselves.”

Kokoa nodded. That was only sensible. “I know. I just… I like being alone with you even as much as it’s nice to have all of them with us.”

“Are you suggesting the reason you make excuses to be alone isn’t just for my sake?”

She flushed. “Well, some of my motives are selfish. They kind of have been for a while. I like being held by you even when you’re upset. I know that seems wrong, but I… I love your touch. I like being here to support you.”

“I know. I understand. I… I have had similar thoughts.”

She grinned, strangely pleased. “Well...”

“And I think we’ve stayed in here long enough. I need to thank everyone properly, and I’m sure someone will feel it’s time for a celebration. Ikkyu did keep saying things about cake, though he did try and suggest it was for Shin and Sakuragawa, not because of this.”

“I think he’s going to keep hoping for them to be a couple until one of them marries,” Kokoa said, shrugging since she thought it was kind of cute. She didn’t know if that woman was the love of Shin’s life, but she was glad that Kotoho was a good friend for him.

“I agree,” Kent said. “Perhaps they should consider it if they want to avoid his teasing.”

“Kent, that’s not a reason to get married.”

“Perhaps not. Shin might do better to find someone to distract Ikkyu with instead. If Ikkyu finally finds romantic love, he will stop pestering others about it. Or at least I sincerely hope he will. You would think since we are married, that would be enough, but it does not seem to be.”

Kokoa winced. “I know. I thought we were done with people asking about kids when we ended things with my parents, but now Ikki’s asking when we’re going to have a bunch of little math geniuses running around the shelter. I told him if we have kids someday, we’re both fine with that, but we’re not in a hurry. I even stressed to him that if it never happened, we’re okay with that, too. We may be kind of young for it, but I think in some sense… every woman who leaves here to start over is like our daughter. We’ve helped guide her to where she sees her own worth and can move past all this pain, and that… that’s more important to me than almost anything.”

“Almost anything?”

She shrugged. “I’m not that altruistic. You still mean more to me than anything else in the world.”

Kent shifted their embrace so he could hold her even closer. “You are the same to me. Nothing else matters as much as you. Not even math.”

She giggled. “Now I really do feel loved.”

“It’s not that funny.”

She thought it was hilarious, but she wouldn’t say so now. He would just get upset, and she didn’t want that, but she was secretly thrilled to mean more to him than what nearly everyone had assumed was the love of his life—math.

“Stop smiling like that.”

“I can’t help it. I’m happy. There was a time when I thought… I’d never be like this again. Even before Michio betrayed me and left me with that drug dealer, I’d started to think… that it just wouldn’t happen again and even if it did, I didn’t deserve it because I’d been so stupid. You… You helped me see that wasn’t true and you are the one that makes me this happy.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s possible to make someone else happy. We can’t control our own emotions, so how can we control someone else’s? We just give what we can, and sometimes that’s not enough, but sometimes… it overcomes the pain and gives them just what they need. You do that so often for me, but… I never felt like I could do it for you.”

“That’s funny. I used to say that, too.”

“Maybe that proves my point.”

“Maybe.”

“We do understand each other in some ways better than most. We know the same sort of pain… in what we felt when we cut ourselves off from our friends, in some of the trauma we endured, in our similar yet different aversion to hospitals… We’ve both felt similar pain. And to some degree, I… I know what Ikkyu feels about it, even if it is different. I didn’t want him to know. My own guilt was enough to… to give me very irrational thoughts. And I know what he’s doing when he smiles like he’s not hurting, when he tries to pretend he’s not blaming himself and feeling guilty. Shin even asked me to make sure Ikkyu was sleeping, and that’s strange enough, but… I understand. He’s still hurting in his way. We all are. I don’t even know why I can see that, but I do.”

“You are much better with emotions than you used to be, and even when you weren’t, you were always good at analyzing things,” Kokoa reminded him. “You observe behavior and try and explain it. And you’re right, we are all still hurting. Still, I like to believe we’re also getting better.”

“Yes. I think we may be as well.”


End file.
